Joanna woke up and immediately wished she hadn't. Her entire body was aching and felt like one big bruise. She groaned.
"Ah, I see you've woken up," said a kind voice from beside her. "I bet you'll think again before you try to glomp the canons, eh?"
Joanna opened her eyes and found that Jennyanydots was standing in front of her, smiling. The queen was holding a tray filled with rolled up gauze and cotton in her front paws, and a thermometer was tucked firmly behind her left ear. She was wearing a pink apron and had a nurse hat on her head.
Joanna managed to turn her head, and found out that she was lying on a big car seat that had been ripped out of its proper place and put outside at the junkyard. There were many of them, standing in neat rows and covered with somewhat white sheets. Most of the seats supported fic-writers, all in various stages of unconsciousness.
"What... what happened?" she asked faintly.
"Mini-Pollicles, that's what happened," said Jennyanydots cheerfully. "They attacked you when you tried to glomp the toms. It was rather terrible. I've never seen Macavity laugh that hard before in my life." She shook her head.
"Mini-Pollicles?" repeated Joanna blankly.
"Yes. When you spell a name wrong in a fic, you get a mini-Pollicle. I believe you were attacked by Syllabub. She's a sweet little thing, really, but she's not very fond of fic-writers." Jennyanydots sighed. "Ah well. How are you feeling?"
"Dead."
"I can imagine that. Well, I'll get you some Aspirin and send you on your way. Nothing seems to be broken, and you don't want to keep miss Minnaloushe waiting. She was rather... annoyed when you attacked the poor toms, and there will be a reckoning for this, I imagine."
"Reckoning?" Joanna swallowed. "You mean we're going to get punished?"
Jennyanydots looked at her in surprise. "Why of course! You can't go around attacking defenceless Jellicles, now can you? That's bad form. Miss Minnaloushe isn't very fond of bad form."
The orange queen put down her tray of gauze on the pile of books beside Joanna's bed that served as a bedside table, and then she took up a bottle of pills from her apron pocket.
"Here you go, dear," she said, spilling out a few pills from the bottle and putting it back where she'd taken it. "Take these, and you see you'll feel a bit better. Wouldn't want you fainting in the middle of class, now would we?" She didn't seem to be expecting an answer. "Shoo with you now. I have other patients to attend to."
Very slowly, Joanna managed to sit up in bed to take the pills from Jennyanydots. She felt a lot better after she'd swallowed them, but her body still protested wildly when she tried to force it to its feet.
"Miss Minnaloushe is expecting all students by the TSE 1," said Jennyanydots and gave her a nod. "I have a feeling I'll be seeing you again soon. Scram now."
Joanna obeyed, and managed to remove her aching body from the car seat area. It took her a long time to get to the TSE 1. The junkyard was a lot bigger than what she'd seen on the DVD and it was filled with never-ending alleys and strange passages, like a labyrinth.
When she finally arrived, it seemed like everyone had gotten there before her. Miss Minnaloushe stood on the hood of TSE 1 again, and she gave Joanna an unpleasant glare when the girl sat down next to Misty.
"Miss Swanson," she said, her voice like ice. "You're late."
"I got lost," mumbled Joanna. "Sorry."
"I see." Miss Minnaloushe's eyes were like cold flint. "For your own sake then, miss Swanson... Make sure you never get lost again."
"Okay."
"Okay what?"
"Okay, miss Minnaloushe."
"That's better." Miss Minnaloushe gave her a short nod and stood up straight. Her wings rattled slightly as she moved. "Now... Perhaps you've understood that I'm not very pleased with you attacking the faculty?" She didn't wait for an answer. "Because I am. It is unacceptable, and you will be punished."
A few people groaned. The course coordinator smirked.
"Yes," she continued. "And I have the perfect punishment for you. As you can see, this junkyard is filthy. You're going to clean it. All of it. I want it neat and in tip-top shape before you go to bed tonight. Is that understood?"
The fic-writers stared at her for a while.
"We can't clean this!" exclaimed DemiGold. "This is a junkyard! It's supposed to be this way."
She winced slightly when miss Minnaloushe looked her way.
"This is more than a junkyard," said the course coordinator. "This is my university, and I want it clean. You have no say in this whatsoever. Get it clean, or I'll have the minis rip your throats out."
She cast a tender look at a small group of creatures that looked vaguely like large bulldogs. The creatures had a short brown fur and white chests, and their dark eyes never left the faces of the fic-authors.
They had very, very large teeth, Joanna noticed. She shivered.
