Nice to have you back, little flamer. I suppose you're the one who got Sues removed as well. Let's just clear some things up. Yes, Miss Cam did approve of this. E-mail her if you don't believe me.
They do interract. They do not however interract in reviews, which is the rule. That is why I've strictly forbidden enrolling in reviews.
I think you're a coward for not leaving your e-mail address, and I really don't understand what I've done to make you hate me this much. I have not broken any rules. Leave me alone.
Two: Miss Minnaloushe
Joanna woke up slowly and uncertainly. She was sure that she had dreamt something wonderful, so she wasn't very keen on getting up at all. But her alarm clock had gone off, so she supposed she had to. She groaned and rubbed her eyes. Staying up late and writing was a bad idea. Tonight she'd go to bed at a reasonable hour, she thought. Maybe then she'd be able to finally get some real rest.
The fic-writer yawned loudly and stretched out on the bed. It felt a little strange. The soft sheets were nothing like she remembered them. They were comfortable, sure, but there was a roughness to them that she couldn't explain.
"Hey, no pushing!"
Joanna stiffened. That was definitely a voice that she had never heard before. Very, very slowly, she opened her eyes.
She was not lying in her bed. She was not in a house at all, as a matter of fact. She was in the backseat of a car, but a car that seemed a lot larger than any car she had ever seen before. It had red interior and smelled of oil and a green Wunderbaum tree that hanged in the mirror at the front.
Beside Joanna lay a... a something. It looked human, at first. Well, like a human with fur, cat-like ears and a tail, but still basically human. It had a greyish fur and wore a black collar. If Joanna squinted, she could read what it said:
My name is Misty.
"Misty?" Joanna repeated.
The something opened its eyes and looked her. "Wha'?" It blinked a few times, then frowned. "Heeey. Who are you and what are you doing in my bedroom?"
"I'm Joanna," said Joanna. "And this isn't a bedroom. Who are you? More importantly: What are you?"
"What are you talking about?" The something yawned and stretched out in a very feline way. "I'm a girl, what does it look like?"
"It looks like you're a... well, a Jellicle." Joanna was feeling slightly nervous. Was she still dreaming? Because if she was, this was a very real dream.
"A Jellicle?" The something paused and, very slowly, looked down at itself. There was an uncomfortable silent second. And then... "AAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Joanna was so shocked by the sudden scream that she started screaming too. This shocked the something in return, so that it promptly shut up.
"Why are you screaming?" it huffed. "I'm the one who's gone all metamorphic here!"
"You mean you're not a Jellicle normally?" Joanna asked, slightly shocked.
"No, I'm not! Jellicles aren't real! Why would I be one?" The something rolled its (her?) eyes, as if Joanna was clearly an idiot.
"Because you have fur?" Joanna pointed out carefully.
Misty paused again and took another look at herself. "Well," she said finally. "It is obvious that I'm dreaming. This is all an illusion, see? You're not really here, and I don't really have fur. I'm just dreaming you. Go away now. If this is a dream, and I'm really a Jellicle, I'm going to find Tugger and make sure he proclaims his everlasting love to me. Bye."
The grey cat nodded, content with this new turn of events, and looked around. She resolutely padded up to the car door, which opened for her. She jumped down on the ground and was gone.
Joanna was left, blinking in surprise. It took her a while to realise what had happened. She was most certainly not in her bed, and she was most certainly not at home. By the looks of it, she was currently located at the Jellicle junkyard, together with a Jellicle that wasn't one in real life, and a feeling that she was on her way to madness.
The fic-writer took these news with a certain calm. She had known this day would come sooner or later. Madness. Yep. That had to be it.
'But if I am mad,' she thought soberly, 'then I'm at least going to have some fun while it lasts. I wonder where Misto is...'
She got to her feet and walked up to the car door, much like Misty had done. Carefully she jumped out, and landed on the ground outside the car. Here, the air smelled vaguely like garbage, and now that she was out of the car she could see that it was rusty and that its paint (which might have been blue at some point) was peeling off.
The surroundings seemed to be mostly junk. There was an old dryer perched firmly on top of a pile of old clothes not far away, and she could see the hood of another car behind that. Trash littered the ground, but there was something odd about it. It was... bigger, somehow. Much like the car she had woken up in, even the soda can beside her was ridiculously over-dimensioned. She could have put it over her head, if she'd wanted to. But she didn't. It smelled kind of funny.
