Notes: Helloo everyone!
This episode talks about suicide and rape. Please skip if it doesn't suit you.
I hope you enjoy.
Reading is good for her soul. The pages are ripping their shackles off her wrists like a key. It is as if her soul lives in a different land. She hates anyone who plucks her from those realms and causes her to return to her dungeon, but this time she already hates the person who brought her back to the real world.
Reluctantly, she turned her eyes from the pages of the book to the owner of the hand on her shoulder. When her husband caught the queen's attention, he took the seat opposite her and sat down. Regina continued to stare, trying to understand why he had taken her away from one of her rare moments of peace in this palace.
"Are you bored too, Regina?"
Her well-formed brows furrowed and the corner of her lip curved downward. "On which subject?"
He moved slightly forward in his seat. There was an expression in his eyes that the queen was very familiar with. Again, he would make a request that Regina would not like. "Kingdom, jungle excursions, books. I know you enjoyed spending time with Henry, but he's growing up too and his time with us is getting shorter. Snow will soon marry and leave us."
She was still trying to figure out where the matter was going, but it was starting to smell fishy. "I am content with myself." She said. "You can go on a trip if you want, maybe you'll feel better."
She wishes he had göne, so Regina could breathe a little.
"What I mean is not momentary changes." When the king reached out and took her hand, she understood why he had moved forward in his seat. Regina dug her nails into the palm of her free hand to keep from grimacing. "A new sound in the palace, a breath... A baby."
Her ears began to howl, as if to deny what she had heard, suddenly turning cold as if all the blood had been drained from her body. When Snow White asked for a sibling, the king, who fulfilled every wish of his daughter, did not stop until he got it. Young Regina, whose uterine development was not yet complete, suffered terribly before she had Henry, and had miscarried twice. Was she going to give this man another child now? Not possible in any world!
The only reason she couldn't get rid of Leopold and Snow until now was her son, she didn't want to upset him. Now she couldn't take the responsibility of another child.
She had to regain her consciousness and start fighting this scourge. She turned her eyes away from the king to the forest, letting a deep breath fill her lungs.
She tried to put a smile on her face, but it wasn't very successful. "Leopold, you are old enough to have grandchildren." She said while mocking to hide her anger. "If you want to take care of a baby, tell Snow, not me."
Regina had never been shy of Leopold, she was always outspoken. The king also liked this disposition of her very much, he knew that his wife was a difficult woman. He laughed at her teasing. "When the time comes, Snow will decide it, dear, I want our child."
Oh, how happy she would be if she ripped his heart out of his chest, crushed it into ashes in her palm. She hated him with all her cells!
On the other hand, her angry heart turned to sadness. What she wouldn't give to have children with Daniel. Or with Robin.
I'm going to strangle myself if I don't stop thinking about that man!
"This is not a decision we can make hastily." She said, pulling her hand away and placing the book in her lap on the table, taking a sip of water to calm her mind.
"Why?" Leopold asked doubtfully.
Regina remained silent, where was her repartee? Why was she thinking of the forest-scented man and the children she might have with him, instead of finding an excuse? It was too dangerous to even consider that possibility.
"I don't think I want that."
"I wonder why."
Regina felt the unease in his voice. She had spent enough time with him to know that he got cranky when he didn't get what he wanted.
She arranged her sentences one after the other in panic. "We've got Snow's wedding ahead of us. Then… Henry is growing up, I have to take care of his education. Kingdom problems. I don't want any new responsibility."
"I'll start to take care of the kingdom again. We'll assign someone to Snow's wedding. You have put in a bunch of all-encompassing people next to Henry anyway."
Would he insist on it long enough to take over the kingdom? She couldn't let that happen, couldn't lose her strength. One more reason this child should never be born.
"Shall we talk about this tomorrow? I'm not feeling very well." She said as she got up. She didn't have the strength to speak anymore. An alternate life with Daniel, another one with Robin. And real life. Everything was too much. She couldn't breathe.
She walked to her closet, took off her nightgown, and put it on with magic. She undid her hair and removed her make-up magically, and quickly slipped under the covers, went to the far end of the bed and turned around. Soon afterward, Leopold came and went to bed without speaking. Regina waited until he was asleep, as she often did, and then got up and left the room. She would go crazy if she didn't talk to someone.
The blonde woman didn't have a chance to put her folded clothes in her closet when her door knocked. She couldn't help smiling when her friend appeared through the slowly opening door.
"Tink, are you available?
She took a few steps to close the distance between her and the queen. "I'm always available for you, Regina."
