Dumbledore and the pie. Chapter 4.
A/N: I no I haven't updated in quite a while but I decided that if no one was reading it apart from my sister then there was no point in writing it, but then I got a review from Shiro Urufu and thought I would update for them. So here it is, chapter 4. (And don't expect something brilliant im not in my random mood right this minute.) And I warn you it's going to be very random and dodgy…
Disclaimer: I have wished on every star I have seen and prayed but I still, unfortunately, don't own any Harry Potter related things what so ever :(
Chapter 4.
"There will be the first ever Hogwarts talent show ever on Christmas eve at 7pm. If you have a talent that you want to show off then sign up and you could be performing to all Hogwarts students," Ron said as he read the latest notice on the board, "can hogwarts get any sadder?"
"Probably not, it was probably Dumbledore who thought of it! So far we've had a House dancing competition, pie staring competition (which ended up with Dumbledore in tears) hmmm. What else? Oh yes a singing competition, god that was a disaster!" replied Harry.
"I wonder who's in it?" said Hermione, looking at the list of people who had already signed up for it.
"Hey look everyone," bellowed Ron to the whole common room, "Dumbledore signed up for it, he's singing!"
A loud grown echoed across the gryfindor common room.
"Well im going to go check it out, it will be entertaining, hey we could sign Malfoy up for it!" said Harry.
"WOW! Brill idea Harry, what shall we make him sing?" asked Ron, "How about that Barbie Girl song? You know 'Im a Barbie Girl in a Barbie World.'" Ron started singing whilst attempting to do matching arm actions.
"Ok" said Harry while writing down 'Draco Malfoy' on the list.
1 week later. In Gryfindor common room.
"Umm Harry, Ron have you ever thought of how you're going to Malfoy to sing on stage?" asked Hermione as they sat round the fire on a particularly boring late Saturday night.
"Yeeeeee… no," said Ron.
"I never thought of that," said Harry. "Lets think of something!"
5 minutes later.
"I know!" exclaimed Ron.
"What?" echoed both Harry and Hermione at the same time.
"We can cast the imperius on him," said Ron proudly.
"Ron… you're an idiot. That curse is illegal!" shouted Hermione.
"I doubt you will be able to think of something better!" replied Ron.
2 hours later also known as 1:59 pm (right now imagine that really annoying big brother voice when it says the time, shivers)
Ron paced round the room, throwing anything that got in his way to one side, one very expensive looking pie-shaped vase (Dumbledore's no less) made a very loud 'CRASH' as it flew against the wall. Harry was bashing his head painfully against a random brick wall, "BANG", and Hermione (I think you can guess) was… reading.
"I have it," shouted Harry, making both Ron and Hermione jump half a metre in the air.
(You need to imagine that annoying BB voice again, if you don't know what the BB voice sounds like just imagine a REALLY annoying computer type voice)
Christmas eve, 7:13 pm.
"Welcome everyone to Hogwarts first ever Talent show. We will be beginning our show with 'The Amazing Neville and his plate throwing snowman…'" said Professor Mcgonagull in a amused voice.
"Ready you two?" whispered Harry to, Ron and Hermione, who both nodded 'ok', "Ok lets go."
Harry and Ron crept up behind Malfoy who was sat at the back row. They cast a silencing charm on him then pounced on him, dragged him backstage.
"GO Hermione," said Ron.
Hermione pulled out a tennis racket and whacked Malfoy round the head with it, making Malfoy collapse and fall to the ground.
"I still don't know why we couldn't use a beaters bat, its much more painful," exclaimed Ron.
Hermione glared at Ron, "because Ron, we want Malfoy knocked out for a few minutes, not DEAD," said Hermione as calmly as she could.
"Fine," sighed Ron, "now Harry… shall we dress him?"
"Leave it to me" said Harry. He pulled out his wand and in seconds Malfoy had completely transformed. He was wearing a frilly pink Tutu, which was an exact replica of the one that Voldemort had worn in the final battle, he had long curly blonde hair, and had defiantly over done on the lip gloss and eye make-up, in both hands he was holding pink cheerleading pom poms, and wore roller blades like that of which people wear when they go Roller dancing. By now both Harry and Ron were on the ground crying with laughter and Hermione's bottom lip was twitching.
"Where am I? Who am I? Who are you? WHAT AM I WEARING?" said Malfoy as he slowly sat up.
"Oh don't worry about the clothes it's the latest trend, didn't you know?" said Ron wiping a tear out of his eye.
"Oh"
"AND NEXT UP IS… OH MY GOD! ITS DRACO MALFOY SINGING, I CANT BELIEVE THIS… BARBIE GIRL," exclaimed Professor Mcgonagull in disbelief.
"But right now you have to get up on that stage and sing Barbie girl," said Harry.
"Really? I do? Oh Ok then," said Malfoy before walking up on stage, eventually followed by Crabbe and Goyle. There was a pause when all of a sudden they heard something, it was deadly, it could give you nightmares for the rest of your life let alone deafen you. It was those ever-scary words of Barbie Girl.
