Clarisse told herself that it was late. There was absolutely no reason for her to make her way to Joseph's room to check on him. Charlotte had informed her that Joseph was recovering and that he had been sedated. Clarisse really did not need to see Joseph for herself ... but she was standing in front of his door. She looked around quickly and, being unobserved, she turned the knob and slipped through the door, closing it softly behind herself. She knew Joseph would be furious if he realized that no one had been keeping a close eye on her this evening, but she was revelling in her freedom much as she had the day she had spent with Mia last year in San Francisco.
Now, turning slowly to Joseph's bed, she saw that he was lying on top of the covers, the sheet across his thighs, and his eyes closed. He must have been given yukata as well, but his was a silky polyester and mostly black except for a gold dragon curling up the left side. The bedside lamp was still on. Given the tension in his face, she knew he was either still in pain or was just not resting even though he was technically asleep. She eyed the empty beer bottle on his bedside table, and the painkillers in the container next to it. Then she looked again at Joseph.
His breathing was slow. Very slow. Surely he hadn't mixed alcohol and prescription drugs, had he?
"Joseph?" she said softly, touching his arm. It was warm. Very warm. "Joseph?" she repeated, and gently touched his bandaged temple, then his cheek as she bent over him.
Joseph continued breathing deeply, but his head moved imperceptibly, trying to get closer to her touch. His eyes remained closed, but he whispered, "Is it you? Is it truly you ...?"
Clarisse pulled back quickly, and Joseph made a sound of protest in his throat. "Please," he begged raggedly, "Please, just once more. Touch me ..."
Clarisse hesitated only a moment, then once more laid her palm against his face. He nuzzled her soft hand, rubbing his skin against hers, then kissed her thumb. Clarisse drew in a quick breath, but didn't pull away. Then she couldn't, as his hand came up and took hers, drawing it down the side of his throat until it was under the neckline of the yukata. He moved her palm back and forth, stroking himself with her hand.
"Joseph?" she barely breathed again.
"My dream woman ... my darling ... Oh God, you're real ...I want to feel your touch all over me. And I want to touch you. With my hands, my mouth ... my whole body ..." His voice was husky, his words slurred. Clarisse still couldn't tell if he was awake or half-asleep, but his words awakened needs in her own body that startled her. "I've loved you for years, but I never thought you would come to me, my love ... touch me ..."
He began to move her hand down his chest, and Clarisse bit her lip, wondering who he thought she was, longing to know the name of his dream woman. "Who do you think I am?" she whispered. He made no reply, did not act as if he had even heard her. Then she firmed her jaw and pushed aside the edges of his robe, inhaling swiftly as his magnificent chest was revealed. Her hand smoothed over his rather warm skin, guided by his, caressing him with her fingertips first before spreading her full hand over him, the heat from his body warming her entire body.
Joseph's hand rested lightly on hers as she explored his chest. She wanted to touch him, to slide her hand further down his stomach, but she didn't have quite enough nerve. Then Joseph uttered three words in a voice that cracked from the burden of his long-kept secret. "I love you ..."
With his confession of love, at last peace surrounded him and he slept. Clarisse, after one frozen moment, managed to pull back, fighting her urge to caress him to wakefulness again, and headed back to her room on legs that did not feel reliable in the least. Hesitating just before the final corner, knowing guards would be at her door but thankful that no one had stopped her on her wobbly journey thus far, she gathered all her resources together and managed to walk gracefully past the guards with a nod and a murmured good-night. Shutting the door behind herself, she sagged back against the intricately-carved wood. She still wasn't sure what shocked her the most ... what had just happened, or what Joseph had said.
Trembling violently now, Clarisse put her face in her hands. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to find some equilibrium. Instead, all she saw was Joseph's muscular chest and ribbed stomach. She had run her hand over his chest ... and then he had spoken those three words.
Who did he love? she wondered with a strange ache in her chest. Who had captured his attention? Whoever it was had to be extraordinary, because someone like Joseph, someone with such high standards, could only love a woman who was truly amazing. And it was obvious that he REALLY loved that woman, with feelings as strong and powerful as his body. His heartfelt yearning had cracked his voice.
