No, I do not own any of the characters from movies or books. You know it, I know it, we all know it, can we get on with the story now?
Chapter 1: 18 Wicker Street
Hello, reader. My name is Jackie. I have been entrusted with the responsibility of relating the adventures of a famous, or perhaps infamous, group of individuals who call themselves The Experts. It is my duty to relate these tales to normal humans such as you. Be warned, friendly though the account may appear to be, it is full of dastardly deeds and maniacal, uncontrollable laughter. Whether you will be the one laughing uncontrollably is for you and only you to decide. So, with nothing further to ramble about, let the epic begin…
Nienna glared at the copy of the Employment Times she was reading, while eating her traditional bowl of oatmeal. This was no ordinary glare. If looks could kill, this particular copy of the Employment Times would have been reduced to ashes.
"Mom," Nienna whined, "I can't find anything!"
"Come on now, Nia," her mother, Nancy Teader, replied, "I'm sure there's some job you'd be able to stand."
Nienna muttered incoherently and slouched down further in her chair. Parents just did not get it. Teens did not want to spend their summers working, especially when it was already a month into the summer and all the good jobs were gone. Yet, apparently Nienna was too young to stay home alone.
"And sit up straight!" Mrs. Teader instructed as she left the room.
Nienna groaned and threw the Employment Times on the table. Several pages flew out of it and scattered themselves around the kitchen.
"Are you serious! Why are you ruining my life!" Nienna demanded of the scattered paper.
The Employment Times gave no answer.
Still grumbling, Nienna picked up the pages and began inserting them back into the newspaper. A small paragraph at the bottom of the last page caught
her eye.
ASSISTANT NEEDED!
Assistant needed to aid The Experts in various
jobs. No experience necessary. Salary upon request.
Call 522-1836 if interested or go to 18 Wicker St.,
Portsmouth, NH.
"Wicker Street? That's not far from here…" Nienna thought aloud. Almost instantaneously, Nienna had made up her mind. "Hey Mom, I'll be back in a couple hours."
"Where are you going?" Mrs. Teader asked as she reentered the room.
"To see about a job."
"Okay…good luck!" Mrs. Teader said, deciding not to bring up her daughter's abrupt change of heart.
Nienna paused near the door and exchanged her flip flops for a pair of sneakers. The sneakers were, alas, much better for running. Nienna grabbed a key, shoved it in her pocket, and exited the house. As Nienna set off for 18 Wicker St. at a slight jog, she glanced back at her pale blue Colonial style house, which was quickly evaporating into the distance. Sighing, Nienna quickened her pace. At one time in her life, leaving the house would have seemed sad, even if she was only leaving for a short time. Now, however, it was as though she could breathe freely for the first time in days.
Nienna glanced at the street signs that flew past her as she ran.
"Middle, Rochester, Page, aha! Wicker!" Nienna said to herself.
Nienna turned left onto Wicker Street and stopped several buildings down. She gazed at the small, rundown building that seemed to have appeared overnight. Wicker Street was one of her favorite haunts, yet she had never seen this small, gray building before. It didn't add much to the beauty of the street; perhaps she had subconsciously ignored it. Yes, that must be it. With that settled Nienna approached the small building and extended a hand to open the door.
"Allow me, I insist," a man said, opening the door for her.
Nienna glanced up at him in surprise. She hadn't seen anyone near this building, and certainly would have noticed if the man had come out of the door. Curious, curious. Nienna stepped through the open door, mumbling her thanks. She narrowed her eyes to get a better look at the man who had come in with her. He had dark hair that fell gracefully, slightly above his shoulders. His face was full, his eyes friendly, yet both seemed to have misery sunken into them. Misery that simply could not be removed.
"Please sit down," the man said, "Would you like something to drink?"
"I, uh, okay…" Nienna agreed hesitantly. Did possible future employers count as strangers?
"Perhaps you'd like some candy too?" the man said in a joking voice, winking at her surprised expression. It was almost as if he'd read her mind.
Nienna took the iced tea the man held out to her and opened it, taking a long gulp. She took a moment to look around at the room she had entered. The only pieces of furniture were a long rectangular table and a dozen chairs, none of which were painted. The walls had been painted a drab gray color. A hallway extended through a doorway on the wall across from Nienna. The building seemed neglected. Nienna's gaze eventually brought her back to the man who stood in the room with her.
"Who are you?" Nienna demanded suddenly, not sure why she sounded so rude.
