A/N - My apologies for the somewhat slower update with this chapter. For some reason, it was very difficult to write. I had all the various scenes planned out, but I kept switching the order in which they happened around. I think I changed it about five times before coming up with this sequence. So anyway, that's why this took a bit longer. And thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed my story. Seriously, it totally makes my day to hear that someone is enjoying reading this. That's all for now, read away and hopefully enjoy and comment!


Meredith hadn't meant to be late for work, but she had spent an extra half hour laying in bed wondering what exactly she and Derek could be. She had meant to get up and be practical, but she woke up wrapped in his jacket, and so thoughts of Derek just seemed natural. Meredith hated that thinking of him left her with this peculiar prickling sensation in her stomach, something that felt a little bit like fear. It made her freeze up at the thought of going to the trailer with him again or being Derek and Meredith again. She didn't know how they would even go about being the old them again, the whole idea made her more nervous then she'd ever thought was possible. But at the same time, she was breathing in the scent of his jacket and grinning ridiculously at the thought of seeing him at work sans Addison. So, understandably, it took her a rather long time to get out of bed. And then there was the fact that she could hear Izzie crying in her bedroom. In order to avoid yet again being a bad friend, Meredith had gone and made Izzie some tea and then sat with her as she talked through sobs about Denny. Meredith honestly hadn't expected her to have so much to say. Izzie had been fairly quiet lately, but somehow the news of the funeral had unleashed an unexpected tirade of memories and feelings and emotions that Izzie seemed to need to discuss. So, by the time Meredith finally made it to work, she was rather late and definitely sick of all things related to feelings.

This won't be good thought Meredith to herself as she walked over to where Bailey was standing. Bailey turned around and glared up at her.

"Grey, I am going to assume you are late because you were taking care of your grieving roommate and not because you wanted a little extra sleep this morning." Meredith raised her eyebrows in a look of total astonishment.

"How did…" she began curiously, but Bailey cut her off.

"You're late, you don't get to ask questions. I'm well aware that Denny Duquette's funeral is tomorrow. That said, you're still stuck on discharge." Meredith nodded her head, trying to pretend she was annoyed. "Why are you smiling?" asked Bailey skeptically as she handed Meredith the heavy stack of patient files awaiting discharge.

"I'm not smiling," insisted Meredith, staggering slightly under the sudden weight.

"Then why are you still standing here?" continued Bailey, further narrowing her eyes at Meredith. Meredith just shrugged.

"I'm going," she said at once, whirling around to walk down the hallway. Meredith was secretly glad to have the tedious, entirely non-surgical task of seeing to the release of patients. Surgical interns normally found nothing of interest in signing off on papers for patients who had already finished their treatment. But Meredith had been unable to get the face of the little, dark-haired girl she'd treated the day before for a fractured wrist out of her mind. Doing discharge meant that she would get to see personally to Logan's release and have time to check up on the little girl.

After a few hours, Meredith had finally worked her way down the list of patients, and she found herself walking slowly down the hall towards Logan Norris's room. It looked too large and sterile for the little girl sitting alone in the middle of it. The abundance of balloons and flowers and stuffed animals didn't do much to distract from the cold barrenness of the white walls, and the child didn't seem particularly interested in them anyway. She just sat with her knees huddled to her chest, her bloodshot eyes staring blankly at the dirty window. Meredith knocked softly on the open door.

"Logan?" she asked, and the girl turned around, nodding slightly. "I checked with Dr. Torres, you get to…" Meredith paused, catching herself just in time. Somehow "you get to go home now" didn't seem quite fitting. "You don't have to stay here another night," she said instead. "How's your wrist feeling?"

"S'alright…" mumbled Logan with a shrug. Meredith knew that, medically speaking, Logan Norris was perfectly fine and good to go home. But that seemed like a worthless, empty label when it was perfectly clear that Logan was leaving the hospital a broken shell of the person she had been when she came in. Meredith sighed and walked around to where Logan was sitting.

