--- Mix Tape ---

-- Behind the Scenes of 'The Phoenix Chronicles' --

Side Story 04 - Prayer (Disturbed)

a.k.a. Kaen's Reflection

This chapter slots in between chapters 15 and 17

Disclaimer: I don't own the song used in this chapter.

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-Another dream that will never come true / Just to compliment your sorrow-

He jerked awake, and it was only through strict discipline that he didn't bolt upright; the weight against his chest, that of the female form of his bondmate, might have helped a little too. Scrubbing a hand through his hair, he carefully extricated himself from the arms of his lover, slipped on the bare essentials of clothing to go out in (in other words, his pants, and his boots) and slipped out of the room without a word; in his hurry, he didn't notice his mate moving in her sleep, trying to find the warmth that had been taken from her, and grumbling in her sleep when she couldn't find it.

He headed to do what he usually did when he couldn't sleep: train; it was a ritual almost as old as he was. Sealing the door to the gravity chamber behind him, he set the gravity to what he felt was a basic workout, and set his body to 'autopilot', working through his katas, while he let his mind wander over why he was up in the first place.

Nightmares. He thought he'd left them all behind years ago, and then, when Pi started travelling with him, he actually started to have pleasant dreams, for the first time in four years. Then, in one day, he'd lost all peace of mind he'd ever had, when the mortality of his mate had been proven in shocking detail, and his ego barriers cracked. Then, when he'd still been recovering from that, his own mortality had come into question, and what remained of his psyche shattered.

Both times, however, what cut the deepest into his soul wasn't the pain he inflicted upon himself. The soul-wrenching torment from Pi's death, and the wounds from his beating at Recoome's hands, were his penance for his true crime: allowing Pi to be hurt. Now, Kaen wasn't stupid. He knew that eventually she would be injured, and there was nothing he could do about it - it was par for the course of being a warrior - but he would do everything in his power to stop her getting hurt, even from himself. He'd promised her father, his father, her uncle, both their mothers, and even his late brother, that he would protect her, and yet, for as long as he could remember, he just kept hurting her...

-Another life that I've taken from you \ A gift to add on to your pain and suffering-

-Flashback - 2 years, 10 months (13 years, 4 months standard) ago-

It was a day much like any other. Avarrdo was hard at work in his workshop, Kellre in his adjacent lab, Truniz bumming around doing... whatever he did with his time, and April and Raene were preparing lunch, while keeping a watchful eye on the two kids outside the house; it was Avarrdo and April's house today, like it had been Kellre and Raene's the day before. Kaen was running Pi through some basic ki manipulation exercises, around working on his own training; with Korin away on mission, it fell to Kaen to teach himself.

He'd only met Pi a scant month and a half ago, not long after his first birthday, but, true to her predictions, they had, in fact, become the best of friends, even if he'd never admit it; this may have, in part, been due to the fact she was the only friend he had that was his age, with his training taking priority over making friends, other than one forced upon him. To him, she was just a training partner, and a neighbour, nothing more; at least, that's what he tried to convince himself.

The day soon turned out to be anything but normal, however, as evidenced by the arrival of a few older Saiyans; some of Korin's friends, the ones who hadn't gone on mission with him. Now, while visiting the house may not have been out of the ordinary - unlikely, with Korin absent, but not unheard of - the sombre mood surrounding them was. They said the briefest of greetings to the children on the front lawn, before heading over to the nearby kitchen window, inside of which the two women stood.

"Hello boys," April called out from inside, "Would you like to join us for lunch?" Despite the cloud she could see hanging off them, April was a good hostess first and foremost.

One of them shook his head, replying, "Thanks April, but we won't be staying. I don't think we could eat anything anyway..." Pausing to take a deep breath, he added, "We've got... news, from the city."

Avarrdo and Kellre, having vacated their respective workplaces and joined their mates in the kitchen for lunch, put their hands on their respective mate's shoulders as Avarrdo asked, "It's bad news isn't it?"

The three of them nodded, the same one from before speaking, "When we heard it, we thought we should tell you; you should hear it from a friendly face, not some random person from the city. It's about Korin..."

