A/N - I had lots of fun writing this chapter. I love the Mer/Alex friendship, it's one of my favorites on the show. Right up there with the fabulous Mer/Christina friendship. Plus, I like writing arguments. So...lots of fun for me writing this chapter. Hopefully you guys will enjoy it and have some fun reading it! Thank you so much for the wonderful comments, I'm so happy that people are enjoying this story. An important note to remember this chapter - due to not yet sitting down and talking, Mer still thinks Derek is with Addison and he still thinks Mer is with Finn. Anyway, that's all of my rambling for now. Please, read away and review!

Meredith slid into a seat at an empty table in the cafeteria. She could see George seated several tables away, but he was with Callie. Their heads were bent close together, and Meredith didn't really feel like interrupting. She didn't really feel like eating either, but she didn't want to add collapsing at work to her list of mistakes, so she grudgingly pried open the lid on a container of pasta salad. Meredith had that uneasy feeling she always got when people were talking about her. She could feel the eyes on her as people cast barely concealed glances her way. Gossip spreads fast she thought bitterly. Meredith wasn't sure what they were saying, but she and Derek hadn't exactly been subtle the last time they'd had sex. It wasn't too subtle to go cry on his shoulder in a hallway either Meredith reminded herself as she violently skewered yellow and green noodles with her fork.

"Hey, I heard about your patient." Meredith looked up in surprise to see Alex sidle down into the seat next to her. She just blinked and nodded her head. "That's rough," he said, ripping the top off a bag of chips. Meredith sighed and nodded again.

"Yeah…" she said quietly. "I mean, I know it happens. I'm used to it happening, but when it's a little kid…" She shrugged and stabbed more pasta. "You know…they should be spared that sort of pain."

"How'd she take it?"

"Cried…she cried. She's still crying, I think. There's a social worker with her now, and her aunt's flying in from San Francisco." Alex let out a low whistle and Meredith nodded her head, smiling sadly at him. "Izzie's turned you all mushy inside," said Meredith at last. "Being sympathetic, looks of concern in your eyes."

"Shut up Grey," he said immediately, but the corners of his mouth were twitching up into a grin. The two of them sat quietly for awhile, just eating, until Alex looked up at Meredith thoughtfully. She was watching a table of nurses who kept turning around to look at them, speaking in over exaggerated whispers. "Are you okay?" he asked. Meredith jerked her head up instantly, nodding before she even opened her mouth.

"Oh yeah, of course. I'm…"

"Fine?" asked Alex. "Seriously, that's Meredith Grey code for 'my life's so fucked up I don't even know how to answer you'." Meredith rolled her eyes but didn't contradict him. "Is it cause everyone says you're back to doing McDreamy?"

"Everybody's saying that? Seriously? How do you know that?" Meredith moaned and let her head fall into her hands.

"Ha…it is true then," laughed Alex. "The nurses love me. They tell me things." He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms behind his head, a proud smirk on his face.

"Even after Olivia?" asked Meredith skeptically, raising her eyebrow.

"That was a long time ago. And anyway, we're talking about your problems not mine."

"We're not talking about my problems either. I don't have any problems." Alex made a little noise of disbelief, causing Meredith to sigh and set down her fork. "Fine, I have problems. I'm a dirty mistress and Addison hates me. I have no idea what I'm doing here."

"Side effect of screwing her husband," said Alex practically, and Meredith glared at him. "Just talk to Shepherd."

"I don't want to talk to Shepherd," said Meredith instantly.

"You don't want to talk to Shepherd?" Alex looked at her incredulously. "It's the girly thing. Talk about the feelings, worry about commitment, what everything means…"

"Seriously Alex?" asked Meredith, interrupting him. "The girly thing? I don't take long bubble baths when my boyfriend breaks up with me. I don't cry over chick flicks and tubs of ice cream. I have sex and I have tequila. I don't do the girly thing." Alex just smirked and shook his head. He sat up in his seat, seeming to catch sight of someone. "Dr. Shepherd!" he called out, waving an arm in the air. Meredith visibly cringed, twisting around to see Derek paying for a cup of coffee and looking curiously at them. "I believe Dr. Grey has an…um, a medical question for you."

