A/N - Hmmm, this chapter was a bit of a surprise. I started out with a bunch of stuff planned, and then this kind of came up while I was writing. So, the stuff I was planning on got pushed to the next chapter. Hopefully you guys will like it. I wanted to include a bit more Izzie this chapter because, as much as I wasn't a fan of Izzy/Denny, I think the whole question of what Izzie will do next is pretty interesting. As usual though, it's mostly about Meredith. Anyway, thank you so much to everyone who has posted comments. I really appreciate it, it makes my day totally happy to get a comment on my story. So, if you haven't reviewed, please do! I'd love to know what you think! Anyway, enough rambling...on to the chapter.


Meredith staggered down the stairs, expecting to see either an empty kitchen, or, if she was lucky, a kitchen with George in it, already making coffee. Instead she was greeted by the sight of Izzie sitting cross-legged on the kitchen table.

"Izzie?" asked Meredith. Izzie was dressed in something other then sweatpants for a change, and was surprisingly tear-free, although her face had a pinched, tired quality to it.

"Good morning," said Izzie quietly, passing Meredith a cup of coffee. Meredith shook her head incredulously.

"Why are you up at 5:30 in the morning…" Suffering the duel effects of four hours of sleep and a hangover, Meredith sorely missed her bed, and was having a hard time understanding why anyone would voluntarily be awake. Izzie mumbled a reply into her coffee cup. "Huh?" asked Meredith as she turned to search through the fridge for something to eat. "What'd you say Iz?"

"Bailey," repeated Izzie, speaking a little louder. She sounded almost shy and stared quickly down at the table when Meredith turned to look at her.

"Bailey…" echoed Meredith. She leaned back into the fridge, lifting open the lid of a pizza box and pulling out a slice. "Oh right," she continued, as the coffee started to wake her up a bit and she remembered Bailey wanting to speak with Izzie. "That's great Izzie. So you're going to go talk to her?"

"Yeah I guess so," mumbled Izzie. Meredith nodded, moving a tray of muffins off a chair so that she could sit down. The kitchen hadn't fully recovered from Izzie's grief fueled bake-a-thon, and uneaten cupcakes and muffins littered most available spaces.

"That's really good Izzie," said Meredith gently. Izzie nodded, the muscles in her face tensing.

"Can I…can we go over together?" she asked.

"Of course." Meredith took a bite of her pizza, and Izzie glanced anxiously back and forth between Meredith and her lap.

"I'm scared," she whispered at last. "To go back…to be where Denny died…to…I'm just scared Mer." Meredith looked up at her and smiled sadly, wishing that she was more like George and could know just what to say. She couldn't think of anything that would help, so she just nodded her head and reached out for Izzie's hand, squeezing it tightly.

The ride to the hospital was silent. The three interns in a car had once been a casual everyday action, not even worth contemplating. However it suddenly felt foreign and heavy with significance. Meredith was glad she was driving so she had an excuse for her silence. George kept clearing his throat and making little humming noises, as if wanting to talk but unable to break through the heavy bond of silence that hung around the car. Izzie just sat in the backseat, her head turned towards the window and her eyes tightly closed. They didn't speak when they pulled into the parking lot, or when they got out of the car. The three of them simply looked at each other, nodding their heads, before walking silently back into the hospital.

Stepping inside the busy blur of the hospital shook Izzie from her silence. Meredith had felt momentarily nervous, but when Izzie let out a small gasp and grabbed her hand, Meredith pushed her own problems from her mind. Izzie was starting to freeze up, staring wide-eyed around the hospital, her nails digging into the palm of Meredith's hand. "Lets go Iz," whispered Meredith quickly, and she pulled Izzie with her into the locker room.

"Izzie!" Alex was sitting on a bench, tying up his shoe but he nearly leapt to his feet when he saw Izzie walk through the door. "You're back? You're here? Are you alright? How are you? Are you here…you're here, right?" he stammered, sounding surprisingly unlike Alex. Christina rolled her eyes and pushed past him.

"He's like a little lovesick puppy," she muttered to Meredith. "All asking questions and being sensitive and concerned…he's like another George. Seriously." She slammed her locker shut. "We've got two Georges now. Just fantastic."

"Christina…" said Meredith, shaking her head. "He's not that bad."

"Um…I can hear you. You do realize that right?" asked George incredulously. "I'm standing right here, next to you. Me. George."

"Bambi, go complain to someone who cares. Like maybe your long lost twin," said Christina, pointing over at Alex who didn't seem to hear her. He was talking intently to Izzie, who seemed to be actually smiling for the first time since prom.

"You are cranky today," laughed Meredith as she pulled on her scrubs.

"Yeah well, Burke's coming home today. And since I'm being the supportive girlfriend now, I did up all the dishes from the past five days this morning. Because, you know, Burke doesn't like messy. I don't even know how to do dishes Mer," complained Christina.

