Author's Note: Oh gosh. I am embarrassed at how late this is. But I can say I have an excuse! Just because it took me several weeks to write, and then my beta and I went out of town at different times.. so we ended up missing each other by about a week. But I still apologize for the lateness, because I didn't check my email like I should have to recieve hers. angsts

School starts Monday so I probably will aim for about a chapter a month, unless I get reeeally productive on weekends :)

Speaking of my lovely beta, I owe her cookies just like Riku does to Sora. She rocks teh house for putting up with my late emails. And I also apologize for the late update. XX So as penance for the late update, I made this chapter light and cute. With a very naughty Demyx. XP

And as always reviews are much appreciated! This fic is now officially half way done! And to mark that, I went to the mall with my gay and bought the official square released Sora crown necklace to celebrate :D Well it was more like.. coincidence!

Diabolical Rapture Chapter 5: Enjoy the Silence

Riku, you never made me my cookies.

I contemplated this during Religion class the following Monday. It wasn't so much that I wanted the cookies, but I wanted Riku to do as he said he would. I sighed in thought, taking the time to flip a few pages of my missalette. I wasn't very interested, nor focused, on memorizing these communion songs, and continued flipping pages quietly in order to look as if I were doing something productive. Occasionally I'd glance up and notice a few other boys doing the same, at times locking eyes with someone for a split second.

But it wasn't that I was distracted by my cookies or Riku, but the fact that today's class seemed a bit odd. Usually we'd practice singing the songs we were expected to learn for communion everyday- and by this time, I was sure not a soul in class didn't know the words. And for today's assignment- practicing silently each one from the booklet, well, that seemed entirely like busywork.

Silent singing and memorization? Stupid.

I continued to make myself look productive as I noticed Sister Agatha and a few other nuns huddled in a tightly knit circle amongst the altar. However, whist they stood surrounding the altar, a taller figure stood at the altar. Even though I'd never really bothered to attend church sessions each weekend, I could tell by the specific clerical attire this man was indeed a priest. And, as soon as a few of the nuns cleared my view, I could take glimpse of the man's face. It was Father Leonhart- the same one I had met at the very beginning of the year during Reconciliation.

Layered brown locks hung carelessly about his face, stormy eyes only partially visual through chunks of hair. He looked so young and, er... healthy for a priest. Really, I had only seen other ones who were quite old. Reconciliation had been my second sacrament that I'd received, only following the first, Baptism. It was a rather awkward situation- to reconcile, but apparently necessary to be considered Catholic. I knew the gist of it: mainly a process in which people could be salvaged from their sins after confessing them through a religious official.

But I hadn't really known what to tell Father Leonhart. I spat out a few things such as "lying to my parents and using profanity at certain times." However, if I were to reconcile now- would I have new sins I needed to repent?

I shuddered a little. This was all so creepy in a way.

There was also the small detail that a priest was supposed to be called Father. A Father was something I never had, so I was a bit uncomfortable using the term. A Father was supposed to be someone warm, someone caring and comforting. Yet, the painful experiences I had with my own only led me to feel fear and coldness towards the religious official.

The remainder of class passed by rather uneventful. Father Leonhart had left near the end of class without a word, and not a single nun bothered to break anyone from their "silent singing." I shuffled along throughout my other subjects, receiving an F on my algebra test and a rather embarrassing project assignment in biology. Nothing too unusual.

-----------------------

During French, I had managed to fall asleep a total of three times, only to be tapped lightly twice by Tidus, and once quite roughly by Madame. After warning me of a detention (which I guessed would include much gum scrapping and ass kissing), I managed to stay awake for the remainder of the period. That had been a remarkable feat actually, considering Tidus wasn't incredibly talkative or responsive to my note passing.

But eventually time does flow, no matter how slowly it appears to trickle through the veins of existence. And eventually, time marked the ending of class by signal of a very loud, obnoxious bell.

