Chapter 2
World I Don't Belong
"I simply don't understand why you insisted on dragging me along, Kitty!" Mary complained aside to Catherine as she and her sisters made their way to Netherfield for the ball. "You know I don't dance, and probably won't speak to anyone the whole night."
"Then you should put yourself out to be more sociable. I don't understand why on earth you don't want to go. So many officers will be there. Mr. Bingley promised!"
"Kitty, you know the bit about the officers doesn't attract me at all. Do you know if they'll have a string group, or will the music all be piano?"
"Mary, you're not supposed to listen to it! You're supposed to dance to it!" Kitty said emphatically, then giggled. Then she sobered somewhat. "I wonder if Mr. Wickham will be there?"
Mary shrugged, though inside she was wondering the same thing. She didn't know why she cared. If there weren't enough girls outside the family for him to dance with, there were certainly enough of her sisters to keep him occupied. She also knew that three of them would be fighting for his attention. She didn't know how on earth Lizzy, Kitty, and Lydia managed to be agreeable to one another when he was around, with all of them very attracted to him. She was interrupted out of her reverie with Kitty asking whether or not her dress was wrinkled.
They arrived at Netherfield in a matter of minutes. All the girls were chattering and giggling, except for Mary, who hung back a bit as they were shown in. She had only been to one other ball, and that had been when she was fifteen. Lizzy and Jane had brought her along somewhat forcefully, and she had stood against the wall the entire time watching Elizabeth make a fool of herself dancing with some of the young men, and Jane trying discreetly to tell her to settle down. How Lizzy had changed since then, though Mary felt her younger sisters more than took her place as the wild one of the family.
Mary didn't realize that she had fallen so behind until Kitty grabbed her arm and whispered, "Come on--Oh Mary, Mr. Denny is here! Is my dress wrinkled?"
"Kitty, I just told you no! How could it have gotten wrinkled just walking from the carriage to the building? Please don't ask ag--" But Kitty wasn't listening. She dashed off to catch up with Lydia, leaving Mary by herself. After glancing at who all was there (she tried to tell herself that she wasn't looking for Mr. Wickham, who didn't seem to be there), she commented to Lizzy about how many people that were there. She was soon left talking to air while Lizzy walked away to speak with Charlotte.
Having no one else left to talk to, she remarked to Jane about the vivacity of the piece that was being played when they entered. Jane replied, "Oh, yes, Mary. It's lovely. Oh, did you see Mr. Bingley? I really should go speak to him now that the dance is over." Then she walked off.
Mary rolled her eyes and laughed to herself. She thought her younger sisters were silly, but the older ones were just as bad! She pushed a feeling of hurt at being brushed off out of her thoughts, then proceeded to endure the long night of watching people make fools of themselves.
Needless to say, she spent the evening alone, with no one speaking to her or even noticing her presence. Somehow, her thoughts fell to wishing she could be a part of the dance, laughing and having fun. No matter how hard she tried, however, she could never bring herself to speak with anyone. By the end of the evening, she found that against her better judgment, she was dying to live in a world she didn't belong.