Chapter 13: Bar Fight

Phazon: So this chapter mainly focuses on the guys while they're at the bar, duking it out in an old fashioned bar fight. Expect a bit of the unexpected and some momentarily breaking of the fourth wall from Raven.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of this fan fiction. The characters in Teen Titans are the property and copyrighted by DC Comics. This fan fiction is not done for monetary purposes, just for entertainment and hopefully some good feedback. Enjoy!

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Beast Boy had just been smacked across the head with a pool cue and found himself on the beer covered ground. He stood to his feet, transformed into a gorilla, and began grabbing various men and throwing them across the bar.

"Dude," he said, regressing to his human form, "who knew that bars could be so much fun!"

Robin was punching out some thugs when he turned around and accidentally slugged someone familiar in the face. He immediately pulled his fist back in shock.

"Oops, sorry about that," he said to his comrade.

"Robin, what the hell!" Speedy yelled.

"Get over it, you wimp," some other thug yelled as he grabbed Speedy by the hairs of his head and slammed him headfirst into a barstool. The arrow throwing teen now had a massive headache and collapsed, swirls in his eyes.

Cyborg was currently out of the way and was looking for an exit, all while holding a tall, frosty mug in his hand. With a grin on his face, he prepared to chug it down.

"Come on to papa!"

Before that savoring taste could reach his taste buds, the half-cyborg, half-human was bumped into from behind by some more bar flies, his entire drink spilling all over his mechanical body.

"My…my drink…" A small tear came into Cyborg's eye, which soon evaporated as flames were spurting out of his eyelids.

Ahead of him were some denizens who were duking it out, when Cyborg, in his fit of rage, came rushing down in a full force tackle, plowing away all of the fighters like they were bowling pins.

"AND I'M THE BOWLING BALL!" Cyborg added. Hey, how'd he do that!

Mammoth was knocking guys out left and right with various sharp glass bottles that were sure to leave more than a mark on their necks, legs, heads, and whatever other body parts were bruised in the process. He was acting like…well, like a mammoth, which is what he was. Go figure!

Aqualad's body was being stretched, twisted, and curved every which way by a bunch of sober guys. Yes, sober guys were in a buzzing bar.

"I've got his neck!"

"And I've got his neck!"

"You can't both have his neck," the rational one said. They continued stretching Aqualad's body until he was flopping on the floor like a fish out of water.

"I'll take his shirt," one man said.

"I'll take his shoes," the other called.

"I'ma take his drawers," the last one said, earning him some strange glances from his friends as they began disrobing Aqualad.

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The game of cards had dragged on for hours, and it had gone from confessions, to what was in right now: strip poker.

At the moment, Raven and Jinx were the only ones playing, as Terra, Jinx, and Starfire were too pooped to compete, but they'd be up soon enough.

"I'll see that ten," Raven said with a smirk on her face as she got another bill, "and raise you twenty."

Jinx quietly laughed as she got some more money of her own. "Big lady, huh? Well, I'll see that twenty…and I will raise--"

Blackfire's snoring in the background threw off Jinx's concentration for just enough seconds for her to let out a monstrous belch that sent her face forward towards the table. The bad luck girl was off in dreamland, face full of nacho cheese.

Raven smiled triumphantly as she began gathering the huge pile of money. "Last lady standing, I guess."

Checking to see if anyone wasn't looking, Raven, completely out of character for her, giggled like a devilish schoolgirl as she took a $20 that was sticking conveniently out of Blackfire's bra. Raven was quite surprised to see that Blackfire had quite an ample, developed set of breasts for her age in comparison to her bumbling sister and the gothic girl felt herself getting turned on. Very turned on, to the point where her finger began tracing the Tamaranean's body as she screamed…

"HEY!" Raven yelled to…someone who she was hoping would respond. "I am NOT going lesbian, not THIS story!"

All right, due to complications, all Raven did was steal a $20 from Blackfire's panties.

"BRA!"

Blackfire's bra is where the twenty was.

