A/N - So this chapter is slightly longer then usual. A good two and a half pages more then the usual length in Word, which (due to the fact that I'm one of those painfully slow writers who gets out one page in about two hours) is why this is a slower update then normal. And I cut about half the stuff that was supposed to be in this chapter out because it was getting way too busy...so that means a new, extra chapter I guess. Anyway, this chapter includes more Addison then usual. Even though she's out of the triangle, I wanted to address how she's handling things because I rather love her when she's not in the middle of Mer/Der. However, there is a lot of Mer/Der in this chapter too, so don't be too upset if you hate Addison. I'm rambling now, this is what happens at 3:30 am. So, to sum up, thanks so much for the reviews, sorry for the delay, please read and review!


Meredith was busy fishing around in the backseat of her car, trying to find where her hospital id had gone, when she heard a familiar voice calling to her. She twisted around to look over her shoulder, and saw Derek leaning against the parked car next to hers.

"Hey, are you feeling better?" he asked as he sipped from his coffee.

"What…um…just trying to find my id," said Meredith absently. She spotted it wedged under the driver's seat, and leaned forward to grab it. "Got it." She straightened up and clipped it to the bottom of her shirt, wanting to avoid losing it at the bottom of her purse as well. When Meredith turned around, Derek was smiling at her and shaking his head. "What?" she asked.

"Nothing…so you're feeling better then you were last night?" asked Derek again.

"Oh…yeah." Meredith frowned, feeling flustered by the memory of the two of them on her porch the night before. "Definitely, it was just the funeral. It was sad," she said lamely, looking away and hoping he wouldn't see straight through her answer. The question of them was not something she felt like dealing with first thing in the morning. Derek nodded but didn't say anything, just titled his coffee in her direction, offering it to her. Meredith smiled and reached out to take the drink from his hands, sipping at it as they walked towards the hospital.

"So…" said Derek after a moment.

"So," echoed Meredith, her voice growing noticeably hesitant.

"So, I was at your house last night, and you didn't even mention returning my jacket," said Derek with so much fake astonishment in his voice that Meredith couldn't help but smile.

"I told you, it's being held hostage," replied Meredith, passing Derek's cup of coffee back to him.

"Well, what are your terms of release?"

"Oh, no terms. I'm afraid this is a nonnegotiable hostage situation."

"No terms?" echoed Derek, a look of mock horror playing across his face. He pushed open the door to the hospital lobby and shook his head. "But I love that jacket. I need that jacket."

"Too bad, it's nonnegotiable," repeated Meredith, smirking up at Derek. "Deal with it." She reached out and snatched his coffee back from him, drinking deeply from it.

"You are a cruel, cruel woman," laughed Derek, shaking his head and smiling at her. Meredith shrugged and looked back at him, after a moment their laughter faded away and they simply kept staring at each other. "Meredith…" She nodded slowly. "Can we please figure this out? Figure us out?" She looked away, glancing down at the floor, but didn't disagree with him. "Come on, let me take you out to dinner. At a big fancy restaurant…or a cute little one, whatever you want." He was looking at her with that half grin, half smirk that Meredith hated because it was so damn hard to resist. She took a deep breath, her hand gripping tightly at the coffee cup.

"Derek I…" she began, and he nodded expectantly. But before she could continue, a voice called out to them, interrupting her thoughts.

"Well good morning Derek, Meredith." She whirled around to see Richard Webber walking into the lobby. He was smiling, but his eyes looked inquisitive and were slightly narrowed.

"Good morning," agreed Derek, sighing as he turned his gaze from Meredith to the Chief.

"Morning Chief," said Meredith quietly. Derek looked immediately back at her, raising an eyebrow, wanting an answer to his question. She just shrugged and glanced somewhat frantically between the two men.

"I've gotta…I've…" she stammered, remembering the coffee in her hands. "Umm…here you go, Dr. Shepherd." She passed the coffee back to him, and he frowned, seeming torn between being puzzled and amused. "I've gotta round," she announced, smiling quickly at Richard before turning to hurry off to the locker room.

