This next chapter is the reason why I changed the story rating to T, so keep that in mind. I don't really know how long this chapter is going to be, but I have a feeling it's going to be really long. It might even turn out to be the longest chapter I've ever written. I can't say for sure. I also think it's the kind of chapter that you're either going to like a lot or hate with a passion. Anyway, almostinsane said in one of his reviews that this story "is getting stranger by the minute". Well, he was right, and now all that strangeness is going to culminate into this finale. I hope you enjoy it.
A Grim Apprenticeship
Chapter 10: The Grim Reaper on Trial
Two minotaurs marched over to Grim and pulled him towards the array of caverns in the distance. His screams echoed against the walls of rock that surrounded them as he was taken through the winding tunnel system.
"BUT I'M INNOCENT…INNOCENT!" He wailed. "TELL THESE GUYS I'M INNOCENT, BILLY!"
Billy didn't answer; he was being dragged by his nostrils by a minotaur a good distance behind Grim. Mandy was also in the custody of two body guards, though she had put up more of a fight before giving in.
They traveled further into the darkness, making a sharp turn every few seconds. The air got thinner and Grim stopped shouting. The minotaur's glowing red eyes allowed them to see perfectly in the pitch blackness and they always seemed to know what direction to go in. They were led through another long system of tunnels before arriving at two large wooden doors. The three captives were blinded by the light that broke through as one of the minotaurs pushed the doors open. When their eyes adjusted and their vision returned they found themselves standing inside the Underworld courtroom.
The minotaurs slammed the two doors shut behind them and took guard positions on each side of the exit, leaving Billy, Mandy and Grim to walk down the aisle on their own. The rows of seats they passed by were already filled with creatures and demons who all watched Grim as he made his way to the front. He kept his head held low as he sat down at a table on the right side of the room. Billy and Mandy took the other two seats at the end of the table, while the fourth seat was taken by Grim's lawyer, who had arrived earlier.
Grim's attorney was a snake (and by that I mean that Grim's lawyer was an actual snake. I know that a lot of people say that lawyers are like snakes, but this lawyer actually was one. He had fangs, a forked tongue, and one of those little rattle things on his tail. I didn't make this guy up either, he actually appears on the show. Seriously. You watch the show, you probably know what I'm talking about.) He wore a sleeveless suit and had an opened briefcase in front of him. He used his fangs to shuffle through the papers inside the case.
"So…do I have a chance of winning this thing?" Grim asked suddenly, causing the snake to jolt forward in surprise.
"Grim! I-I didn't see you…there…" He stammered, frantically rearranging the stack of papers in front of him. "I wouldn't get your hopes up…"
Grim swallowed hard and looked over his shoulder at the jury, who sat only a few feet away from him. All twelve jurors were creatures of the Underworld and none of them looked very friendly.
The bailiff of the court was a stout, lizard-like monster with large green scales and horns. The ground trembled with each of the creature's footsteps as he came out of a door in the back of the courtroom and turned towards the crowd.
"All rise for Judge Roy Spleen." The bailiff ordered.
Everyone stood up from their seats, with the exception of Mandy, as Judge Spleen entered the room and made his way towards his desk. He sat down in his seat, and everyone else did the same.
Spleen was a large, green monster with wart covered skin and sunken eyes positioned directly above his misshapen nose. He had a pair of horns on his head and a large mouth lined with jagged teeth, but the wig he wore on his head made him look more laughable than threatening. He was generally a harmless creature who appeared bored with his job most of the time.
The judge made himself comfortable in his seat as he grabbed his wooden gavel. He glanced at a piece of paper on his desk before officially beginning the trial.
"The case of The Underworld versus The Grim Reaper will now begin." He announced in a deep voice. "What are the charges against the defendant?"
The judge looked down towards the prosecutor's table on the opposite side of the room after he had finished speaking. Grim hadn't seen the prosecution lawyer when he had first walked in, so he lifted his head up to see who would be accusing him of being a child molester. He was stunned when he saw Hoss Delgado standing in front of the judge.
