Take the Long Way Home
Hey folks. WHOO HOO THE 300 REVIEW MARK AT LAST! #Does a happy dance# But on a more somber note, I have tragic news for those of you who love the comedic part of this story, or anyone with an appreciation of comedy. For those of you who haven't heard, Rodney Dangerfield, Mr. "I Get No Respect" himself, has passed away. He was a major comedic inspiration for me. I am now officially dedicating the entirety of this story's comedy portions to him. Rest in Peace Rodney.
Disclaimer- I get no respect, no respect at all!
Animeluvr1-sorry, but the whole thing was almost perfect as it was. I did add a little to the beginning, and did a little grammatical correction to it. So there! Now where's my biscuit?
moezy-chan -here's the update!
L1701E- well, I got the new design for Razor's costume, and I got the quips as well. I wasn't able to think of a use for some of them though.
Fireinu-yeah, Beast is gonna be putting the stomach pump through its paces. The fluff guide is a little gift that was compiled by Animeluvr1 and Andivari. If you want, I can send you a copy.
Warconq- I'm gonna keep on trucking with this story, and hope that I can finish it before interest in Evo runs out. Senior-itis? Sounds lethal.
Raliena- Thanks, I aims to please.
Agent-G- Sorry bout not reviewing to much, I just don't seem to have the time to write a good review of your work. You know, I'm probably rushing Maria's acclimation to the 'real' world. I'll try and adjust how she's acclimating. About Hack… well I guess you'll just see later.
AzureDragoness-riggghhhhttt. I think I may be scarred for life now. Double chocolate chip? #Eyes light up# You got yourself a deal! Well, maybe your fbbwat is related to something from the Teen Titan's fridge.
Mightierdandasword- Ah, but I had Hack include a hidden protocol in his programming that allows me to override earlier programming. I like the idea, but that leaves the whole "how did Protoman learn the Zanzoken?" thing. And could you please reconsider your policy about having to have five reviews for each chapter. You have at least one loyal reader, even though I can't review as often as I wish I could.
X00001- well, here the update be.
SickmindedSucker-you're right, that would drive Logan crazy eventually. Maybe that's why he takes so many trips? Well, just think, how much would you be willing to pay to keep that kind of info out of Logan's claws? Thank Animeluvr for the Rick/Tabby sweetness, I just posted that part. (And added the whole pervert warning thing) Yeah, Bobby and his get rich quick schemes. And yes, Rogue and Kitty walked away with the prize.
ViciousAssassin- I'm glad that you're still interested in my story, even though updates have gotten somewhat sporadic as time goes on. What can I say, I've got a lot of stuff on my mind that's kind of distracting me from the story. On a different note, interesting isn't the word my friend.
Fissie- Actually, it was Animeluvr1 who wrote that, to be honest I've never heard of Oasis. #shrugs# What can I say, I'm more of an Aerosmith, Bon Jovi type. I'm glad you read, really glad you laughed, and ecstatic you liked! Hope you update your own story soon.
Andivari- Okay, as long as you fear the wrath of my little sister. (No joke, she's a twelve year-old unholy terror!) Sorry man, no Triad reunion yet, though they're going to be closer to one another's position than they had thought they would be soon. Actually, he is safe, but only because he can use the Zanzoken to escape if things get a little to edgy. (Bad pun, I know) Well, good luck on BtD Redux, hope you can get it up soon.
-AAA- Translation
'AAA'-Telepathy
AAA -internal debate
Chapter 30-To Those About to Rock, We Salute You
Scott was having a bad day. Actually, Scott and the entirety of the original X-men team were having a bad day. Logan had taken the New Mutants in for a two hour DR session early that morning, with Storm acting as secondary supervisor. The woman had been in such a hurry that she had asked the first person she saw to cook breakfast for her, without stopping to think about the ramifications. This turned out to be a bad thing, because the first person she saw was a bleary eyed Kitty.
