Author's Note: I'm sorry about the lack of chapters, I was a counselor at a camp and then went to the beach for a week. cowers But now I'm back, and here's the (not really) long-awaited Chapter 12! Enjoy! Oh yeah, and the "childhood memory" is real, something that drove me crazy when I was little (and still does).

Since everyone was awake, Brand decided we dress, shower, and leave quickly and quietly. Which was nearly impossible since we had probably awoken everyone up in this and the surrounding buildings. I pointed this out to him, but he simply glared at me and said something about me being anal.

Mouth and Mikey cracked up at the word "anal."

"It doesn't have anything to do with 'anus,'" Andy told them, and they laughed harder. "Anal means that you...like, you are..." She looked at me helplessly.

I explained the best I could, drawing from a childhood memory. "You know the cereal, Froot Loops? Of course you do. Anyway, you know how they spell it F-R-O-O-T instead of F-R-U-I-T? That drives me bloody nuts! How they spell the word wrong to make a name for themselves, you know? My stepmom says I'm anal when I get agitated about that. Understand?"

They nodded.

My stepmom. Meghan. I wonder if she had heard about us gone missing yet? I really wouldn't care one way or the other, honestly. I don't care what she thinks, because I don't love her. My dad does, though. Obviously, or else he wouldn't have married her. I'm glad he makes her happy, but...

I have no reason to dislike my stepmom, and I don't dislike her. She's nice and sweet and cheerful and bright, she likes to joke around and take my dad and I to the park or on a hike. She's always finding fun things for the three of us to do. She bakes, and when I come home from school the house often smells like angel food cake or sweet rolls or whatever she has decided to make. She dresses well and is very pretty, and gives me tips on how to make my hair fluffy or get the most out of my mascara or whatever. She's a lot of fun. One has a good time being around her. I like her a lot. I just...don't love her. And I don't know why. There's this little voice in the back of my head saying that I probably should. She's done a lot for me and made me very happy in the time that she's lived with us. My dad is happier than he was before her, and the house always has this pleasant atmosphere. I just...don't love her.

Maybe I do care what she thinks. Maybe...

All thoughts of Meghan were wiped from my mind at Brand's shouts of "time to go!"

I gathered my backpack.

"I've got the map!" Data declared, and pulled it out of one of the pockets of his trenchcoat.

He unrolled it, and we all crowded around him.

It was the first time I had gotten a good look at the map. In fact, the only other time I had seen it was when I picked it up after it had fallen out of Mikey's rucksack. For a map dating back to the Civil War, it looked rather odd. It did have the characteristic yellow-brown color of other old pieces of paper, but didn't crumble in your hands when you touched it. Something in the back of my head questioned its authenticity.

The ink used on the map was a combination of black, crimson, and cobalt blue. Some of the lines were unclear because they were rather thin, and the ink had run in several places. Fortunately, it didn't seem to have obscured anything of significance.

After staring at it for a moment, Data pointed to a red building on the map that was drawn to look like it was made of stone. "We are here."

"How can you tell?"Chunk asked. "There isn't one of those 'you are here' stickers that you see on maps at the zoo."

Data biffed Chunk on the back of his head. "Because it says 'Chestnut Tavern,' genius."

"Oh yeah? Well, let me see you find your way to Daniel Bradford all by yourself, Double-O-Negative."

"That's pretty rough coming from someone in footie pajamas," Mouth pointed out. "And Luna's got pictures! Don't you, Luna? For blackmail. So if you ever decide to do anything we don't like..."

"Luna doesn't have pictures," Chunk argued. "Do you?"

I nodded. I didn't have pictures, obviously, but he didn't need to know that.

"Aw, shit," Chunk muttered.

"Anyway, Data, where are we supposed to go?" Brand asked, still hovering over the map.

Data turned his attention back to the map. "Hmm..." he traced a black line with his finger. Well, from here we need to go more so towards the harbor. We can find our way from there."

