A/N - A slightly longer chapter then usual for me. I had a lot I needed to cover to build up to some bigger stuff next chapter. Thanks to everyone for the comments and for taking the time to read this.


Meredith wasn't sure what she was supposed to do about Finn. She was apparently having breakfast with him. He'd called and said he was on his way, and she'd muttered and stammered and hesitated and finally just told him she'd be ready when he got there. And now she was pacing the hallway outside her bedroom, listening for the ring of the doorbell and considering just sneaking out the back. She expected the doorbell. Her whole body was tense just waiting for the sound of the doorbell. What she didn't expect was for the door on her right to open and for Izzie to emerge.

"Izzie? You're up? Sorry…did I wake you?" Izzie blinked at her in confusion, as if adjusting her eyes to the light. She was still wearing the gray sweatpants and flowered t-shirt Meredith had helped her into two nights ago.

"No," said Izzie slowly. She put a hand to her head and frowned. "My hair…" she patted it, feeling the frizzy matted mess her prom hairstyle had been transformed into. "Looks like crap." Meredith wondered if she was supposed to deny this, but didn't really see the point, since Izzie's hair did look like crap.

"How're you doing Iz?" she asked instead. But Izzie squinted at Meredith as if she'd gone crazy, as if that was the most ridiculous question anyone could think to ask.

"Fabulous," she declared, flashing a preternaturally cheerful smile before turning and marching towards the bathroom. As Meredith looked after her in bewilderment a loud chime pierced the air. Izzie pointed a hand behind her, perked "doorbell!" and walked into the bathroom, slamming the door shut.

Meredith had been so distracted by Izzie that she had forgotten to feel anxious, but when she'd made it to the bottom of the stairs the nervousness had started to creep back up. Before she could change her mind, she reached out and yanked the door open. "Finn…hey," she smiled up at him, quickly grabbing her jacket from the hook on the wall and closing the door behind her.

"Hi," he said warmly, leaning in to kiss her. Without even thinking about it, she tilted her face slightly so that his lips brushed instead against her cheek. "How's Izzie holding up?" he asked as he lead the way to his car. The image of Izzie's devastatingly chipper grin flashed back into Meredith's mind.

"I think she's lost her mind," Meredith muttered, not sure just how much she was joking.

"Yeah, well…give her time. How about you? How are you holding up?" He looked down at her, his eyes filled with nothing but kindness and concern. Meredith shrugged, suddenly realizing just how much Izzie's grief had seeped over and was acting as a buffer for her own strange behavior. She wondered if the fact that she didn't care made her a bad friend, but it let her have a wonderfully silent car ride to the restaurant so Meredith figured it was worth it.

However, after scones dripping with butter, blue porcelain mugs steaming with coffee, and lots of pointless small talk, Finn paused and looked Meredith squarely in the eye. "I've been wanting to talk to you," he began. Meredith shifted uncomfortably in her seat before he had even finished his sentence. "…about Derek."

"Derek?" she echoed innocently. "Why?"

"Meredith…" She could practically see his mind spinning, sifting through an endless array of words to find the right way to ask her. "It's just…you act so different when he's around." Meredith shrugged and stared at the crumbled remains of her scone, not quite sure of what the protocol was for post-cheating prom sex conversations with suspicious semi-boyfriends. Then she thought maybe she should consult Addison's expertise for the situation, and almost laughed into her coffee. "Why did you and Derek share Doc instead of Derek and Addison?" Meredith glanced up, surprised that he was getting so quickly to the point.

"We used to date." She was equally surprised at her own reply. Everything about sleeping with Derek again made her want to waffle and avoid and hide from questions. But there she was giving an answer that, while being far from the whole truth, was still straightforward and completely true. Finn just nodded, not looking even remotely shocked by her admission.

"But not anymore?"

"Obviously Finn. I'm having breakfast with you, not Derek." Meredith rolled her eyes at him, quickly justifying for herself that adulterous sex was a world away from dating, so she technically wasn't lying. "Besides, the man's married." Her voice sounded just a little too flat and angry, but she managed to set her coffee mug down without spilling any of it.

