I'm taking a break off this story for a while. I have to figure out some things, like what I want to do with it, perhaps make some alterations. It has to haev a real plot too, not only chapter after chapter with absolutely nothing. No worries, I'm not abandoning it or anything. I just have to think about it more. So this is the last chapter for a while. Hope you don't hate me.
Thanks to DemiGold, who without knowing it inspired the idea of the DVD Fundamentalists. :D
Five: Detention
"Etcetera?"
The kitten looked up from her piece of paper, which she was doodling on with a crayon. The crayon was held firmly between her paws, and she had been completely concentrated on this task up until now. She smiled a little.
"Hello, miss Minnaloushe," she said, turning back to her drawing. "What's up?"
The course coordinator sat down next to Etcetera and tried to see what she was drawing. After some consideration, she noticed that it was a very crude picture of the Rum Tum Tugger, Etcetera's eternal tom of affection.
"I heard from a few students that you have decided to start a school paper," said miss Minnaloushe matter-of-factly.
Etcetera grinned proudly. "Yes! They were very nice about it. They offered me help. But I still get to decide, because it was my idea."
"Aha. I only hope that they don't do this just to get close to the canons. You should be careful when it comes to... who gets to interview the toms. We might get another stampede on our hands. Or paws."
"Don't worry, miss," said Etcetera calmly. "I'll tell them that Electra, Jemima and I get to do all the interviews, and then we'll tell them what to write."
Miss Minnaloushe nodded thoughtfully. "Yes. Well, I think it is a good idea. It'll give them something to do, and we might see some improvement in their writing. For one, they'll learn soon enough to spell your names correctly." She stood up. "Very well, you can have your little magazine." She smiled a little. "The Junkyard Lantern... How quaint."
She left the kitten to her drawing and walked around the OFUC junkyard for a bit, in search of something to do. She decided to go to the mini-Pollicle pen and see how the Rumpus Cat was faring. The super hero didn't have any classes until it would be his turn to lecture at the 'Jellicle Legends' course, which wouldn't be starting until the next term. Therefore he was rather pleased with being outside and care for the minis.
No one could keep track of Pollicles like the Rumpus Cat, after all.
In the enclosed pasture over at Generic Class Area #12, where grass actually grew over the asphalt and trees had replaced the streetlamps, mini-Pollicles frolicked. They chased each other, some played with chew-toys, and others were... playing with students.
Miss Minnaloushe squinted. Ah, yes. Miss Joanna Swanson.
The fic-writer was currently in detention, which meant that she was sentenced to amuse the minis. Amusing minis of course meant: "run around like crazy and try not to get eaten."
Outside the pen, leaning against the wooden fence, stood the Rum Tum Tugger, Mungojerrie, Rumpleteazer and Macavity. They were all laughing their heads off.
"That's right!" bellowed Tugger gleefully at the screaming writer. "Run around in circles! That'll confuse them!"
"No, just stand still!" shouted Rumpleteazer. "Then they won't see you, because you're not moving!"
"Even better, attack is the best defence!" yelled Macavity. "Jump on them, and they'll be so surprised that they don't know what to do!"
Miss Minnaloushe went over to them. "Why I never. Are you just standing here mocking the poor writer? Such bad form."
"Ah, but it's so very amusin', miss Minnaloushe," said Mungojerrie, grinning madly. He cheered as Carbuketty and Syllabub attacked Joanna and pinned her to the ground.
"'S right, miss," nodded Rumpleteazer. "Some bad form's necessary."
Miss Minnaloushe regarded the fallen writer and shrugged. "Very well then. Carry on. Just don't let Heavyside sit on her; he might just break her spinal cord or some such. Mistoffelees and the Twins are tired after having to perform a revival ritual earlier today, and I don't think they can do it again until they've had some rest."
"Gotcha," said Mungojerrie.
The course coordinator was just on her way from the mini-Pollicle pen when she thought of something.
"Oh yes, how did it go with retrieving Bustopher's spoon from that Roman girl?"
The calicos smirked.
"It went jus' fine," said Rumpleteazer. "We got help from Mistoffelees. He said he had a spell that could... make things easier."
"Oh?" Miss Minnaloushe was intrigued.
"Yes," said Mungojerrie. "We found out that Roman de la Croix writes basically nothing but R-rated fics. So we did a little research, and BAM!" He grinned in satisfaction. "She's under the PG Curse."
"The PG Curse?" repeated miss Minnaloushe. "I do not believe I've heard of that one before."
The calico queen cleared her throat. "We read her Enrolment Form. It seems our spoon-stealing friend is afraid of ratings below PG. With a little bit of assistance from Mistoffelees, we managed to tap into Roman's brain, shutting down some things and putting up a magical barrier that only lets the cute and fluffy things through. She can't swear anymore, she can't write slash anymore and she keeps seeing fluffy kittens and rainbows and sunshine and smiling people everywhere she goes."
"And not only did we get the spoon back, we also stole her top hat," added Mungojerrie.
"A fiendish plan," said Macavity and nodded proudly. "Just like I like my minions."
"Serves her right, too," said Tugger. "She kept pulling my tail."
"Sounds... interesting," admitted miss Minnaloushe. "But are you sure it's working?"
"AAAAEEEEEEEEHHHHHH!"
The scream cut through the calmness of the junkyard. It was a scream of terror, pure unbridled terror.
"It works, all right!" chuckled Mungojerrie.
