A/N - Cordy was never pregnant but her and Conner did have sex which means nothing is controlling the beast, he just picked up some brains but they still have to turn Angel into Angelus to find that out.
DISCLAIMER - None of it's mine but the idea!
PAIRINGS - B/A of course! A buffy/Conner - mom son thing going on and defenitely a Spike/Buffy friendship
-Emotions- by Out - Of - Reality
-Angel's Office-
Conner was looking for this book Angel had sent him to get in his office. This just probably meant he wanted to tell everyone something he couldn't hear. It just made Conner hate him even more, the only reason he was even there was Cordy was. He couldn't believe Angel still tried to control every aspect of him, like he was his real dad.
He was near Angel's bookcase in his room when he accidentally knocked over a different book. The book had no use of the reasearch needed to be done on the beast but something in his head told him to look through it. What could be so special about a book of poems that would make him read it? Conner flipped through the pages and as he came to the middle of the book he stopped at the site of the picture he saw. She was beautiful, like an actual angel. Why would Angel have a picture of such a beatuy in a book of poems?
Conner began to read the poem on the page the picture was on. It was beautiful, a description of what love could only be. Was it possible the beast that now existed in the main room loved someone? He quickly dismissed the thought, I mean it wasn't possible right? Conner continued to stare at the picture, a young girl sitting on a ledge by the window as her blonde hair blew in the wind; Her eyes glaring out into the distance as if looking for something specific. He traced the picture with his fingers memorizing every feature. He flipped over the picture and there was a note underneath it. He unfolded the piece of paper and Conner read it aloud to himself...
Dear Angel,
I just wanted you to have an actual picture of me, one you didn't have to draw from memory. I don't need one of you, the look on your face, your beautiful half smile and even the way you'd look at me will be forever etched in my mind. I can't believe you're leaving. I woke up this morning hoping everything that you said to me in the sewer was a lie, wishing it was just a really bad nightmare that i had just woke up from. I even went to Willow's to confirm it and I couldn't stop crying when she told me it was true. I can't stop you from going, you're just so stubborn sometimes. I just had to tell you I'll always remember you, even if you forget me along your path. Actually you won't because that's what this picture is for. I'll always love you Angel, nothing will ever be able to change that. I may try and date, I may think about other guys but you'll always be a shadow over my heart no guy will ever be able to access. I just hope you feel the same way...
Yours Always,
Buffy Summers
P.S - I'll always be your girl
Conner couldn't believe what he was reading. This girl loved Angel and he probably hurt her, probably left her without a word why. It was in his nature. He eventually sat down and started re reading the note and staring at the picture, thinking about what this girl was like. Angel once told Conner about Darla, showed him a picture he had drawn of her once too and the picture in front of him looked similar. If the note hadn't been signed by Buffy he would of thought it was his mother. As soon as Conner was on the last sentence once again he saw a shadow over him and instantly stood. Angel towered over him not noticing yet what he had been doing.
"You've been up here for a while, i didn't think it would take that long to find a book." Angel started
Conner sighed not wanting to let him know what he had been doing. "Well, didn't think you'd exactly care. I can take care of myself."
Conner was about to stomp out of the room as Angel looked down on the desk which still contained the poems, picture and note. "Conner stop."
"WHAT!"
"What were you really doing up here?"
Conner sighed again and sat back down on the chair. He picked up the picture and showed Angel, "Who's this?"
Angel was taken back when he saw the picture. He took it out of Conner's hands and traced her face with his fingers. Even a small smile appeared on his face as he slowly backed up against the wall where another chair was. He sat down still staring at the picture. It was Conner's turn to be taken back, he wasn't expecting this reaction. He obviously knew this girl loved him more then anything but he had no idea Angel loved her back.
Angel remembered the question Conner has asked him and finally spoke up through his small smile, "Wow I haven't thought of her in a long time." Conner thought in his head,'What a surprise forget about her like she said you would.' Angel looked up at him, "It's a girl I used to date, a long time ago."
Conner smiled and remembered what he had just thought, "So you decided to forget about her like she said you would."
Angel looked up and growled. Without thinking and before Conner realized anything Angel had him pinned againt the bookcase, "I could never forget her. She's not somebody you forget...ever."
Angel let him go and started to leave but before he made it out the door Conner stopped him. Without even having a reason, "Tell me about her."
Angel turned around startled, "Why?"
Conner sat down again, "I really don't know. Just drawn to her i guess."
Angel shut the door and sat down too with a smile. "I was too. The first time i saw her here in L.A. I knew I loved her. There was so much about her that was hidden from the world. She was so beautiful...She always had this look on her face like she was looking for something in the distance."
Conner smiled, for some reason he liked hearing baout this girl. "She lives here in L.A.? Can i meet her?"
Angel looked down, "No she doesn't. She used to. Her mom and dad broke up and then she burnt down the gym so her and her mom moved to Sunnydale."
Conner looked at him with a wierd look, "She burnt down a gym?"
"It was filled with vampires."
"She knows about vampires?"
Angel laughed, "This girl was the slayer."
"What's a slayer?"
"A girl who has the power and strength to kill vampires. She's stronger then you or me. The way she fought was just so...beautiful. Her moves were almost mapped out. As soon as she started fighting though, nothing could get in her way."
Conner was silent for a little while, "So why didn't she stake you? I bet you didn't even tell her you were a vampire. That's why you left and hurt her."
Conner looked mad but Angel just smiled, "Oh Conner this is going to be a long story. I didn't tell her i was a vampire at first, but I still protected her. We were in the middle of our first kiss when she finally found out. We fought for a while and I finally told her I had a soul. That's when we both knew we loved each other. I killed Darla that night for her."
