You once loved me
I was sure of it.
Everyone knew that your feelings for me were true but I was the only one who didn't know about them. Everyone kept telling me such ridiculous things such as that a Jounin had a crush on me; that I had a cute stalker and even Naruto told me that a certain sensei would not stop talking about me. But I didn't believe.
All of these things seemed like such artificial rumours that where made to tease me; everyone knew that I was shy and that I had a tendency to blush at such regards. Everywhere I went I was told one thing or another, that the fact that I was going to end up with a 'special someone' as Sakura put it; I can still remember her blushing checks when she spoke those words to me. Every time I asked who you where, the answer was always the same. 'It's a secret'. I knew that these where all just to tease me and watch me suffer; but then it was that night I found your note on my bed.
It was a simple white envelope, nothing flashy or special. I t had my name written on it and sealed shut by a wax stamp; to this day I still do not know if it was meant to be a heart or a flower. Can you remember how you started the letter? I can still see the words in my head, stuck there for all eternity as I read the letter.
Dearest Sensei
We have not spoke to each other or even met, but I think we are destined to be together. I am a person that has watched you through the days in night, fascinated by your kind nature and loving heart. I first noticed you at the academy, you were talking about chakra types to the children as I passed the window; and that is when I first saw you.
After your class, I continued to watch you from the small tree outside your window. You where doing some paperwork, looking out of the window now and then to see what was happening around you. You once looked at the tree and I could of sworn you where looking right into my eyes with your beautiful, brown eyes. My heart stopped as I got ready to finally enter the classroom and introduce myself but you were called away.
There have been many opportunities for me to introduce myself but I could never find the courage too, at the picnic last summer when you where joining Naruto for something to eat, you brushed against me while Naruto pulled you along. That storm where all the lights where out and all Jounin and Chuunin had to help out the villagers, I had just arrived at Naruto's house as you left but I still couldn't introduce myself.
Even now I still can't face you as I write this down onto this letter.
I still haven't even told you my name yet. I don't think I ever will.
The reason I write to you now is that I cannot hold my feelings in any longer, everyone knows how I feel for I have told them yet I still haven't told the one person I want to tell most; You.
Then I crumbled your letter up and through it in the trash, thinking that it was a prank but I continuously went back and forth during the night, reading it and putting back in the trash; reading it and ripping it up and about 5 minutes later I had all the pieces on the floor and spent an hour taping it back together again. I still have it in my desk at home.
For an entire week you wrote to me, and on your third letter you had asked me to write to you and leave the letter by the academy's main door after class. When I returned the next day, bright and early the letter was gone and I can remember lifting the small flower that had a little note attached to it.
To my beautiful Iruka
Do you know how embarrassing it was for me to take it into class? All of my students wouldn't let me know who they were from but they kept giving clues. One girl even said that you were really nice and caring where the other boys said you were wicked and so cool. A lot of different opinions yet not one lead me to you.
I began to grow curious of you and started to ask questions but everyone told me you swore them to secrecy not to reveal who you were for you where the one who wanted to tell me. I can remember once when I was in Ichiraku and before I ordered I got handed a bowl of Raman. I was told that 'an admirer' wanted you to have it as they pointed over to an empty seat. The curtains that hang from the entrance fluttered as all I say was a figure rush out and vanish down the street before I even got off my seat.
I returned home that night to find another one of your letters on my pillow case, but the envelope was not alone this time. I opened the small box to see your beautiful gift you had gotten me. It must have taken you hours to make that sculpture and I felt that I was not worthy of your gift. I opened your letter and I still get a little emotion when I read it over.
A dolphin is one of the most beautiful creatures on this planet, free, graceful, kind and a pure soul; but this dolphin I made you is nothing compared to you my dearest friend. A dolphin is nothing compared to your beauty but this is all that can come close to your soul; made by my own two hands. I hope you like it.
I loved it and put it on my fireplace for the world to see. That was the night that I finally wanted to meet you. Face to face.
I wrote back asking if we could met and maybe go for something to eat. I didn't know where to put the letter so I thought if I left it in front of the academy like the last letter you would get it; and you did. I entered the classroom and saw the beautiful flowers you had gotten me; I just wished you never went over bored and put them all around the classroom; the place looked more like a garden than a place of teaching but I still loved the gesture. On my desk sat the note that changed everything. I was weary of opening it but I held my breath and did so.
Konoha Lake, Midnight.