That caught the attention of the children. "What about my brother?" Kaen asked loudly, possibly too loudly.

Looking over at her youngest son, April started, "Kaen, honey, maybe you should-"

"NO!" He exclaimed, clenching his fists, "I want to hear this."

At Avarrdo's nod, the older boy took a deep breath, speaking the news before he lost his nerves, "At seventeen hundred hours yesterday, Korin was struck in the torso by an energy blast, protecting his commanding officer. I'm... I'm sorry, but he didn't survive."

With these few words, Kaen's world came crashing down upon him. For his entire life, his brother had been the one person he could depend on, his father usually too busy working to do much with him, and his mother not being the sort of person he needed in daily life, and now that was gone. He vaguely heard the older boy adding something about taking conciliation in the fact he didn't feel any pain, and something about receiving some sort of bravery award, but that didn't change anything; his brother was still dead.

-Another truth you can never believe / Has crippled you completely-

With a primal roar, Kaen slammed both of his fists into the ground, the ki-packed blow surprising everyone with how badly it shook the house. Pi moved to comfort him, placing a hand on his shoulder, but he just shoved her away, hard enough to knock her back almost a foot; in his rage, he just saw her as another reminder of his brother, as it was his brother who'd informed him they'd be training together. "Get away from me!" He hissed, before noticing all the eyes on him, and muttering, "Must get away..."

He could feel his eyes burning, and he would not let himself cry in front of them, but he also knew he'd never be able to get away from them, so he did something he'd never done before, something he'd only ever seen his brother do. Focusing his energy below himself, fuelled by his rage, and, crouching down for power, he leapt away, cratering the dirt and sending shockwaves through the ground as he rocketed off at speeds a few Saiyans could only dream of. Unfortunately, the shockwaves also sent the sprawled Pi flying, and she impacted harshly with a nearby tree; the sick crack she heard seemed to show she'd broken her right arm, but right then she was more worried about Kaen.

Rushing outside, they watched him fly away, Kellre musing, "Since when could he fly?"

Taking a moment to look over the damage done to the surrounding area, Avarrdo supplied, "Since now, I assume."

Raene ran over to her daughter, asking worriedly, "Are you alright dear?"

Shrugging her shoulders, which showed off both the limp arm, and the fact she didn't care, she asked, "Is Kaen gonna be okay mum?"

Sighing, she replied, "I hope so, dear. I really do..."

o-o-o

Kaen landed harshly on the lip of a volcano, panting heavily; he didn't know how far he'd gone, only that he wouldn't be found. It was here, and here alone, far from the eyes of everyone else, that he allowed himself to cry. He cried, and he wailed, and he destroyed the environment, until he ran out of energy, and collapsed into a restless sleep where he was.

-All the cries you're beginning to hear / Trapped in your mind, and the sound is deafening-

"Honey, we have to find Kaen!"

Looking up from his work, Avarrdo replied, "We've been through this before. When he wants to be found, he will turn up, but until then, you could spend forever looking and find nothing."

"Our now only son has been missing for almost two months, and you're not worried? What if he's hurt? Worse, what if he's hurt himself..."

With a sigh, he stood up, walking over to his mate and pulling her into a hug, muttering softly into his ear, "Don't worry, he's a sensible boy under that rage. He wouldn't do anything to hurt himself."

"Not deliberately." April remarked darkly. What hurt her the most was that no one had noticed Kaen hadn't come back for almost a week. Both she and Avarrdo were too deep in their grief, and Raene, Kellre and Truniz were in the city, at the hospital with Pi; apparently, that break had been a lot more serious than it looked, actually shattering the bone. They had managed to reconstruct it, and with time she'd be as good as new again, without even the weak bone to indicate anything had ever been broken, but until then, she had to keep her arm in a sling. Shaking this dark thought off, she added, "But it's Pi's birthday soon. You know how she's been recently; she'll be devastated if he doesn't turn up..."

Without warning, the sound of the door opening drew their attention, and, as if summoned, Kaen walked calmly into the house, as if he hadn't been gone for almost two thirds of a standard year. His hair was filthy, and maybe even a little singed, his armour, and the torso part of his bodysuit were gone, the skin on his torso, like his hair, a little burnt, but, he was here, and he was alive.