Clarisse rather unwillingly thought of Rupert. She had respected her husband and had valued him as a friend, but she couldn't say that she had ever loved him. At any rate, she had not loved Rupert in the way it was obvious that Joseph loved the mystery woman. She was convinced Rupert had never loved her that way, either. If only SHE could have been loved in a similar fashion!
Then Aiko and Yuki were there to help her get ready for bed. Silently, Clarisse accepted their ministrations, focussed on the past instead of the present. She had married Rupert obediently, because it had been arranged by their parents. She had been assured that he would always protect her, always support her ... and had inwardly been sure he would do so even when he strayed. She had suspected that he might stray, right from the beginning, so when it had happened, it hadn't been a big surprise. He had been very discreet about the affairs, of course, and it had taken her a while to learn the truth. Even when she had known for sure, she naturally had said nothing. Could his turning to other women have been not for propriety, as she had always told herself, but rather because she hadn't cared as much as she should have? She missed Rupert. She mourned him. But she had never loved him down to her soul.
She unwillingly thought of Joseph again. What would it be like to have a man who cared that much, who wanted you and only you, who only wanted you in his arms? That must really be something, she conceded with a sigh as she finally slipped into bed, her eyes burning.
O o O o O o
When Aiko and Yuki came in to wake her in the morning, Clarisse forced herself to get up and smile and lie politely by saying that she had slept well enough. She dressed carefully, wondering how to ask what she needed to know.
"Joseph is much better this morning, your Majesty," Aiko said before Clarisse could frame a cautious question.
"It is a miracle," Yuki added. "He said an angel came to him in the night and healed him."
Clarisse's eyes widened, but neither girl noticed. Instead, Aiko rounded on the other girl and scolded her. "He was teasing you! You are so silly, Yuki!"
Going out into the living room of her suite, Clarisse was happy to see Charlotte and Anna whispering excitedly. They both jumped to their feet when they realized she was present. "Your Majesty!"
Smiling, Clarisse said, "I understand Joseph is feeling better?"
"Yes, your Majesty," Anna said quickly. "He wishes to get up, but we think we have convinced him that he must remain in bed one more day."
"Of course, in agreement, we promised not to leave the consulate. He would not believe that you could be safe without his presence, your Majesty," Charlotte added.
Clarisse was silent for a moment at the sheer audacity of Joseph's command, for she knew very well that that was what it was, for all Charlotte had expressed it differently.
Anna rushed in to fill the silence. "I have arranged for my mother's sister to come today to lead you and the Consul General and his wife in the way of the tea, or as it is often called, a tea ceremony. Kyoto is the birthplace of the tea ceremony, and after the events of the past few days, I believe you and Mr. and Mrs. Poire are in need of some tranquillity."
"That would be wonderful," Clarisse said, sincerely.
"It will not be as special as it should be, because Chaji requires days to properly prepare, but she will be here in a few moments to begin to prepare the tea house."
"Tea house?"
"Yes. It is a separate building, there in the far corner of the garden." Anna explained the ceremony as best she could, saying that even guests were expected to follow certain protocol and that they must be prepared. Then she added that she would be assisting her aunt. "If you agree, your Majesty, it would also be permissible for Charlotte to be one of the guests, as four is considered the best number."
"Oh, but I ..." Charlotte began, even as Clarisse nodded her assent.
Then Clarisse, unable to resist teasing her personal assistant, said quietly, "I understand that you are not fond of the raw fish sushit, as you call it, but perhaps you would make an exception and try it, in this case."
Anna smiled at her friend's red face and stammered words. She said, "My mother's sister will understand if you do not wish to eat the fish, my friend. As a trained host for this ceremony, her goal is to create the perfect atmosphere for her guests. In Japanese, that perfect atmosphere is summed up by the phrase wa-kei-sei-jaku, which means 'Harmony, Reverence, Purity, and Tranquillity.' The guests, in turn, will do their best to support the tea philosophy of Ichigo Ichi-e, which means 'We only have one chance to enjoy this present moment. Let's do our best.' You will do that, I am sure. Now, I will help you with the customs as much as I can, your Majesty, and the other guests will follow your lead. But I must hurry if I am to be appropriately dressed in formal kimono."
