It took Addison a few minutes to realize her husband hadn't followed after her. But it hit her when she'd wrapped up her brief conversation with the Chief about what had happened. After she'd offered what words of comfort she could and he'd gone off to see to his niece, Addison realized it. She was standing all alone by an empty nurse's station, a cold cup of coffee and a few scattered forms covered the countertop and she could see a lone nurse further down the hall, closing the door to a patient's room. But other then that, the hallway was completely abandoned. There was no sight of Derek anywhere. Addison sighed, feeling tired and wanting to go home, as she retraced her steps back to the lobby looking for her husband. It was comparatively brighter in the lobby with the walls covered in little strands of white lights, and a few stray balloons had escaped and floated high up to the ceiling. Derek was still standing there silently, his face drawn into a look of concern. What…thought Addison, as she tried to process the scene before her. Derek was standing next to Finn, and even though he was facing Addison, she didn't think he so much as noticed her. His eyes were transfixed on the woman standing between them. Addison couldn't see her face, just the back of her head and the wavy strands of dirty blonde hair tumbling past her shoulders, but Addison knew who she was. How could it be anyone else, it was always, always her. "Derek," said Addison questioningly, her voice coming out more shrill then she had intended. But it was Meredith, and not her husband, who spun around when she spoke.

She thought Meredith looked frazzled and overwhelmed, clutching her friend's shoes to her chest almost like a shield. But Meredith caught her eyes and held them for a moment. There was something vaguely apologetic in Meredith's look, as if she was trying to warn her or tell her something with her eyes alone, that made Addison feel more uneasy then the intern looked. "I'm sorry," said Meredith suddenly, turning back towards Derek and Finn. "We'll talk later ok?" Her words tumbled out, rushed and awkward. She did not wait another moment, but walked quickly towards the stairs and outside without even a glance backward. Neither Derek nor Finn had moved, and as Addison's gaze trailed over the two of them, she realized she had no idea if Meredith's words had been meant for Finn or for her own husband.

-----

This is not happening thought Meredith as she hurried down the stairs. This is definitely not happening. Only she knew that it definitely was. She knew that she'd just left Finn and Derek standing there with a confused Addison as well, but she couldn't think about it. At least she couldn't think about it properly or rationally. That would require thinking about what she'd just done, which was definitely not something she wanted to do right then. The shock of seeing Izzie with Denny had forced her own problems from her mind, but now they were threatening to come welling back up to overwhelm her. The memory of Derek wrapping his arms around her, his hands caught up and pulling through her hair, her name a deep whisper on his lips…everything was still all too clear in her mind. Meredith shook her head, reminding herself to concentrate on Izzie again. She didn't see Izzie or George or Alex anywhere in the parking lot, and, with a sharp sigh of relief, she realized Finn hadn't followed her out there either. She was completely alone in the sea of parked cars and empty spaces.

And so, because she didn't know what else to do, Meredith got into her car, kicking off her shoes and turning on the radio. She rested her head on the steering wheel as her hand turned the volume dial on the radio all the way up. The sound screamed out of the speakers so loudly it hurt, more a wash of noise then music. Meredith moaned softly, trying to let the sound drown out her own thoughts for a few minutes. Only it didn't work. Her thoughts drifted back to the last conversation she'd had with Addison. Meredith sat up in frustration, angrily switching the car into drive and pulling out of the parking lot. Are you sleeping with my husband? The question had been so easy to answer at the time, so easy that Meredith had been surprised with herself. Of course not thought Meredith, speeding down the road towards her house. Not since before I knew he was married. The bright neon bar signs she drove past seemed to be taunting her, beckoning her to come on in and just do what she does best. Meredith fought the urge to stop the car and go get drunk, to let the warming flow of alcohol dull her thoughts and distract her, prom dress and all. Somehow she made it all the way home without giving in, and she got out of the car congratulating herself for not being stupid. But then she remembered Derek again and started to laugh bitterly as she slammed the car door shut. "Not since half an hour ago," she muttered to herself, pausing to jam her feet almost violently back into her shoes.