"You mean, near the beach?" Andy asked dreamily. "Just think, Brand, we could go to the beach...at sunrise."

"Sunrise?"

"Yeah. Luna can take the kids, and we can..."

I started laughing. "God, Andy, you sound like a regular parent!"

She looked indignant. "Well I am, aren't I?"

Mikey laughed. "Brand and Andy are our parents!"

We all got a kick out of that, until Mouth spoke up, "What's Loony, then? The maid?"

"Yeah, what am I?" I asked, trying to look perturbed. There was a grin tugging at the corners of my mouth.

"The servant!" Brand decided.

"Who empties the chamber pots!" Chunk added.

"You disgust me!" I giggled, playfully shoving Chunk. It kind of embarrassed me, made me feel uncomfortable. But at the same time it felt kind of good to know that they felt like they could joke around me.

"Let's go now," said Brand, putting an end to our bizarre merrymaking.

We left the tavern and started up the main road to the harbor. Brand and Andy walked in front. Brand adopted what he thought was a 'manly swagger,' but mostly it made him look like he was a bow-legged rooster strutting all over the street. They were far ahead of us by a good twenty feet. Though it was foggy, though, we could still make them out. A couple of times, Data had to run up and drag them around a corner because they would make a wrong turn.

Part of my mind was saying, 'how pathetic.' But another part, a little further back, was slightly jealous. It must feel nice to be that deeply in love, or at least as deeply in love as a couple of overly preppy teenagers can get. So in love that when you turn a corner, you don't really care where you'll end up, all you know is that you have one another.

My god, I'm turning into a mushy mushizer. Or worse, Dr. Phil. Someone hit me.

But still, I didn't have that kind of a connection with anyone. It kind of made me wonder whether I was doing something wrong. Or I was supposed to feel a certain way, and just didn't. I would get made fun of in junior high because I didn't date around, I would get called a lesbian and the sort. Even a whore, someone started a stupid rumor that I didn't date anyone because I slept with the policemen to bribe them out of fining me for breaking laws. That wasn't true, of course. Neither one of them is true. I just haven't found anyone who I really, truly felt attracted to.

Yes, I have a boyfriend now. I am physically attracted to him, and I have a good time together, but I have yet to experience love. Meghan says that when love hits you, you'll know it. You won't know what real love is until you experience it.

Try telling that to people in junior high. They called me a whore, then went and slept with some football player they hardly knew and called it love. Sleazy.

My eyes must have glazed over or something, because Mikey said, "What're you thinking about?"

"Oh," I said. "Just...memories."

"Of what?"

"Something that my stepmom says."

"Oh. What's your stepmom like?"

"Really nice, and cheerful. Fun to be around. Smiles a lot, pretty, good cook. Super-sweet, generous, anything you could want in a mother."

"Oh. Okay."

The four of us in the back were quiet for the next five minutes or so, until Mikey said out of the blue, "You don't like her."

"Like who?" I asked.

"Your stepmom."

I was a bit taken aback. "No, it's not that, it's not that at all. I like her a lot, she's a lot of fun!"

"Are you sure?" Mikey asked. "The expression on your face when you described her...you looked..." he groped for an appropriate adjective.

"Troubled," Mouth put in.

I tell you, these kids are wise beyond their years.

"I just..." I sighed. "I don't...love her. Is that bad?"

Mikey frowned, and his eyes gained a deep quality. "Well...I think...you do love her."

I looked at him. "What?" I was tempted to say, "What do you know about how I feel?" but didn't. For politeness' sake. Plus there was something about him, something that hinted that he understood more than he let on.

His next words came out in a torrent. "I think you love her. I think you love her in your own way, you don't love her like you do your mother. But you almost refuse to love her. You love your stepmom but your in denial because you think you might be betraying your real mother by loving her. You're afraid to love her, you're holding it back. You shouldn't hold it back, though, it's not a mistake. You love her, Luna. You do."

His words hit me pretty hard. Not only what he said, but the sheer, raw emotion behind them. It was almost like he'd...felt it himself.