"You've got lots of pretty flowers," she said gently, her fingers trailing over a bouquet of white lilies tied up with pink ribbon that lay settled next to a little teddy bear.

"I guess…" mumbled Logan. "My aunt Jenny got them all for me." Meredith hesitated for a moment, frowning down at the expressionless face of the little girl before sitting down beside her on the bed.

"They aren't really helping are they?" she asked quietly. Logan looked up suddenly, her gray eyes meeting Meredith's as she shook her head.

"No," she whispered. Logan appeared to study Meredith for a moment, her eyes narrowing thoughtfully. "Dr. Grey," she continued, and Meredith nodded. "Is it true that…my mom can't ever wake up again?" Meredith nodded again.

"Yeah Logan…it is true."

"Why?" asked Logan, her voice starting to tremble a little. "She looks okay…just sleeping." Meredith swallowed hard, trying to figure out how to explain brain damage to a ten year old.

"Well, in the car crash, your mom hit her head really hard." Logan nodded, looking up at her expectantly. "It's like how you fractured your wrist, only you can see where that happened. Remember how your arm got bruised?" Logan nodded again and Meredith forced herself to continue. "Well we can't see your mom's injury because she hurt her brain, so it looks like she's just sleeping. But it really is hurt."

"Badly?" whispered Logan.

"Yeah Logan, badly. Her brain isn't able to take care of her body anymore, or think up new thoughts and ideas. She's there but her mind can't feel anything anymore," said Meredith sadly, struggling to keep her own eyes from tearing up, but Logan just nodded once more, her young face growing very serious.

"That's why aunt Jenny says we have to let her go? Because her mind doesn't work now?"

"Yeah sweetie…pretty much." Meredith started to get up off the bed, thinking that she should go get the social worker or anyone who could do a better job of explaining, but Logan reached out and grabbed her hand.

"We're going to go say goodbye to her today…and I have to go with stupid hair." Meredith looked down, frowning at the sudden statement. Logan was pouting, her lip sticking out and her gray eyes darkening almost desperately. Meredith considered the girl's hair. It had been carefully done up in two pigtails, each one tied off with blue ribbons that matched her sweater.

"You don't like pigtails?" Meredith asked cautiously.

"No," replied Logan at once. "Pigtails are for babies." She twisted about to look gravely at Meredith. "My mom always does my hair in a French braid for important things…and this is important. But aunt Jenny doesn't know how to do French braids." Logan glared back down at the blanket spread over her legs. "I couldn't tell her pigtails are stupid because she keeps crying when she thinks I'm asleep, but they are. I hate them." She tugged angrily on one of the pigtails.

"Do you want me to braid your hair?" asked Meredith. Logan looked up at her hopefully.

"You can French braid?"

"I can," agreed Meredith, smiling sadly. Logan nodded her head at once and scooted back along the bed into Meredith's lap. Meredith sighed and quickly wiped her eyes before pulling the girl's long dark hair out of its pigtails and starting to braid it. For awhile they just sat in silence as Meredith's fingers smoothed the strands of hair out and wove them together.

"Dr. Grey…do you think I ever won't miss my mom?" Logan's voice was thin and filled with tears that hadn't yet been spilled. Meredith could feel her shoulders shake a little with the effort to sound normal.

"No," said Meredith softly, not wanting to lie to the child. "You never stop missing your mom. It gets easier, but it still always hurts." At her words, Logan twisted around and Meredith had to move the braid quickly out of the way. She gave Meredith a skeptical look.

"Are you sure?" she asked, knitting her eyebrows together.

"I'm sure," said Meredith. Logan hesitated but then nodded and turned back around.

"You still miss your mom too Dr. Grey?" asked Logan quietly after a moment. Meredith looked down in surprise, wondering how someone so small could be so perceptive.

"Yeah, I guess I do," she said softly.

"What happened to her?"

