A/N - This is a somewhat shorter, transitional chapter to get from the argument to what I want to happen next chapter. Anyway, I'm super tired so this is a short note as well. I just wanted to say thanks so much for the lovely reviews. I'm really happy you guys seem to find the characters believable, that's been a goal of mine. So anyway, thanks again. Please review and enjoy the story!


"Oww…" muttered Meredith, staring down at her hand. "Oww, oww!" She was sitting in the grass with Doc's box by her feet, struggling to get a splinter out of her finger. But it was in her right hand, and she was fumbling unsuccessfully at it with her left, only managing to shove the sliver of wood in a little bit deeper. She gasped and bit her lip, trying to ignore how ridiculous she must look sitting in the grass with a dead dog at her feet, muttering to herself.

"Meredith?" She glanced up to see Derek walking towards her. He knelt down beside her, his eyes filled with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Splinter," she mumbled, showing him her finger.

"Oh…give me your hand," he said softly. Meredith stared stubbornly at the grass, but let him take her hand. She winced as he touched the splinter. It was a thin little sliver, and he couldn't quite get it with his bare hands. "Do you have any tweezers Meredith?" he asked.

"In my bag," she said, nudging her purse towards him with her foot, trying not to smile at how he had slipped completely into his doctor voice over a simple splinter. "So…" continued Meredith as he fished through the makeup bag in her purse. "After I left…back there, the two of you…you didn't beat each other up did you?" Derek made a short low sound, a bit like laughing, and shook his head.

"No, we didn't."

"Mmhmm," said Meredith softly, not even wanting to imagine what the two of them had said after she'd left. She felt a sudden small stab of pain in her finger, and turned back to see Derek pull the splinter out. "Thanks," she whispered as his fingers traced along the lines of her palm, brushing against her fingertips.

"Of course." Derek turned to look at her, smiling as he slipped the tweezers back into her purse. Meredith smiled hesitantly back before turning to stare at Doc's casket. The two of them sat together in silence, leaning against the door of Meredith's car. She was trying to forget the fact that she had just been in the middle of a very huge, very unexpected argument, but it wasn't working. She had to ask.

"Derek…" began Meredith shakily. He nodded instantly, looking back at her, but Meredith kept her eyes trained on the ground. "What Finn said…about you and me." She paused and bit her lip, not really wanting to ask but forcing herself to go on. "What he said, that wasn't true, right? I'm not just some girl you screw, just because you're bored with your marriage?"

"No Meredith, no. A thousand times no. You can't seriously believe that," said Derek, grasping her hand tightly. He was staring straight into her, watching her so intently that Meredith gave in and looked up to meet his eyes. His face was completely serious. "I meant everything I said."

"You did?" whispered Meredith. Derek frowned, seeming shocked that she would even need to ask.

"Yes. I did," he continued gently, his fingers still tracing circles over her palms, making her hands tingle. "I love you Meredith." Meredith felt that overwhelming reeling sensation come rushing back and she looked away.

"Oh," she managed to gasp, her voice still little more then a whisper. Derek nodded slowly.

"I'm sorry about Addison, about everything that's happened with us. For going back to her when all I wanted was to stay with you." His voice trailed off and he fell silent. Meredith closed her eyes to keep from crying, letting her fingers lace together with Derek's. "I'm sorry I hadn't told you about leaving Addison," he continued after a moment. "I meant to…"

"No," interrupted Meredith, grateful for a comment she could finally reply to calmly. "I know you meant to. I haven't exactly been letting us talk, remember?" She risked a quick glance at Derek, the corners of her mouth twitching upwards. He smiled in agreement and nodded his head. "I left Finn," she added softly. "A few days after the prom."

"Yeah?" said Derek, his voice soft and gentle, not pushing for further explanation.

"Yeah," echoed Meredith, shaking her head. "Pretty much because I was sleeping with you." She paused and looked thoughtfully down at her hands, hating the idea the second it formed in her mind. "Is that what ruined your marriage?" she stammered quietly. "Me sleeping with you…is that…did that make you get divorced?" She looked worriedly up at Derek, feeling suddenly helpless and very guilty. "I didn't mean to destroy your marriage," she said softly.

"No it didn't, you didn't destroy it Mer." Meredith nodded cautiously, still watching him warily. "I can't say it helped save anything," he added with a wry smile. "But no, that didn't destroy us. Addison and I…our marriage was over a long time ago. Before prom, before I met you, before Seattle. Even before Mark." He sighed heavily and looked away, staring out at the sky. The light was starting to fade, the horizon beginning to turn orange and red. "Addison and I had been prolonging the end for a very long time. We've just been two people living together, coexisting. It takes something more then that to make a marriage. You just helped me realize that…" His voice trailed off again and Meredith nodded, letting her head fall down to rest against his shoulder. The world seemed still and peaceful, the sunset painting the sky with ribbons of color. Meredith didn't want to have to move, she didn't want to have to consider what came next. To have Derek back, completely back, was all that she had wanted for months and it suddenly seemed completely possible. There was no more Addison, no more marriage. There was nothing to hold them back, and yet, Meredith had never felt more afraid. She felt paralyzed on the brink of something enormous that she couldn't fully understand, and so she just sat there.