Pulling herself from her husband's grip, she raced over to her son, kneeling down to pull him into a hug he didn't reciprocate, and going on as worried mothers do; she basically told him she was worried about him in six different ways. Pulling away from her, he quietly apologised for making her worry, and when she asked where he'd been, he simply replied that he was training, before heading upstairs to take a long overdue shower. He froze, mid-step, however when she called out, "Honey, about Korin..."

-Let me enlighten you-

Whatever she'd been going to say died in her throat when he turned to face her, and she saw the look in his eyes; cold as ice, yet with a fire in the core of the ice. "I'm over it," he remarked offhandedly, ignoring her gasp of shock, "My brother is dead. There's nothing to talk about."

Trying again, she started, "If you need someone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on..."

He cut her off again, "I have already shed every tear I will let myself. I will not lower myself to crying again." And with that, he walked off as if the incident hadn't happened. He didn't know how right he was; the Saiyan known as Kapskaen who returned that day would never cry again. He paused outside the bathroom door, calling out, "I'm not staying long; just a few days."

-This is the way I pray-

"If you're not staying, why did you come back?" Avarrdo asked, cold, but curious.

Looking his old man in the face, the young boy simply replied before heading in the bathroom and closing the door behind him, "Pi's birthday. She'd never forgive me if I missed it." Pi's party the next day was a near complete success, the only problem being Kaen's mood. He couldn't see the fun events, or the people enjoying themselves. He could only see the sling Pi's arm still hung in, and knowing that he was to blame, his mood instantly soured; nothing short of Pi herself could bring him out of it, and even then, it only lasted so long. Inside, Kaen swore he'd never forgive himself for hurting her like that.

-End Flashback-

'And I never did...' He mused to himself, going through the motions in two hundred times normal gravity. 'Everything I do ends up hurting her. I hurt her through ignorance, when we first met; I hurt her through anger, when Korin died; and then, after my second birthday, I tried to do something nice for her, and I ended up hurting her again, but that hurt she couldn't heal from...'

-Living just isn't hard enough / Burn me alive, inside-

-Flashback - 1 year, 11 months (8 years, 8 months standard) ago-

She was awoken roughly by a noise, which sounded loud in the otherwise quiet house, and looked around quickly to see where it came from. The source became fairly obvious as she heard it again, and saw a rock impact her window. Moving over to the window, she noticed Kaen standing outside, preparing to throw a third rock, so she slid the window open, hissing down at him, "What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night!"

He shrugged, "I'm taking off again, going on another training run."

"So, what, you just stopped off to say 'goodbye' this time?" She seethed; he was so inconsiderate some times...

He choked back a laugh, "No. I came by to see if you wanted to go with me." At her poleaxed expression, he continued, "I know you've been wanting to come with for a while now, but until now I didn't feel you were ready. However, now that you've got flying down, I think you can handle it. So, whaddya say?"

Taking a moment to pull her jaw off the ground, she didn't even need to think it over. "Gimme a moment to get changed." She didn't bother packing any stuff; she knew that Kaen only ever took the clothes on his back, and if it was good enough for him, it was good enough for her. Slipping her armour over her head, she took a running leap out of her window, trusting Kaen to catch her; he always did when she exited her room this way. Sharing a grin as she slipped out of his arms, the pair took to the air.

o-o-o

They landed some hours later in a grassy field, surrounded on three sides by forest, and the fourth by mountains; she didn't know how far they'd flown, or how long, but the sun was beginning to rise, bathing the entire area in orange light. "Wow, this place is amazing!" Pi cried in awe, "Is this really where you go to train? How'd you find it? And why doesn't it look like one of your training grounds?"

Smiling, Kaen answered her questions in turn. Pointing up at the nearby mountains, he said, "I actually train up there, near the active volcano, but I figured you'd like it here better. I just found this place when I was flying around; I kinda crash landed up near that volcano. And I have no idea why it looks so pristine; I know for a fact the occasional stray blast hits around here, but damage never seems to stick. I swear, I could burn a tree down, leave for a while, come back, and the tree would be back again..."