Meredith thought she would be relieved to escape to the locker room. However, opening the door caused a sudden hush to spread over the crowded room. She did her best to ignore the inquisitive stares that followed her, and yanked open the door to her locker. Great…the whole hospital thinks I'm back with Derek, thought Meredith as she changed into her scrubs. Now even the Chief is going to think it. That familiar overwhelmed feeling was starting to creep over her again, and Meredith slid to the floor with a moan. She had been seconds away from agreeing to go out to dinner with Derek. All it would have taken was one more smile, one more request on his part, and she knew that she would have given in. But what Meredith wasn't sure of was whether that was a good thing or a bad thing. All she knew was that she felt too confused to focus on or figure out anything at all. She closed her eyes, trying to relax for just a minute, but soon realized that the conversations that were abruptly silenced by her entrance had restarted themselves.

"You know, I heard she's having his baby. That's why McDreamy left his wife."

Meredith's head jerked back up, and she shook her head, smirking a little. She tried to ignore the voices, but they were loud and gossipy and traveled easily around the room.

"Really? One of the nurses told me Meredith lied to him about being pregnant. It was a plot to get him to leave his wife."

"Poor Addison."

"Yeah, poor Addison. Did you know he never stopped sleeping with Meredith? Apparently they were having an affair the whole time the Shepherds were working on their marriage."

"Seriously? What a slut. But I shouldn't be surprised really. I mean, what sort of girl starts sleeping with her attending in the first place?"

Meredith moaned and let her head fall back into her hands. She stared intently at the floor, trying to find something interesting about the tile pattern or the shadow her leg was casting, anything at all

"I know. Apparently Addison finally caught them, walked in when they were right in the middle of it."

"Meredith…why are you sitting on the floor?" Meredith blinked and looked up to see Christina frowning down at her. Meredith shrugged and didn't answer. "Okay, my day, you will not believe my day. And it's only what…six am? So I get out of the shower, and Burke is sitting there and he says he was hoping I would go to physical therapy with him tomorrow. You know, to be supportive. As if he just completely forgot I have a job. And then he actually asked…" Christina trailed off and stared down at Meredith. She was still staring blankly at the ground. "Meredith? What is wrong with you?" Christina nudged at her with her foot, and Meredith finally looked up. She still didn't speak, just gestured with her head towards the other side of the lockers. Christina frowned in confusion, but as she fell silent, the conversation on the other side of the lockers became clearly audible.

"Well, she may have McDreamy back now. But I say wait until we get the next new batch of interns, and bam…he'll leave her for some newer prettier intern."

"Oh…" said Christina, looking knowingly at Meredith. Meredith shrugged and finally got to her feet.

"I don't mind. I mean…I don't care. Why should I care?" Meredith opened her locker and stared at it for a moment before slamming the door shut again. "It's just," she turned to look at Christina. "I don't even know what I'm doing with Derek, and he keeps asking me out to dinner. And then this morning, the Chief was looking at us together. And now, apparently the whole hospital knows more then I do. Supposedly I'm having Derek's baby…or a pretend baby…or…" Meredith sighed and gestured hopelessly, her eyes looking slightly frantic. "It's stupid. I know…it shouldn't bother me. It doesn't bother me, it's just…ugh, I can't even try to figure this out. I can't even seem to think straight." Meredith pinched the bridge of her nose, shaking her head.

"Seriously…" said Christina quietly, her voice taking on a strange low tone. Meredith frowned and looked up at her, but Christina just turned around abruptly and walked over to the other side of the lockers. "Seriously, do you people not realize these things aren't soundproof?" She slammed an open locker shut, and the group of interns gathered on the bench looked up in surprise. "And Meredith's locker? It's right over there. So if you're so desperate to know what's going on in her life, just walk around and ask her. Granted, she'll probably tell you all to go to hell," conceded Christina, sounding oddly rational for a moment, although her voice quickly swung back to irritated. "But do you know what that means?" No one answered. One girl shook her head slightly, everyone else just sat staring, their eyes wide with shock. "It means that not of this is any of your damn business!"

As soon as Christina stopped speaking, the room seemed deathly quiet. The gathered interns appeared to have lost the ability to both speak and move. Christina sighed and glared at them. "Well, go on. Seriously, go round or something," she said, sounding incredibly annoyed. Slowly everyone got up and moved towards the door, carrying their stunned silence with them.

