Hey everyone, I redid this chapter. I still hate it. I actually can't stand it, I didn't read through it again which is an awful idea since I probably missed a million editing mistakes, but oh well. People were saying that I needed to get a new chapter out and I did.
This is so frustrating. I know what I want to happen, I've had a mini-plot and I know how I want to end this, but I can't get it to come out of my mind. I feel so uninspired, so I've been forcing my writing and you can definitely tell.
I'm sorry that this is so bad, but I had to write something. I refuse to leave anything incomplete or discontinued.
Title: Jagged Little Pill
Quote:
"What a jagged little pill."
Alanis Morrisette
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Warning: Pretty much no fluff, or witty banter, or humor.
Apology: I'm so sorry.
Raven was being torn apart, sensations so sharp they pierced her skin, hot blood trailing down skin leaving a path of cold skin. Her breath was caught, her heart was pumping three times the amount of blood through her veins, she could feel the painful trail rip through her veins, her lungs were constricted, ribs carving through her flesh.
She coughed, hot wet blood flooding her lungs and searing her throat. She couldn't cry, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't do this!
Her eyes snapped open and through nearly delirious eyes she saw Robin above her. One of his hands rested cooly on her cheek, just enough pressure to keep her from losing her mind. She tried to raise a hand to her head, and was startled when she couldn't.
Robin had both of her wrists in his other hand and he was holding them firmly down. His eyes searched Raven's face, looking for signs of the Raven that he knew, one that he recognized.
He smoothed hair off of her sweaty skin, and spoke in a voice that, despite his best efforts, shook, "It's okay Raven. It's not real. It's okay."
Raven closed her eyes, her breathing slowly returning to a normal pace. Robin's own breathing was still slightly unsteady, but his initial alarm was diminishing. His mind suddenly registered the fact that Raven was trying to tug her wrists out of his grasp.
He let go of her wrists immediately. "You were hurting yourself," he explained softly.
She glanced at her hands and saw that they were dark with her own blood. Her hands flexed into fists for a moment, but then she quickly regained control. The sudden understanding of exactly what was and had been happening seemed to come over and she quickly stood and backed away.
"I'm sorry Robin. I can't do this," and with that she flowed into black and out of the room.
Robin stood up startled. His first instinct was to run after and stop her, but he managed to squelch that idea. Raven needed space or else she would break. He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath.
The door suddenly whooshed open and Robin caught site of one of the strangest things that he had ever seen. Beast Boy was facing him from the doorway of the training room...riding a moped... Robin almost did a double take.
"Where is she? I know she's in here!" Beast Boy fumed as he tore through the training room on the moped.
"Who? You mean-?" Robin suddenly realized.
Beast Boy caught the hesitancy in his voice and pounced. "She isin here, isn't she! Where is she hiding?"
"Who are you talking about?" Robin struggled to maintain a sincerely curious facade.
Beast Boy screeched the brakes of the moped until he was directly in front of Robin and studied the masked face from inches away. "Hmmm...Are you trying to tell me that no one was here?"
"I... Who are you looking for?" Robin struggled to sidestep the actual question.
Beast Boy tried to move closer, but he was at a serious height disadvantage from his perch on the moped, so he just ended up speaking a little more directly into Robin's chest. "Did she phase through the floor?"
Robin swerved the question again. "What are you talking about?"
Beast Boy wasn't sure enough of the situation to risk blowing his cover. He seemed to backpedal a bit, and then decided to proceeded down a safer line of questioning. "Did you sleep here all night?"
"Yeah, I ended up falling asleep right here. Where did you end up?"
"I was in the hall..." Beast Boy frowned.
"And why are you on a scooter?" Robin continued.
Beast Boy settled himself higher on the moped's seat as he quietly muttered, "My muscles are a bit sore."
Robin couldn't help the flash of grin that came to his face, but he masked it as a happy morning yawn. Beast Boy glared at him anyway.
"Let's go eat," Robin said managing to fully divert him.
Beast Boy looked slightly cheerful for the first time that morning, he revved the engine and started moving. Robin couldn't help himself, he swung his foot forward and tilted the wheel off balance. The moped shuddered violently and then there was a loud piteous wail as Beast Boy and moped went crashing down the hall.
Raven sat in her bedroom. She hadn't bothered to fully change yet, but she had wrapped her cloak around her and held it tight as she sat hunched over in her bed. Starfire's tank top was now ruined with bloodstains, though the cuts were long gone.
She cradled her head in her hands as she stared down at the mirror to Nevermore. She didn't dare enter. Instead she just watched the battle raging within. Fear was the worst of all of the emotions. It's physical form existed only when under control. Otherwise Fear turned into a thousand segments, a poison, that infected all of the others, mutating them beyond recognition.
Why was fear raging so harshly? Why was she still afraid? Even now? There was no longer anything to fear. Only regular villains and regular battles. Her father was dead. The end of the world was over and she didn't need to worry about it happening anymore...Well at least she didn't have to worry about it being her fault directly.
What was it that she was really afraid of?
Raven's fist tightened on the mirror. Robin had seen her. She couldn't keep lying to him about the severity of her dreams. He had seen her true fear and true desperate reactions. She wanted to undo all of it. Yet at the same time...