Still smiling, Pi asked, "Is that why your ki looks like fire now, because you've been hanging around volcanoes?"

He just shrugged, "No idea. I just assumed my body adapted to its environment, same way I don't get hot anymore." Shaking his head, he grinned again, "But we didn't come here to talk." He dropped into his stance, calling out, "Let's see what you've got."

-Living my life's not hard enough / Take everything away-

The pair set down outside the house they'd left close to a month and a half ago, looking a little roughed up, but otherwise fine. Placing a hand on her shoulder as she went to walk forward, Kaen said, "Wait here. I'll let them know we're back, and then we'll head 'round my place and have something to eat. We both know if you go in there, they'll either talk your ear off for the next few hours at best, or never let you leave the house again at worst." Nodding solemnly in agreement, she moved to lean against the nearby tree.

Carefully opening the door, Kaen slipped inside, tip-toeing in the direction he heard voices coming from; no doubt Kellre and Raene were gonna be pissed he'd taken Pi with him. After all, his dad never seemed really pleased with him after he came back from one of his survival training runs. As he snuck closer, he could hear they were having a pretty heated discussion, so he waited out of sight; he wasn't eavesdropping or anything - that was below him - he was just waiting until they'd finished, so he wouldn't be interrupting them...

"I still don't see what the big deal is about Kaen taking Pi with him this time," he could hear Pi's uncle Truniz say. 'Ah, they're talking about me,' he thought to himself, creeping just that little bit closer; the conversation was about him, therefore he had a right to hear it.

There was an aggravated sigh, before the voice of Kellre supplied, "Seeing as how you can't seem to get it any other way, let me draw you a diagram." There was a brief sound of clacking, obviously he was typing something, before, "This is a waveform diagram of Kaen's ki signature, prior to his little jaunts. Now, as you should know, everyone has a unique ki signature, like a fingerprint or DNA, that can be used to pinpoint a person, and, like DNA, is shared by identical twins." There was the sound of more typing, then, "And this is a diagram of his ki signature before he left last time."

"What the?" Truniz's voice called out, sounding shocked, "It's changed! How? I didn't think it could change?"

"It can't," his father's voice added, "At least, not naturally. You'll notice that it's become more... violent, and erratic. And I've seen Kaen when he's training; his ki is red now, like fire. This indicates to me that he's been hanging around the Wyld areas, specifically places like volcanoes."

There was a moment of silence, and obviously some confusion in the room, because Kellre's voice clarified, "Wyld areas are, as you know, areas of the planet that resisted terra-forming. They're hospitable, but the energy inside them in uncontrollable. They give off what we researchers have dubbed 'Wyld radiation', and this radiation has shown evidence of warping the genetic structures of surrounding flora and fauna to suit the area. Especially hot climates will have plants that can't be burnt, for example. This radiation has even been proven to affect Saiyans, aligning their ki to one of the elements. In Kaen's case, fire; his energy will no doubt be more destructive, he'll be resistant, if not immune, to heat and burns, and his energy will no doubt grow in strength exponentially."

"Well, that's good, isn't it?" His mother asked.

"There's a catch," Avarrdo added grimly, "You know how Kaen goes on about how 'using other people's techniques is weak'? Well, we taught him that."

"What? Why?" His mother asked again.

This time, it was Kellre who answered, "Because Kaen will most likely never be able to use techniques he hasn't created himself." There was a moment of quiet as that sank in, before he continued, "What most people don't know is that every ki technique uses the elements in some way. The Power Ball artificial moon, for example, uses Spirit. Bardock's Riot Javelin uses Lightning. King Vegeta's techniques all use Void. Normally, with no alignment to any particular element, people can use any technique, but while Kaen's attacks will all be stronger than a regular Saiyans, he will never be able to use a technique that isn't geared for Fire."

"So you're saying, with Pi going with him, this'll happen to her too?" Raene asked worriedly.

"I'm afraid so," Kellre sighed, "I have no doubt that if Pi has gone with him, they'll be in a Wyld area, and there's no telling what sort of damage that could be doing."