In hindsight, Kitty had been able to prepare a passable breakfast, at least in looks. She had finished cooking before Kurt, who was usually first to eat, had ported down for breakfast. The usual stampede for breakfast had ensued, with Beast 'riding watch on the herd', as it were. As the last scraps were being picked from between Kurt's fangs, Storm had appeared. "Zat vas a really good breakfast Storm," the Germanic boy commented as she went through the kitchen. Ororo stopped and looked back at him over her shoulder.
"I didn't make breakfast today Kurt, Kitty did." She said this just as Shawn and Rick, leading the charge to breakfast by the New Mutants, rounded the corner. They made an abrupt about-face, only to come face to face with a beaming Katherine Pryde.
"Don't you guys, like, wanna try some of the food I made?" she asked. Sam stepped up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder.
"Ummm, Kitty? Your muffins are eating the silverware. And the bacon just started swimming in the orange juice." Everyone in the room stared at the aforementioned food items, before Scott clutched at his stomach and grimaced.
"I think I'm gonna be sick," he moaned, before he tried making a mad dash for the bathroom. He was tailed by Jean, Kurt, Rogue, Bobby and Ray, who had both grabbed bites out of two muffins before they had noticed that one was absorbing a fork, while the other was eating a knife. Razor the raptor watched them go, and began to chirrup and coo. His collar translated it into: –You know, it's times like this that make me glad I eat mostly electricity, no chance of it being prepared wrong-. Jamie laughed and scratched his saurian friend near the base of his skull, causing the synthetic carnivore to make little cooing noises of pleasure. Beast sighed and got up from where he had been reading his copy of "Science Monthly".
"Well, I guess I'd better go get the stomach pump prepped for use, it looks like it'll be getting quite a workout."
Shawn looked gravely at his hungry teammates. "I don't know about the rest of you are gonna do, but I'm going to let Smaug hunt and eat for me until a professional HazMat team goes over this kitchen with a fine toothed comb and an industrial strength antibacterial."
That had been earlier this morning. Now the original X-men were sprawled over the couches in the rec room, still slightly green. Shawn, Jubilee, Sam, and Rick were playing Super Smash Bros. Melee in teams, with Rick and Shawn trouncing the other two's Bowser/MewTwo combo as Marth and Captain Falcon. Suddenly there was a knock at the front door. Shawn set down his controller, leaving Rick to fend off any attacks on his teammate. Sam and Jubilee shared an evil grin before beginning a full-scale assault on the now grounded Falcon.
As Shawn was about halfway to the door, there was another thunderous knock; and just as he reached for the handle, his innate sense of danger began to go off, prompting a hasty rolling dive out of the way. This proved to be a smart move, since a split second later the double doors were blown to kindling by a rainbow colored blast of light, accompanied by the sound of a guitar riff. Kid Razor strode into the Xavier Institute, and looked around, grinning smugly. "The Kid of Rock heard that you X-Men were good neighbors, so he came to borrow a cup of sugar," he quipped.
There was a small sonic-boom announcing Jubilee's arrival as the Asian girl appeared almost out of thin air, wrapping her arms around the Cleveland superhero's waist. "Why stop at just a cup?" she purred up at the rocker. Razor, who was still a little stunned by the boom, shook his head to clear his head, before scowling down at the girl.
"Get the $&# off me, you psychotic groupie from hell!" he snarled. He began tugging at the girl, but she seemed to have developed the power of super strength in the few seconds she had had to attach herself. "It's times like this the Kid of Rock wishes he had super strength." Shawn dusted some splinters off of himself as he got up, before smirking at the self-proclaimed "Juke Box Hero".
"Save your strength, she's got a grip like an anaconda. Bobby tried to steal one of her N'Sync cd's once, and she wouldn't let go of his head until he gave it back." Razor opened his mouth to say something, an evil glint in his eye, but Shawn cut him off. "Not that head you walking hormone, the one attached to his shoulders! She wouldn't let go until Beast, Logan, Rick and I pulled her off…"
"And he still has a little bald patch!" Jamie announced, coming around the corner. "Who's…" Jamie's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates when he saw Kid Razor standing in the hall, "here", he finally squeaked. He ran up to the Cleveland rocker, and dropped to the floor, salaaming fervently. "We are not worthy, we are not worthy, we are not worthy, we are not worthy," he chanted.(AN: for those who don't know, salaaming is that form of bowing where you kneel, put your hands up in the air, and proceed to examine the floor point blank several times. It has nothing to do with deli meat.) Shawn palmed his face, while Razor basked in the praise and the remainder of the mobile inhabitants of the Institute made their way to the scene.
