A/N:
Yay! While writing the Tohru update I was all like, "I CAN'T WAIT TO UPDATE THIS ONE OH MY GODZOXRZ!".
…Yeah.
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Guess what!
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Four chapters to go.
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What is it with woman these days?
Have they forgotten what their mother's used to say to them?
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"My Mum always used to tell me to be-"
"I already know! Shutup!"
"…(sad)"
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It's more like, "Be careful! One day, you'll come across some poor man who's cursed! So you need to learn how to have sex with your chest up!"
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…Why don't mothers ever say THAT to their daughters? That is a life lesson, I think.
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"It might give away the curse,"
"Hatori, in there anywhere, did it mention the name SOHMA?"
"…No?"
"THEN PISS OFF!"
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Then, Akito told me the shocking news.
My blood test had come back.
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"Kyo…"
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry to say but… you're a… SEXAHOLIC!"
"…Nooo000ooooo0000oooo0000oooo0000oooo0000ooo… can I have sex with you now?"
"…"
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Oh God.
She's right!
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I'm a… sexaholic!
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"It's all right Kyo,"
"What would you know, Hiro?"
"I know a place you can go!"
"Ya do?"
"Sexaholics Anonymous!"
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So he gave me a card and sent me away.
But he gave me a blowjob first.
Yay!
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La la la… walking down the street… OH MY GOD.
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AND AKITO.
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It's… it's… KAGURA.
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Ahhh!
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"(Running)"
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I don't think she noticed me.
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So I walked up to the building and some dudes standing there.
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"Oh, hi. Welcome to Sexaholics Anonymous. What's your name?"
"…Umm… Kyo Sohma…"
"OMFA YOU'RE FROM THAT ANIME!"
"So are you, NARUTO AND INUYASHA."
"…(shame)"
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Stupid Naruto and Inuyasha, thinking I wont notice them in a crowd of sexaholics.
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So then we went inside and sat around in a big circle.
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We introduced ourselves.
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"Hi, I'm Inuyasha… from Inuyasha!"
"Hello… I'm Naruto, from Naruto,"
"I'm Kyo, not from MY OWN NAME but from Fruits Basket! HA!"
"…"
"I'm Kyo from Kyo,"
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WTF.
There is like a samurai guy with the same name as me.
And his show is named after me!
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"It's so kind of you to name your show after me!"
"…You're so vain, you probably think this anime is about you!"
"The word is song, idiot,"
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"Hiya! I'm Yuki from Gravitation!"
"Chi! Chi chi, chi chi, chi! Chi, chi chi, Chobits!"
"…(stare)"
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What an idiot.
That Chi girl is like… a robot.
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"Now, we do not judge here. So please, tell us a bit about how you became a sexaholic,"
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Naruto went first.
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"I saw a picture of myself having a threesome on the internet. That was enough for me to want to try it,"
"Poor you! (gives chocolate)"
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Then Inuyasha…
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"Kagome learned that not only if she said 'sit' I go crashing to the ground, but if she says 'hump' I rape her,"
"Aww… Inuyasha! (hands flower)"
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Then Chi...
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"Chi chi, chi chi chi... chi chi. Chi? Chi chi, chi! Chi... chi. (nod)"
"Poor girl robot, thingy!"
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Then that stupid Yuki's turn.
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"Shuichi... he's crazy for the sex... but now, I am obsessed too! (angst)"
"There, there!"
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Then it was me.
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"I don't know. I think I've always enjoyed the feeling. And threatening people into rape is fun."
"…"
"What?"
"GET OUT, YOU FIEND!"
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I was shocked and appalled.
But left without a word.
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Or a sexy guy to take home.
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"…(sad)"
"Don't be sad Kyo! (hug)"
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Stupid authoress.
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And so concludes my epic tale.
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"You mean stupid!"
"Go away, or I'll rape you!"
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…Be scared.
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A/N:
Yay! That was so fun to write. I've been planning it for days.
Heh heh heh…