"I will kill you," snapped Meredith, glaring darkly at Alex, but he just grinned back at her.

"Do the girly thing, Grey. It'll be good for you." He smirked and got up from the table, walking away as Derek came over.

"A question?" asked Derek curiously.

"No, he's lying," said Meredith flatly, staring intently at her food. She looked up when he moved to sit down next to her. "What are you doing?" she asked incredulously.

"Having my lunch." Derek grinned and took a sip of his coffee, propping his feet up on an empty seat.

"You can't sit here," hissed Meredith, scooting her chair back so they were sitting slightly farther apart.

"Why not?" Derek smiled lopsidedly at her, halfway between a smirk and a grin. Meredith looked away, trying not to focus on the memory of his lips brushing against her as he spoke. She wanted to reach out and run her hands through his hair, to bring back the sense of comfort and safety she'd felt on the gurney in the hallway. Instead she just shook her head, weaving her fingers together to keep them still.

"You can't eat with me in the middle of the cafeteria. You and I…together? People will talk. People are talking."

"So let them talk," said Derek, laughing as he glanced around the cafeteria. But Meredith just frowned at him again, and his expression turned serious. "Come on Mer, I know I've been stupid." Meredith shivered, but didn't stop him from continuing. "And I'm so sorry, but please, just stop running from me. Stop saying we don't mean anything. Please…that isn't like you."

"We don't," began Meredith, but she paused mid sentence because Derek had somehow wound his fingers with hers. Her hand was resting, looking very small and slender, on the upturned palm of his hand. She stared at the sight of their fingers curled tightly together, feeling as if her hand wasn't connected to her body, but rather something that she was watching from a distance. "…mean anything," she finished quietly, not wanting to look up from their hands.

"Your hands are cold," replied Derek, as if he hadn't heard her.

"Derek," said Meredith seriously, leaning forward but still not pulling her hand away. "Why don't you tell me what it means, what you're hoping to hear from me. Are you wanting me to tell you to leave Addison? Because I can't do that. If you want to leave her, it needs to be for yourself not because of something I say." Meredith sighed and looked up at him. Derek was watching her intently, his face failing to give away his emotions. "And if you don't want to leave her, then why are you sitting here?" continued Meredith quietly, forcing herself to draw a line that she wasn't sure she could keep from crossing. "I can't keep doing what we're doing. It's killing me. I don't want to have an affair with you Derek. I can't. I won't become my mother." She sighed and looked down, feeling a sudden unexpected rush of something she thought might be relief.

"An affair?" echoed Derek, looking genuinely shocked at her words. He shook his head and smiled at Meredith, squeezing her hand tightly. "I'm not asking you to have an affair with me, Addison and I…" But he was interrupted by a cheerful ringing melody and the sight of Meredith's cell phone vibrating across the table. "Dr. Grey, it's for you," he teased, sliding the phone towards her. Meredith gave in and smiled at Derek as she slipped her hand from his to answer the phone.

"Dr. Grey?" came an unfamiliar female voice.

"This is she…"

"Good, this is Dr. Dandridge's office calling. You stated that you want to come claim your dog's body?" Meredith swallowed hard and nodded her head, forgetting for a second that she needed to answer out loud.

"Oh…yes, sorry I do," she finally stammered. "Yes, very much. I want to." She glanced back at Derek who was watching her curiously.

"What time would be convenient for you?" Meredith glanced down at her watch, trying not to think about how much Finn must hate her if he didn't even want to call her himself about her own dog.

"Umm…I get off work at seven. I could swing by around 7:30 tonight, if that would be alright?" There was a brief pause, but after a moment the other woman spoke again.

"Yes, that will be fine Dr. Grey. We'll see you then."

"Right…thank you. Bye," said Meredith softly, slowly closing the phone and setting it on the table.

"That was…" began Derek, looking worriedly at her.

"About Doc," said Meredith

"Right." Derek nodded. "So that was Finn." Meredith narrowed her eyes, picking up on the slight edge that had crept into his voice.

