Hello. Contrary to popular appeal, I don't imagine that killing off Catherine would be the most tactful way of handling things. Sorry guys.
Also, I cannot apologize enough for my steady pattern of long waits between chapters, but please, can we keep the death threats to a minimum? Exaggeration, but still. I don't appreciate being squawked at countless times for being so slow. My life does not revolve around fanfiction, and I certainly hope yours doesn't either. I never intend on keeping you waiting so long, but things happen and it just ends up that way. That said, I really am grateful for every person reading – hopefully enjoying – this, and hope you continue to do so.
"Revelations"
Marilyn's pillow broke the fall of her endless stream of tears and sobs while the other girls looked on, vacant of any such replies. Her dramatic addition to the room was so unexpected and sudden that it brought an immediate hush along with it.
Lily slowly lifted herself off her bed and cautiously brought herself over to Marilyn's side. She bit her lip in anxious anticipation of what she could possibly say.
"Mari…?" She dared to sit down on the bed beside her, not unlike Cherise had done just a moment ago. "Mari…what ever happened?"
An answer was not expected while Marilyn was in such a state, yet somehow she produced a sentence among her crying. "Never…they'll never understand…they'll never accept him…"
Or something like a sentence anyhow.
Lily looked around for help. All she met was blank faces and nervous eyes seemingly just as lost as she found herself. Understand what? Accept who? Him -- Remus?
"Is this about…Remus?" Lily was hesitant to speak the name for fear it would strike the wrong chord in such emotional turmoil.
She was correct. Upon hearing the name, Marilyn only seemed to cry harder, throwing her face back into the pillow.
"Lils…" Cherise ushered her back across the room. "I don't think there's much we can do now. Give her some time?"
Lily nodded in agreement. She sighed as she looked again at Marilyn's sad little figure. It seemed cruel to leave her friend alone in such a state, but what else was there to do?
Her tides of sadness could be heard still through closed doors.
Passing days did little to soften the cloud hanging over Marilyn. Her explanation drew no further than a vague, "We had a fight," referring to her and Remus. This may have held accountability for their aversion of each other and the often downcast eyes, but could a couple's bickering really go so far as to extinguish the light in both their eyes? It was obvious there was more to it. Something neither person would admit to.
But not if James or Sirius could help it.
They found Remus resting languidly on the windowsill looking out into the night. If it could be called looking; his gaze seemed blocked or heavy from inner torment. The cold beams of the crescent moon shone across his face, revealing lines and scars belonging on some other face not so young and vulnerable. The romance of moonlight was utterly wasted on him, instead it cut into him like ice. Such was his lifelong curse.
"Hey, mate?" Sirius spoke uncharacteristically soft. James stood awkwardly next to him, hands in pockets.
Remus turned his head to acknowledge them then returned to whatever had such control of his focus. James and Sirius moved closer.
"Still a good week left 'til the night, hm?" Sirius commented with a nod to the moon.
"Nine days," Remus replied tonelessly.
Silence ensued. James and Sirius looked at each other. They had to ask.
"Listen Rem, we know something's up with you and Marilyn," James started. "She's one of the only things that can get to you like this. So…what happened? Did you break up?"
Surprisingly, Remus's lips took on a smirk, however sad and bitter. "No," he sighed. "That would've been too easy."
FLASHBACK
"I need to tell you something."
Remus directed Marilyn through a maze of hallways and doors until he found himself satisfied with an unused classroom that would surely be uninterrupted. Upon entering, he locked the door with a flick of his wand. Marilyn shivered in unease.
"Are all these precautions really necessary? I mean…it's a little unnerving." She gave a small laugh to expend some pent up worry.
Remus simply gave a nod in response. Marilyn cleared her throat and leaned back onto an old, dusty desk. She gave a start when it creaked precariously beneath her weight. Perhaps she'd stand instead.
Remus rubbed his face wearily with one hand. How could he possibly explain? "Erm, you might like to sit down."
"I tried that, thanks," she said with a harassing glance to the desk. "Now what's this all about?"