Hoss' normal uniform was replaced with a wrinkled three piece suit which, much like the snake's suit, had it's sleeves ripped off. The glasses he wore on his face and the leather briefcase he held in his hand were props he was using to make himself look more convincing as a lawyer. Hoss didn't need glasses, and the briefcase was probably empty.
"How can he be the prosecutor?" Grim shouted as he jumped out if chair.
"I have my law degree right here." Hoss said calmly as he lifted up a piece of paper with his name scribbled on it. "I cut it out from the back of a box of cereal."
Grim slowly returned to his seat without saying another word.
Hoss continued, "The prosecution charges the defendant with 13,957 counts of child molestation." Loud murmuring could be heard around the court right after he described the charges.
"That's just a random number!" Grim protested.
"Your honor, the defendant has been on Earth for thousands of years." Hoss said directly to Judge Spleen. "Who knows how many children were his victims?"
Grim rose to his feet again, "This is ridiculous! He's just making stuff up!"
The bailiff stepped forward and breathed a fire ball at Grim to stop his complaining. Grim stood there for a moment, his entire body singed to a blackened crisp, before sitting down once again.
Judge Spleen gave the bailiff on nod before looking back in Grim's direction, "How does the defendant plead?" He asked, hoping to end this trial as soon as possible.
Grim's lawyer almost fell out of his seat at the sound of the judge's voice. His body was shaking and sweat dripped down his skin as he approached the bench.
"Y-Your…um…your honor…the defendant is…" The snake began to stutter, pausing between almost every word. "The G-Grim Reaper…um….he uh, he pleads…."
It was obvious that he had no plan for defending Grim and he was too nervous to speak. He knew every one in the courtroom was watching him as he tried to put words together.
"I CAN'T TAKE THE PRESSURE!" He finally screamed before slithering out of the room as fast as he could.
The entire crowd was quiet as it shifted its attention from the fleeing snake lawyer to Judge Spleen, who looked just as confused as everyone else.
"Mr. Reaper, I suggest you find another lawyer within the next minute." The judge said after being silent for awhile.
"Billy, Mandy…you have to be my lawyers!" Grim urged, realizing that they were his only choices. "Get up there quick!"
"You can count on us, Grim!" Billy exclaimed as he jumped up on the table.
"Oh no, I'm not going up there." Mandy said stubbornly.
"Please Mandy, Billy's too stupid to do it alone!" Grim pleaded desperately. "I'll lose this case for sure!"
Mandy's reply was short, "That's unfortunate."
Grim gave a depressed sigh, "Just get up there, Billy…."
Billy hopped out of his seat and skipped up to the front, happy to help his best friend. Judge Spleen had to squint his eyes to get a better look at him as he approached the bench.
"Once again, how does the defendant plead?" The Judge asked dully.
"Ummmm, on his hands and knees?" Billy replied, a little unsure of his answer.
Grim smacked himself in the face while Mandy shook her head.
The judge stared at Billy in disbelief, "No, how does the defendant plead: 'guilty' or 'not guilty'?"
Billy struggled with the question as he thought about it for awhile, "Ooo! Ooo! Can we have recess? I wanna have recess!"
"GUILTY OR NOT GUILTY?" The judge bellowed as his wig fell to one side of his head
"Say 'not guilty', Billy!" Grim whispered loudly before Billy could give another stupid answer.
"Say not guilty Billy?" Billy repeated, trying to sound smug. "What you talkin' bout, Grim?"
"Not guilty!" Grim shouted, just as the Judge was about to get even angrier.
Judge Spleen calmed down and rearranged his wig, satisfied with Grim's answer. He gave Billy a dirty look and ordered him to sit down.
"Mr. Delgado, it's time for your opening statement." Spleen announced as Hoss walked towards the jury.
"The Grim reaper is a creature of pure evil and a menace to society." The prosecutor began, exchanging a glance with Grim. "His pedophilic tendencies know no bounds; he must be stop so the supple, young children of this planet will be able play without fear of this despicable monster." He looked pleased with himself as he finished his speech.
