A/N:
This chapter is all about Kyo's obsession with Ren's Boob, Sesame Street and a few other random things.
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Ren's boob makes the world go 'round.
I know, because Akito told me so.
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"Even though I like to bash the boobs out of Ren, Ren's boobs are very special to me. I suckled them as a baby. I bit them as a teenager, pretending to be a horny boy. It's all very shameful, but I'm sure YOU of all people Kyo, would understand, right?"
"…I don't even know what you're talking about,"
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And because I love Ren so much, I decided to go and ask her about why her boobs are so enthralling to talk about.
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"Well, basically, because the term 'Ren's Boob' sounds cool. I don't know,"
"…Thanks a lot, you Ren's boob head!"
"I am Ren!"
"…(runs)"
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I read a story, once.
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"What was it about, Kyo?"
"It was about nothing you'd wanna know!"
"Please, tell me!"
"It was about… ponies… (runs)"
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I sure did a lot of running that day.
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"Well, if you stopped being such a pervert, you wouldn't have to run every time someone mentioned something the slightest bit disgusting!"
"Yeah, well, I have to jack of SOMETIMES, Hatori!"
"…That's not exactly what I meant…"
"…(runs)"
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Then Yuki tried to kill me because I keep using '…'.
I told him that was starting to get a bit old.
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So he tried to commit suicide.
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I offered to kill him instead.
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"No thanks, you stupid cat, suicide is much more satisfying,"
"But if I kill you, I can join the zodiac!"
"Exactly… (walks off)"
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Stupid.
Yuki.
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Gasp!
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"What is it, Kyo?"
"YUKI DRANK THE LAST OF THE MILK! THAT BASTARD! (stalks)"
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I, Kyo, am hunting down Yuki.
I keep a watchful eye on him at all times.
Twitch, twitch.
DAMN HIM!
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"Kyo, what are you doing hiding behind my bedroom door?"
"SHUT UP YUKI! YOU STOLE THE MILK! PREPARE TO DIE!"
"…"
"Why aren't you dead yet?"
"Masturbating wont kill me, Kyo"
"…(runs)"
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I learnt a valuable lesson, today.
Masturbation DOESN'T kill.
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So live it up!
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"Kyo, I would appreciate if you didn't run around my house naked,"
"Hatori! I would appreciate it if you pissed off!"
"It's my house, Kyo…"
"…(runs)"
"Don't forget to cover your shame!"
"…(runs faster)"
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Stupid Hatori.
Always fucking up my life.
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Oh, I like Ren's boobs and I cannot lie!
You other Sohma's can't deny!
When she walks into the room with her itty bitty waist,
And big things in your face,
Your pants spring!
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"…Kyo, please refrain from speaking to me again,"
"Akito! Don't be so cruel!"
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That night, Akito tried to rape me.
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It's times like this I wish I hadn't pushed her off my balcony and landed her in hospital for three months.
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Well, at least I was popular with all the Sohma's.
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"Well done Kyo!"
"Thanks Haru,"
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"You did it for the team!"
"Uhh… thanks Kureno,"
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"Thankyou, sissy!"
"…Kisa?"
"I'm not Hiro! I'm Kisa!"
"…(runs)"
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Have you ever noticed how in public toilets, there's always sperm on the toilet seats?
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I mean, for guys, standing up in essential to the pee'ing process.
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But I think those cubicles are for people to jack off.
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"Is that the main topic of the day?"
"No. Making an audition tape for Sesame Street is,"
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"Today's number of the day is 69, kids! It's bought to you by all the sexy woman out there! Yay!" (Me)
"And what's the letter?" (Yuki)
"Umm… how about we have THREE letters today, because today is extra special? (big smile)"
"Ok!"
"Today's word of the day is… SEX, bought to you by all the horny teens in Japan, America and Australia! Yay! (smiles)"
"…"
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Lets just say the tape got rejected so sent a letter bomb to their stupid company.
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"Kyo, that's the wrong thing to do!"
"No it's not!"
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Piss off.
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I'm sick of talking to a scum bag like you.
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So more raping and less talking!
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A/N:
Kyo, your so harsh! (whines)
Kyo: "Shut the hell up, you!"
Sorry…