"She has Alzheimer's. Do you know what that is?" Logan shook her head no. "It means her brain is sick, like your mom's. But my mom is still awake while her mind breaks down." Meredith paused, unsure if she should go on, but Logan nodded curiously. "She's just slowly forgetting things, her memories, how to take care of herself…me, eventually everything will be gone." Meredith shrugged and tied the blue ribbon back at the bottom of Logan's braid. "There you go, you're all done." Logan hopped down and turned to look at her.

"So your mom's brain is injured too, but hers is getting sick slowly?" She looked expectantly at Meredith who nodded. "Then she's stuck here, she can't move on like my mom can," said Logan thoughtfully.

"Yeah, she's stuck," agreed Meredith sadly, reaching out to smooth back a stray strand of Logan's hair. Logan seemed to suddenly notice the braid, and lifted her uninjured arm to trace the length of it. She smiled when she reached the ribbon at the bottom.

"Thank you for my braid," she said quietly. Meredith nodded and stood as she caught sight of a young woman walking into the room. She had short blonde hair that fell around her face in messy ringlets, but her eyes were the same gray as Logan's.

"Aunt Jenny," said Logan, scooting off the bed and walking over to her. "Dr. Grey did my hair in a French braid." She turned around, tilting her head forward so that her aunt could get a good look at her hair.

"That's lovely," said the woman, resting her hand on Logan's shoulder. "Your mom would think you look lovely." She paused and looked away, blinking rapidly. "You know Logan," she continued after a moment. "I think it's time for us to go say goodbye to her now." The woman's voice trembled noticeably, but she managed to smile for her niece.

"Okay…" agreed Logan softly, still playing with the long end of her braid. She paused at the doorway and looked back to wave at Meredith. "Bye Dr. Grey."

"Goodbye Logan," said Meredith, waving back as she gathered up the little girl's charts. The young woman sighed and ran her hand over the smooth twists of the French braid, as she silently mouthed thank you to Meredith. Meredith nodded, watching as the woman reached down for Logan's hand and lead her out of the room.

Meredith wandered slowly down the hall, wishing that there was more that she could do. She could still see the little girl waiting for the elevator with her aunt. Meredith sighed and pushed her hair out of her eyes as she walked over to the nurses' station to finish filling out Logan's discharge papers. But Derek was standing there, going over a chart with George, and Meredith almost turned and walked away.

"Hey," called Derek, looking up at her. Meredith sighed again and flipped open the little girl's chart. George looked warily back and forth between the two of them before shrugging and walking away.

"Hey," said Meredith quietly, keeping her focus trained on the paper, quickly signing her name next to every box marked M.D. There was something about Logan Norris that made Meredith want to cry. She wasn't sure if it was because she was so young or because suddenly nothing seemed fair, or what it was exactly. She just knew that thinking about the little girl left her with an empty hollow feeling inside, one that she didn't want to discuss with anyone.

"So you know, you stole my jacket," Derek said, smiling at her. Meredith could tell, without looking up, that Derek was in a painfully good mood. It didn't seem fair that he could be so happy when she felt confused and empty. Standing close to him was only helping make her more confused.

"I know," she said absently. "I'm holding it hostage."

"Seriously? For how long?" asked Derek, leaning against the counter and smirking.

"Interminably," replied Meredith, still not taking her focus from the papers in front of her. Derek opened his mouth to reply, but frowned and straightened up, catching hold of her frantically scribbling hand.

"Mer…are you okay?" She looked up at him, her eyes still distracted.

"No…yes. Yeah," she stammered, bringing her focus back to Derek. She sighed and tried to smile, suddenly aware that the nurses sitting behind the counter had fallen silent, their hands paused mid-keystroke. "I mean I'm fine, totally." He looked at her doubtfully but didn't push the point. Meredith turned away again, passing Logan Norris's discharge papers to the head nurse. "She's good to go," said Meredith calmly, purposely ignoring the questioning look in the nurse's eyes. "Der…" Meredith paused mid syllable and made a face. "Dr. Shepherd I'm fine. Gotta go, working here." She turned away and walked down the hall.