"I know. I was talking with his wife at the prom. She said they'd been married close to twelve years." Meredith nodded slowly. "So…so you and Derek dated before that? Twelve years ago?" His voice sounded incredulous, as if he realized what a ridiculous, improbable question he was asking. Meredith glared at him, her green eyes looking daggers that practically screamed her frustration.

"No." Her answer was blunt and laced with bitterness, but Finn just smiled politely.

"Umm…so you dated…"

"About seven months ago," she continued, cutting him off. "Look, can we talk about this later? I'm already going to be late for rounds." She stood up, her chair making angry scraping noises across the floor as she pushed it away. The car ride from the restaurant was as silent as the previous one, only this time the quiet was not of comfort but of tension. Meredith avoided Finn's eyes, focusing only on the car window, counting the minutes until they pulled up in front of the hospital. With the knowledge that the refuge of Seattle Grace was only a few feet away, Meredith managed to turn and smile at him. "Thanks for breakfast," she said, laying a hand on his arm. "And for the ride." The great wave of relief she felt at leaving the car was destroyed when she turned around to see Derek watching her.

"That was Finn," he said, heading her off at the entrance.

"It was." She shivered, her body instantly drinking in the nearness of Derek to her, like it was some invisible force field he possessed just to torment her. She knew she was leaning towards him, which was sort of destroying the snappy uncaring reply she'd been going for. "Derek…" He looked down at her, his frown softening as he nodded.

"Derek!" A second chorus of his name broke through the air, shattering the moment. "Oh…good morning Meredith."

"Morning…ah.." Meredith hesitated. It had been months since she'd called Addison anything other then Addison. But suddenly she felt that sounded too friendly, too intimate to use with the woman whose husband she'd recently slept with. "Dr. Montgomery Shepherd," Meredith said instead, instantly hating her choice to use both Montgomery and Shepherd as she heard herself stumble over the long name.

-----

Addison smiled stiffly, hoping that it wasn't painfully obvious that this was the longest conversation she'd had with her husband all morning. But Meredith didn't seem to notice, or if she did, she didn't seem to care. She just mumbled something about being late for rounds and hurried off. And Addison watched her walk away, because the alternative was to look back at Derek, and the last thing she wanted was to see the way her husband was staring after Meredith Grey.

-----

Meredith hurried down the hall, pulling on her lab coat and tying up her hair as she searched for Bailey, Christina…any sight of anyone familiar. Great…I've missed rounds she thought to herself, adding another reason to her mental list of excuses for avoiding another breakfast with Finn. At last she caught sight of Alex picking up several files from the nurses station.

"Alex!" She pulled up beside him, leaning against the counter. "Where is everyone?"

"No idea. Done with rounds already." Meredith cursed under her breath causing Alex to frown at her curiously. "What's wrong with you? Up all night doing that vet?"

"No," she said a little too sharply, shooting him a dirty look. "More like hellish breakfast date," she added with a frustrated sigh. Alex nodded and started to walk away. "So are you…still working with Addison?"

"Ugh yeah, she's out to single-handedly destroy my love of the female anatomy."

"Right…" Meredith quickened her pace to keep up with him. "How's she seem though? The past few days…happy? Sad?" Alex shrugged uncertainly.

"I don't know, about the same…"

"Grey!" The interns whirled around to see Bailey coming out of an exam room, arms crossed over her chest and eyes narrowed.

"You're on your own Grey," Alex laughed and turned to walk up the stairs.

"You're late," she snapped, walking over to Meredith.

"I know, I'm sorry. I was…"

"I don't care," continued Bailey, cutting Meredith's explanation short. "Now, if it were up to me, I'd have you in the pit doing sutures all day. But apparently…there's been a request for you." She paused to shoot Meredith an extra scowl. "Shepherd wants you downstairs."

"Shepherd?" stammered Meredith.