"What should we wear?" Charlotte asked.
"Something comfortable, but formal. You will be sitting seiza, that is, kneeling. We will provide zabuton, or cushions for you if you wish, as well as special stools which can be placed between the feet and on which one rests the buttocks when sitting seiza-style. They allow one to maintain the appearance of sitting seiza while discreetly taking pressure off the heels and feet." Anna added.
Clarisse and Charlotte looked at one another. Inwardly Clarisse winced. Kneeling for what sounded like a four hour ceremony? She would never be able to walk this evening at the State Dinner!
In a few hours, Clarisse found herself revising her opinion. Many of her cares and worries seemed to fade away in the quiet serenity of the tea house. She watched with great interest as Anna's aunt expertly led them through the ceremony she called "The Way of the Tea", and found herself relaxing both physically and spiritually. Indeed, when at last they emerged and made their way back into the consulate, all were quietly reflecting on their experience. Clarisse had known before she enjoyed the taste of tea, but now she had a new understanding of the depth and range of emotions which had surfaced as she had sipped from the beautiful bowls and watched the centuries-old rituals.
Clarisse smiled as she stepped into the door the guards were holding open for her. "Doumo arigato, Ryu, Seiji."
The men looked surprised, then gratified that the Queen of Genovia remembered their names. Then Ryu said, "Your Majesty, Erika Takahashi is here and awaiting you in your suite."
Clarisse inclined her head in response. Erika was the seamstress from Tokyo who had come with them to Kyoto. Charlotte and Anna followed Clarisse up the stairs to her suite.
"Your evening gown is ready." Erika was beaming proudly as she waved her hand to where the dress was hanging.
The gown was even more gorgeous than Clarisse had imagined it would be. Charlotte and Anna both exclaimed over it, and Clarisse couldn't refrain from touching the crimson silk with the black vine trailing from one shoulder down the side of the deep v-neck, over the fitted bodice and on to the bottom of the full skirt. Although the dress was sleeveless, filmy crimson material fell from the shoulders and back of the dress almost to the floor, making it seem as if a cape or shawl was attached. It was an exquisite gown.
After bathing, Aiko and Yuki helped Clarisse dress. Her diamond necklace was fastened around her throat, diamond earrings clipped onto her ears, and her diamond tiara adjusted in her hair. Clarisse looked at herself in the full-length mirror, and marvelled that she could wear so bold a colour and not appear washed out. Instead, she looked every inch the queen that she was. Then Anna was at the door.
"Your Majesty? I'm sorry to bother you, but Charlotte said I should inform you that Joseph is being very awkward and is refusing to stay in bed any longer. He says that he hasn't seen you today, and wants to be assured that you are all right."
"Very well," Ignoring the small voice inside telling her she was being foolish, Clarisse followed Anna to Joseph's room, smiling briefly at Charlotte who was hovering outside the door.
Stepping into the room, Clarisse found that all the relaxing that she had managed during the tea ceremony was gone the instant her eyes met Joseph's, and the restless hunger she glimpsed there. His bedclothes were all dishevelled, as though he had been tossing and turning, or perhaps even fighting to be allowed to rise. Indeed, he tried to climb out of bed when she walked in, and only her hand on his shoulder restrained him. In an instant, Clarisse feared she was going to lose him. He was not the kind of man who wished to be cooped up in bed, he was not the kind of man to be tied to one job, one that shackled him and effectively took away his personal life. She was sure Joseph was soon going to tell her that he could no longer cater to her every whim, and that he wanted to make his own life far away from Genovia. Clarisse felt sick at the thought.
"Your Majesty ..." he said, huskily, his eyes travelling over her figure then returning to hers. "You are as beautiful as ever."