Someone grabbed me as soon as everyone fought our way out of French. I didn't even need to see the face to match the name. I knew it was probably Riku- considering he was really the only person who would use such a gesture to get my attention. Well, besides Axel. But he wasn't anywhere near this particular floor during last period. As his fingers gently wrapped around my forearm, it was indeed Riku who mouthed the word "dinner," before dragging me along towards the dining hall. He was speaking silently through still very bruised lips from the accident. Overall, he didn't look too horrible.. just a few splotches of red patterned at random amongst his face, scratches here and there, and a faint traice of blue outlined an oval like shape around his right eye.

"What's the rush?" I questioned him, trying to keep up with his fast pace.

"I'm hungry, and well, I want to get there before everyone else does."

"Oh," I replied as I noticed my abductor flash a small smile over his shoulder.

Upon entering the dining hall, Riku didn't let go of my arm- instead, rushed over towards a somewhat empty table and sat me down in one of the seats. Finally releasing his grip, he reached up to blow a strand of hair out of his eyes, simultaneously dipping his hand within his uniformed pocket and producing a wad of green bills. After his very busy primping of his hair, he shoved his French book into my outstretched hands.

"Would you like pizza, spaghetti, or turkey... surprise?"

I'm sure I gave Riku a pretty horrified look at the mention of "turkey surprise," because he quickly added, "It's really not too bad..."

Choosing to ignore that, I chose pizza instead- to be safe. "Good choice," he chuckled, before he fingered a few of the bills, replaced several more and left. I sat there for a moment, alone at the table and bored. I began to fidget a little, uncomfortable as I noticed groups of boys starting to pile into the room and sit with one another. I was sure I looked stupid as hell- sitting at an empty table by myself while others socialized about.

Only when I began to chew nervously on one of my fingernails did I notice someone behind me, tapping impatiently at my shoulder blade. I quickly spun around in my seat, coming face to face with another guy- one who was about on par with Riku's size.. which meant.. big. And a hell of a lot bigger than me.

"Uh.. who are you?" He questioned, tugging a little at the ends of his... pinkish hair?

"I'm Sora-"

"Well, Sora. I'm sorry but this table is taken," he interrupted. A small smirk curled at the corner of his lips in an all-too-menacing way, reminding me in that same all-too way of Axel's distinct smile. "There are plenty of other places to sit, you know," he stated as a long arm extended itself in front of my body, his palm now flat on the table. The size difference between us was now extremely evident as he was leaning over completely to face me.

"I'm sorry," I started to combat. Riku could be such a jerk! Always getting me into these kinds of situations with such BIG people! "It's just, my friend told me to sit here.. he should be back in a second, but..."

"Marluxia, what are you saying to him?" A sigh of relief echoed from my mouth as I recognized that voice.

I reminded myself to thoroughly kick Riku later on for this. Images of a cartoon Sora triumphantly beating the make-believe guts out of a very make-believe Riku entered my head.

"You know this kid?" The pink.. or was it brown.. haired guy retorted back to my savior.

"Sure I know him. I brought him here."

Marluxia, for I assumed that was his name then, turned to face me, then back to Riku in a heap of confusion. He apparently didn't need to ask, "why?" for Riku quickly continued to explain.

"He's my roommate." Riku casually walked past a rather dumbfounded Marluxia and paused next to me. "Be nice, he's a good kid," he continued to add- along with a playful ruffle of my hair right before handing me a slice of cheese pizza.

"Alright then. Cool. Sorry about.. before, Sora." Marluxia's muscles released their tense grasp on the table as he waltzed gracefully towards the seat opposite mine. Great. Now I would have to look at him each time I wanted to face forwards. "I'm Marluxia."

And your stupid hair is pink, you fruitcake.

I only smiled half-heartedly, choosing to munch happily on pizza instead of responding with "Sure, that's wonderful, Marluxia. You were only a total meanie earlier."

I was halfway done with my first slice of pizza when a few other boys joined the table- each with a quizzical expression plastered on their faces as they did. And each time, Riku continued to patiently explain, "This is my friend Sora. He's my roommate, be nice. He's a good kid." And each time, his response became more and more mechanical.