"Yes Grey, Dr. Shepherd? Tall, dark haired, Head of Neuro. What, do you have amnesia this morning in addition to missing all of rounds?"

"No…nope, but I wouldn't mind doing the sutures," said Meredith hopefully. "If that's what you think I should do…"

Bailey shook her head and looked at her incredulously. "Downstairs with Shepherd now Grey!" Meredith sighed and nodded, turning to go search for the one man she thought it best she avoid. She found him easily, standing in a doorway giving instructions to a nurse.

"Dr. Shepherd…" said Meredith uncomfortably. He turned around instantly at the sound of her voice, before looking back to smile and dismiss the nurse. "You requested me." She tried to keep her voice as flat and casual as she could, but the nurse still looked at them curiously.

"Yes…I'm operating on a Mr. Prichard today. He's a Parkinson's patient. You've helped me with a similar case before." His voice was slightly questioning, as if testing to see if Meredith remembered. She did, easily. She had only assisted with one Parkinson's patient, early on in her internship, when they had just started dating. Meredith looked up at him, her eyes flashing warningly.

"I remember…the DBS case," she said quietly as they made their way down a long empty corridor. Derek nodded slowly, a smile playing across his face. But Meredith shook her head slightly. "That was a long time ago…Dr. Shepherd." His smile faltered a little, and he anxiously shifted the file he held in his arms.

"So…Finn…he dropped you off."

"Yes," said Meredith slowly, thinking back to the morning's awkward breakfast. "He did."

"You're still…seeing him then?" Meredith couldn't help but notice the slight hitch in Derek's voice as he paused and forced himself to substitute "seeing" for "sleeping with". She hesitated and looked up at Derek, his eyes were anxiously searching her face. She felt a sudden urge to shout "No, I'm not! I'd rather have you!" but managed to bite her tongue in time. He's married, she reminded herself fiercely, forcing the image of Addison standing next to him in the lobby just an hour ago back into her brain.

"Yes Dr. Shepherd…I suppose I am." She was surprised to hear the words coming out of her mouth. She didn't really have a clue as to what she was doing with Finn. Derek had stopped walking, was just standing there in the corridor. He looked at her, his blue eyes seeming puzzled and more then a little hurt. Meredith stared down at the ground, hating the thick silence that followed her words. Some small, stupid part of her was wishing he would grab her and tell her she couldn't see Finn anymore, not now because he loved her. Because Addison wasn't important, wasn't anything compared to her. She could hear Derek gasp as if about to speak, but the door at the end of the corridor swung open and several lab techs walked through, and he only frowned and stayed silent. "I…I'll go start the pre-op, Dr. Shepherd," said Meredith at last, and walked out the still open door without letting herself look back.

Mr. Prichard was a friendly elderly man. His brown eyes were warm and smiling, and he didn't seem all that bothered by the constant shaking of his own limbs. "It's part of life I suppose," he said as Meredith came in to start his work up. His wife was a large and twittery woman who insisted Meredith call her Emily.

"We are just so excited," she gushed. "Our son-in-law, his uncle needed spinal surgery about six months ago, and he had such wonderful results! Roger, that's our son-in-law, just raved about the doctor, and suggested him for my Henry here. And I am just oh so glad that we listened!"

"Well, Dr. Shepherd is excellent," agreed Meredith quietly as she hooked Mr. Prichard up to the monitors.

"Excellent? Oh yes dear, and gorgeous. Roger forgot to mention that, although I suppose as a man he didn't notice." Emily looked into her compact mirror, fluffing her hair as she giggled. "Gorgeous, charming and a doctor, the woman who lands him has got herself quite the catch eh?" She elbowed Meredith, her blue eyes twinkling conspiratorially.

"He's…Dr. Shepherd is married," said Meredith rather flatly, doing her best to sound polite and disinterested.

"Oh yes, happily? Or is it a rocky marriage?" Meredith looked at the woman disbelievingly. "I'm sorry dear…but I've finished all of my magazine." She lifted it, shaking the glossy pages at Meredith to emphasize her point. "Surely you've got some good hospital gossip to keep me entertained."