"That was about Doc," she repeated, putting the lid back on her half eaten pasta salad. Derek just frowned and watched her gather up her things. Meredith glared at him, hating that he could look so upset over a phone call when he was the one who was married. "I've gotta go," she muttered, pushing back her chair. She was halfway to the trash when she paused and looked back at Derek. He was resting his head on his hand, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. Meredith didn't mean to speak, she meant to keep walking away. However, her hand still burned from holding his, and the words tumbled out before she could stop them. "I…I have to pick up Doc's body tonight," she stammered.

Derek sat up straight when she spoke, turning to stare at her, and Meredith felt a shiver run down her spine.

His eyes were piercing straight through her in that familiar way she both hated and loved, and could never quite manage to interpret. "At 7:30," Meredith continued, trying to hold her voice steady and hoping desperately that she hadn't just crossed the invisible line and gone back to having an affair. He nodded slowly as she started to walk away. "You can come if you want..."

-----

Addison had taken the day off. She couldn't remember the last time she had taken a day off just because she didn't feel like going to work, but she figured that since her marriage was over, she deserved one. She had spent the past several hours laying on her hotel bed in her robe and slippers, watching soap opera after soap opera. All the drama was starting to blur together in her mind, and she grabbed the remote, turning off the TV and heaving herself to her feet with a sigh.

She hadn't cried yet, not really. She'd had tears in her eyes, but she hadn't cried. She had almost called Mark though, after the doorman brought her suitcase up to the room for her the night before. It was a very nice hotel, her room had big windows and a large bed with about ten pillows. However, once the doorman closed the door, she was all alone. All the fluffy towels and the charming window seat, even the well stocked mini bar couldn't hide the fact that she was in an empty room. And so Addison had gotten out her phone and dialed Mark's number. She wasn't sure why, it felt almost like a reflex reaction. Get hurt by Derek, go find Mark, cause and effect, all that jazz. But she'd hung up before the first ring, caught herself just in time she decided. The cell phone was now safely hidden in the bottom of a drawer, tucked beneath the soft folds of Addison's favorite cashmere sweater.

Addison paced back and forth across the room, finally ending up in the bathroom staring at herself in the mirror. "Addison Montgomery…" she whispered to herself. "Dr. Montgomery…" She shook her head, trying to get used to the feel of her old name. It felt so strange on her tongue, like something was missing. Something is missing she reminded herself. She slipped her hand into the pocket of her robe, pulling out her wedding ring. She hadn't known what to do with it after she ripped it off her hand at a stoplight driving to the hotel. It had just sat in the pocket of her jacket and then been transferred to the pocket of her robe. Now it lay in the palm of her hand, looking so whole and perfect, so utterly undamaged. The slender gold band didn't have a single scratch on it, the diamond in the center still sparkled as much as it always had.

Addison rolled the ring around the palm of her hand, just staring at it, feeling the weight of it pressing lightly against her skin. Then, with trembling fingers, she set it down on the edge of the sink. Slowly she nudged at the ring just a little. It shifted slightly. Addison took a deep breath, and repositioned her finger with painstaking care, until the edge of her nail was resting against the diamond.

And then she pushed it.

The ring skidded over the edge of the sink, went tumbling down the smooth surface of the basin, making little clinking noises as it rolled. Addison couldn't look away, just watched and watched as the ring spun in tight, dizzying circles around the drain, and then finally slipped away out of sight. Gone, vanished, lost forever down the drain.

Addison let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Her pockets were empty, her hands were light and free, naked of everything save their French manicure. She wasn't sure how she expected herself to feel, but she hadn't thought she'd feel this…numb. It was gone. Her husband was gone, her marriage was gone. And now, even her ring was gone. Slowly, she turned her back on the sink and on the gaping drain. She shuffled across the room, letting herself fall back into the luxurious warmth of her empty bed. And then, Addison Montgomery finally started to cry.

-----

Meredith parked her car outside of Finn's, not really wanting to walk in. She hadn't talked to Derek since the afternoon, he hadn't said whether he was coming or not. In order to keep from being disappointed, Meredith had already decided he wasn't coming. That Callie was right, he was the sort of guy who wouldn't be there for her when she needed it. Still, she couldn't help scanning the empty street one last time before walking into Finn's office.