"So…" said Derek at last, twisting around to look at her.

"So," echoed Meredith softly.

"What do you want to do now?" It was a loaded question, full of "What are we?" and "Where do we go from here?" Meredith shook her head, not wanting to answer or even knowing how.

"I don't know," she whispered, still staring out at the sunset. "I don't know Derek." He sighed and nodded, his lips pursed tightly together.

"Well," he said, breaking the silence that had fallen over them again. "For now, we could just go and bury Doc?" His voice was low and gentle, as if he understood how overwhelmed she felt. Meredith found herself straightening up and smiling as she turned to look at him.

"Yeah," she agreed quietly. "We could do that."

-----

It was dusk by the time Meredith stood in the clearing overlooking the water, watching as Derek dug a hole. The water was a deep indigo, shimmering on top from the pale light of a sliver moon and the stars that were just starting to appear. The sky stretched endlessly overhead, and everything smelled fresh and green and alive. Meredith breathed in deeply, realizing just how much she had missed this place. Derek turned to look at her, a strange bright light in his eyes as he watched her standing there, her long hair blowing about in the wind.

"You're shivering," he said.

"No, I'm fine," argued Meredith, shaking her head. But a particularly cold gust of air blew in off the water, and she shivered noticeably. Derek just smirked and set down the shovel, walking towards her.

"Come here, you horrible liar," he laughed as he caught her arm and pulled her towards him. "Your hands are like ice, you're freezing. Take this." Meredith shook her head again to protest, but he had already slipped his jacket off and wrapped it around her. It lay heavily on her shoulders, smelling vaguely of leather and aftershave and Derek. Meredith smiled despite herself, and leaned towards him.

"Fine," she agreed, her voice dipping low and soft. "If you insist."

Derek nodded slowly, his hand brushing against her cheek. Meredith swallowed hard and shivered again despite the sudden warmth of Derek's coat. Their lips were hovering barely an inch apart, and she knew Derek could probably feel her heart beating rapidly against his chest. It would be so easy to lean in and kiss him, and yet she felt frozen. It shouldn't be a big deal Meredith reminded herself. You rip off his pants without any problem. But somehow, she knew it was a big deal. They were standing outside where they had been them, where they had spent mornings curled up together in blankets, watching the sunrise before driving in to work. They were standing in a place that had been completely private and their own, from before the name Addison meant anything to her…and Meredith couldn't fool herself. It would mean something to kiss Derek here. It would be the kind of kiss Meredith knew she could get hurt from again, and so instead she shied away, clearing her throat.

"Are we gonna bury Doc?" she mumbled as she looked down at the empty hole in the ground..

"Yeah," said Derek, giving her a sad smile. They didn't speak as they took the box that held Doc and slowly lowered it into the ground. But when the last shovel of dirt had been tossed back into the hole, Meredith sank to her knees and looked up at Derek, her hand reaching out to pat the cool damp earth.

"You know," she began quietly. "I know I shouldn't cry, I mean it seems like nothing when Izzie's lost Denny. I just lost a dog…not the man I was going to marry, but still…" She shrugged and looked back down at the grave. "I do miss him."

"I know," agreed Derek, kneeling down beside her. "People miss their dogs though Meredith, we can miss our dog." Meredith smiled a little, flopping down on her back in the grass.

"I've missed the stars out here too," said Meredith softly before she could stop herself. But the sky was dark now and stars were scattered all over the deep blue-black of the night, hundreds of brilliant little drops of white. They were too perfect to not mention. Derek sighed in agreement. Meredith shifted and caught sight of the trailer in the distance. "Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"Is…umm, does Addison still live here?"

"No," said Derek softly. "She went to a hotel."

"Oh. Right," mumbled Meredith, not really sure why she asked or why she and Derek were still laying in the grass staring at the stars. "Derek?" she asked again, and Derek rolled over to look at her.

"Meredith Grey," he said, grinning down at her as he spoke. Meredith sighed and smiled, feeling on the verge of turning back into the brand new intern falling head-over-heels for her boss. It took a great deal of effort, but Meredith managed to prop herself up on her elbows and shoot him a completely serious look.

"I'm not staying here tonight," she said evenly, her eyes searching Derek's face as she spoke. He didn't flinch or even seem surprised, he simply nodded his head.