I didn't really talk to many of them, for I continued to feel a little threatened and intrusive on their table. The names I recall- Zexion, Cloud, Demyx, and a few others. Funny, I had never met any of these friends before. At first they seemed kind of cool, but once Demyx began to whap freely at Cloud's head with a plastic fork did I become frightened.

Marluxia only rolled his eyes a little, twirling his own fork in a plate of spaghetti. He looked a little bored, head resting softly on his hand. Truthfully, he didn't seem so bad now.

Riku reached over his plate to squeeze my hand for attention. Shattering my gaze from Marluxia, I quickly turned to face him expression blank.

"Want some ice-cream?"

But the expression didn't stay blank for long, instead it quickly lit up at the mere mention of my most.. favorite... dessert in the world. "Yes, I want ice-cream!" I cutely responded through an incredibly large smile, completely showcasing two exposed rows of teeth.

"I didn't even have to ask..."

I laughed a little. "How'd you know ice-cream was my favorite?"

"Lucky guess," he responded from his now standing position. Riku turned to leave. Approximately ten feet away, he turned back to answer, "You seem like an ice-cream kind of guy."

I shrugged, pushing the excess pizza crust away from my checkered napkins. "Isn't everyone an ice-cream person?" I muttered. Looking up, my mouth once went into automatic drop-it-like-it's-hot mode.

Demyx had now appeared to master the use of his spoon.

"Don't pay attention to them."

A glance was earned in the vicinity of Marluxia's person. "Okay..."

Deciding against informing me of other stupid things Demyx liked to partake in- and their annoyance factor, Marluxia changed the subject to something a bit more personal. "So... Riku's different... He's happier."

I shrugged. "Guess so."

"It's because of you."

"What-" My eyelids increased to their maximum height, exposing fifty thousands hues and shades of blue. "Me?"

He nodded. "I'm glad. Riku... likes to pretend he's strong, but, he's not at all. He's one of those people that has to be constantly reassured that he's okay." Marluxia completely dropped the fork, it now beginning to drown within masses of uneaten spaghetti noodles. "Good job, Sora."

Marluxia, even if he does have the girliest pink hair ever, deserved a complete Sora smile- one of my bests.

Luckily though, the conversation quickly halted as Riku made his nearing presence known. Handing me a vanilla ice-cream cone with one hand, the other found it's way towards a fold in my jacket, which he used to pull me out of the seat easily.

"Come on, let's go."

"Sure," I turned back towards Marluxia. Pity. I would have smiled for him again if Demyx had not focused all attention on him at that particular moment.

----------------------

The two of us made it back to the dorm in record time.

Riku reached into his pocket with his free hand, licking up spills of melting ice-cream from the side of his cone all the while. Key clicked, a knob turned and we entered. Each one moved towards his own bed, sat on the end in a similar manner, and continued to quietly lick at their ice-cream. Neither of us really talked as we ate, only occasionally smiled at each other through ice-cream-filled mouths.

He finished his first, tossing a crumpled napkin into his miniature wastebasket next to his bed. As I continued to eat in silence, Riku moved towards my bed, stretching out fully next to me. I peered over him, a single eyebrow raised. Seeing a small smile enter his expression before face planting into the covers, I once again focused on the ice-cream.

"Sorry about Marluxia. He can be a complete asshole sometimes." Riku's voice strained through layers of blankets.

I shook my head, deciding against finishing the ice-cream in favor of talking with Riku. Funny. It was the first time I had really forsaken ice-cream over anything else really. "No, he's cool. I think.. I think it's Demyx you need to worry about." I in turn, mimicked Riku's previous actions, throwing the remainder of my cone into my own matching wastebasket.

"Demyx just has problems with eating."

I laughed a little at Riku's dry sense of humor. He was so blunt sometimes, so incredibly straight forward- something I was not. I lay on my back next to Riku, each of us sprawled horizontally across a small bed, legs and feet dangling off the sides.

Wrong move.

Riku took the moment to roll over, hovering completely over me with each hand pressed into the comforter on the sides of my head. I suddenly knew what was coming. I knew what he felt for me- I only denied it within my head- within my own world where Riku did not like me in ways he should not and certainly would never try to...