"And you, Joseph, appear to be as pig-headed and stubborn as ever," Clarisse said crisply, although inwardly she was melting at his compliment. "I understand you are refusing to stay in bed?"
"I feel fine. I must return to my duties ..."
"Your knee is bruised and twice its size, I'm told. You are already awaiting a knee replacement on that knee. Your head ..." She looked and found that the bandage had been removed and the wound small. The bruise there, however, was not small, and the swelling was still present. "Your head still must heal. It appears the fall addled your thought processes. You are to continue to rest. Is that quite clear?"
"Your Majesty," Joseph bowed his head in resignation, slumping back onto his pillows.
Clarisse swept out of the room and down the stairs. The encounter had put a sparkle in her eyes and given her added energy to get through the State dinner. The polite courtesies seemed to take forever; the meal, although delicious, seemed to drag; but the desultory talk following kept her from escaping into her own private world, much as she wished it. At last the evening was over. Yuki and Aiko helped her prepare for bed, then departed.
Closing her eyes, Clarisse tried to find her way back to the serenity of the tea ceremony earlier that day, and very gradually she began to relax. Sleep, however, continued to elude her. Finally she got up and stood looking at the view over the garden, the river, the grounds of the Old Imperial Palace. The moonlight shone on the cherry blossoms that festooned the city, making the night seem almost light. Then a slight movement had her looking down into the garden of the consulate once again. There! She saw it again. Tensing slightly, she let out her breath when from around the cherry tree, following the path towards the pond, limping painfully, was Joseph.
Rummaging quickly in the closet, Clarisse withdrew the long, hooded dark green velvet cape she had brought with her, and threw it over her gauze garments before sliding her feet into her slippers. Then, with a glance at the door where she knew two guards to be stationed, she slipped out the balcony doors in search of her Head of Security.
O o O o O o
Rounding the same cherry tree, Clarisse slowed when she saw Joseph sitting glumly on a stone bench, staring into the water which gleamed in the moonlight. She hadn't thought she had made a noise, but he looked up, startled.
"Your Majesty!"
When he made as if to rise, Clarisse put out her hand, shaking her head. "No, Joseph, please, don't get up." She sat beside him on the bench.
"You should not be out here by yourself," he said, gruffly.
Pushing the hood of her cape back slightly to be able to continue to admire the beauty of the garden, Clarisse smiled at him. "I'm not. I'm with you."
Joseph did not smile back. "I am useless in my present state, and considering how I got into this state in the first place, I am obviously useless, period. I do believe I am now too old for the post as your Head of Security."
"Too old?" Clarisse scoffed, but fear that he was stubbornly serious clutched her. "Hardly!"
"You looked beautiful tonight in the red dress. Stunning." he admitted, grudgingly, after another minute or two.
"Thank you. I felt good in it." Clarisse answered, smiling. "It is definitely one I will wear again sometime."
Joseph turned back to stare into the pool. Clarisse followed his example, and the two sat, side by side, in companionable silence. Then Clarisse gathered her courage. "Tell me, Joseph, what are you thinking about?"
"Life. Reason." He paused for a moment, then asked unexpectedly, "Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?"
"Certainly not!" Clarisse exclaimed, half-laughing, wondering how he had gone from the serious to the absurd so quickly.
"You're missing something if you don't skinny-dip at least once in your life." Joseph said, staring intently into the pool. "Look at that water. Imagine shedding all your cares and slipping into something warm which feels like cool silk on your heated skin, wrapping you completely and bestowing upon you a feeling of freedom like you wouldn't believe."
Clarisse's nerves tightened at the thought, her skin tingling. Her heart began to beat faster as she imagined the feeling. In order to break free of the illicit longings which suddenly seemed to be overtaking her, she said desperately, "Tell me about your dream woman."
"My dream woman?" Joseph turned to her in surprise.
"Yes." Clarisse's hand rested carefully on the clenched fist Joseph was pressing against the stone bench. "The woman you love."