"I figured as much," he said at last, with only the vaguest hint of a smirk playing across his face. They stared at each other for a moment, and Meredith wondered if they were about to do the whole serious discussion thing. But Derek just sighed and got up, and Meredith felt a sudden wash of relief. "Come on." He reached down for her, and pulled her easily to her feet.

"Derek…I'm," stammered Meredith. He nodded, watching her expectantly. They were standing close together, their eyes shining brightly in the darkness. Meredith realized it would be dangerously easy to forget everything bad that had happened between them, to trust as blindly and foolishly as she had before, and the thought made her dizzy. She shivered and pulled away. "Nothing…" she whispered. "I've gotta go."

-----

Meredith sighed as she pushed open her front door. Her body felt heavy and exhausted, and she just wanted sleep.

"Well look who finally came home."

Meredith frowned in confusion. The voice wasn't Izzie's or George's. But it was a familiar one, just one that was rarely in her home. It was Alex's. She walked into the front room to find him sitting comfortably on her couch, his feet propped up and a huge plate of leftover cupcakes in his lap. Izzie was sitting next to him, holding the remote in her hand and flipping almost violently through the channels.

"What are you doing here Alex?" asked Meredith, grimacing apologetically as she heard how harsh her voice came out. But then she remembered how he'd called Derek over during lunch, and she resumed her glaring.

"You drove Izzie to work, and left her without a way to get home," replied Alex as he crammed half a cupcake into his mouth.

"Oh…" gasped Meredith. "Shit, I'm sorry Iz. I wasn't thinking, I went to go get my dog's body." Great job there, thought Meredith instantly. I just had to bring up dead things. But Izzie didn't seem to mind, just shrugged and set down the remote.

"It's fine. Don't worry," she said, but as she turned to look at Meredith, her expression changed. She raised an eyebrow, the corner of her mouth lifting up into a half smile. "Meredith," she began slowly, and Meredith nodded. "Whose jacket are you wearing?"

"Um," said Meredith hesitantly, only then realizing that she still had Derek's coat draped over her. She tugged it a little closer, her fingers lingering gently over the fabric. "It's Derek's."

"Ha," laughed Alex, leaning forward eagerly. "Come on, lets have our evening update. The sexcapades of Seattle Grace's very own dirty mistress!" He rubbed his hands together and wiggled his eyebrows, and didn't stop laughing until Izzie shot him a dirty look.

"First of all, did you just say sexcapades?" asked Meredith in disbelief. "If Christina were here right now, she would slap you for that. Secondly, I didn't have sex with him today, we buried our dog. And thirdly," she continued, rather shocked at the note of pride that was creeping into her voice. "I'm once again an ex mistress. He's getting a divorce."

"Seriously? Shepherd finally gave it up?" Alex blinked and dropped the cupcake he was holding. Meredith just nodded, sinking down to sit on the floor.

"Oh Mer, that's great. I'm really, really happy for you," gushed Izzie, but Meredith could hear the slight note of tension that had slipped into her voice. Izzie smiled happily but her eyes seemed to glisten a little, and she started flipping quickly through the TV channels again.

"Yeah…" agreed Meredith awkwardly, leaning forward to snatch a cupcake. "So…umm, how'd things go with Bailey?"

"Okay," said Izzie softly. "She told me lots of different things I could do, like switching to a different specialty or working outside of a hospital in a clinic." She paused and looked down at her lap, but Alex leaned forward, touching her gently on the arm. She glanced back up, a fleeting smile crossing her face. "I don't know what I want to do," she continued. "Bailey said I could come and work in the pit whenever I wanted…maybe take on a case or two if I felt I could handle it. That way, I could still log hours as an intern. It would make it easier if I decided I wanted to go into a different field, or…go back…go back into surgery." Izzie fell silent again, fidgeting nervously with the strands of hair that had escaped from her ponytail.

"That's great Izzie," said Meredith warmly. "Are you going to…we all miss you, you know."

"Yeah…I don't know," shrugged Izzie. "Maybe. I mean the pit is hardly glamorous, but it would be doing something. I don't know," she repeated. "But Bailey was really nice about it, she said she didn't want to see me waste my gift." A proud little half smile crept across Izzie's face. "She was very un-Bailey-like, almost like one of those really cool moms that exist only on TV."

"Yeah…seriously," snorted Meredith and Alex at the same time. They both glanced up, their eyes meeting over the coffee table as they exchanged a quick grimace over their shared parental issues.

