Chapter Eight

Ella's POV

Jay smiled and pulled me into a hug. I muttered, "But just so we're clear, I'm still pissed off."

Jay just kind of laughed and replied, "And you have every right to be. I'm an ass."

He kissed me, took my hand, and led me back into the party. After a few beers I forgot about being mad at Jay and let him take me back to his place. His mom was gone for the night, so we had the place to ourselves.

My eyes opened to a bright light the next morning. I was in Jay's bed in his Z-boys t-shirt. The sun was shining brightly through the window, falling directly on my face. I rolled over to look at Jay. He was still asleep with his mouth open and hair messed up. He had one arm wrapped around me.

I kissed his forehead and quietly got out of the bed, gently moving his arm off me. I got dressed and scribbled a note saying that I had to get home. I thought about where I could put it so I'd know that he'd find it for sure. I ended up taping it to his forehead.

I quietly slipped out the door and started heading home. I had only walked about two blocks before I heard a car honk behind me. I turned to see Stacy's car.

I smiled and hopped into the passenger seat. "Hey Stace."

"Hey Ella, where to? Home? I was thinking about grabbing a burger," he said.

"Burger sounds good right now. What time is it?" I asked.

"2:30," he replied glancing at his watch.

I heard a groan from behind me. I turned to see Sid passed out and sprawled across the backseat. I raised an eyebrow at Stacy.

"We slept at Tony's 'cause I got pretty drunk and couldn't drive. Sid was even more drunk and refused to wake up before I left. Should we drop him off before going for food? I don't really want to leave him in the car alone," Stacy asked.

"Nah, I think I can wake him up," I grinned. We stopped at a red light and I climbed into the back seat. I knew for a fact that Sid was extremely ticklish under his arms.

"Ah! Stop it! Stop it!" Sid gasped between laughs.

"Look Stacy, our little Sid's awake!" I smiled as I ruffled Sid's hair. I climbed back into the front seat and rested my head on Stacy's shoulder.

"What's going on?" Sid asked.

"You were drunk and passed out at the party. You wouldn't wake up when I left Tony's and I was going to take you home but we decided that you should eat something first," Stacy said playfully putting his arm around me.

"Pie?" Sid said hopefully.

"Burger," I replied. "Dude seriously, what is with you and your obsession with pie lately? I don't think this is healthy anymore."

Stacy parked the car and I raced Sid inside (I won). While we were waiting for our food Sid asked, "So what happened with Jay last night? Did you dump his sorry ass?"

"Not exactly…"

"And what does that mean?"

Stacy cut in before I could respond. "Whoa, care to let me in on this?"

"Well yesterday before the party I had decided to break things off with Jay. When we got there I spent the better part of half an hour looking for him when Sid told me that he had gone into Kathy Alva's room…with Kathy Alva. So I stormed in on them, Jay was only in his boxers, and I started speaking in French" The guys kind of flinched. "He started making excuses and took me outside to talk. I switched back to English so that when I dumped him he would know, but then he says something that completely throws me off guard."

"What did he say?" Stacy asked.

"He told me he loved me," I muttered.

"Dude! He dropped the L-bomb?" Sid asked.

"Yeah," I thought hard trying to piece together how three words had stopped me from dumping him, despite how incredibly angry I was.

"What did you say?" Stacy asked.

"I love you too," I said quietly.

"Yes Ella, we love you too, now what did you say to Jay?" Sid asked. I gave him a look. It finally clicked and he went, "Oh!"

"Do you love him?" Stacy asked.

"I know I love him in some way…I just don't know if I love him in that way," I mumbled.

"Ella, didn't we discuss that it wasn't fair to Jay?" Sid shook his head.

"And Ellie, is it really fair to you? I mean, you found him with Kathy Alva in his boxers. Jay's great, but after the way you found him last night…I don't know Ella," Stacy said.

"But he said he was sorry, and even though I was mad beyond belief-I was speaking French guys, and I was quiet about it-he seemed like he really meant it," I said.

"Okay, so what happened after you said 'I love you'?" Sid asked.

"Well, I was pretty pissed but I let him take me back into the party where he got me completely drunk and somehow managed to talk me into going home with him. I woke up in his bed and left him a note saying I was going home. I was heading there when Stacy picked me up," I replied.

Stacy and Sid exchanged looks.

Stacy's POV

I hadn't liked the fact that Ella was dating Jay to begin with, and I definitely didn't like that Jay cheated on her and she had forgiven him all because he said he loves her.

Ella deserved better. Jay's a great guy and all, but he and Ella just don't belong together.

After we ate I drove Ella back home and then hung out at Sid's place.

"So, what do you think about the Jay/Ella situation?" Sid asked me.

"Well I don't think she should be with a guy whose idea of a date is lots of beer and sex and who goes off to sleep with another girl. Jay's a really great guy and all, but Ella can do so much better. I think that she should be with a guy who would realize how amazing she is and how lucky he is to have her," I said.

"You mean a guy like you?" Sid asked.

I sighed. "Sid, I love her. Even though I'm not with her, I think she's the most amazing girl to ever walk the earth. If I had her, I'd appreciate her, and love her, and practically worship her. I would care about her, and tell her how awesome I think she is."