The introducing music started, Crabbe and Goyle stood to one side of the stage holding a cardboard cutout pink car, Malfoy bounded to the front of the stage waving his pompoms at the crowd before turning to his classmates.
"'Hiya Barbie…" Crabbe said, still taking in Malfoy's new outfit.
'Hi Ken!' Malfoy replied hyperactively before bounding up to Crabbe and glomping him.
"…Erm…You wanna go for a ride?" Goyle asked unsurely. "Sure Ken!" This time it was Crabbe's turn to be glomped."Jump in?" Goyle started backing away off the stage, but Malfoy grabbed him.
"Im a Barbie girlIn the Barbie Worrrrlllld…
Life in plastic
Its fantastic
You can brush my hair
And dress me every wheerrrrre…
Imagination
Life is your creation"
"Come on Barbie lets go party" Crabbe and Goyle were now in full on Barbie girl mode and stood dancing at one side of the stage. They even managed to make up matching hand actions.
"Im a Barbie Girl
In the Barbie Worrrllllld…
Life in plastic
Its fantastic
You can brush my hair
And dress me every wheerrreee…
Imagination
Life is your creation," Malfoy jumped around the stage like a lunatic, waving his pompoms in the air, and even managing to do the splits.
"Im a blond Bimbo girl
In the fantasy world
Dress me up
Make me time
Im your dolly" Malfoy pouted then make puppy dog eyes at the audience who all, to Harry and Ron's surprise, all went 'awwwwwwwwww'… that was before pelting him with rotten fruit and vegetables. Malfoy just blew raspberries at them in reply.
"Your me doll," Crabbe sang tunelessly. "Rock and Roll,
Feel the glamour in pink."
"Kiss me here,
Touch me there,
Hanky Panky," Goyle danced along as he sang.
"You can touch
You can play
You can say
Im always yoursssssss
Ooooooooohhhhhh
Im a Barbie girl
In the Barbie Worllldddddddd…
Life in plastic
Its fantastic
You can brush my hair
And dress me every wheerrreee…
Imagination
Life is your creation,""Come on Barbie lets go party"
"Ah ah ahhh yeahh"
"Come on Barbie lets go party"
"Oooooooohhha oooooooooha"
"Come on Barbie lets go party"
"Ah ah ahh yeahh"
"Come on Barbie lets go party"
"Oooooooooohha ooooooooooooohha"
"Make me walk
Make me talk
Do whatever you please
I can act
Like a star
I can
Beg on my knees" Malfoy got down on his knees…
"Come jump in
Be my friend
Let us do it again
Hit the town
Fool around
Lets go party" All three of them did Night Fever impressions before separating and going back to the song.
"You can touch
You can plaaaaaya
You can say
Im always yoursssssss…" Malfoy walked off the stage and started dancing around the audience, who were, by this stage, in a state of shock and their sanity waning.
"You can touch
You can plaaaaaaaaya
You can say
Im always yoursssssss…"
"Come on Barbie lets go party"
"Ah ah ahh yeahh"
"Come on Barbie lets go party"
"Ooooohhhhhha ooooohhhhhhhha"
"Come on Barbie lets go party"
"Ah ah ahh yeahh"
"Come on Barbie Lets go party"
"Ooooooohhha ooooohhhhhhhhha"
"Im a Barbie Girl
In the Barbie world…
Life in Plastic
It's Fantastic
You can brush my hair
And dress me every wheerrreee…
Imagination
Life is your creation"
"Im a Barbie girl
In the Barbie Worrrllllld…
Life in Plastic
Its fantastic
You can brush my hair
And dress me every wheeeeerrrreeeee…
Imagination
Life is your creation"
"Come on Barbie lets go party"
"Ah ah ahh yeahh…"
"Come on Barbie lets go party"
"Ooooohhhhhhhha oooooooohhhhhha"
"Come on Barbie lets go Party"
"Ah ah ahh yeahh"
"Come on Barbie lets go party"
"Oooooooohhhha oooooooohhhhhhhha"
"Ooooooooohhh I'm having so much fun"
"Well Barbie were just getting started"
"Oh I love you Ken," Malfoy kissed both Crabbe and Goyle on their cheeks before giggling and skipping offstage.
"You know what? That was actually pretty good!" said Ron.
"Yep, He should get a record contract," replied Harry.
"What's a recorde Conteract?" said Ron.
"That will be in your muggle studies lessons much later, I've only just taught you what a rubber duck is," interrupted Hermione. "Now we have to think of a way to get Malfoy off the stage or he will soon realise that he has just made Hogwarts history by singing the cheesiest song ever invented… oh look Dumbledore's on next."
"Wait! Who's that dragging Malfoy off the stage?" said Ron peering over at the stage.
"It looks to me that he is being taken to a mental institute," replied Hermione.
"How does Hermione know everything?" said Ron turning to Harry.