It was comforting to know that someone else was helping her. It was such a relief for someone else to know exactly how wrong she felt, she didn't have to bear it by herself.
She glanced down at her mirror again and saw that the battle had slowed considerably. The infection was still there, still attacking her other emotions, but it didn't seem as fierce.
Raven frowned at the image. She fervently hoped that her emotions weren't being affected the way that she thought they were. She was independent. She could control everything by a simple meditation. And though she rarely ever showed it, she could control everyone else as well.
It was a silent acknowledgment within the team that Raven was the strongest. And when she was being paranoid it also made her wonder whether her power was the reason why they all worked so hard to befriend her.
But she was past that. They were all past that. The paranoia, the depression, even the secrets were on the way out...
Except for a few.
But she had to keep those. She had kept those. They were all so much a part of her that they were a part of her soul. There was no way that she could bare those to another person and remain the same.
But the nightmares. They were terrible. They kept her up when everyone else was asleep.
Except for Robin.
That kid never seemed to sleep, even without nightmares.
The mirror was glowing again. Fear was losing.
Robin hesitated before attempting to talk to Cyborg. Number one, he knew that Cyborg and Raven were very close and that Cyborg could be a little over-protective of Raven. Number two, Robin knew that Cyborg had no great love for him and would probably give him some trouble. Number three, he knew that Raven would most likely not appreciate what he was about to do.
Oh well, he thought as he walked up to Cyborg.
"Hey Cyborg, I've been wondering something," Robin began.
Cyborg didn't bother to pull himself away from his current project of gluing together a very small model of something that looked suspiciously like the T-car. "What's your problem Blunder Boy?
Robin sighed. Hesitation reason number two had proved itself to be correct. "It's a little problem that Raven has been dealing with," Robin said.
Cyborg's head shot up, his attention caught, "What's wrong with Raven?" he demanded.
Hesitation reason number one also proved to be correct.
"She's been having nightmares," Robin paused uncertainly, "They're pretty bad."
Cyborg frowned, "Nightmares? About what?"
"About her father. And the end of the world. And...other bad stuff," Robin finished lamely.
Cyborg stared at him thoughtfully. "And...what do you want to do about it?"
Robin paused. "Do we have anything to help her sleep at night?" he asked knowing full well that they did.
"Yeah. We have some tranquilizers left over from when...well," Cyborg clearly remembered the last time they were used as well.
The night that he had gone crazy was the last time. They had force fed him.
"I'll get them for you," Cyborg offered.
Night fell quickly. Raven heard three quick taps on her door though she already knew who it was. She didn't say anything.
"I know that you're in there Raven. Are you decent?"
Raven sighed and glided over to the door, pressing the button to open it. "What?" she demanded.
Robin was slightly surprised by her gruff greeting. He had become so used to the nice Raven that this regression caught him off guard. He held out a gloveless hand in order to give her a small box that clearly contained pills.
Raven stared at him in confusion. "What is this?" she asked suspiciously.
"Some sleeping pills Cyborg gave me for you," he answered promptly, "They will make you sleep deeply enough that you won't dream."
Raven raised her eyebrows, "Cyborg wanted me to have these, huh?" she waited as Robin nodded, "So you guys have been talking about me? Discussing my 'problems?'"
Hesitation number three was correct as well.
Robin suddenly seemed to notice his rocky footing. "No, not like that Raven. I just told him that you, uh, needed something to help you sleep and to not dream..." he trailed off.
"And how is that not discussing me and my problems, Bird Boy?" Raven questioned, a vein throbbing in her temple.
"Because Cyborg and I are both trying to help you, Bird Girl!" Robin retorted angrily.
He and Raven both paused at the name he used and he silently cursed himself. He meant it as a stupid name for her to make her sound as dumb as she made him sound. But it came out very different. Robin very suddenly realized the connotations of their names and he blushed lightly.
Raven, thankfully and tactfully, ignored the blush and pulled the box of pills into her hand and squinted at the label, grateful for something to look at. "I can't take these, Robin," she said carefully pronouncing his name, "I won't be able to wake up if the alarms go off."
He felt very uncomfortable standing there with nothing in his hands. Robin tried crossing his arms and leaning against the wall, but immediately dropped the pose feeling stupid, "I already talked to Cyborg about it, and it's okay. You're allowed a break now and then, Raven."
"Now and then isn't the same as every night," Raven retorted.
Robin clasped his hands behind his back and felt like a complete idiot. He released his arms and they swung uselessly at his side.
Raven seemed to notice his discomfort. "Is everything okay Robin?"
"I'm fine," he said raising his hand to scratch his neck.
Robin allowed one of his hands to rest upon his hip for a moment and then realized how ridiculous that looked. Raven smirked at him as she watched him squirm. "Something making you uncomfortable?"
Robin settled for crossing his arms in front of his chest again. "No," he said.
Raven sighed as she looked back down at the pills. She seemed to seriously consider them for a moment and then she dropped her hand to the side again, "I can't. I can't take these."