Before Tink could reach her, Regina ran to her friend and hugged her, shedding tears as secure arms wrapped around her.
-Twelve Years Ago-
She pulled the sheet that was piled on the corner of the bed over her. She was lying on the edge of the bed with her legs pulled up to her stomach. Despite the summer heat, the young, beautiful queen of the Enchanted Forest could not help her icy body trembling. Her tears hadn't stopped for a moment since the night. God, what a terrible night it was! The images she wanted to erase from her mind came to life over and over as if torturing her.
She was now the wife of a man 24 years older than her. Moreover, a cruel man who does not care at all about her tears and pleas. She didn't think she could handle what she had experienced a few hours ago again, but there was no way out of this dungeon, she was imprisoned for the rest of her life.
Only on the day of her death would she be able to escape from this palace. Maybe she should have delayed the day of her death. Then all her sufferings would end with her life. Maybe her soul could rest in peace. Maybe she'd meet with Daniel.
"Your Majesty." She refused to move when she heard a gentle voice. "Your bathroom is ready."
Tinker Bell had been placed at the service of the new queen, and she would take care of all her affairs. The blonde woman was telling her that she needed to be cleaned now. Then there was the coronation ceremony.
It will be a ceremony without her...
She had to get out of this bed to practice her mind. She held the white cloth covered with her own blood as she stood up. She took the dressing gown Tink had extended, put it on, and followed the little woman.
Standing in front of the hot tub, she reached for the ropes to take off her dressing gown, but was stopped by the queen. "I can handle it myself."
"My queen, our king has commanded that your every need be met."
Her brown eyes, shining with tears, were blank. "I want to be alone."
"Sorry, Your Majesty, I can't." She said while shaking her head.
It wasn't just on the king's orders that she didn't want to leave her queen alone. She was very calm, even though she had been forced to marry a man she had never met, had experienced perhaps the worst moments of her life a few hours ago. If it weren't for her eyes that were red from crying, it was as if she would just say it's wedding fatigue. Tinker Bell could see the deep pain behind that expressionless face. She didn't want to leave her side, obviously she was not well.
"I don't think anyone would care if you left me alone."
"The king cares a lot about you." She didn't say it was because of her own feelings that she didn't want to go. What was she going to say anyway? After all she can't say 'You look terrible. I'm scared.'
"Would you get me a glass of water, I suppose I can have that at least." Just leave this goddamn place for a minute.
When she left, she knew she didn't have much time. Her heart could not bear to live in this state for another minute. She took the knife from the fruit plate. She didn't even think about it again when she cut her wrist. Not even the slightest moan escaped her lips. This pain was very mild compared to the others.
She let the blood out of her veins as her whole body rebelled against what had happened. A small pool of blood had already formed on the ground. She felt her body slowly begin to go numb, she was dizzy, her breathing slowing. Finally, this life was coming to an end.
"Blue, no one should know that we're here, that this is happening, please." She heard a familiar voice as her dark world began to light up in a blurry light. Where am I?
"Don't worry, Tink. Your secret is safe with me. But you must be more careful with the queen."
When Tinker Bell opened her mouth to reply, she saw Regina begin to wake up. "Your Majesty, how are you feeling?"
The brunette woman looked around to see where she was, she had never seen this place before. She hadn't seen any part of the palace, though, except for the bedroom and the ballroom. She tried to remember what had happened, and a few intermittent memories flashed through her mind. Bathroom... Knife... Blood. Blood in everywhere. Her own blood… Her wrists reminded themselves with a slight itch. There was a faint pink line on her olive skin, as if it was shouting her failure in her face.
"What have you done to me?" She said in a low voice.
The other woman went out, leaving the queen and her assistant alone in the room.
"The Blue Fairy cured you. You scared us so much."
Shocked by defeat, the queen didn't even try to hold back the tears that started flowing again. "Did I ask you to save me?" She said between her sobs. "I should have died!"
"Don't talk like this, please" Tink said as she sat down on the bed. "How did you do this to yourself?"
Her trembling voice was filled with anger. "You would too, if you were me."
"I'm not strong like you, maybe I can't cure your problems, but you can tell me."
"Strong like me?" She couldn't help chuckling. Where exactly was her strong part? Could a woman who was in control of her life in the hands of others and who took her own life to be strong? "What do you think the strong is?"
"You are the queen. Your every request is fulfilled unconditionally. There are people at your service."
"You're wrong. Strong isn't like that. That's just being a puppet. Power is love. If you have power, you'll be happy, you'll be safe." She said. "Do you think I'm strong?"