Kaen's mind locked at with that statement, the thought 'I'm hurting her. By taking her with me, I'm hurting her...' running rampant through his mind as he dazedly walked out of the house again, never doing what he'd gone in there for. As such, he missed the rest of the conversation, most importantly where Truniz exclaimed, to the agreement of everyone assembled, "Oh please! Don't be such a drama queen. So she'll wind up with less techniques, big deal; not everyone wants to be like you. Besides, she'll be stronger for it, and above all, we all know that the five of us, together, couldn't stop her from going with him anyway."

-End Flashback-

-Another nightmare about to come true / Will manifest tomorrow-

Kaen's motions started becoming rougher as his focus started to slip, and his mind kept falling deeper and deeper into his memories. It seemed that every time something important or monumental happened in Kaen's life, Pi was hurt in some way that could be traced back to him: his brother dies, and in his rage he breaks Pi's arm; he truly accepts as his training partner, and he permanently damages her genetic structure; he gets his first mission, and loses four years with her (although he only partially blamed himself for that one); he unlocks the vast store of power he could feel inside himself for the past two years, and his mate dies (albeit in the opposite order, and only temporarily); he learns how to harness that power, and almost gets killed in the process, causing the bond with Pi to 'bend', and unlocking her hidden strength.

Unbidden, his mind returns to the nightmare, which, at this very moment, was costing him valuable sleep. Unlike the usual nightmares, this one was not about his mate and family being killed at the hands of the deceased cyborg enemy who had harrowed him for four years, and nor did they include Frieza, or the Cold Empire, in any way. No, what he dreamt was, in his eyes, far, far worse, and something he feared with every fibre of his being; her death, at his hands.

He saw her standing in front of him, dressed in a forest-green cloth fighting gi, in an obvious female cut, with a red undershirt. He didn't recognise their surroundings, but all he could see in every direction was white, with a single line indicating where the ground ended, and everything above that was blue; if he had to guess, he'd say it was some sort of frozen terrain. He saw her mouth move, and felt his do the same, but couldn't hear anything being said. It was an odd feeling, seeing things through one's own eyes, while not being able to influence events.

Before he could think more on this, a sword flashed into appearance in his hand; where in the universe had he acquired a sword? As he charged towards Pi, he noticed a sword flash into her hands too, and the two blades met in a clash of light; yet, there was still no sound, like some kind of silent movie. The two darted across the frozen wasteland, each sword strike never making contact with flesh; rips were made in clothing, and scenery was destroyed, but no blood was spilt, but then, she faltered, and a streak of red emerged from her cheek.

Pi tossed and turned in her sleep, her pleasant dreams troubled by emotions that were not her own. Burrowing her face deeper into where Kaen's chest would have been had he still been in the bed, her subconscious mind tried to ignore the torrent of emotions, as her peaceful dreams resumed.

-Another love that I've taken from you / Lost in time, on the edge of suffering-

He fell to one knee in the training room, his katas all but forgotten as the nightmare resumed its control over his mind's eye.

He felt himself grinning victoriously at the wound. She grimaced, reaching her spare hand up to wipe away the blood, partially frozen to her face, a testament to the depth of the temperature. With a scowl, she launched herself at him, and the fight resumed again, only now, they had raises the staked; both were in their golden forms, the sheer energy melting much of the ice and snow around them as they danced a dangerous waltz across the tundra.

This time, many attacks struck home. He could feel the blade she carried biting into his flesh, and witnessed his slashing open hers, but none of the wounds were deep enough to be anything but an annoyance at best. How long this fight carried on, he didn't know, but eventually, she finally caved; in one swift motion, he kicked the blade from her hand, before knocking her to her knees in the same motion.

Even beaten, she still smiled up at him, mouthing something he couldn't make out; for some reason, he could see she was speaking, but not clearly enough to attempt to read her lips. He felt himself scowl, and mouth something back, before he raised his sword, and swung it down, aimed at her neck. It was at this point his nightmare had ended before; now, however, his vision merely faded to black as the blade came down, and the nightmare took a different turn.