"Umm…what was all that?" asked George, struggling to get into the locker room as the mass of people exited. "What is going on?" He frowned as he studied the cluster of retreating backs before glancing back at Christina and Meredith in confusion.

"Ah…that felt good," said Christina, raising her arms over her head to stretch. "I feel so much better now." Meredith shook her head, seeming stunned into silence herself. "Did you see their faces?" asked Christina delightedly.

"That was…that was…wow," stammered Meredith in disbelief. "I could seriously hug you right now."

"Why? What happened?" continued George.

"If you hug me," said Christina warningly. "I'm chasing them down and telling them exactly where you last had sex with Shepherd."

"Christina!" gasped Meredith. She wasn't exactly sure why, but she started to laugh, and couldn't seem to stop.

"You know, they're probably going to talk even more now," said Christina, sounding almost apologetic. But Meredith just shrugged and shook her head, and Christina started to laugh as well. When the door to the locker room swung open again, the two of them were still laughing and George was still staring at them in bewilderment.

"Why are my interns always the last ones to leave the locker room?" They turned around to see Bailey standing in the doorway with her arms crossed. A very smug looking Alex was peering over her shoulder. "Every other resident has interns rounding already." At this, Meredith and Christina smirked at each other, struggling to keep from giggling. "I get stuck with the lazy interns. O'Malley you're in Ortho today. Karev, you're with Montgomery."

"But I wasn't late," protested Alex at once. "Send one of those two. They're giggling."

"Karev, Dr. Montgomery," repeated Bailey. "Yang, you're with me. And Grey, you're with Shepherd." Meredith's smile fell from her face, but Bailey was watching her intently so she just nodded and pulled on her lab coat.

-----

Meredith wandered reluctantly down the hall, knowing that if she was really trying to figure things out, then the last thing she needed was to spend the whole day with Derek. But there he was, already changed into scrubs and flipping casually through a patient's file. Meredith took a deep breath and walked over to him

"Hey," she said quietly. Derek looked up and smiled at her. "I'm your intern."

"You're my intern," he agreed happily. "My intern who's going to dinner with me tonight."

"Dr. Shepherd," said Meredith sternly, shaking her head.

"Dr. Grey." But Derek was still smiling and looking down at her fondly. Meredith just sighed and glanced around the busy hallway. She reached out and took his hand, pulling him into an empty room. "What are we doing in here?" he asked, watching curiously as she shut the door.

"Look," began Meredith reluctantly, not sure how exactly to explain everything. "I can't go to dinner with you tonight." Derek frowned, but didn't seem convinced by her statement. "I'm serious. I can't, not yet. I need to think…I need to figure things out. It's just so hard to do because everyone is talking about me, Derek. Everyone."

"I know," he said gently. Meredith shook her head and shrugged.

"It shouldn't bother me. It doesn't really…it's just distracting. I mean, I should be used to it by now right? It's what I get for sleeping with the attending."

"Meredith…" said Derek, his voice sounding somewhat hurt.

"No…please Derek, right now can we just concentrate on work? I need time to decide what I want to do."

"What you want to do?" echoed Derek confusedly.

"Yes. What I want to do about us. What I can handle, what I feel…just what I want."

"You don't know what you want us to be?" asked Derek, his voice quiet and full of shock.

"No, I don't," said Meredith, looking equally confused at his question.

"How do you…" began Derek, but Meredith sighed in frustration.

"Derek, please," she interrupted. "Today, can work just be work? Right now can we please just do our jobs?" He frowned and hesitated for a moment, but finally nodded.

"Alright," he agreed quietly, and handed the file he was holding to her. "Then we have to go up to room 5213, we have a patient waiting." Meredith smiled gratefully and followed him back out into the hall.

