Anywho! I promise I won't just ditch this fanfic, so don't fret over me leaving you if my update doesn't come as quickly as anticipated.
I truly appreciate your patience. Keep it coming. ; )
"Mixed Signals"
"Someone die?" Cherise asked with a cocked eyebrow, gazing curiously at Lily woebegotten face.
Lily looked up abruptly, seemingly startled that she was being addressed. "What? Oh...no...it's nothing," she answered in a daze.
Cherise knew otherwise. She closed the trunk that she had previously been shuffling through in quest for a certain scarf, and set herself on the bed where Lily was sitting, clutching a pillow protectively.
"Come on, tell Aunt Rise-y your troubles. She'll understand."
"There's nothing to tell, really," she said with the same dazed tone -- not a good defense on her part.
Cherise simply held her stare.
"It's...that time of month, that's all," Lily insisted, leaning over and grabbing a half-eaten chocolate bar from her nightstand and presenting it to Cherise eagerly. "See?"
"Oh, you wish," she brushed the 'evidence' aside. "Out with it, Lils."
Lily sighed and hugged her pillow closer. She sat contemplative for a second, then looked back up at her friend. She took a deep breath and, "HaveyounoticedJameshangingoutwithagirllately?"
Her eyes searched Cherise's face frantically. What they discovered was a chain of reactions, ranging somewhere from confusion to surprise to thoughtfulness and finally resting on a sort of satisfaction.
"So that's what's got you down. Jealousy," Cherise concluded.
"No, I--" Lily began her instinctive defense, but fell short. She seemed to rethink her stance. "...Is that what it is? I'm jealous?" she asked pitifully.
"Naturally, Lil. The guy you're so used to have hanging off your apron strings has found a new object of adoration. It's all you can do to want him back."
Lily slumped her head forward to rest her chin on the pillow and sighed. "But I more than want him back..." she bemoaned in a low mumble.
"What was that?" Cherise asked, knowing very well what she heard.
"Oh Cherise how could I have been so daft?" Lily lamented as she threw her entire face into the pillow. "I'm completely and irreversibly taken with James Potter."
Cherise smiled to herself and rubbed Lily's back in a consoling manner. "It's not all as bad as you make it out to seem, Lil--"
"Hey, what's the matter with Lily?" Scarlett entered the dorm from the bathroom, haphazardly drying her hair with a towel.
"Realization of her obsession with Potter," Cherise explained simply.
Lily's head snapped up. "I'll thank you not to generalize it such."
"Oh, is that all? Took you long enough, Lil," Scarlett commented casually as she continued ruffling the towel over her head.
Lily's jaw fell with utter disbelief. She looked back at Cherise, holder of an obnoxiously smarmy, I-told-you-so smile, then again at Scarlett. "Well then is there anything else about my innermost feelings that you'd like to enlighten me with?"
Scarlett feigned contemplation. "No, I think that's all for now. But once you meet Catherine, I thi--"
She stopped instantly upon catching Cherise's urgent stare. Lily's attentions were aroused.
"What? Catherine? Who's that?"
Scarlett continued staring intently at Cherise, who was staring just as raptly back. It was as if they were communicating a serious message subliminally. Lily was ruffled. It was just plain irritating when people did that.
"Well?" she insisted.
Cherise looked cautiously back at Lily. "You know how you were talking about James hanging around a girl lately...?"
It took somewhere under one second for Lily to make the connection. "The quidditch tramp!" she gasped in indignation.
Cherise and Scarlett traded blank stares. Lily simply continued in a fit of senseless whining.
"I can't believe this! Why would he ever go for a girl like that anyway? He's better than that. Or maybe I never even saw the real him--omigosh, I feel so lied to. I thought he cared abou-- no, he did. He DOES. He can't like her...she's just a floozy. I swear I'll throw eggs at their wedding, so help me Go--"
"Lily!" Scarlett and Cherise screamed in unison.
Lily looked up, her eyes big and vulnerable. In a whisper, she said, "You don't think they'll get married, do you?"
"For the love of merlin, listen to yourself!" Cherise squawked. "Frittering over floozies and marriage, and all because James is friends with a girl?"
Lily pouted like a child. "Maybe."
"I must say, Lil," Scarlett began. "For only recently realizing your feelings for the guy, you're being rather possessive."
Lily dropped her eyes. How awful it was when people pointed out the otherwise avoidable truth.
"Look, Lily," Scarlett sat down opposite Cherise, "it's obvious you're head-over-heels here--"
"--At the worst possible time, mind you!" Lily blurted.