Remus seemed to be struggling with the words on his tongue. His breathing was becoming shallower with every exhale. Just do it…just do it…
He took one of Marilyn's hands in his and opened his mouth to speak. Then decided against it and retracted his hand, turning to face the opposite wall. He just couldn't look her in the eye right now.
"Marilyn, I…when I was younger…" he started off shakily, afraid to finish a thought. "You see, the reason I'm gone so much…I have this…this condition…"
He turned to face her. "It's called Lycanthropy."
Marilyn cocked her head to think. "Lycanthropy…why does that sound so familiar…oh I know! I read about it in Defen—"
She stopped dead when the realization hit her. Remus was a werewolf. A werewolf, werewolf. Sharp fangs, ragged fur, a taste for blood…
Her hand flew to her mouth and she hunched over as if she would quite possibly be sick, or even faint. Her head shook back and forth, willing the truth to go away, as her breath became ragged and difficult. She dared to look at his wide, blue eyes – the same ones she had melted in so many times before – and the horror made itself a reality.
Her legs gave out beneath her and she crumbled to the floor. Tears overtook her.
Remus watched by, unable to even process in his mind what to think, let alone do, next. Comfort her? But how could he? Would she recoil from his touch? The possibility stung him acidly. But he would not break down. He knew better than that. Ten years of a nightmare hardened him from giving into grief.
"Oh God, Remus…anyone but you, anyone but you…" Marilyn wailed almost incoherently.
His mind continued to race frantically. "I-I'm sorry." He went to take her in his arms, abandoning the fear of her reaction.
But it happened. She shied away from his arms. Remus had to stop and catch his breath. His worst fear made tangible before his own eyes. She could kick and scream and curse and he would go unaffected. But to be made a monster in the eyes of the person he cared for – possibly loved? – above all else was something he could not handle. To be rejected flat out in such a way…broke his heart.
He closed his eyes to shut out the spinning of the room. The world he had worked so carefully to uphold was slipping away. And it hurt.
"You think I chose this? You think if I could change it I wouldn't?" he seethed through a harsh whisper.
Marilyn remained on the ground on her knees, hand pried over her mouth, her glistening eyes searching the ground for stability.
"So I'm suddenly a monster now that you know? Everything we had, everything we've been through, it's all useless now that you know who I really am?" Remus was shouting now, rage building with every tear that fell down Marilyn's cheek.
She looked to him like a fawn about to be slaughtered. "No! That's not—"
"Not what? Not true? So you're just hysterical because you're happy, is that it?"
Marilyn had never seen Remus so impassioned. His normally sedative nature was a large factor in her fondness for him. He was her rock, her impassible comforter. To see him like this…broke her heart.
She whimpered. "I never said—"
"You didn't have to say anything. It's obvious enough. Explaining it in words would only be pouring salt. But by all means! If that's what you want, go ahead."
"Why are you being like this?" she cried out desperately.
"Because this is who I AM! I'm a monster, an animal! And if that's not good enough for you, you can damn well leave!" He ended this tirade by pointing his wand at the locked door and hexing it to bang open rather ungracefully.
Marilyn struggled to find the strength to stand. When she did, she gave Remus one last hopeless look then stumbled from the room. Her sobs could be heard echoing down the hallway.
Remus was left with his heaving chest and oscillating thoughts. Finally his legs gave out beneath him as well and he crouched to the floor with his pulsing head in his hands.
But he would not break down.
The following days commenced in anything but normal fashion. Both Remus and Marilyn had adopted newly reclusive lifestyles, barely even giving in to go to classes. At any other time they always found somewhere to be, anywhere as long as it did not include the person they were intending to avoid in the first place.
Marilyn seemed to be constantly chewing gum, and therefore was subject to the sharp tongues of her professors who duly frowned upon the substance and insisted she spit it out. Which she did. Then promptly popped another piece right back in when they turned their head.
Remus's quirk was much less obvious and not so "damn annoying" (according to Scarlett) as Marilyn's. He took up a sudden interest in orderliness. Not only did he keep his area of the dorm immaculate, but spent his time in class straightening every piece of parchment on his desk, then shuffling them around just so he could fix them once more.