"Enough with the worship already kid," a translucent figure said, appearing in front of Jamie, between him and Razor. It was the ghost of Ronnie Rocker, who had acted as mentor to Kid Razor when he first received his powers, and had dropped by to check up on his protégé.
"Yeah Jamie, the guy's already got an ego the size of Columbus, no need to increase it," remarked Bahumut, who had appeared, "leaning" against a wall. He strode over to Ronnie, and the two apparitions introduced themselves to each other. Logan snorted as he caught sight of the second ghost.
"Just great, we're turning into a freaking ghost motel here. What's next, Elvis showing up for a visit?" Razor was distracted from everything that was happening when Storm entered the room. He sidled up to the former goddess, dragging Jubilee along with him, and looked her up and down appreciatively.
"Babe Radar going crazy! Babe alert! Babe alert! Major scorching hot babeage! Tell me, are you related to Tina Turner? Because there is no way you could have legs like those and not be related to Tina Turner!"
Storm blinked at the comment. "Do I know you?" she asked. Razor attempted to put an arm around her shoulders, but was hampered by the groupie clinging to his waist. In the end he settled for winking and leering.
"No, but you're gonna wanna." Before Storm could summon up a lightning bolt to strike the perverted rockstar down with, Rahne, who had tailed in after Sam, asked a question that had just popped into her mind.
"What happened to your old outfit?" Indeed, Razor's outfit had undergone a transformation. His tights and wrist cuffs had changed to white, with light blue-and silver razor blades on them. His face paint was now mostly white, with icicles of light blue and silver.
His shirt was an Aerosmith t-shirt this time. Over that, he wore a sleeveless white leather jacket with light blue-and silver icy patterns on the jacket's sides, with white fur around the neck. The jacket had a white cape, and the shoulders were decorated with football-like shoulder-pads which had large icicle-like spikes on them, while his boots were light blue with a silver-and-white fringe.
Razor's magic guitar had turned into a duplicate of the famous guitar of Queen's Brian May, the Red Special, only the guitar was white with a light blue-and silver fretboard, with the guitar's head shaped like the head of a trident. The rockstar smiled.
"You like it? It's inspired by the reason for my little visit here. She goes by the name of Frost, and believe me, she's one cold hard bitch." Razor walked past the assemblage and wandering into the rec room; glancing at the abandoned video game, before noticing the sickly looking mutants. He walked over to Kurt, pulling a piece of cloth out of his jacket as he did so. "Here blueboy, have a Scorpions shirt."
As Razor passed the shirt off to Kurt, Scott had a sudden attack of nausea, caused by thinking about the fact that he had actually ingested some of Kitty's food. Razor's ears almost seemed to perk up like a dogs, before he nimbly skipped to the side, narrowly avoiding being given a close-up recap of what Scott had managed to get down his throat for lunch. "Sweet Mother of Lynyrd Skynyrd, are you trying to be funny Visor-Boy? Because your comic timing is terrible!" Scott just groaned in reply. Jean glared at him.
"Go away Kid Razor, you're more of an annoyance than Lance and Pietro combined." Scott managed to nod his head weakly. Razor 'pfff'd'.
"He's so whipped." The boys sniggered quietly. A quite cough from behind the group had a few heads turning to see the professor sitting behind them, Bahumut, Ronnie and Logan forming a sort of honor guard around him. "Razor, Ronnie has told me that you've come to the Institute seeking allies. Is this true?"
Razor nodded. "Yeah, the Kid of Rock has run into a little trouble back home that, astonishing as it may seem, the Kid just can't handle alone. As much as it pains the Kid to admit, he needs help. I would have gone to Sonic Blue(1), but he said somethin' bout some sort of project he's helping someone with. And I couldn't go to the Fantastic Four about it either, or Iron Man, or any of those other losers, so here I am."
