Benny was jealous that I got to go to New York.
He'd been praying for an internship with the Westport Realtor Group, and he whined about all the business opportunities I was going to pass up in every corner of the city.
"I'm a filmmaker Benny," I told him. "Not a businessman. I'm going to visit my best friend. Not make sales pitches. If you want it so bad why don't you just move there?"
"I just might. When I'm through with college, I just might. It's a big city Mark. It's gonna chew you up and spit you out before you even know what hit you. And you're delving in the big bucks. I don't know how an aspiring filmmaker's gonna make it out there unless you throw yourself in debt up to your eyeballs… Why don't you look into real estate? Condos, studios, 74th street penthouses…There's the money!"
"Benny?" I said sternly. "I'm going to pretend like you never even asked me that question..."
--
The Monday night before the weekend I left, one of my friends from a fraternity invited me to a party. In my four months of college I hadn't done any partying, and I figured since midterms weren't until next month I was safe to put the books aside. Besides, it was only one night.
June wasn't in her dorm or anywhere around campus, so I asked Benny to be my date. He was an old pro at frat parties, and demanded we pick up a few six packs to bring along as a peace offering.
I told him I didn't drink, and besides, I was too young to purchase alcohol anyway.
So we walked to the nearest gas station and Benny went in and bought beer.
"We come bearing gifts!" Benny chuckled as Kevin, the host of the party, opened the door.
"Aw man, fuckin' awesome! Come on in dudes!" He slapped Benny on the back and grabbed the sixers, tossing them onto a nearby table, already loaded with distilled spirits.
Kevin didn't even know Benny. But he had brought beer, and that's all that mattered to everyone within Kevin's circle of friends.
He didn't even acknowledge me as I passed him.
I shrugged it off, reminding myself that Kevin was of no great value or intellectual loss to me, and chased after Benny, who was already out and about hitting on girls in the throbbing mix of people dancing and grinding in the frat house's living room.
Normally, I hated parties. I usually only came to them to film interactions between people. But I didn't bring the camera this time. I'm not sure why- maybe because I just got swept up in Benny's urgency to leave.
So I wandered the lower part of the house, surveying the assortment of munchies laid (and spilled) about on the tables, and the people smashed off their asses laid (and spilled) about on the furniture and each other.
Most still able to stay on their feet swayed, staggered and yelled as if the place were full of deaf guests.
It was quite entertaining.
I thought of drinking myself, but then I shooed the thought out of my head and sat down away from the crowd to look things over.
In front of me, two sloppy drunks punched each other with football team strength, a contest to see who would be the first to tell the other to halt, start to bleed, or collapse.
Behind me the unpleasant sound of a retching person and their first four beers splashing into the toilet repulsed me to get up and walk away.
I went to go find Benny. After all, he was my 'date'.
He was somewhere in the biggest gyrating group of partygoers when I found him.
He was a little tipsy, which made me giggle- and I managed to pull him away from the scantily clad sorority sisters he was dancing with to talk to him.
"Benny, I think I might head back to the dorm. I just remembered I hate parties like this."
"What?" He called over the throbbing music.
"You can stay here! I'm gonna head home!"
"Oh, okay! Whatever man! Are you sure?"
"Yeah, have a good time!"
"Oh, I am." He giggled, making a pelvic-thrusting motion at the mini-skirted pair watching us. I rolled my eyes as they summoned him back to the dance floor.
Shaking my head, I made my way to the back door, but smacked head first into a pretty-far-gone partier, nearly causing him to spill one of the two beers he was guzzling.
"Whoops! Sorry man!" I hollered.
"Nah- it's okay! The beer's okay!"
I smiled uneasily.
He turned to go into the large circle of people, but then stopped dead and turned around to face me, trying to focus on my face but failing drunkly.
"Hey…aren't you June's boyfriend?" He slurred, shaking a beer cup at me.
"Mark. Yeah."
"Whoa man. That's weird that you're at this party…"
"What? Kevin invited me. Why?"
He laughed menacingly. "Aw, dude, you don't know? Sorry man, but- but ah, well, June? She's totally bangin' Lawrence Sanders upstairs right now, in Scott's bedroom. Ha ha. I thought you knew, dude!"
The floor raced up to my face and I had to grab the corner of a nearby table to steady myself.
I shook my head. "What? June Phillips? She's what?"