-----

Addison wasn't sure whether she should feel relieved or frustrated about coming to work. On the one hand, it was an excellent distraction from her problems. There was nothing like an interesting case or a long surgery to keep her mind from focusing on the end of her marriage. But at the same time, the names Addison, Derek and Meredith had become frequent whispers on the lips of just about every damn employee at Seattle Grace. It was hard to walk down the hall or over to the nurses' station without noticing the covert glances and sudden silences that followed her. It didn't bother Addison save for the fact that people were suddenly looking at her as if she were weak and pitiable. As if she teetered on the verge of becoming the next Meredith Grey, walking disaster, simply because she was no longer with Derek. And Addison hated that. So she busied herself with so many surgeries that Alex Karev almost seemed happy to be working with her for once. As she hurried down to the cafeteria to grab a quick lunch before her next surgery, she heard a familiar voice calling out to her.

"Addison. Addison!" She sighed and turned around.

"What is…oh, Richard. Hi," she smiled, her tone softening slightly when she caught sight of him. "What is it?" asked Addison. She shifted her purse to her other shoulder, unable to refrain from eagerly eyeing the elevator door.

"May I have a word?" he asked, gesturing towards a small empty conference room at the far end of the hallway.

"Can it wait for later? I've only got a little time before my next surgery," sighed Addison, thinking of the painful hungry feeling in her stomach, one of the disadvantages of overbooking her schedule.

"It'll just take a minute," he insisted, taking her by the arm and leading her back to the room. Addison gave up with a shrug and sat down in one of the empty chairs.

"Fine. What is it Richard?" she asked again, not quite managing to hide her annoyance. Richard just looked at her for a moment before speaking, a sad smile playing across his face.

"I heard about your marriage Addie," he said gently, closing the door to the conference room and sitting down next to her. "I'm sorry." He placed a comforting hand over hers.

"Oh…" said Addison, feeling rather taken by surprise. "I'd been meaning to tell you…although it seems everybody already knows anyway," she added with a slight laugh.

"Derek told me. He said he was worried about you." Addison frowned and pulled her hand away. Of course he'd say that, thought Addison, feeling suddenly angry. It was just so quintessentially Derek to show more concern for her now that they were divorcing then he had in the past six months of their marriage.

"He did, did he?" she asked, unable to keep her voice from turning sharp and short. "How kind of him."

"He still cares for you Addison," said Richard quietly. "He doesn't want to see you miserable, and I agree with him. This can't be easy for you, and this hospital has never been a place where private affairs managed to stay private. I know how the nurses talk."

"I'm fine Richard. I'm handling this," said Addison stiffly. She recognized the look in Richard's eyes. It had become increasingly familiar over the past few days. It was a quiet stare filled with measured amounts of both sympathy and pity. Addison dropped her gaze to the table, focusing on the smooth matte surface and nothing else. She knew that the look was meant to show understanding, to comfort her, but somehow it only made things worse. It was as if people were slowly chipping away at her ability to handle losing her husband with only their eyes.

"I know you are Addie," continued Richard. "Handling things…it's what you do, but…" he paused and leaned forward on the table, his hand reaching out to Addison again. "Divorce is hard. Now I don't want to lose you Addison. I just want you to know that whatever you decide you need to do, you have my full support."

"Lose me?" echoed Addison in astonishment, her voice barely a whisper. "What do you mean? I signed a contract, remember." She hesitated, shaking her head in disbelief. "Are you asking me to leave?"

"No, of course not," said Richard immediately. "The last thing I want is for you to leave Seattle Grace. You're the best that there is."

"But…" said Addison skeptically, her nails digging into the arm of the chair.

"But I've known you for a long time. I care about you, I want to see you happy." He sighed and leaned back in his seat, giving Addison a long look. "If you decide that what you need to do to be happy is to leave, then I don't want you to feel that I'm in your way. I want you to know that I would completely understand." Addison hadn't yet thought one way or the other about leaving Seattle, but in the few seconds it took Richard to mention her leaving, it suddenly became unthinkable.

"I signed a contract Richard," said Addison, her voice low and tinted with wounded pride. "A very generous contract if you remember." She shook her head and stood up from the table. "I'm not breaking my contract over this." Richard sighed and stood up as well, walking over to the door where Addison was standing.

"And I am glad to hear it," he said warmly. "Are you sure you can handle this though?" He paused and cleared his throat, as if trying to decide whether he should continue speaking. "Derek…he doesn't know how to be subtle when it comes to Meredith Grey." Addison frowned but laughed sadly, a tiny little noise that sounded almost like a sob.