"Stace man, you should be with her. She and Jay are way too much alike; you'd keep her grounded if you were with her. I think she needs a calmer guy, not a male version of herself," Sid said.

Ella's POV

When I got home Gloria handed me the phone saying, "Miss Eleanor, telephone for you. It's Mr. Jay."

I took the phone from her and said, "Hey Jay."

"Hey hottie, what's up?" Jay greeted.

"Nothing really, I got a burger with Stace and Sid. I just got home," I said.

"Listen Coop, about last night-"

"Jay, please I don't want to talk about it. I'm still mad, but I'm willing to forgive you…I just need a little bit of time."

"Coop, I am so sorry."

"I know…listen, I have to go. I think I hear my dad calling me."

"Okay, I'll give you a call later then. I love you."

I froze, thinking about what Sid and Stacy had said. What was I supposed to say here?

"I love you too."

I hung up the phone and dragged myself to my room. I opened the door and threw myself on my bed. What is wrong with me? I can't even decide how I feel about my boyfriend! Do I love him or not? It's not exactly a hard question.

I rolled off my bed to the floor and reached under my bed to pull out a dusty photo album with a red leather cover. I opened it to the first picture and found a baby version of myself staring up at me. I was held in the arms of a maid whose name was lost on me. She had taken care of me until I was three before being replaced by a woman called Maria.

I sighed and flipped through the pages until I found the picture I was looking for. The picture of my mother on her wedding day. The man she stood with was not my father. I was the result of an affair. My mom had met Dad the day she moved to California, three days after her honeymoon. They carried on their affair for eight months before my mother discovered she was pregnant. At the time her husband had been away for two months on business, so she knew that I couldn't belong to him. When her husband came back four months later to find her pregnant he left her. She died in childbirth and Dad took me in.

If she were here today, would I be the same person? Would I be one of two female Z-boys? Would I be this confused about love? Would I be this confused about life?

I was still staring at my mother's picture and asking myself what life would be like if she were here when Dad knocked on my door and walked into my room.

"Eleanor, I need to talk to you," he said.

"What's up?" I asked, finally looking up from the picture.

"Is that your mother's picture?" he asked noticing the album in my lap.

I nodded and he walked into the room and sank to the floor beside me. I handed him the album and he stared down at the old picture.

"She wanted to get married after her husband left her…I told her maybe after the baby was born…if I had known that she would be killed in childbirth…" Dad's voice trailed off.

"Dad? You wanted to talk to me about something?" I asked after a few minutes of him staring at the picture.

"Hmm? Oh, right…I'm going on a business trip next week. You'll be here alone because I gave Gloria the week off too…she just found out her sister is sick or something like that. The point is she'll be gone for awhile and so will I. If Gloria's not back by the time I am, I'll look for another house keeper. I'm leaving Monday and coming back the Wednesday after that. Are you going to be alright by yourself for a few days?" Dad asked.

"Yeah, I'll be okay," I said already planning the killer party I would throw.

"Alright…I have work to do now…I'll talk to you later," he said getting up. He left the room, still holding my photo album.

"I want that back!" I called after him. He didn't respond but I heard him go down the stairs to his study. I sighed and got off the floor.

I picked up the phone beside my bed and called Sid's house. Stacy said that he would be there for awhile. Sid's housekeeper answered and I asked for Stacy.

"Hello?"

"Hey Stacy. Listen, I have a serious question."

"Okay, shoot."

"Do you think I killed my mom?"

Stacy was the only one who knew about my mom. Everyone else I just told that she had died when I was young, which really isn't a lie.

"What? Where is this coming from?"

"Stacy, please just answer the question. Please."

"No Ellie, of course you didn't."

"Stace, she died giving birth to me. I almost died too. But she died having me. Isn't her death my fault?"

"Ellie, of course it's not your fault! Listen; there is nothing you could have done to stop it from happening. Things like this happen, and there's nothing you can do about it. It's life, death's just a part of it."

"But if I had never-"

"Ella, listen to me: it was not your fault. Okay?"
"Yeah…I guess. Hey, I have another serious question for you."

"Sure, what is it?"

"What do you think of me and Jay?"

"I think that although he's a great guy and you too have tons in common, maybe you have too much in common to be together. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be with him; I'm just saying that you have to really think about whether or not you think you can make things work with Jay. Ella, you have to figure out if you really love him or not."

"I hate it when you're right…thanks Stace."

"Anytime."

"I'm gonna go and think about everything. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Yeah sure. I'll give you a call tonight."

"Alright, bye."

I hung up the phone and grabbed my sketch book. I had long since finished the sketch of the boy with long hair, but he remained faceless.

I flipped to the sketch I had started of myself and Jay sitting on the beach. I was sitting with my back against his chest with a full moon in the sky. I must have been at it for hours, because when I had finally finished the drawing the sun had set and it was completely dark in my room. I flipped on a light and stared down at my finished work. I studied the look of confusion that I had drawn on myself.

I stared at it for at least half an hour before picking up my pencil again. Next to the moon in the sky I wrote 'Ella C + Jay A True Love? What keeps us together, love or lust?'