"Seriously? It's just soap and water. You can figure out surgery but you can't figure out soap and water?"

"Okay, Burke has five different brushes and two dish soaps. It's a freaking mystery."

"Uh huh…" Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Oh shut up Meredith, go grope Dr. McDoMe in a closet already." She smirked at Meredith, who had opened her mouth to reply but was cut short by the arrival of Bailey.

"Oh, we're not late Dr. Bailey! We've still got ten minutes until rounds," piped up George, who was frantically rummaging around in his locker.

"O'Malley, I am aware of when rounds start. We are not rounding this morning. We are making are way downstairs to Trauma 1 now." She caught sight of Izzie standing awkwardly to the side, still dressed in street clothes, and paused in surprise. Immediately everyone turned to glance at Izzie, who looked awkwardly down at her hands. "Right, Stevens I'm glad to see you," continued Bailey, drawing the focus back to herself. "I want to talk to you, however there was a six car pileup this morning. We have five full ambulances headed here now."

"Of course," said Izzie immediately, nodding her head. "I get it. I can wait, totally. I've got all day really." She let out an odd little laugh, her eyes misting slightly.

"Thank you Izzie. I'll see you as soon as I can." Bailey's voice was unusually gentle, taking on a tone usually reserved only for patients. However, as she looked back at her interns, the softness vanished. "Why are you all still standing here? My interns should be in the ambulance bay by now." The four of them hesitated, casting quick glances at Izzie and mumbling under their breath. George was still busy pulling on his scrubs. "Move," shouted Bailey glaring at them and pushing the door to the locker room open. Meredith gave Izzie's arm a quick squeeze before running out the door and downstairs to meet the ambulances.

Trauma was hectic, with the interns arriving just as the ambulances did. Meredith was swept up in the rush of wheeling the patients in on gurneys, the paramedics rambling a constant stream of information at them. She caught a fleeting glance of Derek who was paged to consult on a patient in the final ambulance with serious head trauma, and found herself feeling extremely grateful for the mountain of medical emergencies separating them. Fantastic, thought Meredith. I now find accidents to be an even better numbing agent then tequila…this cannot lead to good things. She shook her head to clear her thoughts, and turned her attention to the young girl in her care.

"I'm Dr. Grey," she said, smiling down at the brown haired girl laying on the gurney. Her eyes were wide and she didn't look much older then ten.

"I'm Logan," whispered the girl. She was holding her right arm protectively against her chest, but she was fully conscious and, aside from a few minor scrapes, showed no other injuries. She smiled shyly at Meredith, and started to talk a little as Meredith conducted a preliminary exam. "I take ballet," said Logan proudly. "I'm going to be a ballerina when I'm all grown up."

"Really?" asked Meredith. "That's fantastic, your family must be very proud of you."

"Well, it's just me and my mom, but yeah. I mean, she takes lots of pictures at my recitals. So I guess she's proud."

"I'm sure she is," agreed Meredith, smiling warmly at the little girl.

"We have a big recital just next week," continued Logan excitedly. "That's why I had practice before school today. We were rushing because we were late. I couldn't find my tights!" She paused and grew suddenly thoughtful, a frown passing across her face. "Although now I missed all of practice…Dr. Grey, can I dance with my arm? Is it going to be okay? It kinda hurts…" She made a face and twisted to stare at her arm.

"That's what we're going to find out Logan," said Meredith, getting ready to transfer the girl upstairs. "Things look good, but we want to take a better look at your arm, see if anything's broken okay?" Logan just nodded her head happily, but as Meredith started to move the gurney, the little girl's expression changed.

"Where are you going? We can't leave, my mom won't know where to find me!" She bolted upright in bed, pausing to wince as pain shot through her arm. She looked frantically around the busy room, her gray eyes starting to fill with tears, as she suddenly realized she had no idea where her mother was.

"Shhh…" soothed Meredith. "Was your mother in the ambulance with you?"

"No…no, a different one," moaned Logan, clutching her arm to her chest and still trying to get up. "Mom! Mom?" Meredith followed the girl's gaze around the OR, but soon realized that Logan didn't see anyone she recognized.

"Logan, what's your mother's name?"

"Lydia, Lydia Norris." Meredith nodded and flagged down a nurse.

"Lydia Norris, has she been admitted?" asked Meredith, instinctively lowering her voice so the child laying behind her couldn't hear. The nurse heaved a frustrated sigh, setting down the large tray of instruments she was carrying, and turning to check the charts.

"Norris, Lydia. Rushed to immediate surgery for severe head trauma. She's in OR 1 with Dr. Shepherd," read the nurse, not even waiting for Meredith's reply before picking up her tray again and hurrying off.