Pi awoke roughly, jerking upright as a short scream escaped her throat, a hand clasping over her heart. She could hear her heart pumping in her ears, as her mind was filled with unbridled terror. It wasn't hers, she knew that much; what little she remembered of her dream still brought a mild blush to her face. That left only one answer. Scrambling out of bed, and quickly throwing some clothes on, she sped in the direction of the only place Kaen would be after one of his rough nights; the training room.

-Another taste of the evil I breed / Will level you completely-

The fear, and the anger, bubbled over inside of him, driving his power level up, and causing his body to shift into it's golden form to compensate. His eyes, however, were a washed-out aqua, instead of the vivid teal they normally were in this form, as the nightmare deepened.

He looked around curiously, trying to see where he was; he didn't recognize the area. It looked... industrial, with steel-look walls, ceiling, and floor. The area was sparsely lighted, but there were no signs of lights, or windows, of any kind. A deep laugh brought him out of his musing, doubly shocking because this was the first sound he'd heard in a while. Turning to face the voice, he was surprised to find himself staring back at him, a dark grin on his scarred face; where the scars had come from were anyone's guess. His copy appeared to be wearing an outfit like what he dubbed his 'Phoenix' armour, only instead of red torso armour, it was pure black, like the rest of what he wore.

"So, you finally came," his dark copy commented, the grin on his face becoming more sadistic, "You are a fool. You may have been able to fight me before, but now, you're in my world." Black fire burst into life around his hands as he added, "And when I kill you here, the first thing I'll do is finish that bitch off once and for all." With that, the pair let out a war cry each, and the fight for control began anew.

"Kaen, are you alright?" Pi asked worriedly, kneeling down in front of him and grabbing him by the shoulders. "Come on, this isn't funny. Wake up! Kaen... Please, wake up..."

-Bring to life everything that you fear / Live in the dark, and the world is threatening-

He collapsed to his knees, struggling to stay upright as his dark clone laughed deeply. "You see?" It asked, "The girl has made you weak. When you and I were one, we were strong, and nothing could stop us. Now, you have been weakened by your 'feelings' for her, and I am the stronger. Don't worry though; I will help you shed these illusions you call feelings, and together, we will be strong again."

"Not so fast, phoney," a new voice interjected. Turning around, the dark Kaen noticed Pi fade into view, a determined look on her face.

"No Pi, it's what he wants!" Kaen cried out, trying again to stand.

"Right you are!" It crowed triumphantly, "You see, my dear, you're quite right. Out there, I can't kill you. In here, however, is another matter entirely. You, will die, and he will watch, as I strip him of weakness, and destroy you forever in the Mindscape."

The battle that followed was short, and horribly one-sided, just like his own battle had been, and just like in his battle his dark clone was the victor. He charged another dark blast, a dark grin on his face, and Kaen screwed his eyes shut, screaming defiantly, "NO!"

-Let me enlighten you-

"NO!"

His sudden exclamation shocked Pi, so much so she fell backwards onto her rear, as she watched his eyes return to focus, and his breathing began to even out again from the terrified pant it was before. Sitting up, she asked, "Kaen? Are you alright?"

It seemed to take him a moment to notice she was there. When his eyes focused on her, he was quick to stand up, replying, "I'm fine."

"Don't give me that crap!" She shouted, shooting to her feet, her tail lashing angrily. "Don't try and tell me you're okay, and don't try to tell me it's no big deal." Her voice softened as she continued, "I'm really worried about you Kaen. I know you've had nightmares before - and don't try to tell me otherwise - but this is the first time you've had one while you were awake, and it's the first time they've been bad enough to wake me up."

"It's just-" He cut himself off at her glare, taking a deep breath before deciding to tell her as much of the truth as he understood, "It's just, all I ever seem to do is hurt you..."

Confusion flooded her features; this was not what she expected. "Where the hell did that notion come from?"

-This is the way I pray-

He sighed, "The first time we met, I injured you with a stray blast." She opened her mouth to reply, but he kept going, "And then, barely a month and a half later, I broke your arm."

