Fried Noodles Gone Horribly Wrong
Minxia: Hey, this is Crouching Kitty of Doom, fomerly known as MintMooffinMei, but just call me Minxia. I got the sudden urge to write this fic, because I was hungry and thinking about the time my friend stuffed up cooking her noodles.
DISCLAIMER:
I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter, it all belongs to J.K.Rowling, if I did own it, I'd force Ron to eat Fried Noodles for the rest of his life grin though I do own my OC Sora Autumn, who is based off my friend (the one who stuffed up the noodles) anyways, on with the fic!
Harry walked into the Gryffindor common room, looking happy. /Well, that was an interesting lesson of potions; the substitute professor was cool/ He thought, joyfully. He didn't notice the dark, dark shadow creeping up behind him until it put its hand on his shoulder. Harry screamed like a sissy and punched the creature on its face.
"Oof! Harry! Bloody hell! Paranoid much!" Asked the 'creature'.
"Oh, sorry Ron, I thought you were a creature from the pits of hell that had come here to murder me." Harry apologised. "Still covered from head to toe in black as I see?"
Ron growled. "It's all that stupid bloody git, Malfoy's fault!" He whined, pathetically I might add.
"Ron are you still dirty? Honestly! Just take a bath!" came a voice from behind them. A moment later Hermione appeared from out of nowhere, well from behind the fat lady painting.
"Don't you think I've tried, 'Mione! It won't come out" Ron pulled at his hair in Frustration.
"Did you try actually scrubbing?" Harry asked with a sigh.
Ron looked guilty. Busted.
"What? You don't scrub yourself when you wash, Ron! So that's what that putrid smell is every time I'm near you! I thought something had died! How many times do you even take a bath!" said Hermione, clearly disgusted.
At this Ron looked insulted. "HEY! I do scrub myself when I bathe!"
Harry coughed.
"Okay, usually!"
Hermione snorted.
"Sometimes…"
Harry and Hermione both turned to Ron with a look saying, "I don't buy that, nope, never, not in a million years"
"Okay, never…"
They both scooted away from Ron.
"Well, it's not my fault!" Ron yelled.
"What? That you don't scrub yourself? That's obviously your own laziness!" Hermione pointed out.
"No! That I'm completely black!" Ron yelled in reply.
"Well, we all know how that happened, and I have to say it was your own fault, Ron" Stated Harry.
FLASHBACK
Harry, Ron and Hermione walked into potions chatting about…something, looking content until they spotted a certain someone.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't Potty, Weasel and the Mudblood." Sneered a voice. Yes, it was the prince of ferrets or in my friend's opinion the prince of 'hotness', that's right folks, it was the one, the only, Draco Malfoy, dun dun duuuuuuuun.
"What do you want, ferret boy?" Ron growled. Perfect. Just what they needed, Malfoy to spoil their day, as if having double potions already wasn't enough.
"Certainly nothing to do with any of you bunch of goodie-two-shoes, don't forget this is potions, the teacher is on my side." Malfoy smirked, walking off.
"Argh! I can't stand that git!" Ron yelled, once again frustrated.
"Neither can we Ron." Harry sighed.
"Don't get so worked up Ron, you're only encouraging him." Hermione told him.
"Whatever, let's get a seat." Ron grumbled. They took their seats, and a second later the teacher appeared…but he wasn't Snape…or a he. In walked a girl looking to be about fourteen, with short white hair reaching her neck, and hyper blue-gray eyes with a crazy grin on her face.
The class burst into whispers, and murmuring.
"That isn't Snape…"
"It's a little girl…"
"Well that's better than Snape!"
"Maybe the girl killed Snape!"
"I hope she did"
All the Gryffindors cheered, while the Slytherins were all still in the state of Confusion.