"Yes, yes," Scarlett waved the obstacle away. "But anywho, so I was thinking I would see if I could pull some strings to help the situation along--"
Cherise looked as if to rebut the idea, but Scarlett merely nodded in a reassuring, don't-worry-I've-got-it-covered manner as she continued.
"--You know, do the whole friend-through-a-friend deal. It always works."
Lily bit her lip as she processed this information. Cherise was more easily skeptical.
"Always works? Maybe in your romance novels--"
"Exactly. Always works. And you, my dear Cherise, are going to help me." Scarlett grinned masterfully.
Lily's face brightened slowly as she made up her mind on the idea. "Oh, could you?" she asked hopefully.
"He's as good as yours, Lil," Scarlett said with her resolute smile.
Cherise only sighed.
"Don't forget about your report on muggle medical procedures!" Professor Hilton announced just after the bell for the end of class rang. "Okay, you're free to go. Have a nice lunch, everyone."
Just as Lily was rising to leave, she noticed the professor gesturing for her to come over. Obligingly, she scooped up her books and meandered over to the teacher's desk while the other students made prompt exits.
Making, by far, the most elaborate exit were James and Sirius. In true eight year old spirit, the two were using their wands as swords, battling their way across the classroom to the doorway. With a jubilant "Hwa!" James managed to jab his wand under Sirius's arm -- the universally designated fake kill spot.
Cross-eyed and choking, Sirius stumbled a few steps, took one last gasp for air, then fell dramatically forward onto the ground. James eyed his victim in triumph. He flipped his wand victoriously and pocketed it with a flourish. Just as he was stepping over the "dead" body to leave, however, Sirius peaked one eye open and moved his leg just enough to cause James to come tumbling forward.
Sirius let out his usual barking laugh, while James could be heard mumbling some unfriendly suggestions to his friend best left unheard by sensitive ears.
Lily, who was watching the spectacle with a fairly amused expression, turned back to the professor. "You, erm, wanted to see me?"
"Yes, Lily, actually I have a favor to ask."
"Of course, Professor. What is it?"
"Well, you did such a wonderful job tutoring Mr. Potter last term, that I thought your services might do well on the part of Miss Creevy."
Lily blinked away the astonishment.
"You see," Hilton continued, "her grades have been slipping significantly since the early part of the year. It seems her focus is gone, or perhaps the drive. I was hoping, as top student in the class, as well as being an amiable girl, that you, Lily, would be able to lend some help in the situation. One or two nights a week should suffice, just to catch her up and get her feet back on the ground. Would that be too much trouble?"
"Of course not, Professor. I'd be delighted," Lily smiled that I'm-smiling-because-I-don't-know-what-else-to-do smile.
"I knew I could count on you," Hilton said with a warm, motherly smile.
Lily continued with her blank outward appearance of obedience, while inside her mind was awhirl with worries. It wasn't so much that she detested Samantha, no, rather she felt a sort of compassion toward her. Her source of worry came from the other end of the tunnel -- what did Samantha think of her? Lily had a strong feeling that she wasn't high on Samantha's list of allies.
Not that she had much choice in the matter now, anyway. If you're destined for the lion's den, might as well take it head on, eh?
Seven-thirty found the girls spread out over two armchairs, a couch, and one coffee table in the common room with stacks of homework parchment and books. The trend of the moment was muggle studies, so Lily, in the usual fashion, was explaining every detail out for her ever clueless friends.
"They don't...actually...do that, do they, Lily?" Scarlett was white-faced with terror.
"How else do you expect it to get done?" Lily responded matter-of-factly.
"But is all the sli-- slicing necessary?" Scarlett gulped.
Lily shook her head in amusement at her squimish friend. Cherise, sitting on the floor next to the table, was making unpleasant faces at the medical book in front of her, also apparently not a big fan of muggle procedures. Marilyn seemed thoroughly nonplussed, however, as she sat rather sullenly in an armchair chewing gum and staring into space.
Lily continued on with her teachings while Scarlett and Cherise listened with trembling jaws.
"--then the appendix bursts--"
POP
Scarlett nearly jumped off the couch. "MARILYN!" She squawked.
Marilyn continued carelessly smacking away at the gum. "Hm?" She didn't even bother turning her head.
Scarlett's eyes bugged out. "Do you mind not to scare me to death like that? Or at least work on your timing...for the love of...bloody hell..."
"Oh. Hum. Sorry."
