A/N: Man, I've had like, four hours of sleep, and am wide awake. I don't get it!!! (3am-7am)
Dumbledore stared gravely at Harry and Ron, and shook his head.
'This is very distressing news.' He lamented, strangely remaining perfectly calm. Ron, however, was sobbing in the corner, and Harry had that familiar gleam in his eye…
'NO running off alone.' Dumbledore said pointedly as he turned around to reach for something off his bookshelf. However, when he turned back around, Potter was no where to be seen, nor his distraught friend. Dumbledore took off his glasses and sighed loudly. Honestly!
-
'I bet you this is Voldemort's doing!' Harry shouted back over his shoulder as they ran off down the hallway.
'Yeah but that doesn't help us at all!' Ron blubbered.
'We have to find out where she was before she went missing! She always leaves clues for us about important stuff!'
'Maybe someone saw her?'
'Who was the last one to see her after breakfast?' Harry froze as it hit him. 'Ron, the person we need to talk to is Malfoy.' That name set Ron off again and after he had finished banging off the walls and buttresses, he too agreed.
'For Hermione of course.' He said quickly.
-
Now, it's not everyday that your two worst enemies show up wanting to talk to you about their missing best friend who you were formerly the boyfriend of due to a rather annoying curse. Draco gaped at them and rubbed his eyes to convince himself that he wasn't seeing things.
'What?' he asked for the third time.
'You were the last person to see Hermione before she vanished. Where did she go after speaking to you?' Potter repeated slowly, just for Draco's personal benefit.
'So you don't actually suspect me?' Draco asked carefully, trying out how this new odd feeling of trust fit. Potter rolled his eyes and tried so obviously not to clench his teeth.
'No, as that would be too obvious.'
'Oh! You could have just said. Hmm… I think she stormed out into the grounds.'
'Any clue as to what direction?' Weasley interjected in a world weary tone. Draco raised an eyebrow at him.
'Everyone goes down by the lake when angry/sad/annoyed/heartbroken/homicidal… and I think Hermione was all five of those things.' Draco told him in exasperation.
'Gee, you really bring out the best of a person, you know?' Potter muttered angrily. 'Now you are coming with us to save Hermione.'
'Am I?'
'Either that, or we're going to give a rather nasty ailment you won't be able to cure.' Weasley said threateningly.
'What could- oh… no, no you know what? I think I'll come.'
-
Hermione grew tired of watching the guard and began to stare around at various spots of the dank cell. An odd type of beetle crawled slowly over a loose stone and she- wait a moment! Loose stone?! She was in a cell constructed entirely from concrete yet there was a loose stone? She pried it up off the ground and there was a resulting clunk. A small door appeared in the wall and she slipped out and closed it behind her.
Slime dripped down the walls and Hermione wished she had her wand for light, but as she thought this dimness appeared at the end of the passage and turning a corner she found herself in a closet. She stared through the wooden slats and found the room empty, so swung the door open to simultaneously trip over a pile of books and land on a large bed covered in black silken sheets.
Yes, it was unnerving. She sat up and as she did so, caught her reflection in a mirror, which immediately started telling her she was hideous compared to Draco and anyway, who the hell was she?! The name it mentioned though caught her off guard, but of course! Lucius had kidnapped her, so of course Draco's room must be in this house! It was quite odd though how he didn't know about a secret passageway leading from one of his cells into his son's closet though… she didn't actually want to think about why such a passageway would have been constructed.
-
Harry, Ron, and Draco reached approximately the same spot Hermione had been earlier that day and Harry immediately spotted a scarp of paper lying on the grass.
'Look! Hermione cunningly left this for us to find, even though she had no time in which to do so! Listen; Lucius cursed Draco to fall in love with me so our resulting relationship would make Harry extremely paranoid. As time went on, Harry would distance himself more and more from people, until one day in solitude. Voldermort would kidnap him and kill him.' Harry blinked and looked at the other two. 'Pfft! As if that would have worked!'
'There was a confrontation here,' Draco said suddenly, tracing invisible footprints in the grass, 'and someone was dragged away in a sack through here… you don't suppose Hermione might have won this fight do you, and that she's waiting in those trees for us so that she can jump out and say "boo"?' Draco asked hopefully. He was greeted with looks of utmost incredulity from the other two and sighed. 'I just hope you realise how much I don't want to be on this stupid mission. I only fell in love with her because of a curse!'
'Aha! You said nothing about falling out of love!' Harry cried. Ron looked as though he would cry, literally, and Draco made a sound which sounded like a snort of disgust, but it was very likely it could have been a sneeze.
'That doesn't even warrant an answer Potter.'
'Hey look! The kidnapper left a very obvious trail of marks on trees for us to follow!' Ron cried, very happy to suddenly be helpful to his other two friends.
'Or, since we already know she's at my house, why don't I just lead you the quickest, easiest way?' Draco drawled. Ron blinked at him… or he blinked back tears. It was hard to tell, but the reader can be sure of one thing: his heart was slowly breaking.
'Sure! Whatever.' He managed to choke out.
-
Hermione had a short conversation with the mirror about whether Draco wore boxers or briefs, and then sat idly in his room until her gaze found something else… the yearbook of Hogwarts… FIRST YEAR!! She flipped it open, much to the annoyance of the pictures on the front cover who did not like being squashed against her leg, and riffled through it until she came to their year. All of the houses had been pictured together in a massive group photo, resulting in a rather hilarious photograph. There was Lavender fussing with her hair… Ron was tried to make his ears look smaller (it didn't work), Harry was fidgeting, Hermione was sneezing again… and again… and again… it was rather unfortunate that she'd had a cold that day… Draco was- smiling?
'What are you doing here?' A snooty voice demanded. Hermione shut the book in fright and found herself staring at a portrait of the boy who lived in the room.
'Draco!'
'What are you, a Mudblood, doing in my room? If you don't answer me I'll raise the alarm.'
'The-the passageway.' Hermione stuttered fearfully. If that portrait decided to tell Lucius her whereabouts… oh she was done for.
Suddenly the door crashed open and three young men crashed into the room, did forward-rolls and hid behind articles of furniture, and then they realised she was there and gaped at her.
'What are you, a Mudblood, doing in my room?' The real Draco demanded, echoing his portraits earlier words. She glared at him and rolled her eyes; she could afford to be smart with this Draco.
'You have a secret passageway leading from a cell into your closet. Why is that?'
'Uh… you know, I don't recall it being there before. I think it's just there for the purposes of this story.'
'What?' Hermione asked blankly.
'I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE SAFE!!!!!' Draco suddenly cried. He threw his arms around her and kissed her soundly for about a minute. This resulted in a very placid Hermione; Harry and Ron however, looked as though they were about to throw up… well to be fair, Ron also looked as though he wanted to attack the other boy, and was only restraining himself due to the fact Lucius was standing in the doorway. Yes, they had forgotten to close the door.
'You know,' Lucius began conversationally, 'even though I expected a rescue attempt, I didn't expect my son to be part of it, or to be so OCC that he would start er- kissing that ah, thing, now what is that derogatory term for them? Mud- Mud… Mud… Mud-'
'Mudblood?' Ron offered, and then looked completely shocked that he had done so.
'No, I was thinking of Muggle born, but thanks for trying to help.' Lucius said whilst smiling broadly. Draco was fuming at Ron and was only doing nothing because Hermione had a death grip on his arm.
A/N: Heh, sorry about how it's transforming into a parody, but I've been reading a few of those lately and they're just so funny!!! Do you prefer this style to what I had before? Although in parts before I was kind of making fun of the clichés that popped up.