I only tried to signal him to stop through a pleading look with my eyes. As much as I wanted them to say "no," the command was apparently never received.

Before I could move, Riku's lips were on mine. A gentle kiss. I couldn't move, my mind being unable to register what was occurring. A kiss? This was my first kiss?

Somehow, when Riku's hands slid themselves from the bed sheets to my waist- and back towards my chest, to my shoulders, and finally my face, my body immediately responded. I felt myself lean into his torso, trying to snuggle close to his face.

Perhaps I did love Riku- subconsciously. It was true I never had a real friend until him- how could I be so sure I was straight? I could like both..

But sudden terror caused me to freeze, breaking from Riku's hungry kiss, and eyes widening in icy realization.

No. That was only a reaction to a kiss- an involuntary one. I liked Riku, so when he kissed me, I responded with kissing back. If it had been someone I disliked- of course, then, I wouldn't have kissed them. Right?

Leviticus, chapter 18, verse 22, instructs, "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with women..."

Words, phrases, verses flew around my head in a mass of swirling confusion. I was being bombarded by two sides at once- two very conflicting sides, which I did not care to choose between.

The blood drained from my face, the blush on my once pink cheeks growing white and blending to ghosts.

"You can-can-can't do this!" I stuttered, backing up a little on the bed from his body. Involuntarily, my eyes widened in complete shock- both at Riku- for initiating such a thing, and at myself- for almost letting him. I scrambled a bit more to the edge, positioning myself almost to the verge of nearly falling off of it. Twisting my legs and arms into a vulnerable tangle, blue eyes only continued to gaze forward and search out answers for the many questions they suddenly sought.

I didn't alter my facial expression, not until my lids forced themselves to blink from pain. "I mean...," I tried to explain my actions. However, it was hard to formulate sentences with words that matched the feelings I suddenly writhed in. "Why?"

Stupid question, really. Of course I knew why.

Riku wasn't looking back at me. Rather, he sat with his head slumped over, silver hair covering what portion of his face would have been visible. From body language alone, I winced. I knew I had hurt him.

"Because... I like you."

A small tear slipped from the corner of my eye, trailing its way down the side of my nose. I quickly swatted it away, never breaking my gaze from Riku's defeated figure.

"You actually cared. Really cared."

"I do care. You're... my best friend."

"You're my best friend."

"I'm your best friend?" I questioned, eyes slipping back into their usual state of questioning, lids lowering a bit in gained comfort.

Riku didn't answer, just picked himself up and walked towards the dorm door. He paused for a moment, holding onto the doorframe limply. "Yeah," he gasped after a moment of silent stares was exchanged.

"Where are you going?" I didn't mean to voice this aloud, but he evidently had caught my soft words.

"A walk." Riku's hand slid from the doorframe. "Sora, I'm sorry."

I couldn't retort in either anger or reassurance, only watch as the slender figure before me carried himself off into the night in a slumped, defeated manner.

---------------

"Tidus!"

Tidus. An outlet to my problems.

"Hey..." The blonde coolly called from a secluded corner within the library. Flipping a book shut, he turned around to face me. Seeing my questioning gaze, he groaned, "History finals."

I nodded in understanding. Semester finals were something I myself was dreading.

"And history's always brutal. Man, that guy- I swear- he wants us all to fail!"

I only continued to nod.

"He's already flunked me on the last three tests!"

"Uh..."

"And well, homework. It wouldn't be so bad- if he didn't grade it on accuracy! For the love of God!"

"Tidus-"

"If I don't pass this, I swear I'll staple-"

"Tidus!" I shook his shoulders gently. "Don't worry so much."

A frown replaced his blank expression, the corners of his mouth twisting a little in annoyance. "Yeah.. well.. if I don't worry, I could be kicked out."

"You won't-"

"Well, maybe. But I have a lot of studying to do, Sora." He paused a little, maybe slightly unsure of how to end the awkward conversation. "See you around I guess." Only a minute later, Tidus' presence was replaced with sudden coldness and an empty space located between myself and a stack of shelved books.

I found myself wondering, and hoping, that it was only the stress of finals weighing on Tidus' sudden personality flip-flop.