The lights were still on in the house and Meredith could hear loud sobs coming from somewhere on the second floor. She was about to head upstairs when she caught sight of someone standing in her kitchen. "Hello," she called, her voice trailing off awkwardly as she walked closer and realized it was Callie. Callie was just standing there, still in her prom dress and frowning up at the contents of an opened cabinet. "Did you need something?" Meredith asked hesitantly, setting Izzie's shoes down on the kitchen table.

"Um…tea." Callie turned around to look at Meredith, and gestured lamely towards the crowded shelves. "I thought Izzie could use some, but I can't find any."

"The other cabinet, third shelf on the right side." Meredith paused, wondering if she should offer some sort of explanation about just why she and Derek had been half dressed and alone in an exam room under an hour ago.

"Thanks," said Callie, speaking before Meredith could make up her mind. She stared at Meredith for a moment before suddenly smiling a little. "Izzie probably could use you now," she offered gently.

"Right…Izzie um…Iz likes the cinnamon type best." Meredith hesitated a moment longer, waiting for Callie to comment, to say anything, to at least look at her in disgust. But Callie just nodded and walked over to the other cabinet. "Right," Meredith repeated, backing into the doorway towards the stairs. "Thanks…" She frowned and turned away, feeling both relieved and confused by Callie's sudden lack of judgment. But before she could think about it, Izzie's wracking sobs pulled her attention upstairs.

-----

Meredith had thought the sight of seeing Izzie sprawled over the body of her dead lover had been a shock, however there was something even more painful about what she found in Izzie's room. Izzie lay on the bed, tangled up in her prom dress. Her face was buried in the pillows and her shoulders were shaking violently. Alex stared at her in silence. His eyes were shining and his lips drawn into a thin, pained line. He was stroking her hair with the soothing gentle gestures one might use to calm a child. George was sitting awkwardly at the edge of the bed, patting Izzie's arm and murmuring words that were lost beneath the wail of her tears. George looked up as Meredith opened the door and the light from the hall filled the dim bedroom.

"Hey Mer," he said before turning back and shaking Izzie's shoulder gently. "Iz…Izzie, Meredith's here." Izzie just clenched the pillow and cried harder. "What should we do? What are you doing?" he asked as he watched Meredith cross over to the dresser by the window.

"She's going to cry herself to sleep, and I'm going to make sure she at least doesn't destroy that dress with all the crying and the thrashing about she needs to do."

"Meredith…" said George, "I don't think she's worried about that."

"No…but the last thing she needs is to wake up tomorrow and still be wearing the dress that she chose for him…" said Meredith, dropping her voice to a hushed whisper. George nodded slowly, still seeming confused as Meredith pulled a shirt and a pair of gray sweatpants out of the dresser.

"Izzie get up, come on Iz…" Meredith looked over at Alex when he spoke, realizing that he understood exactly what she was getting at. Izzie shook her head no, but when Alex put his arm beneath her and lifted her up she did not protest. She just leaned limply against him, her tears falling onto his neck and his jacket.

"Hey Iz," said Meredith, walking around behind Alex so she was facing Izzie. "Pajama time, do you want the boys out of here?" Izzie lifted her head to look at Meredith. Her hair was matted and damp from crying into a pillow and her face was a smudged mess of tears and mascara. She'd stopped crying, and merely sniffled and shrugged her shoulders. "Okay," said Meredith gently as she peeled Izzie off of Alex and motioned for him to undo the zipper on the back of her dress. She helped Izzie into her clothes, pulling the shirt over her friend's head like she was dressing a doll. The pink gown soon lay forgotten in a heap on the floor. As they led Izzie back to bed, a gentle knock came from outside the door.

"I, I brought her some tea," said Callie from where she stood in the doorway. She held out the mug almost like an offering, seeming uncertain as to whether she was allowed within the bedroom. "I guess I'm going home then," she said, shooting George a puzzled look as Meredith walked over and took the tea from her.