"What, I'm Dr. Shepherd again?" asked Derek following quickly after her, a puzzled expression on his face.

"I was being professional. We're being professional," said Meredith simply, trying to ignore the fact that her heart was racing just because she was walking next to Derek. She really had no idea what she was doing. She wasn't sure if she cared that people knew about the two of them, she wasn't sure what the two of them even were. Common sense told her people couldn't go from a divorce and an affair to a relationship in a single day. Common sense also told her that this was the sort of thing that she should be discussing with Derek. She didn't know why she was so afraid of actually having that conversation with him, but she knew she didn't want to. And she needed something to distract her from the hollow feeling in her stomach. As she spotted an empty on-call room at the end of the hall, Meredith suddenly felt pretty sure that she'd never been a big fan of common sense.

"Professional? You? Me? Since when, Dr. Grey?" Derek leaned towards her, smirking as he watched her out of the corner of his eye. Meredith smirked back at him, tugging on the edge of his lab coat so that he moved closer to her.

"Stop asking so many questions," she muttered softly, her words managing to be half teasing and half serious. She gave him a look that didn't leave him much choice but to follow her into the on-call room. Derek raised an eyebrow as Meredith pushed the door closed behind them.

"So does that mean we're actually going to discuss what we're doing about us?" he asked hopefully. Meredith just laughed as she pulled Derek towards her.

"No," she managed to say before she leaned in and kissed him. It was easy to kiss Derek in the hospital, easy to imagine it meant only just as much as it did when Derek was still with Addison. Granted she'd been lying to herself then as well, but Meredith didn't see any reason to give up the pretense now. Meredith wanted to kiss Derek, no needed to kiss him. Somehow taking off his shirt made everything that had been bothering her earlier just go numb and shut up.

"But…" mumbled Derek, pulling away after a moment. "Seriously, shouldn't we talk about what all of this means?" Meredith looked at him incredulously as she kicked her shoes off.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Nothing? Come on Mer, at least let me take you out to dinner tonight. We can talk then," suggested Derek.

"Can't," came Meredith's muffled reply as she pulled off the shirt she'd been wearing under her scrubs and dropped it on the floor. She folded her arms over her chest and stared at him through narrowed eyes. "Seriously Derek, stop talking and take off your pants." Derek laughed and shook his head, but didn't protest. He just reached out for her, his hands fitting easily around her narrow waist as he pulled her back to him. Meredith let her mind go deliciously blank as she felt Derek's lips start to trail down her neck, and simply tumbled backward with him onto the empty bed.

-----

"Meredith…you look like crap."

"Huh?" stammered Meredith as she glanced up from the last of her discharge papers. Christina was walking down the hall towards her, picking absently at a muffin. "What are you talking about?" asked Meredith, nervously putting a hand to the hair she knew Derek had messed up. "I look fine."

"Your scrubs are on inside-out," smirked Christina. "And…" She wagged a finger in the direction of Meredith's neck. Meredith slid her hand down from her hair to clamp it over her neck.

"What?" she asked, annoyance creeping into her voice as she gathered up the papers she'd been going through. Christina just put a hand on Meredith's back, pushing her down the hall and into the nearby washroom.

"That," replied Christina as Meredith peered into the mirror. "Are we back in high school now?"

"Ooh you have got to be kidding me," hissed Meredith as she examined the obvious reddish mark that had appeared on the side of her neck. "Seriously? A hickey, seriously!" She yanked her hair out of its ponytail and down over her shoulders. Christina just laughed as she hopped up to sit on the sink. "Okay, there. That's better," said Meredith after a moment, twisting around to examine her neck in the mirror.

"Your top is still inside out," said Christina matter-of-factly before grinning and starting to laugh again. Meredith just moaned and walked into a stall to change.

"You and Shepherd sure didn't waste any time celebrating the demise of his marriage," remarked Christina, as she tossed the last of her muffin into the trash.

