I know I know it took me a while to get this chapter up, but it's the best I can do. Please don't throw tomatoes, or pumpkins, or fish bowls, or whatever kids these days are throwing at bums like myself. I'll TRY to be quicker, but I really can't make any promises.
Let patience be your guide, grasshoppers.
Btw - No, I haven't forgotten about tutoring. But it's Winter Break right now, so that doesn't apply.
"Delicate Confessions"
Sirius could not have left Lily any more confused at her own emotions if he had tried. Before talking with him that night, Lily was fully intent on hating him for the rest of her life.
Yeah, then she talked to him. Thus her world flipped upside down. It was so muchsimpler when she could hate him. But now... now she couldn't. But if she couldn't hate him, what could she do? ...Like him? After what he did to her?
Yes.
It would not be easy - but she would do it. She would meet him all over again, maybe rediscover what it was that really brought that smile to his bright blue eyes. She had finally caught a glimpse of the goodness that boy possessed, and she certainly wasn't going to let it get away.
"So what went on in that little rendevous with Remus last night, Marilyn?" Lily inquired. "You didn't get back until midnight."
The girls were wandering about the castle from lack of anything better to do.
"Yeah, dish some details, girl," Scarlett poked.
"Weeelllll..." Marilyn played with the word. "We, y'know, went...places...and did...stuff..." Her up-in-the-air tone was enough to destroy any girl with even a hint of curiosity.
"Oh, please. That is justscreaming for an elaboration," Cherise fussed.
Marilyn reveled in the attention. "Okay then. He...took me somewhere."
"Where!"
"...I can't tell you."
"Why?" Lily whined.
"Remus made me promise!"
"Really, Marilyn, you know the first rule of secrets is that you do not go dangling them in front of people then snatch it away," Cherise reasoned.
"But that's exactly what makes keeping secrets so fun." Marilyn smiled with her tongue between her teeth.
Before any of the girls could prod any fruther, the Marauders came into view from around the corner.
"Speak of the sweetheart!" Marilyn cried.
Remus strode over to her and planted a kiss on her forehead. "Miss me?"
"Depends... you miss me?" she countered.
The others rolled their eyes in unison. Ignoring the now standard cooings of Remus and Marilyn, Cherise said to the boys, "All finished at the library, eh?"
Earlier, the Marauders claimed to have gone to the library for some "advance studying", when it was only too obvious to everyone that they had no plans of opening any books.
"Oh yeah. I'm all learned out," James answered, feigning exhaustion.
"Uh-huh," Scarlett said skeptically. "And I'm sure your pockets were bulging with candy and other assortments before you left, too, right?"
James hurriedly closed his robe around himself. "Of course!"
Cherise and Scarlett slipped each other sly looks.
While this interrogation of James continued, Sirius and Lily stood to the side, quite removed from it all. They were both noticeably struggling to figure out exactly what to do. Should they talk? No, no... what if the other person didn't feel the same as they did? Or what if they DID feel the same? But what exactly was that "same"? Did they...hate each other? No. Did they possibly...like each other?
By chance, their gaze met. Sirius smiled timidly.
A moment went by...
Then Lily smiled as well. That was all Sirius needed.
"How are you?" he asked in what would seem a casual voice.
"Good, I suppose. And yourself?"
"Alright," he shrugged.
Lily noticed the bulge of his pant pockets, similar to James's.
"Is that a pack of Chocolate Frogs in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" she asked with a coy smile.
Sirius's face held laughter just beneath the surface. "Both?"
"Lily!" Cherise caught her attention. "Will you run back up to the dorm with me real quick? I need to grab my wand."
"Sure."
She offered a small wave to Sirius before trotting off with Cherise. They walked off down the hall briskly, starting up a mindless array of chatter.
"--It was like that time two summers ago when me and you got lost in that park? Omigosh, remember that? We were so dotty back then," Cherise giggled and Lily follwed along.
"Yeah, and you had to take a pee so you had to find a bush, but then that squirrel ran out from under it and--and--" Lily could hardly talk she was laughing so hard.
"Shut up! At least I didn't get my foot stuck in that mud hole, did I? And--"
They rounded the corner to the hall with the Fat Lady's Portrait when their footsteps, along with their laughter, died instantly. Samantha Creevy, whom neither Lily nor Cherise had seen since her fling with Sirius, just happened to be walking down that hall towards the girls, when she too stopped in her tracks.
Cue the cat claws, girls.