Damn…thought Meredith, looking back at Logan who was anxiously watching her. "Okay Logan," she said gently. "Your mom can't come with us to check your arm, she's busy with another doctor right now. But she's here, so you don't need to worry about that." Logan nodded slowly, still seeming shaken by the realization that she'd been separated from her mother.

"She's okay though right?" Meredith smiled sadly down at her as she pushed the lever to release the brakes on the gurney.

"Well I haven't seen her Logan, but the nurse says she's with Dr. Shepherd. He's a friend of mine and a really good doctor, so lets just worry about your arm right now. He'll let us know how your mom is doing in a little bit, alright?" Logan nodded, satisfied with the answer for the moment. Please…begged Meredith silently, looking down at Logan who was absently twisting her long hair around the fingers of her uninjured arm.

As Meredith wheeled the gurney towards the elevators, she caught sight of Izzie standing off in a corner of the massive trauma bay. She'd wandered down from the locker room, and was standing perfectly still, her arms wrapped tightly around her chest. She didn't seem to notice Meredith, just stared wide eyed at the chaos around her, tears running silently down her cheeks.

-----

Logan Norris had a fractured wrist. This caused an awkward moment where Callie and Meredith stared at each other over the little girl's bed, having not really seen each other since the prom six days before. However, Logan was in the middle of describing her costume for her ballet recital, and pulled the two doctors out of their silence with endless questions. Did they like ribbons? Should she let her mom do her hair or try to do it herself this year? Was purple better then pink, or should she ask to switch costumes with one of the girls in pink? At this, Meredith and Callie exchanged a look, and immediately agreed that purple was better then pink.

"Thank you for letting me assist," said Meredith quietly when the two of them had finished tending to Logan's wrist. Callie nodded her head, signing off on Logan's chart as she did. "About the other night, I…" continued Meredith awkwardly, not really sure what she meant to say. Callie just shook her head and raised a hand.

"No it's okay, I get it. You're one of those girls."

"One of those girls?" repeated Meredith defensively.

"Yeah, the type who'd love to fall for a nice guy but just can't manage to pull it off. The type that falls fast, falls hard and keeps falling for the one guy they just can't have." Meredith hesitated for a moment, intending to argue, but ended up just laughing as she nodded her head.

"Great, when you put it that way, I sound like a complete masochist."

"Problem is, somehow that just draws the nice guys like crazy," said Callie quietly, not looking at Meredith.

"You mean…George?" Callie shrugged, but after a moment, nodded her head.

"Yeah…"

"Callie, I never meant to hurt him," said Meredith softly. Callie was still staring fixedly at the ground. "I was stupid and thoughtless, yes…I was only thinking about myself when I should've been…I just, I never meant to hurt him, and I hate that I did." The two of them walked silently down the hall, both staring straight ahead, until finally Callie stopped walking and turned to look at Meredith.

"I know," she said. "I know you didn't. Your type…well." She shrugged and glanced at Meredith who was watching her warily. "Your type falls for the unattainable guy, remember? The guy who can't be there like you need. You usually end up hurting yourself worst of all," she said quietly.

Meredith had turned away as Callie spoke, not quite sure why her eyes suddenly felt as if they were burning with un-spilled tears, but wanting to keep that fact private. When she risked turning back around, Callie had already walked away.

-----

"Izzie?" asked Meredith curiously, as she made her way into the locker room. "What are you doing in here?" Izzie was sitting on the floor, her back pressed against a locker and her knees pulled up to her chest.

"I knew what to do," said Izzie quietly.

"You knew?" echoed Meredith. "What do you mean Iz?"

"I knew…downstairs, I knew. I know…I know how to treat trauma patients, to run a code, to suture even. But all I could do was stand there, this morning downstairs…you guys were so busy, and I know how. I know how to save lives, and all I could do was stand there." Meredith nodded slowly, but Izzie just sighed in frustration.

"Izzie…"

"No, I do. This was my life, it was everything I knew. And I gave it all up for Denny, and I didn't regret it. I love him…loved…I…" She paused and looked up at Meredith. "It's just, I lost my everything. First medicine, then Denny. Now, I've got nothing. You guys, you've got your own problems but you still have this." She gestured around the locker room. "You come here and you save, and somehow you manage to do a little good to eat away at all the bad. I've got nothing, just lots of tears and emptiness."

"It'll get better Izzie, I promise," said Meredith quietly. "It's still so soon."

"I know," interrupted Izzie. "I thought I would be too sad and too afraid to come here, and I was. Until I followed you guys downstairs…That's when I remembered. I know how to save…it's in my hands and in my mind, and I hate myself for wasting that as much as I hate myself when I wake up in the middle of the night and forget that Denny's dead."

"Izzie, talk to Bailey," said Meredith, instantly berating herself in her mind for not sounding more thoughtful. "Only time can help you with Denny…but she can help you with the other, she wants to help you with it." Izzie nodded slowly, staring into her lap. "Don't hate yourself though Iz…it's not your fault." Izzie shrugged and nodded again, wiping a tear from her face as she turned to look at Meredith.