"Hello?" she called softly, and a woman sitting behind a desk waved her over. "I'm…um, I'm Meredith Grey. I'm here to pick up my dog." She frowned and shook her head. "Well, his body," she added sadly. The woman behind the desk smiled sympathetically.

"Of course dear," she said, and Meredith recognized her voice from the phone. "You can go on back." She gestured to a closed door.

"Oh…just right now? He's back there?"

"Yes," said the woman before turning back to the paperwork she was filing. Meredith nodded slowly, hoping she wasn't about to walk into some sort of animal morgue. But the secretary was already caught up in her work again, so Meredith shrugged and walked over to the door. She had barely made it two steps into the room before she froze.

"Finn…" she gasped. He was washing his hands at the sink but turned around at the sound of her voice.

"Meredith, hi."

"I'm sorry," stammered Meredith. "I'm just here to…umm get Doc. Your secretary…" Meredith pointed back at the closed door. "She said it was okay."

"Relax," said Finn gently, smiling at her. "I knew you were coming. I asked her to call you."

"Ohh…sorry. I thought you had her call because you were mad at me," mumbled Meredith looking down at the ground. "Our last conversation was umm…a little awkward."

"It was," laughed Finn, nodding his head. Meredith was still staring at the ground. Finn watched her for a moment, seeming to understand. "I don't hate you Meredith," he said gently. "I was shocked and disappointed, but I wasn't mad at you." Meredith slowly looked up to meet his eyes.

"You're not?" she asked cautiously. "I feel so bad about…everything, I guess."

"No…I just wish you could see that you deserve better. You deserve more then to have somebody turn you scary and damaged again." Meredith sighed and looked away, fidgeting with her hair. "How are things with Derek?" he asked after a moment, trying to make his voice light and cheerful.

"Umm about the same as always," mumbled Meredith, still not really looking at him.

"He's still…"

"Yeah, he still is," answered Meredith, cutting Finn off before he could say the word married. "Is Doc back here?" she asked hopefully, wanting to change the subject.

"Yeah, hold on a second." Finn disappeared into a small closet and reappeared holding a wooden box in his arms. He set it down on the table and Meredith walked over to it, running her hands along the wooden edges, feeling her eyes starting to tear up.

"You got him a box," she whispered. "You didn't have to do that."

"It was nothing. You loved your dog." Meredith nodded, still staring down at the box. "Derek…"

"What?" asked Meredith, looking up. "Finn, I don't…" But Finn wasn't talking to her, he was staring past her. Slowly Meredith turned around to see Derek standing in the doorway. "Derek," she said, smiling a little through her tears. "You came…" She turned back to the box, her fingers still tracing the grooves in the wood. "It's Doc…he's…" She shrugged her shoulders, and fell silent.

"Hey," said Derek quietly, walking over to her. "Are you okay Mer?" he asked, placing a hand on the box.

"Yeah…I guess. I still miss him," she said hoarsely, carefully avoiding both Finn and Derek's eyes.

"I know, I do too," agreed Derek before glancing up at Finn. "Evening Dr. Dandridge," he said coolly.

"Dr. Shepherd, how nice of you to join us. Will your wife be coming as well?"

"Finn, please…" begged Meredith, finally looking up.

"It's a fair enough question, she was one of Doc's caretakers," said Finn sharply, still staring at Derek through narrowed eyes.

"Actually, she's not coming, and she's not my wife anymore," said Derek quietly. Meredith whirled around to look at him.

"What?" she gasped. "Since when?"

"Since yesterday. We're getting a divorce."

"Seriously?" Meredith looked at him incredulously. "When were you going to tell me?"

"I've been trying to…" began Derek, but Finn cut him off.

"Typical," laughed Finn bitterly, shaking his head in disbelief. "First you don't tell her you're married, then you don't tell her you're not. Anything to mess her up just a little bit more, eh Shepherd?"

"What?" snapped Derek, his eyes flashing. "I never meant to hurt Meredith. She's the last person I would ever want to hurt."