Joanna caught the sight of grey fur disappearing around a corner.
"Misty!" she called out and started to run after it. "Hey Misty, wait up!"
She caught up with the grey not-quite-Jellicle, who had stopped abruptly when she'd reached the aforementioned corner. She was staring at something in front of her, as if she couldn't believe her eyes.
Joanna stopped to rest beside her, panting. Oh, she really needed to start working out again. Once she had recovered a little bit, she looked up, and her mouth fell open.
It was a junkyard, surely. But this was a familiar bit of a junkyard. There was the car, with the registration plate TSE 1. There was the giant tire. There was... there was...
"Oh God," whispered Misty. "It's really..."
"Yeah," breathed Joanna. "It really is."
Thoughts were buzzing around like flies in Joanna's mind. This was the Jellicle junkyard. The. Jellicle. JUNKYARD.
It was swarming with people. At first the two girls searched hopefully for any signs of their Lust Objects, but they didn't recognize a single one of these persons. They were mostly human, but here and there Joanna could spot the furry faces of a Jellicle, and even an odd Pollicle. The non-humans were frantically feeling their faces, it was evident that they hadn't been this way when they went to sleep. From the bits of conversation she heard, she concluded that they were all extremely confused by this whole situation.
"And I just went asleep, and I woke up here!"
"Me too! And there was this form, you know, that just showed up on my computer, and I thought my sister had written it, because she does things like that, she's so WEIRD, and I filled it out, and BOOM here I was!"
"Did you write that you were a Jellicle on the form?"
"Yeah! I thought it would be fun! And look at me now!" The orange kitten who had spoken felt her face again. "This is so awesome," she said finally.
"So if you wrote that you were a Jellicle on the form, you became a Jellicle when you were transported here," said Joanna to Misty as they made their way through the crowd. "That's interesting."
"I don't speak to dream fragments," said Misty and kept looking for Tugger.
Joanna shrugged. Whatever. She strolled around for a bit, listening to the others talking. It felt rather nice to be among kindred spirits for once. Everyone here were big fans of Cats, and a fight almost broke out when someone mentioned that Tugger was the hottest tom in the show.
"No way," protested Chimalmaht, a girl slightly younger than Joanna herself. "Munkustrap is SO hotter. All lean and limber and stuff, mmm..." She sighed dreamily.
"Mistoffelees is the cutest!" proclaimed Joanna, ignoring her. "Especially when he's throwing lightning."
"Is not!" Misty glared at her, forgetting all about the fact that she still thought this was all a very realistic dream. "Tugger can kick both their asses, so there!"
"Munkustrap!"
"Mistoffelees!"
"Tugger!"
The three fanfic-authors glared at each other for a whole minute, and things could have gotten ugly if something hadn't happened.
A woman got up to stand on the hood of TSE 1. She looked rather normal, if you didn't count the large grey wings that protruded from her back. The wings were made of feathers, just like angel wings, but they didn't seem soft at all. They looked like some sort of metal.
Otherwise, the woman looked like your average second-grade teacher might. She had brownish hair, pulled up in a bun at the base of her neck. She was wearing thick glasses with black rims, was a bit on the plump side, and she was dressed in plain black. She cleared her throat.
"Excuse me," she said.
It immediately got very quiet. The woman had the type of voice who could make an entire room fall silent simply by making itself known.
"Thank you. I suppose you want to know where you are?"
There were some mumblings and "uh-huhs" from the crowd. The woman smiled thinly.
"Well," she said. "This is the Official Fanfiction University of Cats. You have all been brought here because your fanfics sucks, and we don't want that to happen anymore. The characters, which you claim to love so much, can't take it." She paused for a moment to let the message sink in. "My name is miss Minnaloushe," she continued after the chatter had quieted down. "I am the course coordinator for this university. It is my job to keep track of you all and make sure the knowledge... sinks in."
Miss Minnaloushe smiled again. Joanna wasn't sure she liked that smile. It was a little bit too much like a smirk to make her feel safe.
Misty raised her hand, and miss Minnaloushe looked at her in mild surprise.
"Yes?"
