Disclaimer: I do not own "Newsies" or any of the genius associated to them. Disney owns them, no infringement intended. I am not making money from this in any way, I claim no rights to the characters mentioned from the movie, but I do claim the plot and the ideas surrounding this story. Don't steal, don't sue, and I'm sure we will all be grand friends.
A/N: Fair warning - this chapter deals with a suicide attempt. If you think that this is going to be triggering or disturbing at all (not unlike the rest of this story?) be forewarned.
Warning: PG-13 (suicidal theme, adult situations)
Chapter 6
vi.)
some
call it a cry for help
(but he never made a sound)
fading can
take too long for an impatient boy
he says: "it was supposed
to make you disappear."
for the first time – that idea is
appealing.
he hates her more than dying.
He takes his life the same way he takes his liquor: hard and without hesitation.
For all of his delusions and high flying nature – he accepts reality's cold facts. He knows what hurt, loneliness, and fear are; he also knows that you can't bleed them out no matter how deep you cut. But you can try.
White bandage bracelets make a sharp contrast to the drink in his hand and the hair on his head, but they practically melt into his flesh. The Styrofoam cup in his hand matches the color on his wrists, and the coffee inside matches the color of his heart: black. He traced his map too deeply this time. They want him to stay in their clean sterile rooms with their paper gowns and stale food. The idea of a life confined in these walls terrifies him more than life in general (and almost as much as she scares him). They say in here that he was safe from all of his distractions because they tell him that his distractions are dangerous (but they are all that he is living for).
He's swinging his feet, bare and pale, off the edge of his metal table perch when she walks through the door. Girl Explicit catches his attention with asinine words. Smeared black mascara eyes are clear for the moment and register disappointment at seeing her. She doesn't ever understand his reactions, and she doesn't even try to justify them anymore.
"It was supposed to make you disappear." He whispers, annoyed, half to her and half to his drink. The words didn't surprise her but that didn't lessen the burn. Like lemon juice in a wound - even though you know it is coming it doesn't lessen the sting.
They're home in a few days after tests & testimonies. They had to make sure that he wasn't crazy and she told him he wasn't (a bold faced lie). Justification was that if the doctors weren't smart enough to see that this was a boy (with gashes and bruises who steals pain medications when they weren't looking) who needed help –then she wasn't going to fight it. She always hated hospitals anyway.
Boy Anachronism checks his phone and the voicemail is full. He deletes every message without listening to them. It is habit anymore (it comes with the territory). Anyone who really cared for contact tracked him down by other means than his phone. Girl Explicit is no exception to this rule.
She never asks about his others, but it bothers her more every time she remembers that she's never been enough for him. She comforts herself in the fact that in the end she's the one he comes back to – even if the time in between is less than faithful. It is a strange sort of consolation prize. What is love if she never knows if he's coming (or if she is for that matter) or going? He may drive her crazy, but she drives him to desperation (not in a good way).
This is one of the latest editions of the game that they play: trying to see who will break (out, down, through, away, in, or up) first. He may have been the first to break down, but he never would be the one to break up. He'd rather die than be the one to walk out and he proves her point with his classically dramatic flair (though it is more typical than classic). He'd always been drawn towards the theatrics of death, but he understands this: death isn't pretty, glamorous, or something after which to lust.
Death is as dark and bitter as the coffee he is staring at instead of drinking. He hates black coffee, but it is the only way that he will take it. He is so lost in his own mess of embellishment and false pretenses that he refuses to complicate his beverage as well. He hates it and he hates the idea of dying, but he hates(loves?) her more than both. His spectrum of emotions are too blurred to know which was what.
So he takes his coffee a teeth staining black and justifies everything (his black eyes, black moods, and 4our hour absences which are black in his memory) with his standard line: "Everything fades."
Girl Explicit is coming to learn how much of a lie that is.
A/N: Thanks to Tatsiana, xoborogrlxo, stress, and Purple Rhapsody for reviewing.
Four more chapters. Are you ready for this action? It doesn't get any happier (is this happy at all anyway?).
Leave me some love! I need the emotional support right now... this story is draining.