The Professor nodded, before turning and rolling away, beckoning for Razor to follow him. "If you'd follow me please, we could discuss what type of aid we can provide you with in my office." As Razor followed the Professor down the hall, the various members of the Institute began to chatter amongst themselves, with Jubilee expounding on how cute Razor was to anyone who would listen, while Bobby sulked in a corner. Just before Razor was out of sight, Rahne's sharp ears caught a remark by the superhero that had her chuckling. "Hey Prof! I know a detailer who can put flames on your wheelchair! It'd look awesome!"
-Hack's Digital HQ-
The halls that made up the Hack's digital fortress were silent, except for the sound of typing every now and then. Jon was looking over a wire-frame model of some sort of futuristic armor on his main computer, while his crew was resting up. Suddenly an e-mail message window opened up in the lower corner of the screen. Hack opened it up to find it was a message from a person calling themselves "SteelHedgehog". It contained an attachment that contained some lines of computer code, and the schematics for some sort of electronic pendant device. Hack smiled grimly to himself as he scanned over the code, before opening a different window, which contained a huge amount of nearly indecipherable coding. "Thanks Spence, I owe you one." As Jon began to type furiously, adding the newly acquired code to the mass of code already compiled, Biker strode up behind his creator and friend.
"How long till its done Boss? We only have a short time before they head back to the Academy, and they gain the home field advantage again." There were twin growls of agreement from Scratch, Decoy, followed by two other, more mechanized sounding growls from two shadowed forms behind the others. The glint of a gun-barrel was visible here and there on the large shadows, while green and blue optics gleamed with intelligence not native to a mechanical being. Jon never stopped typing as he replied.
"I just got the final piece to the puzzle. There's a ninety-nine percent chance that the program will stabilize after I add this last bit of code." Biker relaxed at that, before a thought occurred to him.
"And what about the other one percent?"
Hack's reply was candid. "Then at least we'll take them with us; and about half of Ohio too." Biker gave a grim chuckle.
"Well," he shrugged, "I always wanted to go out with a bang, or boom as the case may be." Hack chuckled as well as he hit one final key.
"Hold on to your algorithms folks, cause I aint sure if this thing'll work." After that, he held up one hand and closed his eyes. His forehead creased in concentration as the screen began to glow a light orange around the edges. As the seconds ticked away, the orange color began to permeate the screen, until the entire screen was engulfed in a pulsing orange glow. At this point, Biker got up, and walked out of the door. Beads of sweat began to form on the young hacker's face as he deepened his concentration, while on the screen, small particles of orange light began to pull away from the screen, and gravitate towards the palm of Hack's hand. As the minutes ticked away, more and more of the screen emptied as the code flowed in a thread-thin stream of light to the orb forming in the palm of Jon's hand. As the last particle of data integrated itself into the data ball, there was a flash of light, and then Hack opened his eyes.
As he wiped the sweat from his brow, Biker reentered the room, with an icy can of soda, complete with straw, in his hand. He handed it off silently, to which Hack gave an equally silent nod of thanks. Biker eyed the ball of code that Hack now balanced in one hand dubiously. "So that's our big ace in the hole huh?" Hack nodded, before clearing his throat.
"Sidewinder, what's the status on Frost, the Hellions, and Sharon?" One of the shadows behind Decoy and Scratch shifted, a long, blade-like metal crest coming off of the top of its head reflecting the dim light, as its blue optics flared for a moment. When it spoke, its voice was male, rough and almost metallic, as if speaking through one of those artificial larynxes.
"The latest report sent from the mole program Decoy planted said that they planned to stay in the city for at least three more days." Hack nodded at the report, and began to address the entire team.
"Alright guys, pack it all in, we're moving out!" As the rest of the team scattered, Biker walked up to Jon, who had turned towards the now blank screen, and was regarding the orange ball he held cupped in both of his hands. Biker laid a hand on his creator, and friends, shoulder.
"You do know that she's too important an asset for them to let go without some sort resistance. They will put up a fight, and she'll most likely be right there fighting alongside them, even though she won't want to." Hack nodded solemnly.