"Neither of those were you fault Kaen," she interrupted, before amending, "Well, the blast was, but that hurt my pride more than anything, and you've already apologised for that." Smiling sadly, she asked, "Kaen, did you know that it took me almost half an hour before I even noticed my arm was broken?" He shook his head. "I was worried about you. I mean, you just took off, and flew for the first time too. I was so worried about you that I didn't even realise I was hurt until my mother pointed it out to me. But it wasn't your fault; you were distraught, and hardly thinking straight."

She moved forward, brushing the fingers of her right hand against his face, as she added, "Yes, my arm was broken, and yes, at the core of the problem was you, but you weren't at fault; no one was. Do you know what I remember the most about that time in our lives? I remember that my new friend managed to make it to my birthday party, despite the grief that weighed his heart down; that's what was important to me. Besides, my arm is as good as new, better even."

-Living just isn't hard enough / Burn me alive, inside-

"That's not all of it..." He sighed, taking hold of her hand, "Every time something important happens, you get hurt. I start training you properly, and my stupidity causes you to be permanently damaged. I get my first mission, and almost get killed, which I remember from your memories hurt you greatly. Then, we meet again, and I get you killed, then almost get myself killed barely a week later..."

She sighed in annoyance, "I thought we'd been through this already... Look Kaen, you being marked as KIA was not your fault, so just strike that one off right now, or so help me... Now, you did not 'get me killed'; I sacrificed myself to save the man I love, and I'd do it a million times, just like I know you'd do it for me. And as for the thing about you nearly being killed, well, we've been through this already."

He sighed again, running a hand through his hair, "Look, Pi..."

"No you look!" She interrupted angrily, "You have got to stop blaming yourself for things beyond your control, and you have got to stop always looking for the negative in every situation. I'm surprised you're not still blaming yourself for the fact I spent four years chasing you." When he said nothing, merely turned his head to one side, she screeched incredulously, "You are?" Looking towards the ceiling, she muttered, "Give me strength... Some times I wonder why I put up with you..."

He started to turn away, "I wonder the same thing..."

-Living my life's not hard enough / Take everything away-

"Stop!" She commanded, grabbing his arm. "I didn't mean it that way and you know it, so just forget that, right?" Grabbing him on either side of his head, she forced him to look her in the eyes, saying, "Look, Kaen, look into my eyes and see for yourself. I love you, I always will love you, and deep down, I believe I always have loved you, even the first time we met. Every relationship has their ups and down, and I will agree with you that, yes, we have had a few more 'downs' than most relationships, and some times they were very down, but you're forgetting the 'ups' as well. Do you remember us training together as kids? The first time I flew? Our first kiss?"

A soft smile made its way to his face, "How could I forget?"

The beginnings of tears in her eyes, she continued, "How can you focus on all the negatives, when we've had such memorable positives in our lives?"

He reached a hand up to wipe the tears from her eyes before they could form. "I don't know Pi, I really don't. I don't know why I remember the bad times so strongly, I don't know how I can overlook all the good times so easily, and I don't know what set my mind to the belief that I only cause you pain, but there it is. Knowing what's wrong, and knowing how to fix it, are two entirely different things, and I don't think I can do it on my own."

She smiled, "You're not alone Kaen. I'm here with you, and I'm not going anywhere. Just being able to be with you is worth any amount of trouble." Thinking back for a moment, she asked, "Kaen, what did you mean about me being 'permanently damaged' by your training?"

-Return to me, return to me, return to me, turn to me, leave me no one-

"That time I took you on one of my training runs out into the wilderness, the last one I went on," Kaen supplied with some reluctance, "When I went inside to inform your folks we were back, I overheard them talking, and I found out I'd taken you to what they called a 'Wyld' area, and your father mentioned how the radiation in those areas permanently warped the genetics of things in them, ergo, me taking you there had damaged your genetics, same way it had mine."

After a moment of silence, Pi burst into laughter, causing a confused look to come to Kaen's face. After a few moments, she managed to collect herself enough to ask, "That's it? That's what had you worried all these years? That's why you stopped going out there?" When he nodded, she just started laughing again.