"My name is Sirius. Sirius Black," the man said.
"I'm sure you are," said Nienna with a smile.
The man suddenly turned into a shaggy black dog.
Nienna choked on her iced tea.
"Oh my… No. No way. I-I," Nienna spluttered.
"May I introduce you to my friends?" Sirius asked.
Nienna nodded, speech seemed to have abandoned her.
Sirius left the room and held a whispered conversation with whomever was in the next room. He returned several minutes later with several people in tow. The newcomers sat down at the long rectangular table alongside Nienna.
Nienna gaped at the people sitting next to her. This was unreal. Maybe she was hallucinating. Maybe she was insane. Maybe she needed to go to the emergency room. Maybe…
"I assure you, you are as sane as myself," an elderly fellow Nienna recognized as Gandalf said.
Nienna merely continued to stare.
"I believe it would be safe to assume that you are here about the assistant's position?" Gandalf asked her. He seemed to be the leader in the group. A group which consisted of Sirius, Gandalf, and Aragorn. Was this really happening?
Nienna nodded. Even if this was a hallucination, it seemed a bad idea to appear deaf.
"Well, you seem to be the type of person necessary for the position. We agree to hire you," Sirius interjected. Gandalf always drew things out; Sirius preferred to cut to the chase.
"What type of assistant are we talking about, exactly?" Nienna asked, speech finally returning to her.
"We are gathered here, along with a handful of other people, to set right the wrongs. We call ourselves The Experts". The parallel universes of real and imaginary have suddenly been combined. Your world is no longer safe for mere mortal humans such as yourself. But the Experts, with your help, will fix everything allowing humans to go on and destroy the Earth…kill eachother…whatever it is you people do," Gandalf explained.
"I'm afraid I still don't understand," Nienna said, "What do you mean, combined?"
"I mean that people from our worlds are here. You see, we have always had the option of traveling from our world to yours. This Earth is unpleasant to visit, so very few take advantage of this offer. However, some unpleasant characters have recently relocated from our world to yours, and will wreck havoc on all that you humans hold dear, unless we help. To help, we need an assistant, namely you," Gandalf said, with an air of someone who has used all the perfect words to explain a disagreeable situation.
"Unpleasant characters? You mean like bad guys?" Nienna asked.
Aragorn snorted softly.
"Bad guys? What about evil villains? Distinguished individuals who will destroy your world? I think bad guys is a bit of an understatement," Aragorn stated.
"Whatever the terminology may be, we need your help. Will you aid us, Nienna?" Sirius asked.
Nienna frowned slightly. She had no recollection of telling Sirius her name. This was a bit too weird for her liking.
"I'm sorry lads, but I don't think this is my style. Good luck saving the world, or whatever it is you do," Nienna said, standing up and walking out of the building.
Nienna squinted slightly in the sunlight. Had it been this bright when she went in, or was it just the contrast of the gloomy gray interior.
Suddenly, the sunlight was gone. The air had dropped about 20 degrees in temperature in seconds. Everything felt chilled. An eerie mist covered the ground. Memories began to flood into Nienna's mind. Terrible memories that she had closed the door on long ago. A cloaked figure glided toward her from across the street. Nienna tried to scream as the figure extended a bony, rotting hand toward her, but no sound came out. This would be the end of her.
"Expecto Patronum!" a voice called from behind her. A white animal flew from behind her toward the approaching figure. The dementor, for that was surely what the figure was, disappeared. The Patronus seemed to pause, and then that too separated into particles and vanished.
Nienna looked around at her surroundings. She was sprawled on the ground, with no memory of actually falling. Her right hand had a deep gash on it, but other than that she was unscathed. Nienna turned around to see who had conjured the Patronus and saw Sirius standing with his wand still raised. Aragorn hurried over toward her, his face a mask of fury and concern.
"Don't you see? That's what we need to stop! Creatures of great evil have taken up residence here, and they must be vanquished. We need your help!" Aragorn said.
Sirius approached them, casting cautious glances into the shadows.
"Don't be so hard on her, Aragorn. He's right though," Sirius said, turning his gaze to Nienna," Will you help us?"
Nienna stared for a moment, from her vantage point on the ground, at the two grown men (or should she say Experts?) standing over her asking for her help. Nienna continued staring even as she nodded at them, agreeing to help.
Sirius's face broke into a wide smile as he once more extended a hand to her, pulling her off the ground.
"Come back inside. We need to get to work," Aragorn said, in a very determined voice.