Immediately he turned his hand over and began to absently stroke her palm. For a long moment she did not think he was going to say a word, then he began to speak. "Her hands are like yours. They are powerful in ability to wield justice and dispense bounty, yet soft and loving. Her instincts are good when it comes to people around her, but perhaps not quite so clear when it comes to her own needs and emotions. She has suffered much yet has prevailed against enemy and fate." His voice died away.
Clarisse swallowed. It was like twisting a knife in a wound to think about Joseph loving another. She no longer fought her own feelings. She loved Joseph. She loved him, but she would die rather than ever admit it to him now. "Is she beautiful?" The question slipped out before she could help it.
He turned to look at her, then his hand left hers and reached for her face. He traced lightly across her cheek before slipping his hand around to the back of her neck under cover of her hood. "She is exquisite. Her skin is petal-soft, her figure superb, her face unforgettable and her voice divine."
Hating the unknown woman fiercely but unable to draw away from Joseph, Clarisse remained immobile. Joseph's other hand came up to her cheek now, and his thumb stroked across her bottom lip sensuously. She began to tremble almost imperceptibly.
Joseph continued huskily, "Her lips are made for my kisses. Her eyes are as blue as the summer sun ..."
Those same eyes widened in a sudden burst of joy as realization flooded over Clarisse. Just to be sure, she whispered, "And her name? What is your dream lover's name, Joseph?" Her lips moved against his thumb.
"Clarisse," he said softly, and the hand behind her head drew her close so that his lips just touched hers. He kissed her lightly, then again, then again. "Her name is Clarisse," he whispered again, deepening the kiss.
Responding with all her heart, Clarisse clung to him. When she could breathe again, as his lips travelled down her throat, she murmured, "Joseph, I ... I need you."
Both were still for a moment. Neither could believe she had actually said the words out loud. Then Joseph said carefully, "You NEED me?"
"You make me whole. I need you to be fully myself." Clarisse admitted in a whisper.
His fingers tightened on her arms. "So ... I am to be used? For no other reason than that you NEED me?"
"What do you want me to say?"
"How about ... that you LOVE me, as I love you?"
"Yes, I - oh, Joseph, you really, truly love me, too?" Clarisse was almost incredulous. "I really AM your dream woman?"
"I have loved you for years, my darling," Joseph murmured, drawing her closer.
Now Clarisse was resisting as she tried to get things straight in her mind. It was very difficult to think with his body so close to hers! "But you ... you said ... last night ..."
"Last night?"
"In your room ... I ... you were ... dreaming about someone. You said, 'I love you'. Who did you mean?"
Joseph's eyes widened. "That WASN'T a dream? You really and truly were there? Oh, my love ... it has always been you!"
"But you said ..." she broke off. No, he had never said a name. She had just ASSUMED he had been dreaming of someone else, the mystery woman the maids in the Genovian palace had always claimed had held his heart. "Joseph, you really, REALLY love me?"
For an answer, he drew her impossibly closer and their lips met hungrily once again. Then Joseph was murmuring, over and over, "Aishiteru, Clarisse. Aishiteru."
In those few moments in Joseph's arms, Clarisse discovered something more than a blinding passion. She discovered something about herself. When she set that wanton part of her free, she felt more beautiful and more womanly than she had ever felt before. The way her boldness so clearly inflamed Joseph gave her a sense of power far more than she had ever felt even as a reigning queen. "Aishiteru, Joseph," she said softly.
O o O o O o
Saying goodbye to the people she had met in Japan and had grown to like and admire so quickly almost had Clarisse in tears, but the knowledge of the secret she and Joseph shared meant that she could not be completely depressed. As Clarisse stepped onto the steps of Genovia One, she turned back to give Anna one last quick embrace. "Please come to Genovia again soon, Anna," she said. "Omaneki doumo arigato. Thank you for inviting me. I had a wonderful time. I learned so much ..."
"And learned something about yourself, too, I hope," Anna replied, somewhat cryptically. Then she turned to Charlotte and hugged her, too. As Clarisse turned away, she heard Anna saying to Charlotte, "If you haven't checked the Internet for interest groups yet, you might want to check out Clarisse and Joseph! You just might learn a lot, even about yourself!"
THE END