As for everyone else, as in the people subjected to watching this event unfold around them, they contented themselves with the notion that it was only a silly fight between lovers and it would right itself in a few weeks, if not sooner.
Meanwhile, Marilyn cried herself to sleep every night behind closed curtains and Remus spent hours of the night staring up at the ceiling cursing everything that was himself.
The weeks continued thus.
Saturday afternoon. Nothing to do, nothing to do. The common room couch was littered with listless bodies lazily arguing over who should think up something diverting to do.
"Well what do you want to do?" Scarlett retorted at Cherise snappishly.
"Don't ask ME. James," Cherise whined, "you think of something."
James could be heard sighing from under the pillow he had over his face. He waved his arm about. "A'dunno."
"We could play wizard's chess," Peter squeaked as a suggestion. His reply could be summed up in the dull glares he was receiving.
"Like the 50 times we already have today?" Scarlett drawled.
"I don't know about you guys," Sirius said, standing up, "but I'm going up to the dorm. At least there's food up there. Any come with?"
An unintelligibly unanimous "Eh…" was the response. Time was slowly melting each person into their lazy position. Took too much effort to actually do something now.
Lily broke the mold and stood up. "Why not." Anything to get off that blasted couch.
Promptly upon entering the boys' dorm: "How can you boys live in this mess?"
Sirius shrugged. "I like to think of it as cozy."
Apparently his idea of 'cozy' included a closet's worth of clothes sputtered about among half-eaten snacks and discarded butterbeer bottles. Along with that came an assortment of Zonko's products looking as if the store decided to blow up right there in the room. Then the smell…well, that was something Lily didn't fancy categorizing. She was too focused on ignoring it altogether.
Lily lifted a brown wilted leaf of a particularly pathetic-looking potted plant sitting on a bureau. She smirked, too amused at the sad sight to be otherwise chideful. "Um, Sirius?"
Sirius grinned bashfully. "Peter's mum sent that to him over Christmas. I always knew Pete wasn't to be trusted with the responsibility of keeping something alive. He's hopeless. Anyway, you can go on and sit anywhere, Lils. I'll be right back, just need to visit the little wizard's room for a sec."
Heeding his words, she plopped down on the bed nearest to her and stretched out comfortably. She set her head on the pillow and sighed deeply, her body still retaining the lethargy of boredom.
Well. At least one thing smelled decent in this room. Not even decent…more like lovely. Lily took a deep breath, curling her body up comfortably. It was so incredibly nice…something almost indescribable but inarguably nice. She hugged the pillow close to her. It smelled vaguely of mint. The kind of mint that can only be found in the breath of freshly brushed teeth. And it was soapy, like shampoo. Roughly sweet, but not quite flowery. One other thing…almost woodsy, like outdoors. It was reminiscent of the feeling of campfires and brisk winds and twinkling stars.
Lily smiled to herself. It reminded her of her father. It was similar to the smell of his shirt that she snuggled her face into so many nights as he read her a bedtime story. There was something distinctly different… yet the feeling was the same. It was the essence of safety and comfort, knowing nothing could ever hurt you as long as you're wrapped in that warm aroma.
For one painful moment she ached to be back in his arms. The years did nothing to shake the Daddy's Little Girl from within her. She would forever need that man, that protector, to hold her hand and whisper that everything is okay; someone to make her feel special above all else.
She twirled the silver ring around her finger mindlessly as she had come to do in moments of particular loneliness (a/n: I'm sure you've all forgotten the ring Lily's father gave to her when she first found out she was a witch, but here it is again). The cool metal bestowed an unnatural calm within her. She sighed.
"Getting' a bit cozy there, Lily?" Sirius remarked playfully when he emerged from the bathroom.
She barely responded. "Mm."
"I should find a camera. I'm sure James would enjoy this sight much more than me, seeing as it's his bed you're--"
"This is James's bed?" Lily snapped her head up.
"Not too much of a mystery, but yeah."
