AMANDA! You are my favorite person ever. Aahh your reviews were the funnest things. You even got an Amanda Page with them. LoL. So THANK YOU! I'm so glad you're reading. : Also, a reviewer shout out to Ami, who graced me with the sweetest and cutest review ever. I nearly cried. Good grief, endless thanks there. AND TO EVERY ONE ELSE! Of course. You're all completely darling and make my life worth living. Or at least this story worth writing (which, psh, could I possibly do ANY slower? Someone kick me).
Btw, I have no idea if I've already given a name to the potions master in this story, so just bear with me and go with the flow. K? K.
"Side Effects of Trying"
Gerald Voros, the potions master, hummed a crooked sort of tune as he walked a solitary path through the dungeons. He found a strange exhilaration in roaming the empty dungeons in the morning before those dratted students came with their chattering and hopeless potion-making. He took a deep breath of the musty air. Ahh.
He slid a squat finger along the wooden tables both examining and admiring the absence of dust. He was just contemplating the choice of lesson plan for the day when a strange sight caught the corner of his eye. Was that a young man's head over in that shadowy corner? And, by george, was that a young lady's leg?
Flustered and quite arguably creeped out, he moved hesitantly toward the phenomenon, squinting his pudgy eyes. A stray and abrupt snore broke the tense silence, causing the professor to jump slightly. Indignified by his trepidation, he stormed over to the corner and grasped around boldly. That's when he felt it. Smooth and unearthly, yet with a distinction of woven material.
So he yanked it off.
"I swear Professor, we were just down there to find Lily's lost bracelet early this morning," James claimed.
"Well what about this?" Professor Voros sneered, holding up the invisibility cloak.
"We didn't want our friend Peter to see us leaving the common room. I'm trying to avoid him because I owe him 5 galleons on a bet," James continued fluently. Lily stood at his side, hand on her stomach, focusing on breathing in and out. She had never been in Dumbledore's office (where Voros had taken them directly after the unveiling) for a behavior problem before. James, on the other hand, had his own armchair in there.
"And why ever were you sleeping?" Voros snapped.
"I guess we went a little too early…and accidentally dozed off when we sat down for a moment."
Dumbledore took off his half-moon spectacles and wiped at them wearily with a handkerchief before reapplying them over his bent nose.
"So, Gerald, I believe the situation on hand is the case of two students asleep in the wrong location? Well, and what are we to say against this? A silly mistake on their part, I'm very sure."
Lily's eyes bulged with disbelief at such mercy. James smiled smugly. Voros, however, steamed.
"But Headmaster! They were asleep…together…in my dungeon!" he stammered. "And what of this?" He flourished the cloak once more. "I do believe cloaks of invisibility are strictly forboden on school grounds. Are we fine disciplinarians going to let this slide?"
"No, I suppose you are quite right, Gerald." Dumbledore turned his attention to James and Lily. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to take this into my possession."
James clenched his jaw, clearly withholding a nasty exclamation. Voros seemed extremely pleased with himself.
"I'll allow you to take care of this, Gerald," Dumbledore said as he handed the cloak over. "As for you two, you are free to leave. Though one word of advice: your beds are located in the Gryffindor dorms. For future reference," he said with his classically subtle grin.
James and Lily turned about with simultaneous sighs, one of dismay and one of relief. They had not made it to the exit, however, before Voros exclaimed, "Hold it right there!"
Whipping their heads around, they saw him holding, almost coveting, a small purple vial. The Awareness serum. Apparently it was amongst the cloak and just now discovered.
Voros chuckled. "How very ironic, indeed. Seems you could have done with a bit o' this puppy, eh Sleeping Beauties? So let's see…in possession of a high risk potion from my private collection…definitely a crime warranting detention, don't you agree Headmaster?"
"I'm afraid I do," Dumbledore nodded solemnly.
"Same time, same place?" James inquired dully.
Voros's satisfied grin was answer enough.
James crept with catlike grace into his dorm. He prayed that the guys were still asleep. It was yet quite early so—
"Enjoy your evening, Prongs?" came Sirius's voice from the bathroom. He walked out with his shirt unbuttoned and his hair wet and mussed up. "I'm sure Catherine did."
James suppressed a groan as Sirius grinned wickedly.
When James failed to provide an answer, Sirius pressed on. "Well? What happened?"
Time for some quick thinking. Revealing his and Lily's accidental night together was certainly not the most intelligent choice. So, slyly, he allowed a feigned grin to slide up his features.
"Weeell…" he began quite cockily. Before continuing, he chuckled a bit to himself and shook his head as if amused by some joke known only by himself. "Nah. Let's just say…it was an eventful night."
There. No need to lie. Just…avoid.