The 'little' girl spoke up. "Heyo! I ain't little! And unfortunately, Snape ain't dead, wish he was though…anyways I kinda mixed up his potions and got him drunk, and man, ya shoulda seen 'im ramble on! Blah blah blah! S'all I could hear! He got sent ta' the Hospital wing so I'm gonaa be yo' substitute teacher for t'day!" the girl rambled, grinning maniacally.
"This is an outrage!" Malfoy shouted. "We can't be taught by a little girl, younger than us not to mention!"
"Like I said! I.ain't.litte! I'm 14!" the girl yelled. "And shut ya overly-annoying trap, blondie! You don't have anything smart to say, don't say anythin' at all! Meaning you should never say anythin' cuz I doubt anythin' smart comes from your mouth! And 10 points from Slytherin!" the girl blew a raspberry at Malfoy. Malfoy looked flabbergasted. A Few Gryffindors, including Harry and Ron started snickering.
"Well tell us a bit about yourself, Professor…" Hermione trailed off.
"The names Professor Autumn! Sora Autumn! I'm fourteen, I'm half Australian half Japanese and I like Sugar! (Minxia: Who doesn't?)" Sora struck a pose, then started doing…some kind of dance…
Everyone stared at her, like she was crazy. (Minxia: I couldn't agree more)
"Okay let's get this party started!" Sora exclaimed, enthusiastically.
"I like this kid already!" whispered Ron, excitedly to Harry and Hermione who nodded in agreement.
"So Professor, what are we making?" Harry asked.
"Today, We're making fried noodles!" Sora cheered.
The class erupt into laughter.
"With Chicken!" Sora tried again.
The class just laughed harder. Even the Slytherins were laughing.
"I'm serious!" Sora frowned.
The class stopped laughing.
"Finally! Now, Granger go with Zabini and Malfoy with Weasly! Everyone else pick whom ya wanna go with! I'll write down the ingredients you need on the board, and then y'all can come up and get them from me!" Sora ordered, looking a bit evil.
Ron sputtered, while Malfoy opened his mouth to shout out when Sora piped up.
"Ah, ah, ahh! I'm the professor, and I can take lots, and lots of house points of both of ya!" Sora grinned cheekily.
Malfoy abruptly closed his mouth, and Ron shut up.
"No more complaints? Good! Let's get ta' work, peoples!" Sora yelled.
Everyone got up, and naturally, got to work.
"Wow, that kid can be harsh." Harry whispered to Harry, who he paired up with. Neville nodded.
They started putting the chicken in the fry pan, where Sora got from somewhere or rather.
Hermione sighed, and walked over to Blaise.
"Look, can we just try to get along? At least until we finish?" Hermione asked.
"I'm not trying to pick a fight, so we can get along." Blaise told her.
Hermione smiled. "Well then, I'll get the ingredients and you can start setting up."
Blaise nodded and smiled back (Minxia: I like Blaise, so I'm trying to make him look nice).
Meanwhile, Ron and Malfoy were trying to turn the power on.
"You're doing it wrong, Malfoy!" Ron growled.
"At least I know how to set it up, you un-coordinated Weasel." Malfoy sneered.
"You bloody git!" Ron was about to punch him.
"What up, mate!" yelled a voice right next to his ear.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Ron jumped, screaming. He looked at Sora who wore a grin and her face screamed guilty.
"So, what's goin' on here?" Sora asked Ron and Malfoy.
"We can't get the stupid piece of crap to work!" Malfoy snarled at the poor, innocent fry pan.
"Panpan isn't a piece of crap! He's my friend! My friend gave him to me!" Sora pouted, hugging 'Panpan' close to her.
0o everyone turned to her looking freaked.
"What are you lot starin' at! Don't make me get out my friend Sledgy, the Sledge Hammer!" Sora grinned evilly, starting to giggle insanely.
Everyone turned back to his or her work.
Sora put Panpan the fry pan down. "Stand back, and watch my amazing magic at work!" She exclaimed.