"No," called Meredith from inside the stall. "No, it's not like that." She opened the door again, readjusting her top as she walked back out. "I was just having a bad day, that's all." Meredith tugged nervously on her hair and rolled her eyes. "Still am, actually."

"Uh huh…so you and McDreamy aren't back together then?"

"No…yes. I don't know, maybe," said Meredith, frowning at her friend. "Not at the moment. This was just sex."

"Right…" said Christina slowly, her voice thick with sarcasm. "Because you can sleep with Derek without getting emotionally attached. Please." Meredith just sighed as Christina hopped down from the sink. "Seriously, what's the problem here? McDreamy wants time to get over Addison? He doesn't know what he wants? What is it?"

"No, it's not him," muttered Meredith, sliding down to sit on the floor. "He wants to take me out to dinner and talk about us. You know, he even said he loves me."

"About time," smirked Christina.

"Well actually, he shouted it," added Meredith. "At Finn…" Christina raised an eyebrow. "Yeah…" Meredith sighed and looked down at the floor. "I don't know what it is. I should be happy, but I just feel all…" She trailed off and shrugged.

"Oh," said Christina, a smug knowing look creeping over her face. "You're afraid you'll get all happy and sickeningly cute again, and then wife number two will show up."

"He can't have two wives Christina," snapped Meredith. But after a moment, she shrugged again, her expression growing thoughtful. "I don't know. I mean I know Derek doesn't have another wife, but still…" Meredith sighed and stood back up. "I'm being stupid right? Definitely stupid?"

"Not really," said Christina. Meredith glanced over at her, looking surprised and a little bit disappointed. "If Burke pulled out a secret wife…" She paused and reached for her pager which had just started buzzing. "Crap, that's a code. Gotta go Mer."

"But wait, if Burke had a secret wife what?" insisted Meredith, following her out into the hall.

"It'd take me a long time to trust him again, that's all," said Christina, talking over her shoulder. Meredith sighed and watched Christina run off to her patient. She glanced back down at her list of patients ready for discharge, and realized she had seen every one of them. Meredith absently readjusted her hair once more before heading off in search of Bailey.

-----

Meredith breathed a sigh of relief when she realized Bailey was on the same floor as her. She would not have to take a single elevator ride to find her. Meredith smiled happily and walked over to where Bailey stood at the nurses' station, handing her the completed discharge sheet.

"What is it Grey?" asked Bailey, her attention still caught up in examining an x-ray.

"I've seen everyone. I need a new assignment."

"Oh…okay," mumbled Bailey distractedly, turning to look over the papers Meredith had handed her. "Good, this is all fine. Um, they could probably use some help in the pit right now."

"Seriously? You don't need any help with those?" asked Meredith hopefully, gesturing to the x-rays.

"No, Karev's on it." Bailey frowned and looked up at Meredith. "Why are you asking? Have you forgotten what time you came in this morning?" Meredith grimaced apologetically.

"Sorry…I'm going right now Dr. Bailey." But as she turned to walk away, Meredith froze in her tracks. Addison was headed straight towards them, somehow managing to look as fabulous and put together as always even as she flipped rapidly through a file and checked her buzzing pager.

"Dr. Bailey," she called out, her head still buried in the file. "I need an intern." Meredith cringed and tried to hurry away towards the pit.

"Grey, today's your lucky day," called Bailey, and Meredith groaned internally. "Saved from the pit. You're with Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd instead." As Meredith turned back around, her eyes locked uneasily with Addison's. She realized suddenly that Addison hadn't expected to have Meredith Grey thrown at her, and she thought she saw Addison wince almost imperceptibly.

"Ah, actually I'd prefer just Dr. Montgomery now," said Addison after a moment. Her voice was calm almost casual, but a shadow passed across her normally clear blue eyes as she spoke. Bailey raised an eyebrow and looked from Meredith to Addison, as Meredith glanced nervously back at Bailey.