Lily sat up and looked around. The bedside table held a Quidditch stadium model complete with miniscule players executing specific moves and techniques, a thick book on Transfiguration Through the Centuries, a frightening mess of Chorbit's Everlasting Mint Caramel wrappers, and several pictures of James and his family and friends. A scarlet Quidditch uniform was hanging off the end of the bed, a well broken-in broomstick leaning crookedly near it.
Well, duh. It was only glaringly obvious. Suddenly she felt incredibly stupid for not even noticing. Though now that she did, she decided to take a closer look. Sirius had turned his attention to a pile of pumpkin pasties so she leaned toward the table and inspected James's adorable disarray.
The first item to catch her attention was a moving photograph of James and his parents, taken when he was about 10 or so, or perhaps shortly after he received his Hogwarts letter. His father was ruffling James's hair, which James did not look pleased about, while his mother beamed down at him fondly. Lily stifled a giggle. Maybe James's constant tick of rumpling his hair was simply a compensation for the absence of his father's hand messing it up for him.
Her eye caught sight of another picture, one taken far more recently. It was down in the common room, in fact, and included James, Sirius, Cherise, and…herself. She and Cherise were on either side of Sirius, his arms snaked around them while he grinned proudly at his way with women. Cherise was laughing happily at Sirius, but Lily saw herself more preoccupied with smiling shyly at James, standing a bit off to the side, who was smiling back.
Lily bit her lip with pleasure. So this was the image James fell asleep to every night. With a quick scan she satisfied herself with the knowledge that there wasn't a single picture of Catherine in sight. Take that, tart.
With a sigh of empowerment, Lily continued to browse over James's belongings dreamily. She flopped down on her stomach and perused the jungle of items on the floor. She smiled secretly at the way his trunk wouldn't close completely thanks to a pair of plaid pajama pants peeking out. On the side of the trunk were his initials…JTP. She slid her fingers over the engraved letters. James T. Potter. What a positively regal name he had. James T—wait, what was his middle name? Lily scrunched up her face in thought. Had he ever mentioned it?
"Sirius," she called out. "What's James's middle name…?"
"Ehh…Tyler!"
Lily smiled facetiously. James Tyler. What a dashing name. She could already imagine herself whispering it in his ea—
Wait. TYLER?
Lily's eyes widened at the revelation of thought. Tyler…as in Valentine's Day, white and violet roses, pretty little poem, never missing a year Tyler? It was…James. All this time. Wasn't it? It had to be. No other male student at Hogwarts held the name, it only made sense for this to be the answer. But… "Tyler" had begun sending roses in third year, James didn't even know of Lily then! Or, well he had, but it's not like he made any parade of it. Or conversation even. What exactly was he playing at here?
Nevertheless, Lily felt as if she could die on the spot from an overwhelming melting sensation. All those wilted rose remains in her bureau drawer were from James, her James. Suddenly life had meaning.
Still in a dreamy state, Lily glanced over to Sirius and noticed that he was now crouched down unlocking a small, impressively classy, cherry wood cabinet.
Curiosity brought her from her reverie, and she sat up and peered at him queerly.
"What exactly are you doing?" she asked, eyeing his apt attention on the small cabinet.
With a flourish, Sirius finished the unlocking procedures and opened the two doors. "What'll it be, m'lady? Butterbeer? FizzPop? Maybe something a little more daring?"
"You mean you have a drink bar in there?" she resolved, clearly amazed.
Sirius grinned in reply. "Just a little something we cooked up to wash down all those chocolate frogs."
"Yeah, I bet," Lily snorted to herself, scrutinizing the amount of wizard cards lying about, evidence of their unhealthy addiction.
"So? What'll you have?"
"Oh, um…water?"
"Amateur," he teased.
A few clinks and sloshes later, Lily was presented with a sparkling goblet of water with a slice of lemon resting on the ridge. She smiled amorously at the display.
She sipped it politely as she watched Sirius pour himself a little something. Curious at what he was having, she squinted to read the label on the bottle. Warlock Frizzard's Best…
"Brandy!" Lily nearly choked on her water. "SIRIUS BLACK!"
Sirius practically dropped the bottle from the unexpected outburst. He looked at Lily sheepishly.