Sirius positively beamed with pride. "Jamesy! My dear old boy!" He came over and clapped James on the shoulder. "I am proud to call you my lackey."
James elbowed him in the gut and laughed. "Never could get quite enough of yourself, eh Padfoot."
"Can you blame me?" Sirius called after James as he made his way to the bathroom. Once the messy raven head had disappeared from view, Sirius took to examining his backside in a mirror.
"Damn straight," he muttered in satisfaction. "Body of a god."
"I heard that!" James's voice called chidefully.
"Ah, wank off."
Both Lily and James chose to forego breakfast in favor of rest and avoidance of awkward questions. Their absence was not of importance until only Cherise and Sirius were left, each having third helpings of everything.
"Where's Lily?" Sirius questioned (20 minutes after the initial observation should have been made) as he piled another heap of eggs on his plate.
"Probably sleeping somewhere. That's what I would be doing if I had spent the entire night out," Cherise answered, picking uselessly at her remaining food.
Sirius bit into a mouthful of hashbrown. "Yeah, James was gone all night too. 'Was shackin' up with Catherine," he spoke through the food.
Ignoring his repulsive manner of speaking, Cherise furrowed her eyebrows in thought. "Funny…"
Sirius obviously missed the point. "Yeah, I never thought James had it in him." He laughed appreciatively, causing bits of food to fly from his mouth.
Cherise once again went unfazed by the show of vulgarity. She stared at the table pensively.
"And, um, James told you this?" she asked carefully.
Sirius nodded as he swallowed. Finally. "Told me this morning. He seemed quite proud, too. Always was a conceited git, I say." (a/n: oh, Sirius. Whatever will we do with your ironic bum?)
Cherise nodded silently. "Yes, well. I have somewhere to be. If you'll excuse me."
Sirius eyed her unfinished plate. "You gonna eat that?" he shouted as she walked away.
Not that he needed an answer anyway.
The place Cherise needed to be happened to fall on her own dorm, which she entered with anticipation of Lily's presence. Her intuition was rewarded with Lily's figure shuffling through items next to her bed. As per usual, Cherise wasted no breath on preliminaries.
"You were with James last night."
"Did you say something?" Lily responded vaguely.
"According to Sirius, James was gone all last night, and so were you." Cherise's voice was even and assured. "So what did you do?"
Lily flipped her hair over her shoulder with a toss of her head and continued folding clean shirts and placing them in her trunk. "James Potter not being in his bed last night has nothing to do with my being gone. Who knows how many times those guys actually sleep in their own beds. They have mysterious night lives, you know that."
"Which is exactly what I would have thought had I not run into Catherine last night in the hospital wing. I went down there to grab a quick allergy potion and saw her in one of the beds. Apparently she burned herself with a faulty spell and needed to stay the night to allow the burn to heal."
"And what does this have to do with anything?"
"Because if Catherine was in the hospital wing all night, James couldn't have possibly been with her, as was his story according to Sirius."
"That's right he wasn't with her!" Lily spat hotly. Somehow the knowledge that she had had James for the night instead of that…that…girl was strangely empowering.
Except she had just let the secret slip.
Cherise grinned smugly. Lily rolled her eyes.
"Oh bloody hell, you win. YES I was with James," Lily conceded sulkily. "But it's not like anything happened."
"But what did happen?"
"We were down in the dungeons getting an awareness potion since I had stayed up so late studying and…we fell asleep."
"You fell asleep?" Cherise echoed skeptically.
"Yes! I mean…it was late, we were both already exhausted…not to mention it was quite comfortable there in his arms…" she trailed off with a devilish smile on her lips.
Cherise grinned back in amazement. "Oh you cow, tell me more!"
Lily shrugged her shoulders, her smile turning vague. "I wish there was more to tell. But…"
"Come on, an entire – secret – night with him, and that's all that happened?"
Lily sighed and set herself down on the floor, resting her head against the foot of her bed. "He has Catherine, remember?"
Cherise sat down next to her. "That doesn't mean—"
"Only it does. He would've preferred to be with her anyway…I mean, it's even what he's telling everyone. That he was with her. Because that's where he should've – and would've – been."
"Except he wasn't, was he?"
"He was just doing me a favor, not enjoying himself."
"You don't know that."
"Yes I do, now will you stop pushing it like this?"
"But why are you so insistent on pushing it away?"
"Because high hopes only lead to great falls. If there're no expectations, one cannot possibly be let down." Lily spoke the words with confidence, but her downcast eyes spoke otherwise.
"But I thought you wanted to try and get him back?"
"I do! I do… I just don't want to convince myself that it'll really happen."