-Turn to me, return to me, return to me, turn to me, cast aside-

"What?" Kaen snapped, "What's so damned funny?"

Swallowing her laughter, she grinned at him, asking, "Did you really think I didn't know where we were?"

He blinked, giving her a highly intelligent answer. "Huh?"

She kept grinning, "Kaen, look who my father is. Look how obsessed he is with his research. Do you really think it's the first time he talked about it?"

-Return to me, return to me, return to me, turn to me, leave me no one-

He blinked again, the pieces starting to fall into place, "You knew, didn't you? You knew what would happen if you went out there?"

She nodded, "Of course I did; the only reason I didn't go out there myself was because, admittedly, my survival skills weren't as good as yours. I was a little disappointed when you announced you weren't going to go out there anymore, but I found out from dad that the time I'd spent there was just enough for what I wanted anyway."

"What do you mean 'just enough'?" He asked.

-Turn to me, return to me, return to me, you've made me turn away-

She shrugged, "It's simple really: I wasn't going to let you get stronger than me. Dad explained to me that Wyld-mutated Saiyans were stronger than normal Saiyans, albeit more highly focused with their techniques, and I wasn't about to let you have a natural advantage over me. When we got back I had dad run one of his tests on me, and found out I'd been changed just enough to provide a power boost - not quite as much as yours, but enough - and an elemental alignment, but due to his DNA, I hadn't been changed enough not to be able to use the other elements; enough to make them harder to use, yes, but not impossible the way it is for you."

"You used me," he commented, sounding more awed than scandalized by the thought, "For the past nine years I have been blaming myself for taking you out there, and it was really your idea all along."

She grinned triumphantly again, chirping, "Yup."

He smirked, wrapping his arms around her and whispering into her ear, "You have no idea how hot that is... I'm going to have to punish you for this later..." She shivered in delight.

-Living just isn't hard enough / Burn me alive, inside-

Pulling back, she asked seriously, "So, are you okay now?"

He sighed, replying honestly, "No, I'm not, but with you by my side, I will be. Just... don't give up on me, alright?"

"Well, I dunno..." She mock-pondered jokingly, "You have been a bit of an ass recently... I think its you who needs to be punished."

He grabbed her from behind, smirking again as he whispered huskily into her ear, "I could go for some of that..."

-Living my life's not hard enough / They take everything from you-

Breaking free of his grip, she turned to face him, asking, "So, are you coming back to bed, or do I have to drag you, kicking and screaming?"

"Actually," he replied, shocking her a bit, "I have a bit of work I need to do." At her confused look, he explained, "If nothing else, these nightmares have given me a couple of ideas, and I need to get them down before I forget them. I'll be along before too long."

"Alright then," she said dismissively as she walked off, "But don't be too long. Making me wait will just make your punishment worse." Despite the tone of her voice, she still managed to make the word 'punishment' sound enticing.

"If that's the case, I might have to wait until tonight to show up..." He replied, grinning at her back as she swaggered out, before heading to his workstation in the docking bay; he had notes to make.

-Living just isn't hard enough / Burn me alive, inside-

Booting up his computer, Kaen began typing rapidly, inputting updates to the specifications already recorded. On the screen, showed a near-replica of the sword from his dream, being dynamically updated to reflect his changes; this wasn't the first time he'd seen the sword in his dreams, but it was the first time he'd seen it clearly enough to make out the subtle details. It was also the first time he'd seen Pi holding one, and how different it was, which changed things slightly.

Smiling to himself slightly, he saved the changes as he watched the computerised calculations working, adapting to the new information. With just a little more work, the plans would be ready to carry out; now all he needed to do was get Pi's help to make it. Closing that file, he opened a new one, and began work on the second idea that had come to him, typing his thoughts as they came to him.

'Looking back at me, I see that I never really got it right. I never stopped to think of you.'

He smiled, as the thoughts flowed together, and before long, he was emersed in his work. One day, he would bring himself to show this work to her, one day, when he wasn't afraid of how she would react. Until that day, however, he would continue to work in secret, praying that, when he eventually told her, she could forgive him.

-Living my life's not hard enough / Take everything away-

End Side Story 04