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The bar denizens were nearly defeated when Robin came upon a burly looking man that bore a distinct similarity to one whom Robin was familiar with. He turned the man around before punching out his lights just to see if he was correct.

"Bruce?"

"Dick?"

"DICK?" A man yelled from somewhere in the bar. "What kind of name is that!"

The two friends ignored the man's…ignorance before they started catching up.

"Bruce, what are you doing here? Gotham needs you; you're…the terror that flaps in the night."

"That's Darkwing Duck, Rob," Cyborg called from afar.

"You're the dark knight, flying around in the Batmobile with its one busted wheel while the Joker gets away," Robin joked. "Seriously, why are you here?"

Tears welled up in Bruce's eyes as he embraced his partner in a Bat hug. The big, bad Bruce Wayne was actually crying, despite him being whacked in the back of the head by a full beer bottle.

"SELINA BROKE UP WITH ME!"

This threw Robin off track. I mean, sure, Bruce had various amateur films of him following Selina Kyle, A.K.A. Catwoman, around the dark streets of Gotham and added strange techno music in the background, but he never considered it anything serious.

"You and Catwoman? Well…that's certainly new," Robin muttered whilst holding his head in his hands, trying to understand the situation. "Guess she was getting tired of you."

Bruce shook his head and placed his teary hand on Robin's shoulder. "You're wrong, gay friend – Catwoman claimed she didn't like doing things by night. She wanted me to do things…by day!"

Robin's eyes narrowed at the sniveling, cowardly Wayne and thought to himself, 'Did he just call me his gay friend?'

Outwardly, he just tried to nod his head and hear the conversation over the sound of broken television, smashed in heads, broken glass bottles, and the occasional crickets and banjoes.

"Selina, of course, with her having the whip and all, got to be too aggressive and started beating me up with it. She left me crying in the Bat cave all by myself while she walked away, claiming I was also too much of a bitch to take any real punishment. Then, the true punishment began."

"What?" Robin chuckled a bit, trying to hold back his true laughter, "Did Alfred suddenly just get up and quit?"

Bruce didn't respond.

"Oh, my God," Robin gasped, a bit of fear in his voice, "he did! You poor bastard!"

"Yo, Rob!" Cyborg called, "we nearly cleared all of the guys up, but we need some--"

"Dick? Is that what you need?" Another bar denizen asked before he smashed his beer mug across Cyborg's face.

"Hell no, HELL NO!" Cyborg yelled as he switched to blaster mode once again.

"And now I don't have anyone to wash my clothes," Bruce sobbed.

Robin quietly gulped and looked towards the door. "You…could always do it yourself, you know. Don't worry, it's not like anyone's gonna know."

By this time, Cyborg had cleared most of his section, Gizmo was currently swinging helplessly from the swinging fan, Speedy had a massive hangover without even going down on somebody, Mammoth had just put himself back together after being mistaken as a prize bull, Beast Boy's arms now looked like limp noodles, and Aqualad…well, he was searching for whatever garment of clothing that had not been stolen from him yet.

Bruce then took a hold of Robin's glove and looked at him with a serious look.

"Richard, please, return to me and we can accomplish many tasks together…as one."

Robin's eyebrow slowly rose upon hearing this…startling revelation and slowly eased out of the bar, with the rest of the heroes/villains following him. Only one thing was on his mind right now.

What the HELL was that?

It was about time they all went their separate ways, so they parted…albeit they were so knocked, they didn't realize who they were even talking to.

"So, Beast Boy," Robin asked his changeling friend, "what's next on the list of pranks for Terra?"

"Probably telling her that he's been duping her this entire time with an invisible condom while she beats the hell out of him," Cy interrupted before Beast Boy could respond, shutting him up in the process."

Beast Boy shrugged and put his hands in his pocket.

"God, she's gonna kill me," he mumbled.

"Look at the bright side," Robin said, a cheery grin on his face that could match Starfire's. Beast Boy looked in his direction with a facial expression that seemed to ask 'What?'

"She's not pregnant."

Well, at least Beast Boy had something to be happy about…maybe.