"Umm…" stammered Meredith, looking anxiously back and forth between the two men arguing over her dog's dead body. "I think…" But they didn't seem to hear her, they were too busy glaring at each other.

"Right," snorted Finn. "Then why is she so messed up? Why is she so hurt? She wouldn't be caught up in this twisted mess if it wasn't for you. "

"Hey," said Meredith quietly. "I'm not messed up…alright no, I am. I'll give you that one." She was shaking her head in disbelief. She hadn't imagined it was possible for Finn to look so angry. His cheeks were flushed and he was leaning heavily on the table, his eyes boring into Derek.

"Oh and you think you know her so well? You think you know what's best for her?" Derek's blue eyes darkened until they appeared almost black. "You have no idea what Meredith's been through," he said. He wasn't yelling, but his voice was low and deadly serious.

"I know it's all because of you," snapped Finn, his voice rising. "You're the reason she hardly lets anyone in. You're the reason she won't let me make her happy."

"Maybe you just don't know how to," sneered Derek.

"Okay…umm, I'm just gonna go," stammered Meredith, moving forward toward Doc's box. "I'm just going to take my dog, and if we could all just breathe…" She struggled to lift the box, but it was a large box, and while she was readjusting her grip, Finn started yelling again. Sighing, she let the box rest back on the table and turned to look at him.

"No, you're the reason. You're the reason she cries, the reason she drinks herself senseless." Finn shook his head, looking at Derek in disgust. "You're the reason she thinks love is nothing more then being some man's mistress! What is she to you, just someone to fuck when you're bored with your wife? You make me sick Shepherd, she deserves better then you."

"Finn…don't, please don't say that…" pleaded Meredith, her voice shaky and barely more then a whisper. She was gripping Doc's casket tightly, as if to keep from falling down, and tears streaked her face. "I'm sorry…I'm gonna…I just wanted my dog…" stammered Meredith, speaking so softly that neither of them could even hear her. "I'm gonna go." Straining, she managed to lift the box in her arms and get it off the table.

Derek looked as if he was about to punch Finn, his fists clenched, his blue eyes dark as coal. When he spoke it was through clenched teeth. "What is she to me? What is she! I would die for her, gladly. She is everything to me." Meredith spun around to stare at Derek, her eyes wide with shock, nearly dropping the casket as she did. "You have no idea how much I love Meredith. None at all."

"Oh…" gasped Meredith, a rush of disbelief and hope and fear and a thousand other things she couldn't name overtaking her, and leaving her feeling completely overwhelmed. She felt her body begin to shake, her fingers grasping for a hold on the casket. She staggered forward, catching the box seconds before it crashed to the ground.

"Meredith," said Derek, turning instantly towards her. "Let me help you, you're going to hurt yourself."

"It's too heavy for you," said Finn, walking around the table to where they stood. "Let me carry it to your car."

Meredith looked back and forth between the two of them. Her mind was racing, leaving her feeling dizzy and breathless. "No, I've got it," she managed to stammer as she backed towards the door. "Really, I'm fine…thanks." Her eyes darted from Derek to Finn and back to Derek as she clutched Doc's box desperately to her chest. The wood was digging painfully into her arms and Meredith knew that if she stood there much longer she really would have to let them help her. "I'm good," she whispered, wanting desperately to just be left alone for a few minutes. To have a chance to think, a moment to process everything she'd heard. The world had started reeling when Derek said that he loved her, and it hadn't stopped yet.

And so Meredith turned and walked out the door, going as fast as the box she was holding would let her. She didn't look up when the secretary called out a puzzled "goodnight dear." She just kept on walking until she was outside, until she felt like she could try to breathe again. Her fingers were sore and splintered, her arms and back throbbing from the stress of the casket. She stumbled again, finally giving up and letting the box fall to the ground. It landed on her toe and Meredith winced in pain. She sank down onto the grass, cursing as she rubbed her foot. After a moment, the pain lessened and Meredith closed her eyes, sighing as she leaned back against the door of her car. She still felt completely overwhelmed.

Derek Shepherd had said he loved her, and now the world just wouldn't stop reeling.