"Umm…I don't know any…" stammered Meredith. Mr. Prichard looked up and smiled apologetically at her.

"Emily, let the doctor do her job. You can go husband hunting for Anna at another time," he said gently, doing his best to waggle a shaking finger teasingly in his wife's direction.

"Right…I, um…I need to go deliver these labs," stammered Meredith as Emily stopped talking long enough to giggle at her husband. "If you'll excuse me." She backed quickly out the door, sighing with relief when she heard it click shut.

-----

"Alright…what about number 53 across, a four letter word for a razor-billed auk."

"Seriously? A razor-billed auk? What are you doing in here?" asked Meredith as she stopped in the doorway of a private room at the sound of Christina's voice. "I've been looking for you all day." She walked further into the room to see Christina curled up in a chair, her legs dangling over the edge and a folded newspaper in her lap.

"I'm entertaining Burke," said Christina, twisting about to look at Meredith. "Any ideas about this razor-billed auk…what the hell is an auk anyway?"

"I think it's some sort of bird," said Meredith shrugging. "Anyway, you'll never…"

"Oooh, yes! A bird, that would work. See Burke, I told you I'm great at crosswords."

"Well technically, Meredith got that one," said Burke from where he lay in his hospital bed, an amused smirk playing across his face.

"Oh hi, Dr. Burke," said Meredith, leaning around Christina to smile at him. He raised his good arm in greeting.

"That's a minor technicality," declared Christina, still caught up in the crossword puzzle.

"Have you been doing crosswords all day?" asked Meredith, sitting in the empty chair next to her friend. She leaned over to look at the significant stack of finished puzzles piled at Christina's feet. "That's hardly work!"

"I'm monitoring a patient," declared Christina, gesturing over at Burke who raised an eyebrow before turning back to the book in his lap. "Besides, you're one to talk Miss Can't-Even-Show-Up-For-Rounds!"

"Well I've been doing pre-op work for a DBS patient all morning. Shepherd'sDBS patient," Meredith said pointedly. "Besides, it's not my fault I was late. I was off being tortured by a vet." She moaned at the memory of her day, and buried her head in her hands.

"Yeah, George said you were having breakfast with him. Did you tell him about your renewed interest in McDreamy?"

"It's not a renewed interest," hissed Meredith instantly, glancing anxiously over at Burke and lowering her voice. "I told him we used to date…wait, you and George were talking about me?"

"Of course, we talk about you all the time," said Christina nonchalantly as she scribbled in another answer on the crossword.

"You do? That's hardly, well…" she paused, frowning indignantly. "That's hardly professional!"

"Please…Mer, like you're one to lecture me on professionalism. Besides, you're like our very own walking, talking soap opera. Of course we talk." She grinned at Meredith, seeming rather amused by the whole thing. "Oh, and Bambi thinks you should give Finn an actual shot."

"Yeah?" Meredith sighed and leaned back in her chair. "Maybe he's right," she said thoughtfully. "Maybe I just need to try harder with him, try to really like him…then it might work." She hesitated, fidgeting with the tie on her scrubs. "Do you think it would work?" Her voice was quiet and hopeful and a little sad.

"Meredith…" said Christina, finally putting down her crossword. "Seeing as you were willing to lay back and spread 'em for the doctor while on a date with the vet…" The sudden sound of Burke clearing his throat rather pointedly caused Christina to trail off mid sentence. Meredith shot her a mortified look, silently mouthing "shut up" several times. "Well listen," Christina continued, lowering her voice a little. "All I know is you can't force yourself to like someone. Either it's there or it's not, and if it's not…all the trying in the world isn't going to change that."

"Yeah…" Meredith whispered, looking uncomfortably at the floor. "It's just…" She stopped, not really wanting to mention Derek again with Burke in the room. She let her head fall back into her hands.

"Aww Mer," said Christina affectionately, sounding torn between amusement and concern. "You really are messed up."