Malfoy and Ron stood back and watched curiously as did everyone else in the class, as she closed her eyes and raised her hand and pointed her index finger.
She looked like she was doing some kind of ritual, moving her finger about in patterns, then her eyes snapped open, and she brought her finger down and she…poked Panpan and said "Spiffefy!"
Nothing happened. Then a few seconds later the little light flashed red, signalling it was on.
The class stared. Then got back to work looking freaked.
"There we go!" Sora grinned triumphantly. "My friend said it would work! And it did! Yay!" With that, she walked off, humming a tune.
Malfoy and Ron stared at each other, then the fry pan, then got back to work.
"Hurry up Weasel, I never thought you could be even more un-co then you already are, but you never cease to amaze me." Malfoy smirked.
"Shut your bloody mouth!" Ron snapped. /Damn! This isn't cooking fast enough! Hmmm…I know! I could make it go faster with magic! Professor Autumn never said we couldn't! and with luck, it might explode on Malfoy/ Ron thought evilly.
So he zapped the fry pan, aiming it at Malfoy. Said person looked up from what he was doing.
"What are you doing, Weasel?" Malfoy asked, walking over to where Ron was, but accidentally tripped onto Ron, thus resulting in Ron getting pushed to where Malfoy was formerly standing.
"No! Malfoy don't move!" Ron said, panicking.
But it was too late.
There was a rumbling sound. Everyone looked up from what they were doing, including Sora who was slouched back in her, well Snapes, chair with her feet propped up on the table, and she was listening to her ipod where she got out of nowhere.
Sora looked at Ron and Malfoy's fry pan, which was now bubbling some strange black substance.
"Ahhh, Shit!" Sora cursed to herself. She stood up and shouted to the class "Everyone, hit the decks! Get under ya' desks!" Sora said, climbing under the table. People screamed, and got under the tables.
Right then, the black substance in the fry pan shot out everywhere in the classroom and drenched Ron full on, as he was the only one who wasn't fast enough to get under the tables. Everyone got up slowly, murmuring about the mess.
"Well, I ain't cleanin' this out!" Sora exclaimed getting out from under the desks.
"Then who will, Professor?" Blaise asked worriedly.
"Dun worry, this never happened! What no one knows won't hurt 'em! We'll leave this mess ta' Snape, my old buddy, old pal!" Sora winked at the class. The class heaved a sigh of relief.
She turned to Ron. "Well, your lookin' a lil' over cooked." Sora said, stifling a laugh. "Ya'd better get cleaned up, or someone might think you're da chicken that we tried to cook, and try to eat you!" She couldn't hold in her laughter anymore. Slowly, everyone else started laughing as well.
Ron looked like a fried chicken, not to mention very, very embarrassed.
Finally, the class stopped laughing. Sora cleared her throat. "Okay, despite the exploding chicken, did y'all have fun!" She yelled out, asking the class. The class cheered. "Kay, class dismissed!" Sora shouted enthusiastically. Everyone walked out of class, talking excitedly.
Harry and Hermione walked over to Ron.
"You'd better get cleaned up, Professor Autumn is right you know, you do look like a fried chicken." Hermione giggled, covering her mouth.
"And you smell like a chicken too." Harry laughed; unlike Hermione he didn't bother hiding it.
"Oh, Shut up the both of you!" Ron grumbled, going off to shower.
END FLASHBACK
"Yes Ron, Harry's right, it was your own fault." Hemione said.
"Yeah, I know, I've learnt my lesson." Ron sighed.
"What? Never get caught up in your anger, and have it backfire on you?" Harry asked.
"No, never go to a class with a teacher who's younger than you, they could be crazy and sadistic." Ron shuddered.
Harry and Hermione just laughed.
THE END
Minxia: took me a while to write, but I was bored so it kinda drove me to do it. hope you liked it! please leave a Review, because it will make me happy and if you don't, i will force you to eat Friend Noodles for the rest of your lives! so for your own safety, please review!