Robin contemplated her for a moment and then grabbed her wrist, "You've got to stop telling me that," he said as he began pulling her towards the kitchen.
"What are you doing?" Raven demanded.
He had her halfway down the hall now. "You need water to swallow a pill don't you?"
Once in the kitchen Robin got her a glass of water and then began to make some tea for her, grateful for to once again have something to do with his hands. Raven pulled herself up to sit on one of the counter spaces, holding the water in one hand and the pill in the other.
She mulled over the pill turning it over and over again between her fingers. Robin could sense her silent debate and he decided to just remain quiet and to let her decide for herself. She already knew his position on the subject anyway.
"Why do you always stay awake at night?" Raven asked lightly as she stared at the pill.
Robin didn't turn around from his place at the stove. "When I used to work with Batman we fought crimes mostly at night. It's become natural for me to get a rush of adrenaline right after the sun goes down. I can't really sleep during the night."
Raven nodded only half-listening. Robin understood, she wanted meaningless conversation while she thought. "So, how do you make yourself sleep?" she asked, "You never seem tired."
Robin poured the tea and gave Raven a cup. And then he sat opposite of her on the floor. He paused before speaking again. "I'm not really sure. Sometimes I just lay there and sleep comes, and then sometimes it doesn't. And when it doesn't I usually don't try to sleep. I just wander around the Tower."
"Which is why I always hear you," Raven noted.
Robin slowly smiled, "Yeah, that would be why you always hear me."
There was silence once again, but they were both stuck looking at each other, neither of them breaking the gaze. The moment stretched out too long and became awkward and both of them looked away with heated cheeks.
Raven looked at the pill in her hand and then curled her hand into a fist, crushing it into a powder. "I can't take this Robin."
Robin didn't look at her, but he nodded slowly, "I know you can't."
Raven stared at him thoughtfully, but then she moved forward slowly until they were sitting almost side by side with her facing him. "But..." she hesitated, "You do help me so much Robin."
And with that she let her head rest on his chest, and her arms moved around him, almost a hug. Robin froze for a moment, startled, and then he cautiously let his arms slide around her.
There was silence for a moment which they let move on before Robin spoke, a great deal of hesitation and cautiousness in his voice. "Would you be able to sleep better if you knew I was there?"
When Raven's voice came it was muffled by his chest. "I do believe that your presence might help the problem."
The sudden wave of sleepiness startled him, and it was almost enough to wake him up again. Almost. He moved down so he was slouching against the cabnient and so that Raven fit better against him. She obligingly shifted with him, but then she spoke, a vibration through his chest. "In the kitchen, Robin?"
"I don't feel like moving," he smiled in spite of himself, "And we'll wake up before anyone else finds us."
"Whatever," Raven replied as his hands slid around her back.
And then sleep claimed them both.
Anonymous Review Replies:
Secret: Thank you very much! I like to think that I improve as time goes on, and I have to say that I really, really liked the last chapter. I love BB's character, he and Starfire make such great comic relief, I'm going to have to use them more often! And as for BB I'm not sure if he'll ever be able to run again. There was an entire sideline story that I didn't have room to include in this chapter in which he is so sore that he takes to riding his moped around the Tower. I hope that you like the update!
Charmed night Skye: I know I was kind of thinking that after I finished writing the last chapter. I mean they've slept on a concrete roof and then in a training room. That can't be good for your back. With BB's plan, that was the most fun thing to write EVER. BB is the best! While I do not agree with his plan, I can totally see him doing that. My visual muse, Claude, was having a hay day with that scene, he wrote it almost like an episode would look. It makes me happy. I hope you enjoyed this last installment! Thank you for reviewing!
Creative Spark: Well thank you very much! It makes me really happy that you like it so much! I'm sorry that this last update took so long, I blame my muses, but I finally got it up. So thank you for reviewing and I hope this chapter lived up to your expectations.
dreamflyr: That's fine about missing a chapter in the past. I'm just really, really happy that you reviewed the last one! I'm a review addict, they keep me going ;) Is it a good job? What I mean is, do you like it? I have to get a job soon too, which depresses me because I won't have as much free time. Plus I hate work. I am soooo happy that you like the last two chapters! BB as an elephant is in the top ten ways NOT to be woken up (in my list anyway) and I loved the combat helmets too, I could see him going all general (I love BB so much). And what can I say about Robin? The kid has great stamina :) I would absolutely LOVE to see any picture you make, I am no artist myself and I would adore seeing what other people get out of the descriptions! So if you have it, then please send me the link! Any-way, sorry for rambling. Thank you so much for the review! I hope this last chapter lived up to your expectations.
twins: Hi Genny! Nothing much is going on here, I'm really happy that I got my muses back, what's up with you? That's fine about not reviewing the other chapters, I'm just glad to hear from you now. Thank you sooo much for your compliments! It always makes me really happy when people somehow find my work...and it makes me even happier when they like it : ). I'm sorry that I made you wait so long for an update, and I also hope that this update was worth the wait :s But I am thrilled to find another RobRaeist! They are the best couple! That's why I would invite pairing flames. The other pairings feel threatened by this one. I don't blame them. Thank you sooo much for reviewing!