"Is that it?" The judge wondered; Hoss nodded 'yes' and returned to his table. "Alright, now it's your turn!" There was some malice in his voice as he pointed a long finger towards Billy.
"Yes, your majesty." Billy replied as he mimicked Hoss and walked up to the jury. "Grim may be an undead skeleton with an unlicensed weapon which he uses to tear people's souls out, but he's my best friend. He's the kindest person I can think of at the moment. Sometimes I even let him share the same bed with me!"
The sound of creatures gasping and muttering to each other could be heard immediately after Billy said that. Grim could only cringe and hope Billy was smart enough come up with an explanation (obviously, he wasn't smart enough).
"Is that all true, Billy?" The judge asked as he used his gavel to silence the gossiping crowd.
"I don't see what the problem is." Billy said quietly as he looked at the stunned faces around the room. "Most of the time I make Grim sleep on the floor or in a trash can, but in this one episode, me, Mandy, and Grim all slept in the same bed!"
Naturally, this got an even bigger reaction from the court. Grim slid down to the floor from his seat while Mandy rose from hers.
"I thought I told you never to mention that episode again." She said harshly. Her face was red with anger (not embarrassment).
"That is unacceptable!" The Judge roared. "Go sit down, your opening statement is over."
Billy lowered his head and walked back towards Grim as Hoss rose to his feet.
"I call flatulent boy to the stand as my first witness." He said with a smirk.
Billy knew who Hoss was talking about him, so he walked back up to the judge and took a seat on the witness stand.
Hoss started asking questions the second Billy sat down, "On these sleepovers, did Grim ever try to do anything inappropriate or try to give you wine or some kind of alcoholic beverage?"
"Well…he did put horse tranquilizers in my orange juice once, but never any alco-mah-holic beverages." Billy replied.
"He never tried to give you 'Jesus juice'?"
At first Billy didn't say anything, then his face lit up, "I likes armpit juice!" He exclaimed.
Hoss was starting to lose his patience, but he managed to continue with the questions, "Does he every touch in a place that makes you feel uncomfortable?"
Billy expression change and he looked down as his shoes, "Sometimes." He said timidly.
Hoss was surprised by this answer and a smile came across his face. This trial was starting to go in the right direction for him.
"How does that make you feel?"
"Not very good…"
"Did you ever try to resist Grim?"
Billy looked up suddenly, "Grim? I thought we were talking about Principal Goodvibes!"
Silence consumed the courtroom as everyone stared awkwardly at Billy. Grim's eye sockets doubled in size and Mandy looked like she was about to go into a shock induced coma. Hoss stared at Billy's confused and frightened face.
"Get this kid out of here." He groaned as he signaled for the bailiff, who walked over to the stand, picked Billy up, and threw him back into his seat.
"Nice going, Billy." Mandy said sarcastically, apparently recovered from the initial shock of Billy's testimony.
Hoss' next witness was the small boy with the tricycle whose soul Grim had tried to steal. He was carried in by a giant minotaur and placed on the stand. His large eyes appeared to be bulging out of his head as he noticed the horrifying creatures all around him.
"Freakish little boy, isn't it true that you were riding your bike, minding your own business, when this sicko came up to you and said that he wanted to take you back to the Underworld with him?" Hoss asked as he pointed towards Grim.
"You got it all wrong!" Grim objected. "All I wanted to do was steal his putrid, little soul!"
There was angry murmuring from the crowd and jury, forcing Grim back into his seat.
"Is it true that the Reaper tried to abduct you?" Hoss continued.
The little boy was curled up in a ball on the stand and had tears flowing down his face. He shivered as Hoss stepped closer and looked down at him.
"Are you trying to start something, punk?" Hoss shouted in rage. "I don't have a problem with strangling a toddler!" He raised his metallic fist, making the boy curl up into an even tighter ball.
The judge intervened before Hoss made a bigger fool out of himself, "That's enough Mr. Delgado."
Hoss ignored the judge and let out some of his frustration by grabbing the small boy by his oversized head and flinging him into the crowd, where he landed in the arms of a tall demon.