"You mean to tell me you keep liquor in there?"
"Just a litt—"
"Oh, please."
"We only drink it on special occasions!"
"And so sitting here with me right now is your consideration of 'special'?"
"Any moment spent in your presence is endlessly special."
Lily rolled her eyes, but couldn't keep from smiling. "Nice save, wanker."
Sirius grinned boyishly. "Does this mean you won't go running off to tell Dumble-Bee?"
Lily pursed her lips and glared at the drink cabinet. "I just can't believe you guys drink alcohol, let alone have a quaint little storage of it at hand. How long has this been going on?"
"Since about halfway through last year, I'd say. That's when I finally convinced Madame Rosmerta to allow me use of the more saucy refreshments," he recounted proudly.
Lily shook her head in disappointment. "Using your own sex appeal to get your hands on alcohol, of all things."
"So you think I'm sexy?" he said with a grin, missing the point per usual.
"Oh, get over yourself," Lily giggled.
"Your words, luv."
Sirius took his own goblet and sat down on the bed opposite Lily. "Enjoying your water?" he asked however innocently.
She began to nod amidst a gulp of it. Seeing Sirius's wickedly sparkling eyes, she coughed and spit out whatever she had in her mouth back into the goblet. "You put something in this, didn't you!" she shrieked.
Sirius cocked his head back in laughter. "That's why I love you, Evans. Always such a reaction. And, no, your drink is positively safe, scout's honor."
Lily shot him a scandalized look. "You may be the biggest prat alive, Black." She set the goblet aside nervously, regardless of her trust in his innocence.
"Something I pride myself on," he puffed up.
"You're going to drive some lucky girl stark crazy one day."
"I thought that's what I was already doing?" he smiled crookedly.
"You know what I mean."
"And you're going to be a ceaseless enjoyment for some lucky man, Miss Lily."
"I thought that's what I was already doing," she shot back.
"You are."
A moment of silence ensued. Sirius contented himself with stirring his drink with his pinky while Lily amused herself by watching.
"How've you been lately?" Lily asked randomly. Somehow the vague question struck her as necessary for the moment.
"What do you mean?" Apparently Sirius missed whatever epiphany that had hit Lily. He licked his brandy-soaked pinky.
"I mean…well, how are you? We see each other every day, yet it seems we never really talk."
"Sure we do—"
"No, I mean talk talk. About something that matters. So – how are you?"
Sirius thought it over a moment. He shrugged. "Getting by."
He decided to continue when he looked up to see Lily regarding him with curiously raised eyebrows.
"You know how it is…it's just all the studying for exams, dealing with the guys, worrying about summer and next year, with graduation, wondering what the hell I'm going to do after Hogwarts…" He shrugged again. "Just life." He took a final swig of his drink.
Lily tilted her head lightly. "Why are you worried about summer? I'd imagine that's something to look forward to."
"It is when you have somewhere to go," he said with a sardonic smirk.
"Oh, Sirius—"
"You know what, Lil, forget it. My woes aren't meant to be fretted over."
Sirius stood up to go refill his glass, but Lily grabbed his arm to hold him back. He looked at her puzzlingly.
"You don't always have to hide behind those big, blue eyes, you know." She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug. "But I'm sorry for whatever is making them look so sad."
Sirius's response was summed up by putting his arms around her as well and returning the embrace.
Neither of the two could find further words to speak, so they allowed time to slip by quietly as they took in the comforting feeling of a friend's arms.
When Lily ended the hug she slid her hands down to hold onto his to ensure he couldn't escape.
"Sirius, I…well, I know it isn't my place to say anything, or even know anything, but…Samantha mentioned something about you and…your family…"
The mere mention of the word darkened Sirius's features as his face took on a sour tone. He turned his head off to the side as if looking for some distraction to tear them away from this conversation. Lily noticed this and hesitated in continuing, but knew she must, if only to clear her conscience.
"I'm sorry if you don't want me knowing, I swear it was an accident that I found out in the first place – I just want you to know that, well if anything that I understand now about you and Sam, but more importantly that I think you're an incredible person, Sirius."
