Author's Note: Content warning on this one. Not too bad but some people can't handle it so to those people, stop reading before it goes too far.

And look up the words to "Miss World" by Hole. They fit well with the story.

Chapter 13 (Relaxation Gone Awry)

Laying down on her back in the sanctuary that was her bedroom, Kita could relate to the blank white of her ceiling, just as empty and bland as she felt. She imagined herself as being a sky without a sun or moon. There, but nothing special, nothing worth paying attention to. The world didn't serve any mood-altering purpose to her anymore, not that she wanted to feel again. She only ever got hurt. All she could feel was the feeling of never being able to feel, if that could be classified as such. She couldn't bring herself to laugh at a joke because nothing sounded humorous or to cry about her state because she felt like everything that was sad was not real. It was like living in a plastic bubble; she could see the world around her, but it had no effect on her. On the outside looking in, but in her case, she was on the inside looking out.

Sure, there were people who worried about her and cared about her but really, why should they worry? Kita wondered. I am dead inside and there's no way around it. I died right alongside my father in a metaphorical hospital bed. His death marked the end of the life I once knew. I have now embarked on a new life, one where every moment is planned out for me to serve and care for Akito.

Kita longed for the days when her plans were her own; when she had freedom; when college was a given, not something to pray for; when spending time with her friends wasn't considered treason, not that she even liked going out to spend time with them.

But every time she thought this, she would feel a bit guilty for wanting to leave Akito so desperately. The guilt had been particularly bad in recent times, when he'd been so sick. But when he was sick, she didn't want to leave him at all. She wanted to stay with him and take care of him. During these times, the guilt came solely from thinking more about her future plans. She didn't want to leave him permanently after high school, she just wanted to be able to go out into the world on her own, maybe finally get over her shy exterior. She would visit him of course, even live with him over vacations if he wanted, she just didn't want to spend the rest of her life waiting until he needed her for one thing or another. If she were to leave, who would sit with him for hours when he was sick or lonely? Probably a Zodiac member, whoever used to do so before she came along. But if she left, he would probably be pushed over the edge. He loved her, after all.

One of the only emotions Kita could feel splashed over her, confusion. Something commonly brought on by thoughts of Akito. She wanted freedom, but she didn't want to leave him. She wanted to go to college but she didn't want to be punished, especially since that kind of act seemed punishable by being locked up. She wanted to be able to reciprocate his feelings towards her, but she was terrified at the thought.

Kita groaned and realized that she needed a distraction. She couldn't keep thinking about this; it only made life more complicated. Just deny the problems and they'll eventually go away, she thought, knowing she was only lying to herself.

The reason she had ended up lying on her bed doing nothing aside from feeling worthless was because after school, Akito had shooed her away, saying that he had business to attend to and that her presence wouldn't be required. Although she was glad she had been given time to herself for the first time since she moved in, she found little to do with it when leaving wasn't an option. She had more than exhausted her usual alone-time rituals of watching movies and listening to music while reading in the time before she would go to bed. What else was there to do?

She had ended up taking a walk around the Sohma estate, greeting family members she hadn't seen in years but she didn't actually get to talk to them for too long because they were busy. The idea had crossed her mind to find someone to hang out with but Haru was over Shigure's and Momiji was out somewhere with Hatori. In fact, the only one who was at the estate who she could talk to was Kureno, but when she bumped into him, he was coming into the main house with a determined, uneasy expression on his face so she decided that she shouldn't bother him. The cold air had helped her clear her mind but once she came back, it had started working superfluously. On the plus side, Kita had found a secret entrance into the Sohma gates. It was a hole, probably caused but a fissure in the foundation that eventually eroded away into a gap ideal for escaping or entering through. She had absolutely no intentions of bringing it to Akito's attention. Whether or not she would use it remained yet to be determined.

Kita groggily sat up and looked out the window. It was a cool day, cloudy so there wasn't too much sun, and all the snow had melted away making the ground feel damp, as she had observed when she had walked around the estate. She glanced at the book on her nightstand and an idea formed in her mind. Since Akito wasn't in his room, she could go in there and amuse herself with some literature without being disturbed. The thought of reading on his porch sounded like the perfect way to waste the rest of the day so she grabbed the book and tiptoed into his room, stealthily shutting the door behind her.

She walked over to the door to the porch and pushed it open the whole way so that the room was opened up to the outside. The bare trees were dripping with crystal drops of water that would eventually find their way into the cold ground. Everything seemed to have an apparitional, transparent glow to it. She laid down so that her legs were technically still inside the room but the rest of her body was out on the porch. Beautiful place to read, she thought, opening up her book.

It was one of Shigure's books, the 'other stuff,' she called it. She had a passing thought of how Akito would react to see her reading such a book but just shut it away and went back to indulging in the magic of the literary word. It was the furthest away she was allowed to get from her life.

Suddenly, Kita heard a loud crash echo from down the hall that sounded like a stack of plates hitting the floor and shattering into a million pieces. The harsh noise caused her to bolt upright. One of the servants must be having a clumsy day, Kita thought, deciding it was nothing to wonder about as she laid back down. After the crash however, she heard another unexpected noise, a loud thud coming from the same corner of the house.

Is it...?

Kita shook her head, deciding she must just be jumping to conclusions and went back to immersing herself in the love scene before her.