"What are you doing in here?" she asked softly. "Avoiding Shepherd?"

"Waiting for him actually," said Meredith.

"Oooooh…" Izzie grinned a little, making googly eyes at Meredith.

"No…no." Meredith shook her head, not feeling at all up for worrying about anything other then Izzie and the little girl she'd spent the morning with. "I'm waiting for him to get out surgery. He's operating on my patient's mother, and I just want to find out…I told her I'd find out." Izzie nodded again, her reply fading into silence as the locker room door opened. Meredith reached over and nudged Izzie. "It's Bailey," she said gently. "I'm going to go look for Shepherd." And she got up, leaving the two of them to talk.

-----

"Derek!" Meredith spotted him walking down the hall, his scrub cap still on. He looked up when he heard his name, and smiled instantly at the sight of her. Meredith hurried over to him, twisting her hands together anxiously. "Hey," she said quietly.

"Hey yourself. What's…"

"How was your surgery?" interrupted Meredith, hoping she sounded calm. "Lydia Norris? Is she alright? Her daughter's here and I told her I'd find out…no…why are you shaking your head? Derek…don't shake your head!" Her stomach clenched as she caught sight of the strained look in his eyes.

"She's brain dead," Derek said softly, pulling off his scrub cap and running a hand through his hair.

"Oh…no…" Meredith sighed. "Dammit."

"Mer," said Derek, reaching out and laying a hand on her shoulder. But she shook her head and pulled away, turning to walk down the hall. Meredith could hear him following after her, was pretty sure he was speaking to her, but she didn't really care. Her mind was swimming with the memory of the little ten year old girl, and she found herself fighting back tears. At last, Meredith collapsed on an empty gurney in the hall, letting her head fall into her hands. She felt Derek sit down next to her, felt his arm reaching around her. "Mer…shhh…" he whispered. Meredith let her head fall into the familiar warmth that was the crook of his neck. It was so familiar, the vague smell of soap, the crisp fabric of his lab coat, everything. The strength of Derek's arms and the low whisper of his voice enveloped her, calming her until she knew she could look up without crying.

"I'm okay. I'm good…sorry Derek." She felt exhausted and overwhelmed, but managed to look up and smile at him. Derek was still watching her, one hand resting lightly on her leg, the other reaching out instinctively to brush her hair out of her eyes.

"Meredith?" She nodded her head. "You're okay?" She just nodded again, and he smiled back at her. "Mer?" he asked again after they'd sat in silence for a few minutes. Meredith immediately noted the change in his voice and sat up, looking at him cautiously.

"What?" she asked.

"Can we talk? It's almost been a week since prom, and so much has happened but we keep avoiding it, not talking about what we're doing." Meredith shifted on the gurney and glared at him. "And last night I…"

"No," interrupted Meredith. "We can't talk Derek. Not now."

"What? Meredith we need to talk," insisted Derek, but she shook her head. Her gaze had drifted down the hall. Through the large glass door she could see Logan sitting up in bed. Her right arm was resting on a pillow and she was flipping through a magazine with her left. Every now and then she'd look up, grinning at the nurse, to point out something in the magazine.

"No Derek," repeated Meredith. "It's not all about us, all the time. There is a little girl whose world is about to be shattered sitting just down the hall. I'm twenty-nine with a mother who rarely recognizes me, and I think that's hell. She is barely ten, and is about to find out that her mother will never even say her name again. This morning, they were on their way to ballet lessons. And now she's gone." Meredith tore her eyes from Logan to look at Derek. "I can't deal with us now, whatever this messed up thing that we're doing is. I can't okay? That little girl down the hall? Our problems are nothing to hers."

"Okay," agreed Derek, looking worriedly at Meredith. "Okay…we won't talk now." Meredith nodded, tears starting to spill from her eyes.

"If you can't see that," she continued, her voice low and trembling. "If you can't see that right now I just need you to be here for me…without everything…without all the…" Meredith shook her head and shrugged, fighting back the urge to bring up Addison. Instead she just stayed staring down at the ground, remembering what Callie had said. "If you can't see that, if you can't what I need…maybe you should just go," she whispered. Her whole body tensed, waiting for the shift of weight that meant Derek had stood up, expecting for him to stand up and walk away. But it didn't come. Instead, she felt his arm wrap around her again, his hand reaching out to hold hers.

"I'm not leaving you," Derek whispered, his lips pressed to her head and his voice low and muffled. "Not now…I'm here Mer, I swear." Meredith nodded, laying her head back against his shoulder. Alone in the hallway on the gurney, Meredith decided that for just a minute, she'd let herself believe he was telling the truth. With Derek's hand holding hers, Meredith's breathing finally slowed down as her tears spilt onto his chest.