At this point, Cherise merely nodded in reply. Nothing she could say would change Lily's attitude. As it was, Cherise wasn't even completely sure that James would be willing to come back to Lily anyhow. She had a strong feeling over the subject but no concrete evidence.
So she decided – time to change that.
Transfiguration not being the most enthralling subject available, James and Remus busied themselves finding other outlets for amusement while tuning out McGonagall's lecturing voice in the background.
James found solace in charming his quill to fly and write unnecessary remarks on Peter's back. Remus burned away the minutes by intently watching a certain blonde across the classroom. His unfaltering gaze was almost willing her to look back, though fate would have it that she seemed to be trying just as adamantly to do the opposite.
When time got the best of him, he decided to write down his ailments for her to read. He scrawled a short note on some spare parchment and hissed at James to pass it along.
Upon receiving the unopened note, Marilyn looked immediately to Remus, knowing instinctively who it was from. Hiding a pained expression, she unfolded the token and absorbed its contents. With an inward sigh, she scribbled a reply.
Remus opened the returned note apprehensively. He read, in answer to his question about what was wrong: Never mind.
He creased his forehead in consternation. Hastily he wrote: Never mind? How am I supposed to 'never mind' how you're acting? Please let me know what is wrong so I can help.
Marilyn's reply, brief as it was, was elongated in coming: It's you.
Remus raised his eyebrows in a caustic moment of disbelief. He glanced up in her direction. She was leaning against her hand attempting to hide her guilt-ridden face or perhaps disappear into it, all the while busying herself with writing down scrupulous notes from Professor McGonagall's lecture.
Remus's face burned with emotion, either that of pain or surprise or indignation – he wasn't sure. But confusion was definitely mixed in there. For the remainder of the class, it seemed, his concentration lingered on that note.
Those two words.
He could not salvage a reply, his energy was wasted on breathing.
"Hey, mate?" James prodded Remus out of his preoccupation. "You okay?"
Remus looked dejectedly to the parchment in his hand and crumpled it slowly. "Apparently not."
"Marilyn," Remus said weakly when he sighted her leaning against a wall on the way back to the common room. Had she been waiting for him?
Unwillingly, she lifted her eyes. Remus remained a few feet away, hesitant to move closer to her form. He raised the note up, permanently burned into his right hand, and spoke.
"I just…I guess I don't understand—"
"I know," she interrupted. She smiled meekly out of lack of anything better to do, or to prevent herself from doing anything else. "I'm not angry with you," she told her feet. "In fact, I don't think I could ever be angry with you."
Remus blinked several times. "Then what the hell is wrong, Mar?"
She paused to breathe in some confidence. "You," she exhaled. "Something is wrong with you. And the fact that I don't know what that is…is killing me. Because for all I know – it could be killing you, too."
The words were painful for her to speak, Remus could see it. As for him – he felt as if she had knocked the air out of him.
That damned lycanthropy. That's what this was about. That's what everything was always about.
She continued. "All those days you're gone without reason…and then you come back looking, I'm sorry, terrible and…and…sick and weak and…" She shook her head softly, allowing a moment for composure to return.
Remus ran a shaky hand through his hair. … Marilyn found her voice once more.
"I mean, I understand if you don't want to tell me…maybe it's not for me to know…or—" she gave a anxious chuckle "—or maybe there's nothing wrong and I'm just being a paranoid cow. It's just that…I'm so scared, Remus. Scared of what's happening to you. Scared of why it's being covered up. Scared of…of…losing you." She looked helplessly at him, unable to continue. Determination was all that held the tears back.
Not waiting a moment more, Remus took her trembling figure into his arms and held her tightly.
From somewhere around his chest he heard her frail, muffled voice.
"Please…just tell me you're okay. Please, Remus."
While softly shushing her, he spoke into her flaxen hair, "I'm fine, everything's fine…"
With these soothing endearments said Remus could feel Marilyn's breathing ease and her body soften. His nerves, however, had just begun to tense up as he prepared himself for what inevitably came next.
"--But I need to tell you something."
Also in the leaving of Transfiguration, James flagged down Lily – a pleasant surprise on her part.
"I never got the chance to apologize for the other night—" James started.
"Oh, that's not necessary. It was actually really nice." She smiled for a moment until she realized the inclination of her words. "Well what I mean is! That, uh…it was fun. I don't often get to experience adventures like that," she twirled her hair self-consciously.
James grinned. "There's plenty more where that came from. But really, I didn't think we'd end up with detention. I hate to think you'll be scrubbing cauldrons all night because of me."
"Who says I'll be the one doing the scrubbing?" she retorted with a trick to her voice. "So is that what you usually have to do for detention?"