As she read, she heard the faint sound of a door sliding open and an even fainter sound of footsteps closing in on her. Thoroughly apathetic, Kita continued to read until she felt a weight fall onto her.

She glanced over the edge of the book and saw Akito sitting on her, holding a very unsettling expression. His eyes were glassy and bloodshot like he hadn't slept in weeks. His hair was even more disheveled than usual and it looked greasy and dirty. Although he didn't seem too bad yesterday, he had apparently been so sick that he couldn't even bring himself to bathe properly. On his forehead were drops of perspiration that looked stress-related and his cheeks were an angry red. His yukata was tied loosely, too loosely for comfort, as Kita could see all the way down it from the position she was in.

She averted her eyes from his disturbing appearance and held her book in front of her face, trying to read again. She tried not to care that he was on top of her and looking atrocious. She had expected her sense of emptiness to see nothing out of the ordinary occurring but internally, she was staring to get unsteady.

Akito snatched the book from her hands and threw it across the room so that it made contact with the wall and fell pathetically to the floor. Kita allowed her hands to drop to her sides as she stared into his cold, steel eyes trying to figure out what kind of mood he was in. He seemed mad, but not at her. He was tense about something. That was obvious. He was definitely feeling sick but the kind of sick where your head hurts and everything is annoying as a result, not bedridden sick like he had been.

Akito leaned forward, kissing her fiercely and forcing his tongue into her mouth. Kita just laid there, not really kissing back but not trying to stop what he was doing. She didn't care.

Akito was annoyed that she wasn't responding to him. Usually an advance such as this one would cause her to respond by returning his gestures with equal vigor or she would respond with nervousness and slight apprehension. He enjoyed both reactions immensely but right now it was like he was kissing a dead girl. Little did he know, she certainly thought herself to be one.

He grabbed one of her hands and swung it around his shoulders, trying to at least put some life back into her and get her to make a move of some sort. Kita decided to go with it and put her other hand on his emaciated chest. Every bone of his ribcage was palpable beneath her warm palm. Kita was surprised to find that it made her a little sad, even though she was already aware of how thin he was.

She timidly kissed back a little, moving her tongue against his, but found her efforts to be tiring. He was overwhelming her so easily that trying to at least give something back was difficult. She went limp again.

Akito placed a small kiss on her chin and then moved to her neck, nipping gently at the soft skin. She remained mute as she watched his almost loving acts, trying to entertain herself. She wasn't bored but she felt as if none of it was really happening. It was as if she was watching a movie or having a vivid dream or even sitting in the corner watching Akito kiss her body without her mind present.

One hand lightly caressed her jaw as his other hand grasped the hand that was still placed upon his chest and moved it down his torso. Kita's eyes widened, feeling some emotion get pumped back into her as her mind reentered her body. She was starting to act normal again, all vulnerable, scared, and innocent. Akito smirked. She would probably get scared further to see how much he is stimulated by it.

He moved her hand lower and curled her fingers around his erection. Kita sucked in a breath, hoping that he wouldn't notice how insecure he was making her, knowing that he liked frightening her. He saw her startled reaction and smiled maliciously at the girl, recapturing her lips in an aggressive kiss.

She didn't really know what to do about her hand. She knew what he was expecting of her; she was innocent, not naive, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. When it came to thoughts of the expectations, she was back to watching the scene from the corner of the room. She was merely the audience to a show like the reader of a book. The most she could do is say things to the imaginary characters, knowing it wouldn't make a difference. She didn't let go, nor could she move her hand.

Akito sucked on her lower lip, running his tongue sensually over the delicate flesh. She allowed her mouth to open a bit, memories of what it felt like to be wrapped up in him starting to quickly come back to her. Kita's eyes fluttered closed until an unanticipated, sharp pain flooded through her as he pierced her lip between his canine and its corresponding tooth. She let out a hurt wail as the area around her lower lip went numb from the unexpected attack. A small stream of blood began to trickle slowly down to her chin.

Akito glared at her and Kita grudgingly moved the idle hand up and down. He smirked again, leaning down to kiss her and smearing blood onto her hostile, closed lips. He moaned into her mouth as she stroked him faster, trying to speed up the act so it could be over sooner.

Akito came, falling against her shoulder, breathing heavily. Out of the corner of her eye, Kita glanced towards her discarded book on the floor. So much for a quiet evening of reading.

Akito lifted up his head and used his thumb to wipe the remaining blood from his bite off her lips and chin, a sickeningly demure smile on his face as he did it. He placed a gentle, affectionate kiss on her lips and then leaned closely to her, his heated breath burning the shell of her ear and making the hairs stand on end.

"Thank you, Kita." he mused complacently.

Kita stared blankly into his eyes as he gave her one last light kiss and casually stood up, adjusting his yukata and exiting without another word. He unfortunately had somewhere to be. After a meeting so disastrous, the pit-stop to see Kita was to de-stress so he could make it through the rest of the day.

Bring on the bitch, he thought as he entered the sitting room down the hall with his head held high.

Meanwhile, Kita got up from the floor and wiped her hand on the edge of his porch. In the back of her mind, she was hoping he'd notice the specimen and be revolted by himself. However, it was an unlikely hope.

She walked over to the other side of the room and picked up her book. It didn't look at all damaged from its collision with the wall. Calmly, she walked back over to the porch and laid down, opening the book and trying to tune out the sounds coming down the hall of a women and Akito yelling furiously at each other as if nothing had happened.