"She said I wasn't allowed to let you guys know she could be nice," added Izzie happily, leaning back into the pillows. The sound of the house phone ringing in the kitchen filled the air, and Meredith scrambled to her feet, offering to go answer it. She reemerged a moment later, standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"It's for you Iz…" she said quietly as she hesitantly offered Izzie the phone. The atmosphere in the room changed instantaneously, all the laughter just fading away. Izzie pressed the phone to her ear with a trembling hand, and walked immediately out of the door and into the kitchen. Meredith and Alex sat in silence, staring at the empty doorway. They couldn't hear anything more then the occasional mumbled sound of agreement. Meredith chewed anxiously on her lip, and Alex sat with his head in his hands. Izzie was only gone for a minute or two, but time seemed to have slowed to a crawl. When she finally reappeared, her face was ashen and her eyes looked hollow. Tears were already starting to spill down her cheeks.

"Denny's…" she stammered, nearly choking as she tried to get out his name. "His funeral is Thursday morning." Her voice had faded to barely more then a whisper by the time she had made it to the word morning. In two days thought Meredith instantly, realizing in a rush of relief that she actually had the day off. The phone clattered to the floor and Izzie looked down, seeming surprised that she had dropped it. She shrugged and let out a miserable little moan, her shoulders starting to shake. "I can't…how am I…I can't watch him go in the ground," managed Izzie, her eyes growing wide and desperate.

"You can do it," said Alex quietly, getting up and leading her back to the couch. "I know it seems impossible to watch, but you can do it. You're strong enough." He took her shaking hands in his, and Izzie looked up hesitantly at him.

"I don't know…" she began.

"No, you can Izzie. You need to do this, you need to give yourself a chance to say goodbye to him." Izzie nodded slowly. "And we'll all be there for you."

"Yeah, we will," agreed Meredith, watching Alex in amazement. He was radiating that same bizarre quality of honesty, gentleness and firmness that he'd had when he lifted Izzie away from Denny's body. Meredith was having a hard time fitting kind concerned Alex and the typical smartass into the same body, but she didn't say anything. She could see how much he cared for Izzie written plainly in his eyes. And somehow it seemed to reach through to Izzie because she nodded again, this time with more confidence.

"Okay," she said quietly. "Okay…"

"Okay," repeated Alex, and Izzie fell into him with a sigh. Meredith walked over and gave Izzie a hug. With her head on Alex's shoulder, Izzie managed to smile a little through her tears, and Meredith left the two of them alone to the strange and silent understanding they seemed to have.

-----

When Meredith finally laid down on her bed, she was greeted with a familiar and frustrating problem. She was exhausted, and yet she couldn't sleep. She rolled over on her side, glaring in the dark at the empty half of the bed to her right. That was the real problem. It was empty and she didn't know exactly why she'd wanted it empty. For the first time in months, it could easily have Derek in it. Or…thought Meredith. I could be in his bed…his bed's half empty now too. She sighed and rolled back over, positioning herself so that she lay in the very middle of the bed in an attempt to hide the emptiness. But her head hit the headboard and she groaned in frustration. Great…now I'm imagining him on top of me realized Meredith.

Nothing seemed to help. She was having a hard time forgetting that Derek had said he loved her, and she had no idea what to do about it. She felt relieved, thrilled. No, ecstatic, Meredith mentally corrected herself. And confused and completely terrified. When she thought about it for too long, that strange dizzy feeling would return and she would find herself swept up and involuntarily remembering countless moments with Derek. Fleeting glances, long conversations, crying in his arms, lots and lots of sex. But mostly, it was that indescribable feeling of perfect happiness, of something so safe and lasting and so completely wonderful that it almost seemed impossible for it to be real. That was what she remembered most. That, and of course the gut wrenching, hollow feeling that had consumed her on the day that everything had been shattered and snatched away from her.

"Stupid empty bed," muttered Meredith, sitting up and switching on the lamp by her bed. She blinked in the sudden light, her eyes landing on her phone where it lay nestled in its charger. She contemplated getting up and calling Derek. She wasn't sure how she knew for sure, but she knew he would answer if she called. He would pick up and say hello, his voice low and a little hoarse, the way it always got in the middle of the night. Derek would lay there and let her talk about anything, about Izzie and her grief, or work, or her mother…whatever it took so that her mind could finally stop spinning and she could fall asleep. Meredith wished that she could call, but she just couldn't do it. Her hand flat out refused to reach over and grab the phone. Just think about nothing, Meredith reminded herself. But her bed was obviously empty and so was Derek's, and Finn's, and Addison's. Meredith got up and padded over to the window, staring out at the dark street and trying to ignore the idea that four people were probably lonely tonight all because of her.

As she shifted to peer further down the quiet street, Meredith's hand grazed against something soft and warm. It was Derek's jacket, draped over the back of a chair. Meredith reached out for it automatically and pulled it towards her. It still smelled completely like Derek. She sighed and walked back to bed, turning off the lamp and curling up beneath the jacket as if it was a blanket. Meredith's eyes were closing before she even realized it, her body finally giving in to exhaustion and the soft folds of the bed, coaxed quickly along by the simple presence of the jacket spread over her.