Scarlett threw an incredulous glance at Lily and Cherise, as if assuring they were witnessing this madness as well. Marilyn continued chewing.
"Spit out that gum, will you! You're driving me up the wall," Scarlett said in a huff as she reseated herself. "Why do you have it anyway? You only ever chew gum when you're stressed out. Merlin knows you're passing the gift along."
Marilyn chose to let the remark pass her by. This only ruffled Scarlett's feathers further.
"Why aren't you out with Remus? I'm surprised you can breathe without him next to you," Scarlett observed rather snippily. Then as an afterthought, she added, "Where is he anyway?"
"How should I know?" Marilyn answered in a bored voice, popping her gum once more.
"Maybe because you're his girlfriend," Scarlett offered.
"Yeah, try telling him that."
"You don't mean that--" Lily started with worry.
"No."
"Did you have a fight, then?" Cherise joined in.
"No."
"Then what's your problem?" Scarlett spat, her bitterness still very much simmering.
At this, Marilyn finally turned her head to acknowledge the people with whom she was speaking. "Problem? Why ever should I have a problem? It's not like my boyfriend has gone and disappeared once again--"
Lily opened her mouth to comment, but Marilyn flew right on with her ranting.
"--Oh sure, he tells me he's 'a bit ill' and Madame Pomfrey will fix him right up -- yetnever does that woman let me see him, leaving me wondering what the hell has happened to him -- if he's...he's sick or hurt or...or..." she trailed off in a choked voice, unanticipated tears blocking her path.
The other three girls sat silent, marinating Marilyn's words in their minds. Truthfully, they weren't sure what to say or how.
Marilyn wiped a tear away stubbornly and stood up. "Dammit, I just want to know that he's okay."
She left for the dormitory stairs in a rush, though her heavy presence seemed to linger with the other girls. They sat in a thoughtful silence for a time, maybe unsure of how to continue.
The only sure thing present was the shared apprehension: Where had Remus been?
a/n: This entire last section will be alternating between two scenes happening simultaneously
"Hey Lil, d'ya suppose we should carve our names into this couch, or somethin'?" Sirius asked. "I mean, we practically spend our lives here, anyway."
Lily, sitting next to him, laughed.
Sirius grinned. "Funny because it's true, aye?"
Lily shook her head, her hand covering her mouth to stifle the giggles. "No -- more like funny because the ink blot on your nose."
Sirius nearly crossed his eyes at a failing attempt to see the subject of her amusement. This only heightened the laughing effect on Lily.
"There," Lily chuckled as she swiped it away for him briskly.
Sirius patted his nose protectively. "I'll thank ye not to poke fun at my misfortunes."
"Because an ink smudge is nothing to be laughed at," Lily agreed with utmost seriousness.
"Damn straight!"
Lily gave a short little salute to his outburst, then redistributed her attentions to a parchment and a quill.
"Oh yeah, we were doin' something productive, huh," Sirius grinned thoughtfully at his own ability to fall off track.
"Yes, and if I don't finish this letter to my family soon, I might be forced to stab you with this quill since it is not being used for any other productive effort."
"Well if you didn't want me here, all you had to do was say it--" Sirius bemoaned in mock distress as he began to stand up.
"No!" Lily cried as she pulled him back down.
"Aha! So the truth comes out, m'lady..."
Lily couldn't help a grin. "You're good company, what can I say?"
"As it says on the resumé," he said with his nose in the air.
"Hm, is that before or after the part about being an arrogant prat?"
Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Touché, darling."
Lily grinned mischievously and turned back to her work-in-progress. "Yes. Well. Anyway." She bit on the quill for inspiration.
Sirius leaned over to take a look at the writing. "So let's see here, so far you've got 'Dear mum and dad -- How are you? I'm fine.'" He looked up. "So what d'ya say? One or two more words and it's good to go, aye?"
"As endearing as your method sounds, I was hoping to at least let my parents know I love them, which requires the use of three words, which means going above and beyond. While we're at it, being over achievers and all, might as well go for a few paragraphs, eh?" Lily proposed.
Sirius blinked a few times. "...Yes," he answered intelligently.
Lily smiled in self satisfaction and thus began writing. Sirius sat back into the couch in silent resgination, subconsciously tuning into the soft scritchity-scratch of the quill on parchment.
The flicker of flame joined in the mellow waltz of sound on the air, caressing Sirius's senses to drowsiness. Yes, that and... was that the scent of Lily's hair? The pale fragrance of violet... that must be it. He gave his head a quick shake to assure his remaining awake.