------------------

It was the first Friday since Riku had kissed me. It had been easy to avoid him until then, on account of his soccer practices. I knew it was inevitable- I knew I would eventually have to stop running around like a complete and total chicken, and just face him at some point. I wasn't angry... just a little embarrassed actually of coming face to face with him.

And there I sat, within our dorm room. My posture was slumped- huddled into a defensive position within the confinements of my bed, hands tightly grasping the edges of a worn book. I had tried reading, but each time I began to get through a few pages, Riku began to enter my head again and cause me to forget what it was that I was reading in the first place. I could only sit there and wait for him. What would I say? I only wished things wouldn't be weird between us- even though they already were. I wanted so badly to be best friends with Riku.

And I had never wanted him to leave in the first place. When he left that night, I only wanted to run towards his disappearing figure and tell him it was okay- that he should stay.

But I hadn't. Damnit. And this is the situation that had molded from my cowardly stance.

Riku quietly tiptoed into the room a little while later. As he moved, he moved swiftly- all the while never looking in my direction. Surprisingly, he was he first to break the silence.

"Sora, I really am... sorry."

A sullen pause.

"I just, I wish you wouldn't be afraid of me."

Nothing.

"Or hate me."

"I don't hate you!" Those four words were the first I had spoken since he left that night. I didn't hate Riku. Afraid.. yes, a little. Afraid of what I might feel in return for him. Afraid of what possibly could happen between the two of us. I knew it was wrong, and hateful to think such thoughts, but I couldn't help but feel that Riku may somehow be brainwashing me into returning his affections. Or, if he'd already done something like that... "I'm sorry..."

"No-"

"Yes, I really am. I really am sorry, Riku. Just.. just stop it! Stop regretting what you did!" The last few words were a little more intenseness with annoyance than I had intended.

I shut my eyes, wanting to disappear from this place, from this world. It appeared that the day I had been born, God had marked upon my soul two incredibly awful qualities. The first, being incapable of making friends. And two, if I were by chance to have a friend, I'd hurt them and somehow push them away.

Hadn't I done that to Tidus? He seemed to act rather cold. Because of my pursuit to befriend Riku?

And Riku. Certainly I had crushed his feelings.

I slid my eyes open slightly, Riku's figure pouring itself into my vision. He was rummaging around his dresser, piling clothes onto his bed. It then hit me what he was doing.

"Riku, wait! Don't leave!" I called out, launching my body from the bed and onto his. In the process, I managed to wrinkle a few of his shirts and knock several pairs of pants off of the bed clumsily. His silver head turned to face me in response to the sudden bed attack, a single eyebrow raised in... confusion? As soon as his eyes met mine, I quickly tore my gaze to my interlaced fingers, sitting crumpled in my lap.

I certainly did not intend to lose my best friend, however.

A moment of uncomfortable silence passed between the two of us as I continued to twiddle my fingers, Riku stopping his madman folding.

"Uh..."

"Don't leave," I repeated in a softer tone than the one previously used. "I'd miss you... you're... the only real friend I have here." That was a.. tiny lie, considering I did feel like Tidus was a friend. But, we weren't exactly close like Riku and I were.

I wasn't looking at Riku, but I could sense he wanted very badly to retort back with a not-so-nice response. But his exhausted sigh must have repressed whatever thoughts he meant to voice. Instead he settled with a, "I'm not going to let myself hurt you. I like you, Sora. And this is the only way not to hurt you."

"Nononono," I gasped, snapping my gaze from my hands. I quickly sat up on my knees, the mattress underneath me sinking a little at the newly added weight. My eyes searching for his, I wanted desperately to keep him there as long as possible. "You'll hurt me more if you leave..."

Riku looked as if he'd stopped breathing. "You.. you really want me to stay here?"

I nodded. But I felt like a nod wasn't comforting enough. I pushed up from my position on the bed, carefully slipping off the side and walking up to him. "It would suck," I sighed, wrapping my arms around his waist tightly. "A lot," I added after a moment. As long as I continued to talk, silence could never occur. Silence, I deemed guilty of problems that could be coaxed and fixed through words.