"I know that Richard. I lived with him for the past six months." She shrugged and gave Richard one last quiet smile before walking out of the room and down the hall.

-----

Amazingly, Derek managed to stick to Meredith's request the entire day. He didn't say another word to her that crossed the boundary from professional to personal. Meredith was rather shocked but decidedly relieved as her thoughts had managed to settle somewhat. Still, by the end of the day, she'd realized that if she had actually wanted to figure anything out, she should have thrown in a request for Derek to only look at her in a strictly professional manner as well. Every time their eyes had met during surgery, it felt as if her heart skipped a beat, and it kept her from thinking about them rationally. So when they wound up riding down to the lobby in the same elevator, Meredith was far calmer then she had been in the morning but just as uncertain.

"So, we're not working anymore," said Derek as he leaned against the elevator doors to look at her.

"No," agreed Meredith, raising an eyebrow, but keeping her voice flat and disinterested. "I'm going home. What's your point?"

"My point is that we're off work. We no longer have to talk just about work." Derek grinned at her and Meredith felt herself give in a little. Her feet seemed to have stopped listening to her mind because they walked her closer to him.

"But we are still inside the hospital Derek," she protested at last. "Technically I'm still at work. So, unless you want to discuss a craniotomy, I have nothing to say to you." She turned to look stubbornly at the wall.

"Ah…good point," agreed Derek, smirking as he promptly fell silent.

"Good point?" echoed Meredith, confused by both his sudden silence and the look in his eyes. "What do you mean?" But Derek didn't answer her, just shrugged his shoulders and remained silent. When the doors of the elevator opened, he slipped his arm around Meredith, pulling her close to him. "Derek! What are you doing?" Meredith turned to look at him, but he shrugged again, still not speaking. He simply walked with her through the lobby, pushing open the door and leading her out into the parking lot.

"There," he announced when they stood outside, looking rather proudly around at their surroundings. "You are no longer at work, you are in the parking lot."

"Oh, you're a clever guy," said Meredith, rolling her eyes. "A really clever guy."

"I'm right," he said happily, and Meredith sighed, letting her head rest against his shoulder.

"It's a technicality," she said quietly. The thrill that ran through her body was forcing her to ignore the fact that she still hadn't figured out what she wanted to do about the question of them.

"But it still counts?" Derek turned his head to look at her, pressing his lips against her forehead as he spoke. Meredith shrugged and wrapped his arm tighter around her waist.

"It still counts," she murmured.

-----

The sky was already darkening by the time Addison had finished her last surgery and was ready to go home. She walked quickly across the parking lot, relieved to put some distance between herself and the room where she had talked to Richard. It wasn't that she felt she was abnormally strong or above feeling pain due to her divorce. Addison just didn't want to think that she was disproportionably weak either. She simply liked to consider herself capable, but she was starting to feel as if everyone was expecting her to slink away in defeat, nothing more then a broken shell of the woman who had been Addison Shepherd.

Addison sighed with frustration as she slipped into her car. She was glad to be going home, although she knew it was odd to call a hotel room home. Home doesn't usually open with a key card or have a bathroom that magically refills itself with miniature toiletries every day. But it was home, she supposed. It wasn't so hard to lay down in the big empty bed anymore, she'd almost gotten used to not listening to Derek breathe as she fell asleep. Still, just as she'd been about to slip the key into the ignition, Addison glanced up and caught sight of something that caused her keys to slip straight through her fingers and clatter to the dark floor of the car.

She had never really seen them together before. Sure, she had seen the way they stared at each other and caught snatches of their conversations in the elevators and hallways of the hospital. But Addison had never seen them alone outside of work, when they didn't think anyone could see them. They were leaning against a lamppost, standing in the small circle of light while the rest of the parking lot grew dark. Addison had meant to turn away and drive off, but she couldn't move. She couldn't help but watch the way they stood with their faces barely an inch apart as they spoke, their bodies leaning easily into each other. The lamplight was making Meredith's hair glow golden, and Derek played with her hair as he talked, toying with the loose strands and then slowly tracing his fingers along the collar of her jacket. Meredith laughed at something and shook her head, and Addison forced herself to bend down and grope for her keys, doing her best to ignore how hungry their eyes were.