'...You'll be glad to know, Daddy, that I do not have a boyfriend, although I--'
Lily paused in her outpouring of words. It was not that she knew not what to say next, but rather...could she say it? Seeing things in writing has a terrible way of making even the most repressed thoughts become real.
She removed her eyes from where they had grown accustomed on the parchment and searched the air with an empty gaze. Her eyes settled on the uncommonly narcotized Sirius. She considered him thoughtfully, albeit distractedly. Sirius, possibly only half-awake at this point, noticed her sudden reverie.
"Whatcha thinkin' about, Lily?"
"James!" Scarlett greeted buoyantly. "How incredibly funny to meet you here."
At her side, Cherise stifled an eye roll. Yeah, real coincidence.
James turned from the Quidditch trophy cabinet he was examining and greeted the girls with a crooked smile, not really understanding Scarlett's sprightliness. "Uh, hey."
"Whatcha up to?" Scarlett asked in the same chirpy voice as she leaned her back against the case James was previously looking at.
James shrugged and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Wasting time, I s'pose?"
Scarlett nodded. "Wicked. So anyway! Hogsmeade weekend coming up. You fancy going?"
"Yeah, actually, Catherine and I--"
"Catherine! How's it going with her anyway?"
James faltered a bit off track from the interruption, but quickly regained himself. "Well, you know, pretty much the same--"
"Oh good, good," Scarlett interrupted once again. "You know what I was just thinking?" she paused to giggle frivolously to herself. "Lily said the cutest thing last night--"
"Lily?" James's attention was caught.
"Yes, Lily," Scarlett assured pleasantly. "See, she was looking through these pictures that Miranda Watson took on her trip to the Caribbean, and on one of them she stopped and stared at it a while with this crazy misty-like look to her, and then she goes -- in this funky whisper where it's almost like she's talking to herself, you know -- 'The sunset on the ocean matches James's eyes'..."
Scarlett trailed off purposely as she watched with great intent the effect her words had on the desired party. Her reaped benefits were a James rubbing the back of his neck and swallowing so prominently that his adam's apple stuck out.
Scarlett started the game up again. "So anyway, it was just adorable, wasn't it, Rise?"
Cherise woke up. "Um! Yes."
Scarlett raised a discreet eyebrow at her. Cherise cleared her throat to try again.
"Oh really, you should've seen her. She was so transfixed over that picture. I think she even slipped it under her pillow to keep," Cherise nodded along with her words, as if asking others to please believe the validity behind them.
Both girls watched James carefully. It was now his turn to talk.
He smiled quite awkwardly. "Heh. Yeah, I--I guess that is something, eh? But, er, why exactly are you telling me this?"
Cherise opened a responseless mouth and turned to Scarlett, the brains of the madness.
"Because I thought you'd find it rather sweet," Scarlett smiled innocently. "And, I mean, it does concern you -- or your eyes, rather -- so I thought I'd mention it. It's no big deal really..." she left on an uncertain note, as if leaving the decision of how big a deal it really was up to the listener.
"Right!" James agreed quickly. "No big deal." He cleared his throat quite unnecessarily -- if only to ward off an oncoming awkwardness.
The girls eyed each other triumphantly.
Lily looked away. "Nothing, nothing...just zoning out, I guess."
Sirius gave a yawn. "Yeah, I can relate. Crikey, who set the mellow-yellow spell?"
Lily shrugged listlessly. This wasn't at all acceptable with Mr. Black, he decided, as the famous smirk of mischief crawled back onto its proper place.
A giddy shriek erupted from Lily's lips as the terribly wonderful sensation of tickling came into focus -- a la Sirius's fingers. She swatted unceasingly at him as she giggled and shrieked inevitably.
"Get -- off -- !" was all she managed.
Ever a gentleman, Sirius obliged with a smile of innocence. Lily took a moment to catch her breath before giving him one final smack -- and giving into her laughter.
"Lightened up the atmosphere, am I right?" was Sirius's justification.
"You cheated!" (a/n: 'Pirate!' Hehehe)
"All's fair on the common room couch, luv."
Lily raised her eyebrows. "Is that so? And when was this decided?"
"About 10 seconds ago."
"Anyway," Scarlett continued from nowhere, "Cherise and I were planning on taking a light stroll around the grounds -- fancy coming with?"
James returned his hands to his pockets. "Well, I--"
"You did say you were idly wasting time before, correct?" Cherise trapped him.