"No wait," said George. He was still sitting on the edge of Izzie's bed, and he turned to look back at his friends questioningly.

"We're good here O'Malley," said Alex.

"Yeah…" agreed Meredith, sitting down and putting the tea into Izzie's hands.

"Yeah," echoed Izzie softly, causing everyone to turn and look at her. "You guys…you all still have jobs in the morning." Her voice was weak and trembling as if she was still on the verge of tears, but she smiled a little sad smile. "Thanks though…" she whispered as George bent down to kiss her on the forehead before following Callie out into the hall. The door closed, returning the bedroom to its dim half-darkness, but neither Alex nor Meredith moved. For a moment there was only silence and the sound of Izzie slurping at her tea, but then she spoke up again. "You guys can go too…I'm okay."

"Now that," said Meredith, smiling into the shadows. "That sounds like something I'd say, like something I have said."

"Yeah," agreed Izzie, her voice low and muffled because she still had the mug of tea pressed to her lips. She sat up a little straighter and turned to look at Meredith. "How do things get so fucked up?"

"There's nothing like Meredith to get you to think of fucked up." Izzie grinned suddenly and shook her head at Alex, mouthing the words 'Not nice' obviously in his direction.

"Thanks Alex," laughed Meredith. "Thank you for that." She smiled and reached over Izzie to slap his arm, but inside her head his words rang all too true. She shook her head slightly and looked back down at her hands, only then realizing that she was still laughing. She wasn't sure why she was laughing, maybe because she needed to do something, and Izzie had already used up the crying option. Meredith had no idea what was so funny about being so totally fucked up that she'd gone and slept with her obviously married boss again either, but she just couldn't stop laughing. Her voice was bitter and hollow, filling the room with an empty dying sound that was somehow worse then Izzie's tears.

"Meredith?" Alex leaned forward to look at her, an eyebrow raised somewhere between shock and amusement. Meredith just shook her head, pressing her hands over her face so that her voice was muffled. "Meredith," he repeated. "What the hell happened to you?" When Meredith finally looked up, her face was flushed and her laughter had faded away to be replaced by the rasping sound of her breathing.

"Don't ask," she said heavily, reaching up to push her hair out of her face. Izzie leaned over and patted her commiseratively on the cheek.

"We all do stupid things," she said softly, and she sounded so much like Christina that Meredith smiled. But as she leaned back into the wall of pillows and closed her eyes, she couldn't help but feel glad that Izzie didn't know just what stupid thing she'd done this time.

The three of them sat there in silence for a long while. Nobody really wanted to talk, but Izzie didn't seem to have any tears left in her to cry either. Meredith peered over at Izzie occasionally, studying the tearstains on her face as she tried to decide if she'd be able to comfort Izzie better if she hadn't just slept with Derek. Probably, she thought to herself. She was finding it hard enough to just sit there like a normal person when Derek's face kept screaming back into her memory. But eventually Izzie's head started to droop and she fell forward, her hand curling around Alex's neck and her forehead pressed against his chest. Meredith looked over at her and sighed with relief. She was asleep. "You want me to help you move her?" whispered Meredith as she got cautiously up off the bed, careful to not let the springs squeak too loudly. But Alex shook his head.

"No, I'm gonna stay with her a little longer. Incase she wakes up. Needs anything." Meredith just nodded and smiled wryly at him before tiptoeing back into the hall.

-----

She thought it was funny. She'd been so insistent about getting Izzie out of her prom dress, but here she was now laying on her bed, still in her own prom dress. The dress just didn't seem important, at least not enough to bother with. Besides, the last person who'd unzipped the dress had been Derek, and Meredith didn't want to think about that. She sighed heavily, wondering how long she was going to have to lay there staring at the ceiling actively struggling to not think about Derek. She figured the answer was probably all night because she had definitely had sex with Derek, and that wasn't the sort of thing she could just forget. The real problem was the giant knot of guilt that had formed in her stomach, and that tightened a little every time she thought of Finn or Addison. When she thought of Derek she couldn't help but remember how happy she had felt in his arms, how wonderful it had felt to just forget everything else and be with him, and that pulled the knot tightest of all. He's married, Meredith thought to herself. Whores screw married men, dirty mistresses screw… She frowned and tried to go back to counting the cracks in the paint on the ceiling, but before she got to three her phone rang. It chirped out a computerized melody and Meredith leapt to her feet to silence the ringer. She was expecting to be ignoring a call from Finn or maybe even Derek, but when she saw Christina's name flashing across the screen, she flipped the phone open curiously.