I couldn't concentrate in class at all after reading your note; and I had trouble explaining all the flowers. I was so nervous about meeting you, I actually went out and bought some new clothes just for meeting you; I felt like such a fool when you didn't show.
By the time I got home it was already past 1 and when I got to my room, another note sat on my bed but when I reached for it, the wax which sealed it was still warm so you must have left just when I entered.
Forgive m. I did show but I say you standing there in your new clothes, your red shirt and your hair down; my heart stopped but I couldn't do it so I left. I was to shy to say hello so please forgive me.
I was pretty mad at you for standing me up, but I was surprised by your answer. You must of really liked me if you where to shy to say hello. We agreed to meet again but this time it was going to be at the academy.
I put my new clothes on again and headed to the classroom and looked through the distorted class to see a figure looking out of the window. My heart was in my throat as I opened the door to see you jump into the shadows of the classroom.
Hello? Where my first words to you.
I entered the classroom but you moved deeper into the shadows, hiding from me. At first I thought it was a set up by an enemy but by your body language I knew you were just shy.
I tried to move closer to see your face but you took a step back, deeper into the shadows of my classroom. I laughed and moved back to the desk to pick up the flowers I brought you that time. When I walked over to you again, your gloved hand came out of the shadows and took the flowers, pulling them back in to smell them. I'm still convinced that you sighed like a smitten schoolgirl once your smelt them.
I slowly moved closer, asking what your name was yet you were still silent. As I approached the border of the shadow to look at you, I can just remember your hand grabbing mine and you pulled me closer to you.
My heart stopped as I noticed that you were taller than me. At first I thought I was going to die but then I felt your hand moving mine over your cheek. It was so warm and as I looked up, I saw to different eyes that shared one soul. The only thing I can remember after that was you our faces almost met and everything was forgotten about the evening.
I woke up the next day lying on my bed and noticed the note you had left me; without anticipation I opened it.
My heart will still not racing. Your skin is so warm and your heartbeat is so gentle and soothing. I'm sorry about last night although you probably won't remember anything about it but all I can say is that you have made me the happiest ninja in all of Konoha.
I never heard from you for several days and I thought that maybe my looks had scared you off or something but then I received one, final note from you.
Please meet with me again, at my place.
I noted down your address and got ready. It was late in the evening and everyone was asleep. I was a little annoyed that I knew your address yet I still didn't know your name. I was hoping to ask someone about who lived at the apartment building but everyone was in bed.
I saw your door open and I quietly knocked, not wanting to disturb anyone. I walked in and slowly made my way around the apartment, following where my instincts told me to go and as I enter the living room ad say you for the first time.
You looked back at me and rose from your seat; to be honest I actually thought I had got the wrong apartment as I never expected a Jounin to be sending me notes but those two words you spoke will haunt me forever.
Iruka Kun
My heart stopped as you stood loser. I had been picturing the shy girl that had a small crush on me to find out that you had deceived me. But to be fair you never said if you where male or female nor did I ask, but I was still surprised that you of all guys had a crush on me.
You reached for my hand and tried to explain yourself but I yelled and argued with you, furious that you humiliated me and made me think I was here to meet a girl. I can still hear the silence of the apartment when I stormed out and headed home.
I'm sorry about what happened to it, if I could turn back the clock I would never have done what I had done. You spent your time and affection for me in creating a beautiful sculpture that I destroyed in rage and left in pieces by your apartment. I was just so angry.
A week had past and when I walked past your apartment I noticed that the box that held the shattered clay was still sitting on your doorstep. I didn't want to see you or speak to you but I had to make sure you where ok.
I opened your apartment to see that no one was home. I asked around if people had seen you, all of them thought that we were now a couple as I was asking for you but I felt rotten about how I reacted. You where just following your heart and I was not one to judge just on the physical differences of man and woman. I'm sorry.
It has been two months now and the villagers haven't seen you; I haven't seen you. The Hokage has a team looking for you right now as I write this down, maybe everything could go back to normal if we just communicated through these letters again but your not here to read this; I never knew this would happen. If you are reading this, you will be in your apartment as I have left this letter here, hoping that you might get it. The Hokage said if you are not found by tomorrow, you will be declared as a missing ninja; an enemy of Konoha so I greatly hope you are reading this now. I don't want you doing something stupid because of what I did.
I may not be able to forget everything that has happened these past few months; but I want to take a chance if it will bring you back to Konoha. I know that you probably hate me and can never forgive me but please just let me know where you are.
I will be at home, waiting for your return and…
…Kakashi, please come back to me.