Sirius shifted a bit uncomfortably, as he obviously thought differently of himself.
"From my understanding, you were the first Black to be sorted into Gryffindor? Well, what do you think that says about yourself? It's obvious you're destined for great things, family or no family behind you. As horribly cheesy as it sounds, I know it's true, and so should you."
"Lily, you really don't have to—"
"Yes I do. Because I can't go on everyday watching you with your goofy antics when all I really see is the uncertainty underneath that it's meant to cover up. I guess what I'm saying is that… I need to know you're alright."
"Is there really such a thing?" he said bitterly. "I mean, I wasn't good enough for my own family, who's to say I'm good enough for anyone else?"
"Don't you dare entertain the idea. Have you failed to notice how dazzlingly popular you are? Every boy wants to be you, every girl wants to be with you—"
"Except for one."
"What? Who is she?"
Sirius stared pointedly at her. "The only girl who knows the real me. So what do you suppose that says?"
Lily gave a small gasp as the realization formed. "Oh, no, but Sirius, that has nothing to do with – it's just – you're still incredibly important to me, just not in that way. If anything, it is knowing the real you that has brought me closer to you."
His blue eyes couldn't handle the weight of Lily's stare, so he lowered his gaze. "You know what, just forget it."
Lily rubbed her thumb softly against his hands, which she was already holding. "Don't worry, because I won't," she said a bit ironically.
Sirius looked up and timidly returned a smile.
"Thanks."
Her steps seemed to echo all the more ominously down the dank corridor that night. The anticipation of what was waiting for her at the end heightened her sensitivity to light and sound so that she jumped at the slight rustle of a mouse skittering by, or the distant echo of laughter from behind her.
Breathe, she told herself. Breathe. Just make it to that door and you'll be fine.
Lily was heading to her first detention.
Okay, so it wasn't the electric chair or anything, but it nevertheless marred her perfect record. Plus the small detail of her having to spend several hours in the undesirable dungeons scrubbing cauldrons -- that she could have done perfectly well without.
She wasn't entirely sure of what to expect. James had mentioned the cauldron bit, but what else was there to it? Certainly the punishment had to extend beyond that. But how? She didn't fancy thinking too much into it. Her stomach was already on its fourth knot.
With these unfriendly possibilities creeping around in her mind, Lily came upon the door. Now all she had to do was open it…just turn the knob…and open it…
Well, that's funny. The knob just turned for itself.
"Miss Evans?"
Lily raised her eyes to meet the steely grey of Professor Voros's.
"Were you planning on standing out here all day, or should I fetch you a chair?"
"Well, no Professor, I—"
"Yes, yes, enough of that," he snapped as he bustled her into the room. "You may join Mr. Potter over there who is already showing strong signs of slacking."
Lily did as she was told, setting herself in a seat next to James, who looked quite nonchalant with his seat leaning on the back two legs and his feet resting on the table before him. He flashed her a friendly smile as she sat down, unknowingly melting those knots into butterflies.
"You know the drill, Potter," Voros barked. "I'll return in two hours, by which time I expect to see spotless cauldrons singing your praises."
"Aye, aye, captain," James saluted.
"Don't call me captain!" He turned to leave but stopped to regard James once more. "And get your feet off my table!"
The professor left in a huff, mumbling bitterly, "…insolent boy … no regard for school property … terror to us all…"
The door closed in a half-hearted slam, leaving Lily and James to their own devices.
"So he just leaves you?" Lily broke the silence.
"Yep," James said, sliding his feet off the table and stretching his arms over his head. "Thing is, the door is bewitched so that it won't open until all the cauldrons are clean. There's also this bugger of a spell on the cauldrons to prevent magic from being used to clean 'em."
"It's all so organized," Lily said with a kind of awe.
"Not for long. Sirius and I are this close to cracking the cleaning spell. So far all of our attempts have only made the cauldrons dirtier," he grimaced. "But never fear! There's always next week."
"Do you try to get detention, or something? How else would you know you'll be back next week?"
