Family
By Dragon's Daughter 1980
Rating: PG
Spoiler: Semi-'Dark Matter' as well as 'Guns & Roses'
Disclaimer: Other than being a devoted fan, I don't have anything to do with "Numb3rs."
Family.
She slips the silver ring off of her finger and looks at its ornate designs and wonders. She cradles it in a hand, feeling the warmth fade from the silver.
Strong parental support and siblings.
Can't really say she has any. Her sisters, at least, try to understand and support her when they can. But they don't really understand; how can they? Caroline calls every weekend, forces her to talk a bit, think normally. But she still protects her older sibling just the same. Christina and Maureen, the two eldest girls of her family, try to involve her in their civilian lives as much as they can, brightening her day with pictures of her nieces and nephews, letting her know they're always just a phone call away. But they can only do so much and she only dares to tell them so much. It's become natural to screen her words, to protect the civilians at all costs.
As for her parents…her mother doesn't quite understand; she worries a lot and treats every phone call home as bad news. She suspects that her mother is still in denial, thinking that her job with the Bureau is just a rebellious phase that will pass, eventually. Except it's been eight years and she's still an agent and planning to be an agent until retirement. And her father… he's never agreed with anything she's done, and he doesn't care. All right, so she doesn't know if he cares or not, but they haven't spoken with each other in ten years. It doesn't take a psychology degree to realize that there has to be something wrong with their relationship.
She turns the ring over, her long fingers toying with it. The interwoven design is one that is so familiar to her touch that she can stare at the elaborate piece of jewelry without actually seeing it.
What she told him that night wasn't a lie. Being with the Bureau has given her the most satisfaction she has had in her life…most days. There are always the bad cases that throw her off. Cases involving kids. Cases involving one of their own. Cases like Nikki Davis'.
Suicide.
She's never really thought about it. All right, since she is being truthful at the moment, no one around to see anyway if she starts crying, yes. Yes. She has. Thought about, only. Never close to actually doing it. Never. She's too stubborn to think about actually doing it. But there are those days….
She sighs heavily. This ring was a gift from her sisters when she graduated from Quantico, a reminder, they said, that they were there for her.
Charlie's stress test. Told them that Nikki had a lot going for her, didn't make sense for her to… She wonders what her results would look like, what they would say about her. She laughs a lot, enjoys her job as far as anyone, she supposes, can enjoy it, reads poetry, has a potential love interest…but is that enough? Are those positive aspects enough to drown out what she sees every day? Will those be enough to pull her out of whatever might happen in the future? She doesn't know.
The phone rings and she jerks back to reality, hastily wiping her tears away with the palm of her hand. She has work to do, and people to look out for. Don is being emotionally battered, David is looking to her for direction and Colby is stuck in In-Service Training. She's basically lead agent on this particular case. There's no time for her to think about herself or her family life. She slips the ring back on her finger and gets back to work.
Thinking can wait. Family can wait.
Her duty can't.