"Of course," said Bailey gently, silent comprehension filling her eyes. "Grey, you're with Dr. Montgomery this morning." Meredith nodded as Bailey took another quick look at the two of them before shaking her head and walking away.

"But I assume you already know that it's Dr. Montgomery now," said Addison as she passed the patient's file to Meredith.

"Umm," began Meredith hesitantly. She didn't want to answer, but Addison was watching her expectantly as they made their way towards the elevators. "Yeah, he told me," she said softly. Meredith stared down at her feet, wishing desperately that she was stuck in the pit. "I'm sorry…" she stammered at last, thinking that they needed to say something to deal with the obvious tension, but Addison just cut her off.

"I'm fine," she stated rather coolly. "Now our patient is pregnant with…" She paused, waiting for Meredith to fill in the information. Meredith glanced down at the file.

"Conjoined twins," she supplied as the elevator doors slid open. "Seriously? I've never seen a case of conjoined twins," continued Meredith, her medical curiosity taking over. Addison nodded, smiling slightly, and their mutual awkwardness almost disappeared as they began to discuss their case. However, the awkwardness come rushing back tenfold when the elevator opened again on the next floor.

"Hey," said Derek, smiling as he caught sight of Meredith. "You still have my…" But Meredith shot him a dirty look. He hesitated for a moment, and before he could finish his sentence the doors opened further and he caught sight of Addison. Derek's smile faltered and he walked silently into the elevator. Meredith closed her eyes, trying to pretend that she wasn't standing between Derek and Addison, alone in an elevator. The silence was instantly thick and stifling, and Meredith watched desperately as the light above the doors traveled from floor to floor. "So…" began Derek cautiously. Meredith and Addison both turned to look at him, and he shrugged and fell silent again.

"Um…Dr. Montgomery, I should start with an ultrasound?" asked Meredith hesitantly.

"Yes," agreed Addison.

"Dr. Montgomery? You sure didn't waste any time dropping my name," said Derek, sounding rather surprised. Addison turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow and shooting an obvious glance in Meredith's direction.

"Yeah well, apparently I'm not the only one who didn't waste any time." Meredith felt her cheeks flush, and she buried her face in the file she was holding. Derek opened his mouth to reply, but the elevator doors sprung mercifully apart and Meredith practically leapt out before she could hear his answer.

"I'll go start that ultrasound," she called over her shoulder as she hurried away.

-----

Addison wished that she was the sort of person who would have laughed when assigned Meredith and flat out demanded a different intern. That would have spared her all sorts of awkwardness. But she couldn't do it. That felt too childish, too immature, too something an intern would do actually. She could easily imagine Izzie or George putting up a fuss in her situation, but she just couldn't do it. And so she was stuck working with Meredith Grey.

She hadn't expected it to be so painful. She couldn't decide what was worse, if it was the apologetic looks Meredith kept giving her, or the way her voice caught slightly whenever she said Dr. Montgomery or just the simple fact that they had both loved the same man, and one of them had won while the other had lost. She managed to keep her voice consistently in the range of professional for the sake of the patient. However, once they had finally left the room, Addison gave in just a little to her urge to be childish and unprofessional.

"Meredith," she said slowly, watching as the intern whirled around, that same apologetic look plastered across her face. "You must be relieved, it's finally all over with." A smirk crept across Addison's face as she watched Meredith frown and shift uncomfortably. "It's back to just you two, as if Satan never even came."

Addison was expecting Meredith to flush with embarrassment or offer up yet another apologetic smile. What she wasn't expecting was the sudden onslaught of emotions that flashed through Meredith's eyes. Her face remained expressionless but her eyes somehow cycled through disbelief, anger, frustration, pain and finally sorrow in only a matter of seconds.

"Hardly…Addison," said Meredith quietly, almost exasperatedly. Her voice was low, heavy and a little bit broken. And without another word, Meredith just shook her head and walked away.

Addison suddenly found herself wishing that she had remained the aloof mature professional, because as she turned and walked away herself, she couldn't help but feel sorry for Meredith Grey.