Joanna also heard the scream, but she was getting used to that now. Screaming was frequent at OFUC, if not in pain or terror, then in ecstasy when a Lust Object walked by. Besides, Joanna was facing horrors of her own, right now.
When Carbuketty and Syllabub had gotten bored with her (which took a few hours, since mini-Pollicles are simple-minded creatures) Joanna had stumbled off to the TSE 4 for some rest. She felt like she deserved it. However, when she got to the car she noticed that someone had pasted huge yellow posters over the windows of the car that blared out:
Sick And Tired Of The Stuck-Up Students That Thinks They Are So Good Just Because They've Seen The Show On Stage?
Join the DVD Fundamentalists today, to put them in their place!
Who Needs Growltiger Anyway?
Joanna stood and blinked at the poster for a while. She then caught sight of the protagonist, a brown cat with a white tip on her tail, who stood sticking another poster to the car opposite to the TSE 4.
"Hey!" Joanna cried out. "What are you doing?"
The cat jumped and turned around. "I'm spreading the message!" she proclaimed proudly. "Those Show Goers will no longer put us down! We'll show them!"
"Show them what, exactly?" asked Joanna carefully.
She was way too tired for this.
"That we won't stand for it anymore!" exclaimed the cat and rolled her eyes, as if this was obvious. "We will not be belittled for not having seen the show! We will not be taken for idiots because we have never seen Growltiger and Griddlebone on stage together! We will not-"
"That's all good and well," said Joanna and yawned. "But do you think you can possibly stop with sticking those posters over the doors of our car? It's impossible to open the door."
The cat pouted. "Fine. If you want to sit back and let the Show Goers take over the fandom, then so be it!"
She snorted and left, dragging a large bag with more posters behind her. Joanna shrugged and ripped down the poster. The door opened right away, and she could finally throw herself down on the backseat.
"Hullo," said Misty cheerfully. She was sprawled over her side of the seat with her copy of Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats on her lap. "Have you done your essay for Old Deuteronomy yet?"
It Joanna a second or two to realise what her friend had just said. "Aw, crud," she groaned. "I've been chewed on, sat on, thrown around and chased all afternoon. You think Old D will accept that excuse?"
Misty gave her a look. "You are aware that this is Old Deuteronomy, right?" she asked carefully. "Mr. I've-Got-A-Stick-Up-My-Bum-A-Mile-Long?"
"You're right," grumbled Joanna and slowly managed to get up in a sitting position. "He'll probably frown on that. And I do NOT want to get detention again."
"That bad, huh?"
"Four Jellicles were standing outside the pen, laughing at me. Yeah, it was exactly that bad."
"You poor thing. But you got to see the Rumpus Cat, anyway! What was he like?"
Joanna shrugged. "Not very talkative," she admitted. "Probably due to the fact that he doesn't say a word in the musical. He showed me around at first. I don't know why, he probably just wanted to brag about his bloody mini-Pollicles. Which then had a jolly good time trying to bite my legs off."
Misty sighed. "I have to get detention with him some day. He's so cute!"
Joanna looked at her oddly. "I thought you fancied Tugger?"
"I do. But a girl can fangirl more than one tom, can't she? And Rumpus Cat is just so adorable!"
"You wouldn't think that if you had to spend four hours in that mini-Pollicle pen while he was off doing Everlasting Cat-knows-what. He scares the hell out of me, to be honest. Hey, have YOU written Old Deuteronomy's essay?"
Misty held up a piece of paper. "Five hundred words!" She looked proud. "That was all I could think of."
"Can I see it?"
"Fine. But if you copy it, I'm telling Old D."
Joanna shivered. "I promise I won't. I just need some inspiration."
She checked out the essay. After having read it, she said: "You spelled 'prerogative' wrong. It's supposed to have another R after the P."
Misty paled. "Really? Give it here, I have to change that!" She snatched the paper back and began scribbling furiously. "There. Much better. And now, I bid you a good night, because I'm exhausted."
"Night," mumbled Joanna while starting to write her own essay.
It took her three hours to complete it, but she thought she'd done a decent job. Although she'd probably hate it in the morning and spot errors in it before she had to turn it in, just like she always did at school back home. Carefully placing the essay in the front seat together with her schedule, Joanna drifted off into sleep. Mmm, sleep...
A/N: Roman, I am SO sorry. Really, I am. But it was too much fun to pass up on. :P
Answers to Reviews:
Ralli-Rah: Nah, I can take critizism. You're right, I absolutely should have specified that this is based on the video and UK version. It's one of the reasons why I take a break from the story. Some things should have been included in the beginning. And don't worry, I won't take my vengeance on your student. I'm not that horrible. Often. .:cough:.
Mystitat: Yeah, sorry about that... But I don't have that lot of Jellicle students (surprisingly enough, really) and it had to be a Jellicle to die from Aspirin. It IS lethal to cats.
Jemima-luvah: Macvity! Tumpus Cat! Cute! Thank oo! Well, I was thinking of you when I wrote the Maccy line, so yeah. It is you. :)
Chimalmaht: Yeah, they'll both be printed. That is, if they have correct grammar, spelling, characterization, and miss Minnaloushe approves of them. Otherwise they'll be used as litter for the mini-Pollicles.
You are welcome to report more minis, should you find any. Oh, and enrollments are now closed. On my profile page, you can instead find the poem from which I got miss Minnaloushe's name, because I know that SO many people are interested.
Until next time,
Ekwy