"I thought she staked herself for me?"
"No, I staked her the first time saving Buffy's life and then the law company WH brought her back. That's when you were concieved and that's when she staked herself for you."
"So a slayer is suppossed to hate all vampires?" Angel just nodded "Yet she loved you?"
Angel smiled, "I couldn't believe it either. Giles once told me 'A vampire in love with the slayer, rather poetic.' I didn't deserve her."
Conner smiled, "I'm betting you didn't either." Angel stopped smiling. "Who's Giles?"
"Buffy's watcher." Conner's face was blank "Every slayer has someone who trains her to use her strengths called a watcher and Giles was hers. He was fired but Buffy and him had become so close he continued to train her. Wesley was a watcher too but they fired him."
"Wesley was Buffy's watcher?"
"Yes and Faith's."
"Who's Faith?"
"Well normally there's only one slayer per generation until Buffy died the first time and came back. When I was evil in Sunnydale 5 years ago Drusilla killed Kendra who was the second slayer with Buffy. Then Faith came into the picture who is now the second slayer who's in prison."
Conner was blank, "Buffy died? I thought you got your soul back a long time ago. How were you evil 5 years ago? Well i always knew you were evil but in your eyes."
"Buffy had died twice actually. The first time was when the master drowned her but then xander brought her back right in front of me. The second time was a year and a half ago. She saved the world again and her sister but her friends used magic to bring her back. She was always so brave... "
Angel stared into space thinking about memories he has had with her until he saw Conner staring at him, "Oh yea, well Buffy and I were really close after she died, like we finally started dating. It was almost obvious as soon as you looked at us together that we were in love. I was almost going to leave for save the world reasons when something came up and I guess me and Buffy were scared we were going to lose eachother so we escalated our relationship to the next level."
"And you hurt her after you did it didn't you? It says in the note that you left her."
"No I left her 4 years ago, I'm talking about 5 years ago." Conner just sat back in his chair and listened "Anyway that's when we all found out the hard way that there was a clause to the curse. If I were to have a moment of true happiness then I would lose my soul and that night with Buffy was the happiest night of my life so I turned evil." Angel stared to the ground knowing this would make his son hate him even more yet knowing he should know the truth. "I killed Giles' girlfriend and terrorized Buffy for a few months. I was about to suck the world into hell through a portal when Buffy stabbed me with a sword. She sent me to hell to save the world."
Conner smiled, "You went to hell?"
"Yea for 182 years. Time moves faster down there then it does here."
"Wow, maybe you did pay for everything. Then how are you back here?"
Angel shook his head, "Honestly no one ever figured it out. All I know is one day i was back."
"So you were still evil when you came back?"
Angel tried to hide the tear he had secretly shed. Conner was even more taken back at the emotion he was showing. "No, Willow had given me back my soul right after i opened the portal. Buffy had to kill me while I had a soul to save the word."
Conner sat there for a second trying to read the look on Angel's face. It was all too obvious he wasn't lieing by the tear streaks. "You really loved her didn't you?" Angel just nodded "She really loved you didn't she?" He just nodded again "So then why did you leave her?"
Angel looked up at his son and sighed at telling the story once again, "Think about it Conner. She's a girl who will someday die, who will want kids, who will want sunny days in the parks and most of all someone she can at least kiss without thinking about the possibility of evil me. I can't give her that."
Conner shook his head, "One thing I learned throughout my time being back here is if someone loves you and you love them back you give them what they want. That should of been easy because i'm betting all she wanted was you."
"Conner..."
Conner stood up, "I read the note she left you. With how much she loved you i can tell she wouldn't of wanted anything else." Angel tried to talk again but Conner cut him off, "But I understand why you did it. I still think you shouldn't of walked out on her but I understand it." Conner then realized something, "I thought you loved Cordelia now?"
Angel was taken back. I mean it was true he had thoughts about telling Cordelia about how much he loved her but now it seemed silly. Just a few memories of Buffy and he had forgotten about her. It wasn't love, "Conner I am starting to realize that wasn't love. What Buffy and I had was love. Cordelia would be just someone to try and fill her shoes."
Conner smiled, "Wow, you're not as dumb as I thought you were all this time."
Angel smiled and thought 'Maybe he's coming around.' He stood up from the chair and walked over to the desk. He picked up the note and read it quickly. He looked at Conner, "Do you want to see something else?"
Conner smiled, "Sure." For some reason he really liked this Buffy girl. Something in him was telling him to find out everything he could about her.
Angel smiled and reached for a box under the desk. When he pulled it out he opened it to reveal a diary, sketches and a pair of rings. He took out the sketches first but before he started talking about them he looked at Conner, "Why are you so interested in her?"
Conner sighed, "Really, I don't know. As soon as I saw her picture I was drawn to her. She's just beautiful. I already don't know how you could of left her and I don't even know her."
Angel smiled, "I really don't blame you." They looked at each other and for the first time ever since Conner was a baby they smiled together about something. Conner understood him now, understood the difference between evil and soul. All it took was a talk about a girl. "Conner I want you to have the box. The diary should explain what the rings mean."
Conner smiled wider, "Really?"
"Yea, i just want the picture and the note."
Conner gave him the picture and note while standing with the box. He walked to the door and turned back, "I may of been wrong about you...thanks dad." Then he walked out of the door.
Angel climbed onto his bed holding the picture and note reading it over and over. He would have dreams of his girl, dreams he hadn't had in a long time. Conner walked through the main room with a smile on his face heading for his room to go through the box. He made a promise to himself then and there he would meet that girl. Nothing would stop him and he had a feeling it would be soon. He had no idea how right he was.