"Yes, but--"
"Oh come on James, we can't walk through the dark scary out-of-doors without a big, strong, handsome lad like yourself to protect us," Scarlett cooed.
James smirked in spite of himself. I mean, who was he to argue? Besides, it was plenty clear that refusal was not one of the choices.
"I'll just go grab my cloak."
"You're hopeless."
This only seemed to increase Sirius's self indulgence.
"Look, I'm almost done with this letter, so do you think you can be a good lad till then?" Lily entreated.
"Whatever you wish, Miss Evans."
Lily refocused her attention to the parchment at hand, the smile of laughter still tugging at her lips.
Sirius's fingers lightly tangled themselves in a portion of Lily's auburn lockes as her demeanor melted into solemnity once more. His fingers continued weaving absentmindedly as he studied her face, somehow transfixed.
"Lil?"
She looked up. "Yeah?"
If Lily had blinked, she may have missed the moment Sirius's lips met hers. He was... kissing her?
"Whoopsidaisy."
James stepped through the newly appeared opening in the wall, gladly taken in by the cozy warmth of the common room. He took automatic steps toward the destination of his dorm, not really focusing in on any of the other activity in the room.
A casual turn of the head... oh look, Sirius and Lily, hm... STOP. A sharp turn of the head.
Kissing. They were kissing. But... but wasn't that whole fling-thing over? And weren't Scarlett and Cherise just saying that -- that --
James's feet began retreating slowly...then faster...until he had reached the portrait once again, which he shoved open with a force not exactly considered polite. He stumbled into the cool, drafty hallway and leaned himself heavily against the stone wall. All he could muster was a deep breath and a single hand through his hair.
A familiar caress. Something like the warm ache of a memory.
Sirius's hand slid to Lily's cheek, lingering faintly over the skin - somehow seeming to savor its mere being there for him to touch.
As he went to further the kiss, Lily pulled herself away.
"Sirius, we can't--"
"Can't we?"
"No!"
"Why not?"
Their faces were hardly inches apart, their breath brushing the other's chin. As if afraid of what they would find in Sirus's face, Lily's eyes remained downcast.
"Because we're not together anymore. It's not right."
"It can be," he said in a plea.
"We've gone over this--"
"No. No we haven't," he spoke with determination. "We never decided anything. We just...let it go."
"Exactly." With this, she met his gaze. "Exactly. We let it go. It's...it's gone, Sirius."
Sirius's eyes grew deep with something indistinguishable -- an ignorant person might call it defeat. He turned his head away and allowed his eyes to drop.
"I know. ...And that's the worst part about it."
Lily could do nothing but remain in her silence, torn as to how either of them should be feeling.
Sirius continued in a quiet voice of admittance. "I wish I could just go on pretending everything is okay and that you'll always be there for me to have... but at the same time I know it could never be true."
Lily scrunched her face in puzzlement. "Then why did you just--"
"Because I want it to be true," Sirius said with an underlying desperation. "There's something about you, Lily...something...I don't know, I can't put it into words. But when I look into your eyes...I feel...different..."
Lily took in a deep breath of air along with the words she was hearing.
"It's almost like...Merlin, listen to me," Sirius laughed in a relieving manner. "See, this is what you do to me! You make me a sappy mess."
Lily smiled along with his nervous-like laughter. Her smiled faded along with her next words. "I'm...sorry, Sirius. I wish everything could work out happily-ever-after, but the truth is...I-I don't feel that way about you -- but I love you! I really do! You're wonderful, Sirius. Really, more so than I could have ever imagined. Just...you know..."
Sirius, rather than be crushed by the weight of the words he was hearing, seemed to understand and be eased from hearing them. Still, a question plagued his mind.
"Is it because of...someone else?"
Lily bit her lip as she stared at her lap. This was answer enough for him.
Lily looked up again resolutely. "I truly am sorry, Sirius. I didn't -- and don't -- want to lead you on or anything--"
"Hey, don't worry about it. I guess I should be sorry for, well, bringing this mess up again. But...at least we know now..."
They smiled at each other. Sirius brought Lily towards him a bit and engulfed her in a hug, whispering in her ear--
"I guess it just wasn't meant to be."
And James walked off down the barren hallway... alone.
Voila. Hope it was in some way worth a wait, but... well there you have it. Once again, my apologies for keeping you all hanging, and I will try my best not to do that again. Please forgive my hopeless soul. -kicks self-
Ciao and kisses, all.