"Oh, my dear, as if I would have to try. It just comes naturally, don't you know."
"And I suppose you get some sort of thrill out of it?"
"A man's got to live for something."
Thus they began scrubbing. James was working on his fifth cauldron when Lily was just finishing up her first. James had to bite his tongue to prevent laughing at the manner in which Lily was polishing the already shining exterior with her sleeve, then, in dissatisfaction, frowning and polishing it again.
"Er, Lils, this is no time to be a perfectionist."
He grabbed it from her overly zealous hands and tossed it into the pile behind them. Lily watched in horror.
"But I wasn't—!"
"Yes you were. You were done probably ten times over. Now, I know you're new to this and all, but let's not get ridiculous."
Lily accepted the cauldron James was handing her in a huff. "Hmph. Well I didn't know scrubbing away crusty potions from old pots was such an art."
"That's just it. It's not. It seems you're trying to make it one."
Lily continued to glare at James darkly. "Maybe it should be. Could give it some class," she noted haughtily.
James smirked at her. "You're a real piece of work, Evans, you know that?"
"I could use some reminding," she said, mirroring his expression.
Soon enough, Lily got into the rhythm of the quick scrub, causing more than one appraising glance from her partner.
"So…" Lily began airily. "It was quite an enlightening experience hanging out with Sirius in your dorm the other day. What was most interesting was his drink of choice. Whiskey, was it? No, no, brandy. Yes, that's it." She peered at James accusingly. He winced in response.
"Dammit. I knew if any of you girls got wind of that, we'd never hear the end of it."
"And rightly so! James, I can't believe you."
"Look, it's just for celebration or the like. Winning a quidditch match, holidays, things like that."
"Yeah, Sirius claimed as much…as he sat right in front of me and drank it due to nothing better to do. Real celebration there, eh? It's just…" She bit her lip and looked James cautiously in the eye. "I've seen what that stuff can do to people. It's terrible. And…I don't know what I would do with myself if anything ever happened to you."
Lily allowed herself a moment of vulnerability before realizing that self-consciousness had caught up with her. She hurriedly turned her focus back to the cauldron at hand and began scrubbing haphazardly. James, however, was still lost somewhere back in memory of her emerald stare, so unadulterated and natural, as if it were the first time it had truly seen.
"Or, I mean, any of the other guys, too, of course," Lily continued shakily. "I'm terribly concerned over them, as well."
"Of course," James replied automatically.
An awkward, at least on Lily's part, pause crept up. Lily continued accosting the poor cauldron while James watched her from the corner of his eye.
"Sirius drinks the most," James spoke softly. "I'm almost concerned, but…he always manages to laugh it off, you know? Make it nothing. He's persuasively easygoing like that."
"I know what you mean," she responded pensively.
They fell into a sort of thoughtful silence, each pondering over their own worries. Even when words go unspoken, having a someone next to you in times as such, the concerns seem pass over your mind a bit easier.
In true Marauder fashion, James decided to be rid of the silent atmosphere and add some spice.
"So you know one of my dirty secrets - about the liquor cabinet - now it's your turn to share," James said with a wicked grin.
Lily raised an eyebrow. "I fail to see how that works. I stumbled across that secret by chance. That by no means entitles you to hear something from me."
"Aw, come on, Lil," he gave his best doggy pout, "don't be a spoil-sport. Let's get some dirt."
Lily perused this idea over in her head a moment before complying.
"Fine. It's not so much a dirty secret as it is, uh, a sort of dilemma. Concerning one of my friends."
"Who would that be?"
"I'd rather not say…but someone important to me. Well, very important actually. That's just the problem, this person is SO important to me that…well, it's almost all I ever think about. But they don't even know it, and I don't know how to tell them. I'm afraid if I do tell them then it'll ruin everything or I'll just end up a terrible mess. Or both, I don't know. What's worse is that I know right now isn't the right time to say it, but I'm not sure when then right time will come up, or if it ever will. It's just…driving me crazy and I don't know what to do about it." Lily spoke frenziedly and almost completely to her hands, only glancing up once or twice to make sure James was still following.