"My little darlings," cooed miss Minnaloushe and jumped down from the car, causing her wings to rattle dangerously. "So obedient and faithful. Etcetra, Bombalurian, can you come over here for a minute?"
Two of the mini-Pollicles lumbered over to her side and sat down by her feet, allowing her to scratch them behind their ears. Joanna saw that one of them, probably Etcetra, had a stripy pattern to her fur, much like her namesake. Bombalurian's fur was a bit more reddish than brown, and there was a look of complete confidence in her smouldering eyes.
"These two little cuties are going to look after you and see to it that you do what you're told," said miss Minnaloushe and looked at the mini-Pollicles proudly. They wagged their tails. "Any laziness will not be tolerated. When you're ready, go back to your dormitories. The cars," she explained to their confused looks and rolled her eyes. "Everlasting Cat... Now what are you waiting for? Go!"
Joanna looked at Misty. The grey cat had apparently forgotten about the fact that she thought this was a dream, and was now sighing loudly.
"Want to clean with me?" asked Joanna kindly. "It'll go faster when you're two."
Misty smiled a little. "Okay. Thanks."
"No problem."
They worked hard that day. Sometimes a canon character came by to check on them (and laugh at their misery) but otherwise they were left alone. When they had finally finished, and the mini-Pollicles let them go, the sun had already gone down. Someone (Joanna thought it was Puredeadthingy) tried to sing a few notes from The Jellicle Ball, but she had to quit when no one followed her lead.
Joanna and Misty went back to their car, which bore the number TSE 4. They crawled into the backseat and collapsed.
"I'm so tired," wailed Misty. "I don't think I've ever been this tired."
"Yeah," agreed Joanna and blinked sleepily. "Who would have known that miss Minnaloushe hated us so? Oh, what am I lying on?"
She pulled herself up to a sitting position and looked at the thick yellow envelope that had been lying on her seat. The big black letters on its front read: SCHEDULES FOR STUDENTS OF OFUC.
"I have one too," muttered Misty and opened it. She squinted in the dim light from an outside streetlamp and read out loud: "'All students shall be given your own copy of T.S. Eliot's Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats. Any student loosing this book will be eaten by the mini-Pollicles.' My. They really take things seriously here."
"Yeah," said Joanna absentmindedly.
Her eyes went to read which classes OFUC offered its students, and bugged out slightly.
"'The Naming of Cats - Why Your OC Cannot Be Named 'Moondancer Sunbeam'," she read. "Taught by all characters?"
"I got that one too!" exclaimed Misty. "Cool! We'll be study-buddies! Hey, check this one out. 'Slash and Jellicles - Why You Should Think It Through.' What's that supposed to mean?"
Joanna shrugged. She wasn't too keen on slash, really. Occasionally it could be good, but she was very protective about Mistoffelees, and he most often got caught up in the slashiness of it all.
"'Mary-Sue and You,' taught by Victoria. Guest speakers: Agents Ekwy and Gecka of the PPC," she said instead. "The PPC? What are those?"
Misty shrugged. "Beats me. I don't have that class anyway. 'Characterization 101...' Now that could be interesting. I've had some problems with my Deuteronomy, he always comes out sounding like a stoner..."
There were a few more classes on Joanna's schedule, but she was too tired to care. She yawned and stretched out on the seat, letting her schedule fall to the floor. It went back up again, hitting her over the head.
"Ow! Hey!"
She glared at the paper. It seemed to glare back. Joanna sighed.
"Fine."
She carefully placed it in the front seat. It seemed to settle for this, and she could try to get some sleep. Her body was still hurting, both from the cleaning and the mini attack earlier that day.
'And tomorrow we start classes,' she thought, groaning. 'My God, how are we going to do this?"
"How are we going to do this?"
Mistoffelees was pacing the area next to the giant tire nervously. An aura of blue light was shimmering around him, illuminating the darkness of the night with a light that was almost as clear as the moon hovering above.
"They are insane!" he bellowed. "Did you see the look in their eyes? They were like... like..."
"Pollicles?" Victoria offered. Mistoffelees spun around, pointing at her with one paw. "Yes! Like Pollicles!" He looked pleadingly at miss Minnaloushe, who was sitting on the tire, looking at him pityingly. "You tell me just how we're supposed to deal with this!"
"I was hoping that we wouldn't have a stampede," said the course coordinator patiently. "But it seemed to be inevitable. A lot of OFUs go through this on their first day, it's perfectly normal."
"That was normal?"
"For fangirls, yes. Don't tell me you haven't met fangirls before, Mistoffelees."