"Wench!" Samantha and Cherise cried simultaneously. "What!" they again shrieked in the same instant and indignance.
"Where do you come off calling me something like that? Evans there was the one who--" Samantha started.
"What hex are you under? You TOTALLY ruined everyth--"
"Shove it, Adams--"
"Fine, turn around, Creevy--"
"CHERISE!" Lily cried at her ruffled friend.
"What?" she snapped irritably, not tearing away from her death glare on Samantha.
"I think I can handle this myself, thank you," Lily explained.
Cherise twisted her mouth to the side, and folded her arms against her chest in resignation. "Fine."
"Thank you," Lily said then turned to the annoyed blonde. "Now," she started calmly. ...Then screwed the calmness and went off stormily. "...what the hell do you think you were doing messing around with Sirius when you knewperfectly well he was mine?" she spoke quickly and harshly.
"Hah, he was so not yours," Samantha countered.
"Wanna bet?"
"Yes, actually, I do," she said with a dangerous glint in her eyes. "Tell me, did he ever ask you to be his girlfriend? Did he ever even call you his girlfriend?"
"That doesn't matter--"
"Doesn't it?"
"No. It doesn't. A signed contract isn't necessary to seal a relationship."
"What is, then?"
"How about love, and trust, and honesty--"
"Well there you have it. You've just proven my point. Thank you, Evans," Samantha smirked at her triumph.
Lily's mouth which was set to rebuke Samantha's catty comments closed suddenly. Samantha was right. Oh God.
"Well...that still doesn't...you should'nt have..." she stumbled through her words, finding that none of them fit quite right.
Samantha waited patiently for Lily's explanation. Too patiently. Lily could have smacked that royal look right off her face, given the chance.
Suddenly Lily found it. "If your actions are completely justified, then why did you two have to hide it like that?"
Samantha's smirk faltered. "Because...because you just wouldn't have been happy with it! Since you obviously fancied yourself Sirius's true love or something," she chuckled mirthlessly.
"At least I didn't have to trap Sirius in a dark corner to get him to kiss me."
"I would hardly call it trapping," she said with an eye roll.
"I would."
"Listen Evans," Samantha's voice turned from haughty to menacing. "You stole my boyfriend at the worst possible time in my life, then completely turned him against me. Now the one person in this world who actually gave a shit about me won't even look at my face. I hope you're happy. Enjoy your five minutes in the spotlight."
She turned on her heel and stormed down the hall whence she came, leaving Lily and Cherise with identical looks of irresolution.
"What was that about?" Cherise asked timidly.
Lily turned to her and answered in a voice much unlike the strong one used but a moment ago.
"I don't think we're supposed to know."
After a bit of seemingly fruitless searching, Lily and Cherise reunited with their friends in some abandoned tower on the west side of the castle. It was evident the guys gave up their ever-so-innocent front, as they were now passing around heaps of candy and other unhealthy assortments of the like.
"So what're these called again?" Marilyn asked Remus as she unwrapped a startlingly yellow wrapped candy.
"Er, Canary Creams."
James narrowed his eyes. "But aren't tho--"
Remus slyly whacked him without taking his eyes off Marilyn and the candy. Marilyn, obviously disregarding the boys' behavior, popped the fluffy yellow ball into her mouth.
With a SQUAWK and a light pop ... Marilyn's body was covered with yellow feathers -- her mouth now resembling a beak, and her arms wings. She was a canary.
The boys went into hysterics (hands over mouths, rolling on the floor, clutching stomachs) -- the girls didn't.
Marilyn narrowed her eyes and peered dangerously at her boyfriend. Remus stopped laughing immediately. Though James, Sirius, and Peter were still jabbing at him and bascially flipping out with amusement.
"That wasso not funny that I would dare to call it asinine," she said through gritted teeth -- or whatever that would be considering her beak.
Remus suppressed a smile. "Oh come on...it is kind of funny..."
Marilyn glared further.
"--Or not."
"Look, Marilyn," James attempted through his sustaining laughter. "It wears off after a few minutes, don't worry about it. You'll be rid of that be-- that bea--" he broke off into a snort and fell back into a laughing fit with Remus, who could not hold it in anymore.
Marilyn slapped Remus with her wing and turned to face the other way in a huff.
"Aw, Mari..." Remus pressed.
"Nope. Save it," she quipped. "I'd rather give my rapt attention to people who do not con me into becoming a bloody bird."
"If it makes any difference - I think you're the cutest bird I've ever seen," Remus replied hopefully.