"Yep. I've probably spent more time in that dungeon than any other room thanks to Voros and his perpetually dirty cauldrons."
Lily giggled softly. "I don't think I can look at that dungeon the same way ever again."
Overlooking her obvious playfulness, James gave merely a hollow chuckle. He seemed uncomfortable.
Pulling Lily over to the side of the hallway, he spoke in a low voice, "About what happened down there…I feel terrible. I know it could potentially be perceived as something—else, and I just want you to know that if anyone bothers you about it you can just come to me, okay? I don't want this one night to hurt you at all."
Lily felt quite breathless at his chivalry. Of course she wasn't as worried over it as James apparently was, most likely because of her wistful joy at spending the time with him, but the fact that he was as bothered as he was made her feel lightheaded with a kind of warm fuzziness.
Somewhat lost for words, she smiled sweetly at him. "Thank you, James. Your concern means everything to me. But honestly…I wouldn't change that night even if every person in this school thought me horrid for it." She delicately coaxed one of his hands into hers. "I love spending time with you, James…you make me feel…special."
A smile timidly made its way across James's face, as if afraid to fully expose itself. His fingers softly threaded themselves through Lily's, completing the meager embrace. "Really?" His voice was soft and raw, revealing the emotion Lily could see in his eyes.
Rather than answer verbally, she gave his hand a small squeeze. He squeezed back.
"James!"
The hands tore apart. It happened so instantly that Lily experienced uncertainty on whether the moment had taken place solely in her mind or not. But no, the burning sort of tingle was still there. As was the memory of his stare.
Reality took charge once more. Lily looked over to see, of all people, Catherine. The owner of the voice that had severed her chance with James. Lily wanted to cry. James looked nothing less than a deer caught in headlights.
Catherine finished her bouncing walk over to them. "Hey you two. What's going on?"
James ran a hand through his hair. The same hand that still held the warmth of Lily's touch. "Nothing, nothing. No goings-on. Nothing that I can see." Was he out of breath? He cleared his throat. "So, uh, what brings you to this—you know, over—here, what brings you here?"
She shrugged innocently. "Just wanted to come see you. Is this a bad time?" Her smile never seemed to falter. Someone should give the girl a trophy.
James's eyes darted to Lily's and back to Catherine. "Of course not."
The words stung Lily bitterly, even though she knew it was the politically correct answer. She decided to remove herself from the scene before her heart sunk down to the floor where Catherine would inevitably crush it beneath her heel however innocently.
"Excuse me, I have to go meet someone. Nice seeing you, Catherine," Lily released the words robotically and then left swiftly in order to escape hearing the saccharine reply.
But in her quick exit, she also missed James's objection to her leaving, so close to being spoken if only his lips would part and let it rush out. But he held it in. It seemed useless.
Everything was useless now.
Upon Lily's listless entrance into the dorm, Cherise and Scarlett looked up from their conversation on one of the beds. Lily flopped down onto her own bed and let out a sigh.
"Still feeling sorry for yourself?" Cherise asked with a small smile.
"Yes," Lily moaned and brought her hands to her face.
Cherise and Scarlett looked at each other. "What's up now, Lil?" Scarlett voiced the question hanging in the air.
Lily took a moment to reply. Her face seemed torn between reflection and pity. "James…"
Cherise stood up. "Your infatuation with him is doing nothing but making you miserable, dear. Having a crush is supposed to be…well, fun."
"Rise, we stopped having 'crushes' in like, third year," Scarlett said.
"Oh shove off, same difference."
Lily remained silent once again. "It would be fun…if it didn't hurt so much to be rejected."
Cherise bit her lip. She sat down next to Lily and absentmindedly stroked a bit of her hair that was scattered around from her plunge onto the bed and instinctively waited for her to continue.
"We were so close…one more second and I swear we would have…have…kissed…" she trailed off thoughtfully. Her continuation came in a more bitter tone, however. "But then she showed up, she had to show up. And he just…acted like nothing had happened. Like I wasn't even there. Like he hadn't just looked into my eyes like that…"
Cherise continued petting Lily's hair while Scarlett sat and watched with her knees hugged up close to her body. She sighed.
Just when the moment seemed to have reached a peak of sentimental dramatics, the door burst open by way of Marilyn. She flew across the room, collapsed onto her bed…and started crying. Her muffled sobs and shaky convulsions silenced any words about to be spoken, any breaths about to be taken. It didn't take long for the other girls to realize the source of such rare hysterics:
Remus.
Sigh, I know that was a really lame excuse for a chapter, especially one that you've all waited so patiently for. I'm so sorry. But I promise promise that something – SOMETHING – is going to happen in the next chapter. You know what I mean. Or at least you think you do…tehehehe….
See you then.