Which he did very well. Playing the part of the perfect listener, he nodded his head along in understanding with a solemn yet complaisant expression.
Lily continued reluctantly, worried with every passing second that James would figure out the already hopelessly obvious truth behind her dilemma. At first that was her intention, but her boldness was quickly failing her. "Maybe I shouldn't even be feeling this way at all, but I can't help it, and I can't help that it's not going away despite how hard I wish it to. So, well, I guess I'm just a bit of a bloody wreck right now, not quite sure what to do with myself."
James smirked, however lightly. "Quite a predicament, I'll say. But not one I'm unfamiliar with."
Lily bit her lip and dared to lift her eyes to look at him. She noticed his easygoing features melt into something a bit more indescribable. He looked almost…bitter?
"James…?" she tried softly, wondering why he had turned so cold. Apparently James didn't care to hear her.
"I say you go for it," he said decisively, his face now void of any such emotion. "Just do it. Tell hi—or, you know, whoever, how you feel. You're not helping anyone by keeping it in, especially not yourself. You can't live life watching carefully from the sidelines. You have to put yourself out there and play along. You may get hurt, you may wish you had stayed right where you were, but then how would you ever know how it feels to score?"
Lily listened with eagerness. Maybe it was the way his words made incredible sense, or it could just be those beautiful lips they were coming from… She was inspired. He was right, she should do it. And she would.
Right now.
With the endorphins from James's words pulsing through her, Lily reached for his hand and held it tightly. She scooted herself ever so subtly over to him and tried her best not to fall apart. "You always know what to say. I love that about you."
James smiled a bit, further inducing Lily to continue.
"You know," she spoke softly and thoughtfully, "there's something about you that makes me look forward to waking up everyday. Maybe it's in your smile, or your eyes, or how you always know what I need to hear. I don't really know, and frankly, I don't care. All I know is that it leaves me dizzy with wanting more."
She scooted even closer. James sat like stone, silently returning Lily's zealous gaze. She inhaled a deep breath and began slowly inching her head forward to his.
Her words began fading into something below a whisper. "I guess I'm just trying to tell you something…James Potter…." Her eyes were fluttering closed.
He could feel her breath run past his cheek. It felt warm and sweet, oh so sweet. But she kept leaning in…what was she doing…
James's eyes widened. She was trying to tell him something? But...but…
He veered his head away at the last possible second. "Oh look we're finished I guess we can leave," he croaked breathlessly.
Lily flickered her eyes open in some sort of disbelief. And hurt, a whole lot of that, too. She watched in slow motion as James got up and dusted himself off uselessly. What was he doing? She had just opened her heart to him, no holding back, and all at his advice. What the hell went wrong?
Whatever it was, it left Lily with an emptiness a mile wide. Bitter rejection drowned out her senses and threatened to spill from her eyes. So many weeks, months, of waiting and wanting, dreaming and scheming, pining and craving, it all led to this. She could still feel the delicious anticipation of what his lips would taste like, no sooner realized than when they were replaced by the cold brush of his hair when he turned away.
He had turned away.
Lily felt the ache run down her cheek. She spared no energy wiping it away.
She stood up roughly, grabbed her bag, and rushed coldly past James, all the while wishing with all of herself that she could slip away into nonexistence.
James obviously noticed her rapidly crumbling state and became frantic with guilt. "Oh God, Lily, wait, please—"
"Don't you dare talk to me, James Potter, because I couldn't care less of what you have to say," she spat with as much determination as she could muster. It really was difficult to sound domineering through all those choked back tears.
She continued hurrying towards the door, never wasting a thought on what James was doing behind her.
Until she was forced to, however, because suddenly she was yanked backwards by the arm, spun around, and brought right into the lips that had rejected her but a moment before.
And they tasted exactly how she had imagined.
WOOOO. Yes, you read that correctly, THEY KISSED. Finally, right? Yeah and I was planning on going all out with describing it and such…but then I just fell in love with how it ends now so I decided to stop it there. Don't feel cheated though, now you just have something to look forward to as the beginning of the next chapter. ; )
Ciao and chocolates!