Only a few days and you'd be back to the surface, and hopefully getting some needed medical assistance with your condition. Since you're still around other people, normal people, you had retrieved your helmet once more from the medical bay before touring the ship with your little ones. Rose, the one Eleanor mentioned earlier, had taken to riding around on your huge, broad shoulder. She'd throw a fit anytime she was taken down, so you decided to indulge her and let her be your rider for a time. At least until she falls asleep. Rose in particular had developed a strong attachment to you, constantly wanting your attention, to be touching her hand to yours, and even kissing your cheek at one point! It gave your mind and body a shock, seeing as you'd not experienced anything so delicate since your rebirth as the monster you were now. When she did this earlier, you grabbed her and hastily tore her off of you when she did so; it made her so sad that Eleanor couldn't even stop the tears from flowing. Her sorrow pulled at your heartstrings, and you brought her back in for as soft a hug you could. Slowly, her sobs turned to sniffles, and she asked you a question that caught you off guard.

"Daddy, do you hate me?" she asked, her voice wavering at the end.

A rumbling sound left your throat. You wanted to tell her that you could never hate her. That you'd be there for her as long as she needed and wanted you by her side. You wanted to just comfort her and set her mind at ease. She didn't respond to your vocalization, so you went for the next best option. You brought her in closer and touched your foreheads together. She giggled and wrapped her arms around your bulging neck, where she couldn't even touch her own fingers together from the thickness.

"Thanks, Daddy. I love you." she said, snuggling into your neck.

"Rose, I think Father wants to check in with the other girls. Don't you think it'd be nice to let them have a turn?" Eleanor suggested softly.

Rose released her ginger grip on your neck and climbed out of your arms to the floor. One of the other little ones rushed to take her place, recalling her time on the ship to you. Though you were listening, your mind kept drifting to Rose. Her meekness, her adoration for you, the innocent and simple affection she held towards to you brought another wave of heat in your body, and you felt your cheeks start to burn red. At the same time, your stomach dropped into your gut, and made you slightly sick. You enjoyed the attention, of not being looked at with fear or disgust like you'd been used to in Rapture for oh so long. It made you feel like you were someone else. Someone with eyes that sparkled with passion, someone with a smile that beamed more than the sun. Not the creature you were made to be, the abomination you molded yourself into. The armored brute that murdered hundreds of people. Knowing what you were, who you were forced to become, made you angry. The torrents of darkness lapped at your consciousness, whispering what you didn't want to hear into your ear.

"You're evil."

"Less than a man, a beast apart."

"A golem, made only for destruction."

"There's only one way of salvation for you."

"DIE!"

You forced yourself to bear it, like any other burden. Pushing it down, deep into your core. Away from light. Away from yourself. Now wasn't the time. You still had a job to do. There was still hope, right?

The girls finished their tales, and as the last one touched her feet to the ground, you stood up again. Your knees popped from being bent that long, causing Rose to gasp and ask if you were okay. You patted her head reassuringly, which did the trick and brought a light smile to her face.

You all settled down and the girls begged Eleanor to take them to dinner, as it had been at least three hours since they had all eaten. She chuckled and gave you a wave before leading the girls onward. She invited you to come with them, but you shook your head, wanting some time to process things.

After a minute, their voices faded into the sea splashing against the side, and you peered over it as you let the gloomy thoughts that pounded ceaselessly at your mind in and express themselves. You didn't understand why you felt this way. You had saved the little ones that had been captured and brought to Rapture against their wills. You had rescued Eleanor from her mother's experiment into utopia, and forgave all those whom had wronged you and gave them a chance to be free from their pasts. You did good things, you had no reason to feel this way.

"NOT GOOD ENOUGH!"

Your focus shifted to all the Splicers you had killed in order to do those things. They were crazy, attacking you and anyone who dared aid you. They didn't do it out of malice, however. They believed the story Lamb gave them. Together, a family across all divisions, they could achieve paradise. After their suffering, the dream that Ryan gave them drowning, quite literally, before their eyes. They needed a new ideal, a new reason to exist beyond simply surviving. If you were told someone or something threatened your only reason to get up in the morning, wouldn't you defend it to the death? You knew the answer. You had already down just that. A clashing of ideals that only brought bloodshed, death, and doom to those involved.

"You were built to be a killer. They thought you were outdated, but look at what you did. You're the best murderer they'd ever made. Aren't you proud?"

Your head sank downward, and you stared into the wake below with a weight hanging over your head. It made you feel tired, and not the kind that sleep could fix. You wished that one night you'd go to sleep and wake up in another place. Another body. Free of the guilt, the pain you caused, the pain you endured. Your chest felt as if it was being pressed on. Breathing alone felt difficult. You just wanted to forget, to be free. To let the girls, to let Eleanor, Rose, and Fran too. Let them live their lives without anymore pain. Suddenly, you knew why you felt so bad hearing those sweet words of love from Rose's lips. You didn't deserve love. You were only a chain, each link made by the souls of Rapture. Their greed, pride, and avarice formed the ball you shackled to all of the girls, especially Eleanor. She was suffocated by her own mother, forced to wear a suit like yours just to stay alive. All because of you and your selfish desires to stay alive.

"There is a way to fix this. Throw yourself down into the sea. Bury your memory and free everyone, even you."

Tears began to well in your eyes. Why did they do this to you? Why were you the one cursed with free will? Why can't you just go back to being dead!?

"You have the power! You're a murderer, remember? You can do what you do best, one last time. Free yourself, free them all. Your old friends in the deep are waiting for you."

Your grip on the railing tightened. Your body tensed up, and you leaned back on your heels. Even if you were cured of all the physical things done to you, nobody could save you from your sins. You took a deep breath in; an exhale loudly blew through your nose, fogging your visor. Closing your eyes, you leaned forward against the railings...