Didn't work. Marilyn remained in a stew.
"So!" she started to Lily and Cherise, having just recently returned. "What's up with you two?"
The girls tried their very hardest not to crack a smile at the absurd appearance of their friend. "Um...we saw Samantha Creevy in the hall," Lily said in a very restrained voice - though unlike the restrained anger it would normally evoke, the canary before her caused a tone of restrained hysterics.
Sirius snapped his head up to look at her. His face was that of a child hearing his mother walk in the room just as his hand was halfway in the cookie jar. He scrambled to get up.
"I, uh, I...I'm gonna...go..." he sputtered.
"No, don't!" Lily stopped him. She paused a moment. "Wait...actually, yes, do go. But I'm coming with you."
Sirius was confused, to say the least. He towards the stone, spiral stairs uncertainly, Lily on his tail. The others were left with eyebrows raised in question, and one particular fist clenching a Bertie Bott's package a little too tightly for comfort.
"So...you saw Samantha, huh?" Sirius repeated the obvious. He and Lily had wandered a little ways down the hallway from the stairs to the tower, deciding to rest on a rather large windowsill.
"Yes I did, and--"
"I have nothing to do with her anymore, I swear -- I've even stopped speaking with her," Sirius confessed eagerly, hoping this would make everything better.
"I know," she replied artlessly. "And that's exactly what I wanted to talk with you about. You see, Samantha said something...something that really got to me--"
"If she said anything to hurt you Lily, and I swear I'll--"
"No!" she corrected. "It's not that. She said something that...made me worry...about her." Lily looked up into Sirius's eyes with concern. "Sirius, were you aware of any kind of...I dunno...problems in Samantha's life? Like...family problems or something?" She chose and used her words delicately, as if each one had the chance of falling to the floor and shattering if applied too harshly.
Sirius's eyes darkened. "Yes."
Lily fluttered her eyelids down.
"--But I don't feel I have the right to say anything about it."
Lily nodded in understanding. "I just...feel so bad now..."
"You shouldn't!" Sirius contradicted. "It's not like it's your fault. You never did anything wrong to feel bad about. It was...well, me who went wrong," he smiled bashfully.
Lily smiled in return. "You got that right."
"But you're here talking to me..." he stretched with an air of interest.
"Yes I am."
"And not hating me--"
"That's right." Lily grinned and placed her arms around him in a friendly hug.
"--And you're hugging me," Sirius continued in the same curious tone.
Lily giggled and nodded against his shoulder. "Yes I am."
"May I ask why?" he questioned as he at last adjusted into the hug himself, placing his arms around her back.
"Because you're not the monster I thought you out to be, afterall," Lily murmured.
Sirius raised his eyebrows in innocent suprise. "Well, I suppose that's good."
Lily giggled yet again and pulled away. "Yes. It certainly is." Her voice took a turn to the quiet side. "I saw something in you, Sirius. Something...different. There's more to you than meets the eye."
Sirius's face went solemn. He seemed to be processing the words in his mind.
"Heh...wow," he chuckled softly, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. "That's gotta be the first time anyone's told me that."
Lily's face remained thoughtful, despite Sirius's meager attempts at assuaging the tense atmosphere. "Your right eyebrow twitches when you're nervous," she said with a small smirk.
"No one's ever told me that either," he said in a startlingly quiet voice.
Lily shrugged unimportantly, her shadow of a smile lingering yet. "Maybe no one has stopped long enough to notice."
Sirius was peerly intently at her now, almost with perplexity. "How do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Make me feel like the world stopped turning just so you could say that one thing to me."
"Well you never know. I am a witch you know," she said, smiling teasingly.
"Good point," Sirius grinned. "One word of advice, however--"
"Hm?"
"--Be careful with the spells you cast."
And their eyes met.
On the walk to dinner that evening, James stealthily slipped a crumpled piece of parchment into Lily's hand, indicating with his expression that it was best left unnoticed by the others.
Once out of sight by her friends, Lily uncrinkled the note and read it to herself.
astronomy tower - 11pm
Quite the little novelist, James was.
Lily furrowed her eyebrows. Why would James possibly want to meet with her? And why was he going through so much trouble to keep it secret?
Well, no matter, she thought. If he doesn't want it getting out, then it won't.
Accordingly, at 10:45 that night, Lily fed her curious friends a lie saying she had a sore throat and needed a quick fix-up from Madam Pomfrey. Despite their fret and worry, Lily escaped their clutches easily enough and wound her way to the Astronomy Tower she knew and loved so well.