The magical cat grumbled. "Well, yes... But they never, ever, except occasionally, chase after me."
"Give it some time. After a while, they'll learn what happens if they glomp a Jellicle."
Macavity cleared his throat.
"Or Macavity," miss Minnaloushe added. "They will learn about the mini-Pollicles, and they will be wary." She smiled fondly at Mistofelees and Mistoffolees, who were playing with an old chew-toy in the shape of a big, nasty rat. Then she shrugged. "Besides, if they don't learn, you have my permission to zap them."
Mistoffelees perked up. "Really? I can?"
"Sure! They're here to learn, after all. Learning Through Pain, that's this university's motto. Actually, that's the motto of all OFUs."
Macavity raised a paw. "Does that mean I can skin them alive?" He cast a proud look at his claws.
"Absolutely."
"An' I can make them walk the plank, aye?" asked Growltiger hopefully.
"Of course!" Miss Minnaloushe sighed. "Come on, we've talked about this. You are allowed to do anything it takes to get these people to learn. Anything. That includes excessive torture."
Bustopher Jones coughed, and the course coordinator turned to him with a sigh.
"If it's not much trouble," he said pompously. "I would really much like some assistance in getting my spoon back. Some strange girl named Roman de la Croix stole it from me. I found it very rude."
"We'll do it!" chorused Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer and grinned widely. "Stealing is, after all, what we do best."
The fat cat nodded approvingly. "Marvellous. And... make her suffer for it, will you?"
"Certainly, sir."
The two calicos saluted Bustopher and disappeared to look for the car in which Roman de la Croix slept. They could hear Rumpleteazer giggling long after they'd left.
"Anything else that someone needs to bring up?" asked miss Minnaloushe, looking around. "Are we all ready for tomorrow?"
"I think so," said Old Deuteronomy. He was sitting on a large pile of very thick books, looking down at them all. "All the required reading has turned up. Even all the books we wanted for The Naming class. I thought it would take a little longer, to be frank."
Miss Minnaloushe shrugged. "Well, the library service for the OFUs is always fast. We should thank Heaviside for that. What about the GrammarBootCamp?"
She looked at the only two people beside her that were members of the faculty, but not canons. These persons were dressed in black, but it didn't seem to be from aesthetic reasons. They were wearing black, because black didn't show off the blood stains.
"We're all right as rain, miss," said the oldest of the two.
"Right as a blizzard, even," added the younger, who was coincidentally the sister of the first.
Miss Minnaloushe nodded. "Very well. Then I believe it is time for us to get some rest. Us humans I mean," she said, smiling a little at the cats. "The rest of you, carry on."
She gave a little wave as the cats scampered off into the night. Some of them were going to practice for class tomorrow, she knew, but others would try out new dance steps, or go hunting, or... just be cats.
"Right then," she said to her two black-clad companions. "Let's sleep. Because tomorrow..." Miss Minnaloushe smirked, and it wasn't pleasant. "Tomorrow we'll get nasty."
A/N: Nice to have so many people enrolling, but the school is still open for more students. If you haven't done it already, information can be found in my profile.
Answers to Reviews:
Mystitat: I thought I had given you some description of miss Minnaloushe in the second chapter? I'll try my best to describe her a little bit more clearly. :)
Roman de la Croix: My writing's addictive:) It's a good thing then, that I get addicted to writing. A perfect match! Works out for everyone, except possibly my grades. Ahem. Moving along.
Eponine: I'm sorry, but I can't allow enrollments in my reviews. Have you noticed the pet troll I've gotten for this story? If it saw that I had people enrolling in reviews, it could toss me out on my behind. Which wouldn't be very nice, no. Although, if your mum's forbidding you to have an e-mail, I have a suggestion for you. I'm also at LiveJournal Dot Com, where my username is also ekwy. Go there, and leave me your enrollment form in an anonymous comment, and I'll get you into OFUC. See? I can be nice! .:grins:. It's nice to have a fan.
DemiGold: I should have answered to your review in the second chapter, but I posted that one early because I was so pissed off with Rat, and wanted to get my response out as soon as possible. So I didn't write any review-answers.
Yeah, I saw that Wicked has an OFU as well. I'm slightly familiar with that fandom, although I've never seen the show live. It's on my Favourites Page though. :)
Your buddy said that? Thanks! .:scribbles notes:. I think I can make a decent seminar out of this... And your latest review gave me an idea. Heeeh.
chemnerd: OMGgreatmindsthinkalike! .:grins:.
Come on, review! You know you want to. All the cool kids are doing it!