Riku hadn't really responded to the unrequited hug. He was limp, his arms at the side as mine continued to constrict his middle. "Please stay?" I asked, a little muffled through his jacket.

"You're hurting me."

"Oh." I dropped my arms. "Sorry, I guess.. I guess I don't know my own strength!" I laughed softly.

"No, not that." Seeing my confused glance, he added, "I really like you, you know."

I shifted my feet nervously against the carpet, a little tense at the soft "whooshing," noise my action produced.

"You're hurting me." Again. "You're hurting me right now."

"How-"

Riku made a sighing noise- something he did usually when he was annoyed by me. "Hugging me, sleeping in the same bed with me that one time, prancing around in the middle of the night to see me..."

And then I understood. I really would hurt Riku if he stayed here. He liked me, and I wasn't returning those feelings. While trying to be understanding and caring- I'd only cause him pain.

But all this was new to me. A friend. Someone who even cared for me. Then there was this whole "Catholic" thing. I knew, according to what I've been taught, it wasn't exactly right for Riku to be.. gay. But then again, nor had many other things which Catholicism preached had been right. Parents were supposed to love their children- mine didn't. Perhaps sometimes.. you had to do things a little differently than what is directly expected of you. Which was the most important? I hadn't ever cared for another person like this before- how was I sure it wasn't something greater?

And I knew at that moment, I had two options. The first was to let Riku leave. The second would be to return his affections. Either way, awkward moments would pursue, and I'd probably make the wrong decision in the end.

But I could do both?

Right? If... I tried.

"Riku?"

"What?"

"Can you... can you kiss me again?" I tried to smile cutely as I said this. I wanted anything to make him happy. I'd made a decision. Perhaps, yes, I would regret it, but I couldn't mind.

Riku's eyes widened in shock for a moment, in unison with an extending smile gracing his face. But a small frown followed, much to my dismay. "Are you sure?"

"I think so..."

As words trailed off into a non-existence of time, Riku once again pressed his lips to mine in a soft, quick kiss. It was just as gentle as the first, only a little pressure being applied to my mouth for a moment, before being released. I hadn't closed my eyes at all during this, and I was suddenly rewarded with seeing a quite happy Riku after our sudden gesture.

Returning the smile, I suddenly realized something. Even if the decision was wrong and sinful in the long run, I would completely love every moment of being with Riku for the present. We could.. help each other. He had what I needed, and I had what he wanted.

"Still want me to stay?"

Give me a one-way ticket to hell please.

"Um, yes," I cutely replied, catching his lips in another innocent, chaste peck. My body language was a little awkward from the sheer fact that I'd never been kissed in my life until recently. However, involuntarily, my arms seemed to encircle Riku's neck as my feet began to rise on their tiptoes. I let my lips linger on his for a little longer, my body suddenly shivering slightly as his strong arms grasped the crook of my back in response. Deciding I liked air, I let my lips fall from his then and fully leaned into his warm body.

He only continued to hold me within the silence of the room, rocking my body back and forth gently. Occasionally, Riku would lean in to press a few kisses to my forehead.

Perhaps words weren't needed to break a silence. Perhaps they could only cause it.

Author's Note: Whooo yeah. Finally. It's about time, you two Brokeback schoolboys XD. Btw, I do not take credit for comming up with the title of this chapter. The song did provide a lot of good ole' inspo for this chapter. It was on my myspace gets rotten tomatos thrown at her But I put up links to contact my finally in my profile. I have my DA account up as well.. well it's new XP but I put up some Marluxia funstuffs as a last "sorry I suck at life" kind of thing for not updating :)

I am in love with fruitcake Marluxia. I love him.. to absolute pieces. So I went with pinkish. Funny, cause I never even played COM. YEAH. TAKE THAT GBA. I don't NEED you to love Marluxia and his flowers! But I wasn't sure about his haircolor. Since it appears to be light brown in COM, but pink in KH2. So please don't take him too seriously, or if he's out of character. It's an AU anyway.

I also adore Demyx. Just not his table manners.