"Is Tugger here? I want to see Tugger."
Miss Minnaloushe's eye twitched slightly, but she didn't stop smiling. "Of course," she said silkily. "Of course the Rum Tum Tugger is here. All the Jellicle cats are here. Macavity as well."
Excited mumbles arose from the crowd as the fanfic-writers started talking amongst each other. Joanna felt a pang of exhilaration. She'd be seeing Mistoffelees soon! A hand went to check her hair, almost automatically. He'd see her over the crowd, and he'd fall madly in love with her, and they would dance together... Just like in her stories! It was perfect.
That was when Joanna noticed that she was still wearing her nightgown, a rather silly thing with pictures of kittens and teacups all over it. She was also barefoot, and the filthy ground wasn't exactly comfortable to stand on.
But all that sort of... faded away the moment she saw the Magical Mr. Mistoffelees appear on the car, next to miss Minnaloushe. He looked slightly uncomfortable, as if he didn't like being in front of so many people. It was probably because a whole lot those people were looking at him like Pollicles would look at a piece of meat.
"Hello," he said, trying for a friendly approach. "As you may know, I am Mistoffelees. The magical cat. Not 'Mistoffolees,' not 'Mistophelees,' just Mistoffelees. Some people also call me Quaxo, since that is who I am when not performing magic, but we'll get to that later."
Joanna was barely listening. A small puddle of drool had formed at her feet as she looked at the cat on the car.
'Prettyyy...' squealed her brain. 'Misto preeettyyy...'
Mistoffelees left the hood and sat on the roof of the car instead, leaving room for the next Jellicle. Which just happened to be the Rum Tum Tugger.
The Maine Coon wasn't as nervous as his friend. He smirked winningly at the writers, sending a whole bunch of them into hysterics. A few fainted. There was a lot of screaming.
"Hello y'all," said Tugger once the most of his fangirls had already passed out and things had quieted down. "I'm the Rum Tum Tugger. I'm a flirt, and I bloody well enjoy it. I don't plan on settling down any time soon, and especially not with your Mary-Sue. That all perfectly clear? Good."
He winked at the writers, and the few of his remaining fangirls that were still standing up, dropped to the ground.
The next one on the hood was Cassandra. She looked, if possible, even more nervous than Mistoffelees had.
"Er, hi," she said hesitantly. "I'm Cassandra. Er... Well, I just want to say that I'm not evil. I'm not a bitch either, and I don't secretly work for Macavity. I'm a Jellicle. Why are you always picking on me?"
She looked pleadingly at the fic-writers, who simply glared at her. They wanted to see their Lust Objects, and weren't interested in a whining Siamese.
It went on like that. Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer came up together ("Yeah, we work for Macavity. You got a problem with tha'?") and explained that they were going to hold a seminar later about whether they were mates or siblings. A few Mungojerrie lovers squealed excitedly.
After the last one, Demeter ("I'm not paranoid, I'm just careful!") had left the hood, miss Minnaloushe stepped up again. There was a groan from the crowd. They had hoped for more hot toms.
"Now you have met them all," said miss Minnaloushe. "I hope you have learned a little something already, but if you haven't then there is no trouble. There will be time for that later." She smiled her thin smile again. "And now, I want you all to return calmly to the cars you woke up in. Please try to remember the way, it would be awfully annoying if you got lost. Dinner will be served soon, but I want you to get the general idea of your surroundings before anything else happens. Class dismissed."
Nobody moved. The entire crowd was staring at the toms sitting on the roof of the TSE 1, their eyes huge and their mouths open.
Miss Minnaloushe raised an eyebrow. "Ah, yes," she sighed. "I had a feeling this would..."
She didn't get the time to finish her sentence. As if on command, the surge of fanfic-writers stormed the car. Joanna was in the front, and her mind was completely transfixed on the face of Mistoffelees.
'Must have,' she thought. 'Must have pretty. Misto is pretty. Must have Misto.'
She was aware of miss Minnaloushe screaming something that sounded quite a lot like "Dueteronomy, Mistoffolees, sic 'em!" and there was a blur of something brown and very, very strong, and then...
Blissful oblivion.
A/N: You get brownie points if you know where I got the name "Miss Minnaloushe." I really appreciate your reviews, my dears. It makes things easier.