"Yeah man, June Phillips, that's her name! Hot little theater chick? Brown hair? Dude- aren't you Mark? Ha ha ha. Aw man, you better get up there and break that up man! Shit on your life! Scandal!"
"What? Wait- what? Where is she?"
"Scott's bedroom man! Upstairs, down the hallway-"
I didn't even let him finish his sentence. I pushed him out of the way, nearly spilling his beer a second time, and took off towards the staircase at the back of the house.
I stumbled and shoved my way past staggering people, not caring if they fell or got pissed at me.
The hallway wound on forever, and people just kept getting in my way. My face got hotter and redder with every footfall.
I almost wiped out running up the stairs, grabbing the railing for dear life.
June was what? Scott's bedroom? My June? My thoughts raced. What did that guy know? He was too inebriated to even concentrate on my face, let alone two people in the dark…
I whipped around the corner and into a hallway. Another couple was standing outside of one of the doors, leaning against it and making out.
"Hey!" I called. "Do you- do you guys know which one is Scott's bedroom?"
The male half of the couple pulled his head out from the hairsprayed mass he was sucking face with.
"Yeah. It's this one." He said, kicking the door he was leaning up against.
"Oh shit." He said, pushing his girlfriend away. "You don't wanna go in there man."
My heart skipped a few beats.
"W-why?"
"Uh, because. It's…off limits. Kevin doesn't want partiers up here. Sorry dude." He shrugged and resumed kissing.
No. That wasn't going to work. I wasn't that foolish.
I walked over and pulled him off his girlfriend by his collar, staring him in the eyes.
"Why can't I go in there?"
"Hey man!" He yelped, pushing me back with both arms. "Just go back to the party!"
"No!" I yelled and shoved him back, seizing the door handle. "Why can't I go in-" The door sprung open and I stumbled inside.
Janis Joplin's "Somebody to Love" whined out into the hallway, and the light from outside poured into the room, illuminating the scene on the bed.
"Mark!" Cried June, scrambling to cover her breasts with the sheet.
"Hey man-" Warned Lawrence Sanders, pushing off my girlfriend and rolling beside her.
He snatched his shirt off the floor, wiping the sweat from his brow and pulling it on, crawling off the bed and hastily pulling up his boxers.
"Damnit June! You said he wasn't gonna be at this party!"
He zipped up his jeans and walked towards the door.
"Oh my God. Shut the fuck up Lawrence! Mark! It's not what it looks like!"
I stood perfectly still in the doorway as Lawrence pushed past.
I just bit my lip and stared.
"Mark…" June whispered, rushing to pull on her pants under the sheets.
"J-June…how…could you?" My words were slow and pained, and echoed in my head.
"Mark! I- I just- you- you…You…were…so young, and…and you were so adorable, but…but…and, it was fun. Really it…was. I liked you. I like you…but…"
"But what?"
"Mark! I like you a lot! You're so smart and funny, but I-"
"But you used me." I clenched my jaw.
"No Mark! You just- you were…nineteen! You were a-a- virgin for god sakes! I don't know what I was thinking, what I got myself into, but- you-"
"Spit it out June."
"You just weren't my type! I guess I just-"
"You know what June? I don't want to hear it. I don't care. I don't need- you don't have an explanation. I just- you- I thought- goodbye. Goodbye June. I'll see you around."
"Mark!" She called, leaping out of bed and running after me.
I bit my lip and squeezed my eyes shut, walking rigidly down the stairs and out the back door. June caught up to me and grabbed me by the shoulders, but I thrashed her off, throwing her down onto the cement walk.
"Mark!" She cried again, staring up at me, but I tuned her out, storming all the way back to Watermyn, blinking back tears.
I ran up the stairs and slammed the door, throwing my jacket on the floor and flopping down on the bed to punch at the headboard, the mattress, my face, the pillow…anything within reach.
"How could I be so naive!" I cried, covering my burning face.
The blinking red light of the answering machine caught my eye and I punched the 'on' button out of anger.
The tape whirred to life, and Lauren Finn's voice washed into the dormitory over my boiling wails.
"Hello, Mark Cohen? This is Lauren Finn calling. The execs have reviewed your film and discussed the aspects of passing it on to a major investing company. However, it turns out that no one is looking for a small budget film to show at this time. Sorry for any disappointment, and thank you so very kindly for coming in. We'll keep you in mind. If you'd like to come and pick up your script-" I punched the phone onto the floor, cracking the ugly pea-green receiver and yanking the chord from the wall.
The message cut off abruptly.