"What am I supposed to do with this thing?" The demon asked as he looked down at the terrified child.
"I don't know…raise it as your own, or something." Hoss replied.
The demon smiled, revealing row upon row of sharp yellow teeth. The only sound that came from the boy was a small whimper as the demon carried his new 'son' out of the courtroom.
Hoss quickly rubbed his eyes before he called his next witness. The trial was far from other and he was already under a lot of stress.
"For my last witness I call the Grim Reaper to the stand." He announced melodramatically.
The moment every spectator in the court was waiting for had finally come; the Grim Reaper himself was about to be questioned at the stand.
Grim took his place next to the judge and looked straight ahead with a blank expression on his face. Meanwhile, Hoss paced back and forth, apparently thinking about what his first accusation against Grim should be.
"Mr. Child Molester…" He began as he strode right in front of Grim. "Do you mind if I call you 'Mr. Child Molester'?"
"Yes, I do." Grim replied in a low voice.
"Mr. Molester, aren't you a registered member of NAPLA?" Hoss inquired, ignoring Grim's first response.
"NAPLA? What the heck is that?"
"The North American Pedophile Love Association, though I'm sure you already know that."
"That's not true, I've never heard of that organization before!"
"Then why do you have a NAPLA pin on your robe?" Hoss pointed to a large blue pin that had suddenly appeared on Grim's robe. It had 'NAPLA' printed on it in bold yellow letters.
"W-What the…" Grim stammered. "I've never seen this pin before, you just stuck it on me a second ago!"
"No I didn't."
"I just saw you do it! You pinned it to my robe!"
"Did I? Or was it there the whole time?" Hoss retorted, trying to be clever.
Grim looked up to complain to Judge Spleen, "Judge, this guys a complete idiot. He doesn't even know what he's talking about!"
"I'll allow it." Judge Spleen answered without even looking at Grim. He wore a bored expression as he inspected his long finger nails.
Hoss got right back into the interrogation, "Why don't you explain to the court the reasons why you call Billy and Mandy your 'love slaves'."
"They're my 'friend slaves', not my-"
Hoss interrupted, "How many times do you molest them a day? Two times? Four times? Ten times?"
"I've never down anything like that!"
"Whatever you say, Reaper. I bet now you're gonna try to convince us that you've never forced Billy and Mandy to fornicate and then video taped it, aren't you?"
Mandy eyes widened, then her teeth clenched together and her fists tightened. It appeared as if every one of her blood vessels was about to explode as sweat poured down her bright red face. She started to breath deeply as she walked slowly towards the front of the room. Neither Billy nor Grim had ever seen her this enraged before; she looked at Hoss like she wanted kill him as violently as possible. Hoss just stood there, not sure how to react. It took up the ten body guards just to restrain Mandy and get her back in her seat.
Billy was much more calm. He had a perplexed expression on his face as he wondered what 'fornicate' meant.
Grim had been distracted by the spectacle of Mandy getting mauled by giant minotaur body guards (which he found somewhat humorous and uplifting), but he eventually regained his concentration, "What kind of Reaper do you think I am? That's just plain disgusting!"
"Permission to treat this witness as hostile?" Hoss asked the judge as he attached a large cannon to his hand.
"Permission granted." Judge Spleen answered back as he tried to remove a hangnail.
Hoss pointed the cannon at Grim's face and fired a current of green slime that covered his body and splattered against the wall. Grim choked on the slime as he frantically tried to clean it out of his skull. H e managed to get it out his mouth and eye sockets, but most of it still clung to his robe.
"I'm through with this scumbag." Hoss said as he took off the slime cannon and sat down.
The First half of the most horrible trial imaginable had come to close.
Okay, Okay, Okay. I really didn't want to do this, but I have split this chapter into two parts. Otherwise it would have simply been too freaking long. So that's why the chapter ends kind of abruptly. This chapter is only half way done, so I think you can imagine how huge this would have been if I hadn't cut it in half. So yeah, I hope to get part two out as soon as possible so this story can finally be finished.