She found James already there, hands in pockets, and head tilted backwards to look up at the charcoal sky.
"Knock, knock," Lily said, announcing her arrival.
James turned himself around. "Who's there?" he replied in classic joke fashion.
Lily chuckled. "Very funny."
"And we aren't even to the end of the joke yet," he grinned.
"ANYway... so what's this all about? This secret meeting? I sincerely hope it isn't to discuss pressing matters such as to why the chicken crossed the road."
"I'm pleased to say that thereis indeed a reason behind this madness," James assured. "...And the chicken didn't cross the road. It was all a set- up. But you didn't hear it from me," he added in a secret agent manner.
Lily smiled crookedly and pretended to "zip" her lips closed.
"So what's this about, already?"
"Well..." James searched for a diversion from his explanation. "I thought you'd like to look at the stars with me."
Lily raised an eyebrow. "You slip me a secret note to get me to lie to my friends and sneak up here late at night so we could look at the stars together?"
James bit his lip. "...Yes?"
Lily's face glided into a smile. "That is the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me."
James's shoulders relaxed as he exhaled. "Good. For a second there, I thought you might slap me."
"Of course not. ...Though I may have attempted it solely for the romantic gesture of it all," she smiled wickedly.
"Romantic gesture?" James asked dubiously. "And exactly which part of a slap is considered romantic?"
"The old-fashionedness of it all! Plus, the fact that the lady rarely means it. If she did, she'd go in for a punch, not a slap."
"And just how many men have you slapped in your day, Miss Lily?" James was clearly playing along.
"None, yet," she sighed. "But I have my hopes."
James laughed at her dramatic manner. Lily, rather than be indignant, smiled along with him. She often did when his face lit up so. She couldn't help it.
They sat down on the hard floor and turned their focus to the ever twinkling heavens. Lily continued to smile mistily as she felt the calm magic of the stars engulf her. She closed her eyes as the whisper of a breeze waltzed past.
All the while, James watched her -- entranced. The only thing that truly mattered in the world at that particular moment in time was not plans for his future, or when the next full moon was -- it was the way Lily's auburn hair swept ever so lightly over her flower petal cheeks...
"It's beautiful, isn't it?"
"Hu-- what?" James spluttered.
"The stars," Lily clarified. "They're so lovely."
"Yes, er, yes they are."
"Something the matter?" she asked with concern.
"No! Of course not," he replied all too unconvincingly.
Lily cocked her head. "What's on your mind?"
James paused a moment before answering.
"...You."
Lily fluttered her eyelids in astonishment. She seemed to be searching the ground for a point of stability. "Bu-- no...you can't--"
She clambered to stand up quickly, James following fast.
"Lily, wait, please don't go--"
He grabbed her by the hands and tried to make eye contact, but it seemed that Lily was yearning desperately for just the opposite.
"Lily..." he pleaded in a still voice.
Lily closed her eyes briefly before looking up into his face. The face that met her was nothing less than torn.
"I can't pretend anymore, Lily. I can't just wish this feeling away--"
"James I know what you're going to say," she said in one breath, her eyes downcast. She could feel his grip on her hands tighten. "And..." she flicked her eyes up to meet his. "Please don't."
The grip relaxed abruptly. James's mouth made to speak, but Lily continued before his words could be formed.
"Please!" she begged. "I just...right now...I need you, James--"
"Exactly!" he broke in, passion dancing in his eyes. "I need you, too, Lily- -"
"No! ...No. I mean... I need a friend. Just...a friend. I can't-- ...not right now...not again..." she trailed off, a frightened stare penetrating from her eyes.
She began mindlessly fiddling with James's collar, making sure it was all flipped out in the same direction - perhaps to distract herself from the unwelcome feelings clawing their way back to her heart. James lightly took hold of her shaky hands and held them dearly in front of him.
"I'll be whatever you want me to be," he whispered.
Lily's lips attempted a smile. "Then just be James Potter."
Ah, so Samantha didn't fall off the face of the earth, nor is she merely a prop used at convenient intervals in the story. She's part of a PLOTLINE! Woo! Crazy times, yo.
Also - I know you're all eager beavers when it comes to Lily and James getting together, but...er...don't you think it adds more dramatic possibility to hold off on that? scrunches up face in dim hope that the readers will buy that excuse I mean, we all know where this is going to end up, so why not enjoy the journey there by shaking it up in the romance department?
And that's all I'm going to say.
-hands bribery cookies to readers-