CRASH AND BURN-Craig

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart

As I pulled up to the front of the school for the first time in four months, I felt a sense of calming come over me.

I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

Recording in Vancouver was amazing…just like I always thought it would be, but it was stressful and I felt like something was missing.

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night

Something was missing from my heart, like the void it had after mom died, or the wound that formed after dad's death. It was something much more than that.

If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

My mom died, leaving me with an abusive dad, I moved out and went to live with my step dad, had my dad die at the end of the year after he hit me once again.

In grade 10 I two timed both Ashley and Manny, then had both of them dump me only 20 seconds apart, wrote an apology song to Ash-resulting in her still hating my guts, and Manny getting together with JT Yorke, won recording time in a studio.

The next year I got a whole bunch of money from my dead dad, spent $4,000 on a new guitar, resolved issues with Ashley, was partially responsible for the break-up between Spinner and Paige because of fighting over Spinner for Manny, in front of Paige, at her work-eventually, Spinner got Manny-threw out the chance to record for another try with Ashley, found out I was bi-polar after trashing Ash's dad's wedding, having her decline my proposal and beating the shit out of Joey, started going to group therapy, by Ashley's request, got picked up to record for Kevin Smith's new movie, Jay and Silent Bob go Canadian, eh?-which I was going to do with Ash before she let me for England for the summer…

"Look why are you here doing this? Are you off your meds?"
"No I'm not off my meds. I'm here cause I love you and I have plans."
"Yeah so do I Craig and you said you were okay with them. You said it repeatedly, so what is this!"
"This is me trying to figure out how we're gonna spend the summer together. You think I'm having an episode!"
"I don't know what to think. Look I need space. I need to get away."
"Oh! Okay."
"From you. Look Craig, I love you, but ever since my dad's wedding it's just been me worrying, me watching for signs, watching what I say."
"Why won't you just believe me? I'm better now. I'm okay. I am."
"E-mail me okay? I'll see you in September.

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find

Well, she didn't come in September, or October…she didn't come back. She met some guy in London with a cool accent who according to what Ellie said about Ash's e-mail was "really, really together". And this I found out on my birthday…some friends. So I went back to my house, threw a manic depressive fit; then had to explain to Joey that yes I did take my meds, and ignored Ellie for the next two days, and probably would've continued doing so until she came by my house and basically put me in my place, she then became the drummer of the new Downtown Sasquatch. And in-between all that, a video was released of a drunken Manny flashing the camera, I watched on as once again her rep was trashed, but all I could do was feel bad mixed with yet another feeling that I couldn't figure out.

You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head

A few months, and a shit load of rehearsals later, we got our first gig. Boost to the face, right? As I was heading to the Caf that day to tell Ellie the good news, I saw Peter harassing Manny, the guy had trashed her rep already more so than it already was, the beginning of it caused by me…So I protected her, and had the first real conversation with her since my really bad apology, which came out wrong. I invited her to the gig, issues happened-namely Ellie throwing a drumstick at Manny's head-and it ended early, as well with Ellie being mad at me…something about me being a perv and Manny… Manny and I got back together the next day, it wasn't planned, I just wanted to talk to her, at least I think that's what my intentions were…either way, I'm glad we did.

When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

Four months later, me and the band were preparing for the Northern Sound Showcase…the biggest band competition in Toronto. And a manager picks us up! I was getting another chance at being a rock star! Leo said that Ellie's drumming needed work. So me, being the asshole, and insensitive jerk I am, spent more time with my drummer, then with my girlfriend…who I knew supported me and was tired of always seeing Ellie and me in compromising positions. And what's worse…it still didn't payoff. Leo said to get a new drummer…I said no, almost blowing my chance…

Ellie talked me into going solo. She said I'd be able to win it.

"What about Manny? Or Angie, or Joey?"

"Don't worry about them, they'll be fine, they'll manage."

Before even going to the second round of the showcase, I talked to Manny about it. I wanted her to know what was going on, and how she felt about it. And she was happy for me. She encouraged me. She was there at the first round of the showcase, at the photo shoots, at all the rehearsals, at the second round of the showcase, and she was there with me at the airport while I left to go fulfill my dreams.

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night

I kept in contact with everyone. They let me know what I was missing, how everyone was doing and what was going on in Degrassi.

If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

And Ellie was right, but that's what best friends are for, Manny and I did manage. We talked on the phone often, texted, e-mailed and IMed each other as often as we could. And I felt happy when talking to her. But it always felt like something was missing.

'Cause there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again

Coming home was a surprise, and there was one person I was looking for more than anyone.

"You miss me?" I said as she turned around and saw me. "Hey."
"You know it! I can't believe you came!" She said as we hugged for the first time in four months.
"Like I could miss this for the world." I said smiling at her.

I looked around the crowd and saw my friends hugging each other. Ash was there, but there were no feelings left. Nothing surfaced. I smiled at her and Ellie, and waved. Ash waved back and I knew that even without talking, we both had no hard feelings for the other.

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you

I turned my attention back to Manny, and looked into her eyes. I realized what I was missing. I missed the feeling of home, the security I got from her. Manny was what was missing while I was in Vancouver. She was the one that never left my mind since entering Degrassi.

Give me a moment please

I stood at the steps with my arms around Manny, Emma and Peter next to us and watched my class throw their caps in the air. And while I did wish that I was up there with them, at the same time, it felt good to be watching them. Recording in a studio was where I belonged, and these kids helped get me there.

To tame your wild wild heart

When the last cap hit the ground, I had only one thought left for them. Maybe I'll turn it into a song…

Whatever you do, wherever you go, whether near or so far, I know you'll be great. You already are.

CRASH AND BURN belongs to Savage Garden

I had actually thought about doing THEN I DID by Rascal Flatts, but it didn't really fit too well, but I might re-write this to that song. Meh..I dunno..I kinda like it, but I'm not to sure...

No pun intended by the title and the refrence to the Craig/Ashley relationship. It just worked for Craig.

R&R…be honest