"I know that they'll put up a fight, and I'm looking forward to it to be honest. I have to prove my worth Biker, not only to her, but to myself as well. Otherwise," he continued with a sad little smile, "How can I say that I'm truly worthy of Sharon in the first place, if I wasn't willing to go to extremes to get her back?" Biker said nothing, but gave a reassuring squeeze, as if to say, 'don't worry, we've got your back'.
Jon stood up then, and Biker stepped back. "Well then, let's go get my girlfriend back," he said grimly. Biker cracked his knuckles in anticipation, and followed Hack out of the room, which seemed to shut down as the last footsteps faded away.
-The X-Jet, En Route to Cleveland-
The final team roster for this impromptu mission had turned out to be: Shawn, and Maria, since they had the most battle experience out of the rest of the New Mutants, Sam, Tabby and Amara, since they were some of the most powerful of the New Mutants, and Dante, to watch their backs.
Jubilee and Jamie had both wanted to go, but Razor had immediately vetoed the Asian girl, which Beast and Shawn had both seconded, citing what had happened last time Jubilee had been in a fight which had involved Razor. She had become so distracted by one of Kid Razor's attacks that she had been easy prey for the Juggernaut, which had led to Maria's capture, and Shawn's subsequent first transformation to his full feral form. Jamie had been left because of his lack of battlefield experience, and because his powers weren't as controlled as the other's. The rest of the New Mutants had been told they couldn't go for one reason or another, and Logan had conceded that Dante had more than enough power should they run into something unforeseen, while Storm had wanted to stay behind to assist Beast in taking care of the invalid X-Men.
Halfway through the flight it had been discovered that Rick had decided to go as well, albeit unknown to everyone else. When Shawn had questioned his intentions, out of earshot of the girls of course, Rick had shrugged. "Eh, who can knock the view?" he had asked rhetorically, subtly pointing to Tabby. Shawn had seen the signal, and hadn't been able to find anything to say about it.
Dante hadn't seemed to care either way, and had just told Rick to cover his teammate's asses, or it would be his ass on the line. Rick had merely gulped theatrically at the threat, while rolling his eyes. Dante had slipped one of his gauntlets on then, covered it in unholy flame, and held it under the Western mutant's face. The gulp had been real that time. Of course, that may have been due to the fact that Dante was the one flying the plane.
Razor was pacing the length of the cabin, like some sort of caged animal, not even bothered by the lurching of the plane, while Bahumut and Ronnie sat in mid-air, playing poker with insubstantial cards, and comparing experiences with their different protégés. He was not only impatient to get back to his beloved City of Rock, but was also a little peeved at the fact that he had had to leave it in the first place. True, it had been his own idea to leave, but he hadn't liked it. Unfortunately he had been left with no other alternative, and had gone to the X-Men for help. 'But I can't really see these rookies helping me defeat a mime, much less a gang of mutant thieves that even the Kid of Rock had trouble with!' he thought to himself.
As he was pacing and thinking, he nearly missed stomping on Amara's foot. The girl had jerked out of the way just in time, and glared at the rocker, muttering under her breath. Unfortunately, she hadn't counted on Razor's supersensitive hearing, which picked up her comment on "uncouth peasants" quite clearly. He smirked at her, and had replied: "I see stupid people," while looking straight at her. Amara's mouth had just hung open in the air for a few moments, until Tabby had cracked a joke about her trying out for Human Flycatcher, for when the next carnival came to town.
In the same compartment that Tom and Coyote had hidden in when the X-Men had gone to Cleveland for the first time, Jamie and Razor smothered their giggles. You would think that the teachers at the Institute would have learned to do a sweep of the plane before take-off. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your view of the situation, Razor had made such a pest of himself wanting to get back to his beloved town, that there hadn't been time for a thorough sweep of the Blackbird.
---To Be Continued---
1: Sonic Blue is a creation of L170E, along with Kid Razor.
There ya go folks, the prelude to a rumble worthy of the name royal! Next time, Razor and the team corner another group of mutants, who call themselves the Hellions, and are led by one Emma Frost. Plus, we find out her connection to Hack, as well as who exactly Sharon is. Until then, any and all suggestions are welcome, and Read & Review!