Jackie Burkhart's Diary

by Disco-Freak

This is what I think that Jackie Burkhart would write in her diary entries during 1978, the time period in which she was trying to date Hyde. Not all diary entries are up.

Jackie Burkhart, 1978

Dear Diary,

Today, I realized something very important. When I get older, I won't still be young and hot! I mean, I'm gonna get old someday, and with aging comes wrinkles. And then I thought, you know what else comes with aging? Forgetfulness. So, I'm going to forget my teenage years, and all of my problems that nobody pays attention to. Then I thought, what if I made sure that nobody could forget them? And that's exactly what I'm gonna do. I'm going to write all of my feelings down about everybody that I know. Starting with the people in the basement.

Michael: This guy is such a cheater! I can't believe that I actually thought that he loved me. What's even worse is that he cheated on me with that skank, Laurie. He may not be smart, but everybody knows that Laurie is a whore. Now I realize that it was stupid of me to have thought that our relationship would last forever. But, I'm over him now, and I've got someone way better on my mind. All I can say is: to bad for Michael. I'm hotter than he'll ever be.

Donna: I am very surprised that I ended up being friends with a lumberjack. I'm supposed to be the one with good taste! It doesn't matter though, because now whenever I'm upset, I can just look at Donna's ugly outfit of the day. Thank God for that. Anyway, it's good to have a friend as lame as her. She makes me feel so pretty when I look at that hideous red hair. It's like seeing a clown, with gigantic feet. I guess she's nice to me though. But, I can't figue out what she sees in Eric. What am I talking about? People with feet that big don't know anything.

Steven: Oh my gosh! Steven is the coolest person that I have ever met. I keep dropping hints that I like him, but he just doesn't seem to notice me. Donna says that he gets the hints, and that I'm stalking him, and we are never going to happen. What if she's right? Then I've just been making a fool of myself for the man I love. Wait, I'm listening to Donna again. I'll jsut ignore her because I have to date Steven! Plus, he never shows his true feelings anyway, so it's totally possible for him to like me. Right? Of course I'm right, I'm always right. He jsut isn't telling people his true feelings as usual. That's sort of what I like about him. The secrecy thing. It's kind of hot. I hate admitting it but, he's kind of hot. But I hate his sideburns. But they'll be gone once I convince him that he loves me!

Eric: Eric is a scrawny geek. How he made it with Donna, I'll never know. Then again, Donna has bad taste, so I guess they sort of belong together. I wouldn't mind him so much, if he wasn't so sarcastic. It drives me up the wall! Plus, he has no muscles. And he and Donna are always being "active", so you'd think that there'd be something to him. Ewww! Did I just write that? Oh God, I did. That's it Eric is a sick, perverted freak. And so's Donna. I need to talk to cheerleaders more often.

Fez: I don't know exactly what to think of Fez. I'm not thick, and I know that he's liked me for the longest time. He's constantly hitting on me, but I kind of like it. But I would never date him. He's just too foreign, and I can't always understand what he's saying. Plus, he looks at other girls way too often to be a true one-woman guy. Anyway, Fez also wears way too much cologne, and it really does become nauseating. So, I can't stay in a room with him for too long. Still, he is cute. So, I've decided how I should think of Fez: as a friend, and that's it.

Wow. I'm glad I got that out of the way. Now when I'm old and rich, I can look back and tell my tons of grandchildren what kinds of creepy people I hung out with in highschool, and strongly advise them to do the same. After all, look at where I will be! I'm gonna be rich, famous, hot (until I get like, super old and stuff), and I'll have lived in the stupidest place in the world, giving my self experiences.

But now, diary, I have to go. I've gotta go shopping and get something other than flannel for Donna to wear, before I go blind from ugliness. So I'll be back soon, with other ideas to write down. Bye!

Love, Jackie