But when she straightened up, Meredith had pulled away from Derek, her eyes flashing angrily. Addison leaned forward, yet again forgetting that she meant to start her car, and watched as the two of them argued. Meredith shook her head and started to walk away, but Derek reached out and snatched her small hand in his. She whirled back around, staring intently up at Derek, and Addison found herself wishing that she knew how to read lips. But after a moment, Meredith pulled her hand from Derek's and walked away. He didn't follow, just watched her get into her car and drive off, before sinking down to sit on the base of the lamppost.

Addison wasn't sure what made her get out of her car, but before she knew it she'd opened the door and climbed out, walking over to where Derek sat. "Trouble in paradise?" she asked, nudging his leg with the point of her heel.

"Addison…" he said without looking up. "What do you want?"

"Nothing, I'm just wondering what you did to make her storm off like that," said Addison, wondering why she had suddenly developed an incredibly painful sense of curiosity. Derek sighed and propped his head up on his hand.

"Why do you care?" he asked bluntly.

"I'm not going back to New York," she said quietly, and Derek finally looked at her. "Not now at least. When my contract's up, who knows. But that's not for nearly two and a half years. So basically I'm here and you're here, I'd rather we not be enemies…" She trailed off and shook her head, laughing a little. "Either that or I'm a glutton for pain and punishment. So go ahead Derek, make me miserable. Tell me all about Meredith." A brief smile flickered across his face and he agreed with a shrug.

"One minute she's perfectly happy. The next minute, she's switched gears completely. I don't understand it. She just keeps pushing me away," said Derek, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "I tell her that I love her and she says she doesn't know what she wants." Addison nodded, looking down at him to encourage him to continue. "So I asked her if it was because of Finn, if she was hesitating because she wanted to go back to him." Derek shrugged and shook his head. "And then…well, I'm guessing you saw how she got." Addison laughed in disbelief, walking over to sit down next to him on the edge of the curb.

"Derek, you're an idiot," she said evenly. He looked up abruptly, frowning at her.

"What?"

"I don't know how you ever got her in the first place if this is how you go about it now," continued Addison, still shaking her head. "It has nothing to do with Finn."

"That's what she said," said Derek quietly, sounding as if he didn't quite believe it himself.

"Do you seriously not get it Derek?" asked Addison incredulously, but Derek just looked at her in confusion. "Do you not get what you did to her?"

"Well I know I hurt her," mumbled Derek roughly. "Because of…well, us." He tilted his head towards Addison. "But I never meant to hurt her. I was…"

"You didn't just hurt her," interrupted Addison, not quite sure why she was taking the side of Meredith Grey, but unable to stop the words from falling from her mouth. "You shattered her. She fell for you and you just let her keep falling. You didn't catch her. She doesn't trust you anymore Derek," said Addison simply. "That's what the problem is. Why should she love you when all you've done is hurt her?" Derek shook his head, staring at the ground in silence. The light was fading from his eyes, and when he turned to look at Addison his expression was hollow and sad.

"Right…" he said quietly. "What do I do Addie?" His voice was earnest, pleading and a little bit broken, like that of a child who had looked up and suddenly found himself lost and overwhelmed. "I can't lose her." Addison closed her eyes and bit her lip, trying to ignore the dull pain his words brought to her heart. She shrugged and got to her feet.

"I don't know Derek," she said sadly. "Although, you can start with no more bringing up Finn," she added with a laugh. Derek looked up and nodded as he met her eyes, letting a short chuckle escape his lips as well. "I've gotta get going," continued Addison, gesturing towards her car. Derek just nodded again, his head falling back into his hands. She'd unlocked the door and was about to climb in when Derek finally spoke.

"Goodnight Addison," he called, smiling slightly as he watched her from his seat on the lamppost.

"Goodnight Derek," agreed Addison. And as she got into her car she realized the people had been wrong. Everyone from the Chief of Surgery down to the last, sympathetic nurse, they'd all been wrong. She wasn't going to crumble or run away with her tail between her legs. She could handle it. It would be painful at times, but Addison knew that she could survive it.