She looked into the queen's eyes for a long time, as if trying to understand and get to know her. She knew very well what she saw. She had witnessed her at her most vulnerable moment, but that didn't change the fact that she was her servant.
"Queens prefer that we tell them what will make them happy, not the truth." She said innocently.
"What if I'm not one of the queens you know?"
"I see a queen who thinks she will never have happiness again, and cannot trust anyone easily from now on at the furthest point from love." She admitted. "But all that doesn't make you weak, Your Majesty. I can feel how strong you are. Believe me, you'll get through all this."
-Now-
"Regina, what's wrong with you? You're scaring me." She ran her hand slowly over her friend's back. "Come, sit down."
Regina wiped her tears with the back of her hand and took a deep breath. "The prince who came to the palace. I met him in the woods the other day. I didn't know he was a prince, and he didn't know I am a queen. Until yesterday, I thought I would never see him again."
"What happened between you two?"
"God, nothing." She quickly pushed back the hair that had fallen in front of her eyes. She continued in frustration. "I just can't get him out of my mind, I feel like I'm going crazy."
"I've told you many times, you should talk to Leopold. It's your right to start a new life with someone else."
Regina wiped away the last tears with the back of her hand again and laughed. "Yes, I should talk." "Leopold, you want another child from me, but I want to break up with you because I'm attracted to the man you want your daughter to marry."
"What?" Her friend screamed.
"Tink, I can't." Regina said as another tear rolled down her cheek. "Henry is my everything. If he wasn't, I would have gotten rid of both Leopold and Snow long ago. I can't bear to hurt him. If there is another child, everything will be completely impossible. Besides, I don't want to have a child with a man I hate. I can't live the same things again. "
Tink took Regina's hand and smiled mischievously. "You wish it was from Robin though, right?"
"Tink!" She withdrew her hand. "You're not helping."
She raised her hands and surrendered. "Okay, back to the main issue. What are you going to do? What will you say to Leopold?"
"Nothing, of course. Leopold won't stop until he gets what he wants. I won't let that happen. Maybe I'll suffer a lot more, but I won't give that child in his arms."
After leaving her friend's, she locked herself in her study to apply a potion she saw in her mother's spell book. Once again she was not going to give Leopold what she wanted. She would put an end to the pressure her heart was exerting on her mind, blocking any possibility she had with Robin.
Holding the glass of sterility potion firmly in her hand, she slumped into her seat. Once she drank this, she would never have child again. She didn't think it would be necessary. She had no other future. Her whole world was Henry and always will be.
She stirred the clear liquid several times. Would she really do this? Would she take away the possibility of becoming a mother again? She brought the glass to her lips several times, but never drank it. She remembered the day she held Henry in her arms. She had a child when she was still a child. She doesn't know what to do; when the baby cried, she cried too, and she was losing sleep with worry. She had learned to love someone unconditionally, to think of others before herself, with her son. Henry had grown, but he had also raised his mother. A baby can really change everything. It is a pity that she will not be able to taste this feeling again…
Those who caused her to experience all this, those who took away her happiness, would experience more of the pain they experienced. And for that, she had to drink the goddamn potion first. She had to get rid of everything that would hinder her revenge.
She wouldn't get anything if she kept sitting there, she swallowed the liquid in one gulp. A knot formed in her stomach, she felt her heart tighten. Her motherhood was disappearing… She grimaced in pain, unable to resist the tears that rushed into her eyes. He was dealing with the physical pain somehow, but the emotional pain was too strong. Seriously, why was she so upset? Did she have feelings? Was her heart of stone coming out of its eternal winter?
She spent the night watching the forest in front of her with empty eyes. When the morning the people of the palace were starting to wake up, but she didn't have the strength to leave the room, to talk Leopold, to hear Snow's voice, to see Robin.
When the door to the room opened, she turned her head slightly to look at the incoming, and when she saw it was Tink, she turned to the forest again. She was glad to have someone who didn't need to hide her feelings.
"Are you better?" She stopped taking a step when the open book on the table caught her attention. Her green eyes noticed the empty glass after reading the spell. "Regina, what have you done?"
Regina could sense the fear, the sadness in her voice. She answered without turning to her. "You know what I have done."
The young woman gathered the hem of her green dress and ran to her friend, bent down in front of the chair she was sitting on and took her hand. "When are you going to stop making yourself suffer?"
"When they pay for everything they put me through. I will do it even if it costs me my life."
Notes: I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I love writing about Regina and Tink's friendship. It's nice to have someone who understands her. What are you thinking?