"It says 'Wizarding Mental Institute for people who have just sung Barbie Girl', on the back of their jackets, anyway shut up. Dumbledore's up next and I wouldn't miss that for my life." Said Hermione.
"Ahheemm, ladies and Gentlemen introducing the PIESSSSSSSSSSSSs" shouted Dumbledore as he bounded onto the stage, Professor Mcgonagull looking on in disdain.
Several people danced onto the stage wearing really good pie costumes doing the can can.
(sung to the tune of the Can Can)
"Pie
Pie
Do you like the pie?
Pie!
Dumbledore likes the Pie
Pie!
Do you like the pie?
Pie Pie Pie Pie Pie...
Dooooo you like the Pie?
Pie!
Dumbledore like the Pie
Pie!" Dumbledore does the splits
"Do you like the Pie?Pie Pie Pie Pie Pie
Oooooohhhhhhhh" Pies do cartwheels I like big Pies Dumbledore Raps and does dodgy dance moves(Sung to the tune of 'I like big butts')
"I like big PIES!
And I can't deny
Those pies are really nice
And when a pie walks in I stare it in the face
And it ends up flying through space
(And to the tune of 'YMCA'...)
A da da da da da
Its fun to stare at P-I-E-SIts fun to stare at P-I-E-S
You can have a good time
Du du du du du du
You can hang out with all the Pieeeeesssssss
Its fun to stare at P-I-E-S
Its fun to stare at P-I-E-S"
"Give it up for PIEEESSSSSSS!" ThePies do more gymnastics and Dumbledore does splits.
"Thank you every one! Woooooooooooooooooooooh"Dumbledore bows and walks off the stage.
"That was the worst song I have ever heard," said Ron.
"Yep, though it was very entertaining,"laughed Harry.
"I didn't know Dumbledore could do the splits!" said Hermione, "Im going to the library to see if there is any books about Hogwarts Head teachers learning Gymnastics."
"Ok good luck with that but im not sure you will find anything," replied Ron.
"Hey look Crabbe and Goyle are over there," said Harry pointing at them, "they look a bit embarrassed don't they?"
"Embarrassed their faces are beetroot," replied Ron before bursting into laughter and rolling around on the floor.
"Dumbledore doesn't look very embarrassed though does he, though I think I can see a bit of fear in his eyes," Harry pointed out.
"Well im not surprised," said Ron, "Professor Mcgonagull looks like she's going to murder him." And sure enough Professor Mcgonagull was storming across the hall staring daggers at Dumbledore.
"Albus Dumbledore, what an earth did you think you were doing, first one of our students is dragged off to a mental institute and then his head master starts singing about PIE," screeched Professor Mcgonagull.
"Well you see Minerva, 2 weeks ago I received a letter," Dumbledore said wistfully.
Flash back.
"Oh look I have a letter," Dumbledore said, "and theirs a picture of a pie on the back of it, I wonder who its from!"
Dear King of all pies (Albus Dumbledore)
Us pie fans believe that if you are to be our pie loving master then you should prove It. To prove to use that you really would give up your life for a pie we have come to a decision that on Christmas eve you shall hold a talent show, and in this talent show you will sing a song all about a pie… you have to write this song, but we are expecting it to be good, good luck
Yours sincerely
The council of Pies
Xxx
"Wow I better get cracking on this song then, whipeeeee, "said DumbledoreEnd of Flash back.
"And that is what happened" said Dumbledore.
"I can't believe it, you are the king of all pies?" said Professor Mcgonagull.
"Yes and I am very proud of it, I should be getting a letter any time soon confirming my kingship of pies."
"Well that's… that's… the most stupid thing I have ever heard."
"Shut up, you are just a stupid commoner who does not respect pies, you shall be banished from my Kingdom."
"Your… Kingdom, so now you have a kingdom, the world must be coming to an end."
"Hey look its my letter," said Dumbledore pointing to an owl.
Dear King of all PiesWe are honoured to tell you that you have been accepted as our King of all pies. You now have control of all pies and all us who are loyal to your Pieship. Long live the pies.
Yours sincerely
The council of Pies
Xxx
"Yes finally I am now King of all pies, this is the happiest day of my life," said Dumbledore before he started jumping rounds the room crying in happiness, "and now my first move of being King of all pies, I AM RE-NAMING HOGWARTS, THE CASTLE OF PIESSSSSS…"
"You have got to be joking!" said Professor Mcgonagull.
"Now the castle of pie is minnnnnneeeeee," said Dumbledore, "Mwhahahahaha."
A/N: Well there you have it chapter 4 it took me ages, and yes it is the weirdest chapter yet :) I would like to say a big thank you my sister, Shamanbabe, who has helped me a lot with this chapter, and also a big huge thank you to my new reviewer Shiro Urufu. Oh yes also do you think I should write a more serious story? And if you have any ideas I could use in this story any suggestions will be appreciated. :) Plz R&R
Ickle-princess
Xxx