"Christina?" she asked, flopping back down onto her bed.

"Hey," came the familiar voice from the other end. "Talk to me Mer, I'm still at the hospital." Meredith couldn't help but smile at the fact that of course Christina would be the one to call at three am without so much as a quick "Sorry for waking you".

"With Burke?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah…he's asleep now. I'm still in this freaking dress." She paused for a moment. "How's Izzie?"

"She's alright," said Meredith softly. "She finally fell asleep awhile ago too."

"That's good. Huh…that's strange."

"It's not strange, she was exhausted from all the crying."

"No, not that," said Christina distractedly, and Meredith thought she could hear the faint sounds of a chair scraping across the floor.

"Then what's strange?" asked Meredith curiously.

"I wonder why she's still here," said Christina, speaking more to herself then anything.

"Who?" insisted Meredith.

"Addison…" Meredith let out her breathe in a sharp hiss at the sound of the name, and she fell silent for a minute.

"Maybe she had an emergency surgery," she offered at last.

"No, not possible," said Christina. "She's still in her dress and she's just sort of standing there." There was a pause and Meredith knew Christina was peering down a hall or through a window, casually tracking Addison. "Yeah, she's just pacing back and forth and staring at the wall. Oh, and she's got a death grip on a cup of coffee. It's strange," Christina announced decidedly.

"Yeah…strange," whispered Meredith. She screwed her eyes shut, willing herself not to burst into tears. Christina was oddly silent on the other end, not saying anything at all. When at last Meredith could open her eyes safely, she sighed and looked up at the ceiling again, realizing that if she hung up without saying anything about it, she really would start sobbing and spend the rest of the night counting the number of cracks in the paint. "Christina?" she began quietly.

"Yeah?"

"I slept with Derek…"

"You slept with Derek?"

"I slept with Derek," she repeated, making a face as she imagined the expression on Christina's.

"Tonight?" asked Christina, although they both knew she didn't have to ask.

"Tonight," Meredith echoed. "It just sort of happened…I mean our dog died and then he just kept looking at me. And then we were alone and fighting, and well…it just sort of happened," she finished lamely.

"Mer…Meredith, I swear sometimes you are stupider then Izzie," said Christina immediately. "You are just asking to get screwed." She paused, considering her words. "Well, figuratively screwed. You've already covered the literal screwing. Why do you want to do this to yourself again?"

"I didn't. I don't," stammered Meredith defensively. "It was just a stupid mistake, just stupid accidental sex. It didn't mean anything."

"Does Addison know? Is that why she's here?" asked Christina, the exasperation in her voice fading away to be replaced by curiosity.

"I don't know," repeated Meredith. "Probably not. Why would she? It was just sex." Meredith hesitated, wondering why she was insisting on this. "It didn't mean anything."

"Right," said Christina slowly, and Meredith could practically hear her rolling her eyes. "So you're still doing the non-doctor then?"

"The non-doctor? His name's Finn, and no I'm not still doing him. I mean, we never did…but I'm still…I haven't talked to him yet." Meredith sighed in frustration. "And that's only because things happened so fast, I'm still seeing him. We just aren't having sex. Because well…Derek…" Meredith let her voice trail off, realizing she had no idea what her answer was.

"See," said Christina pointedly. "Derek's still Derek."

"Yeah," agreed Meredith at last, as she looked back up and resolutely found the fourth crack in the ceiling. "He still is…"