And then I thought: "Ah, screw it," and I posted it. :)
Note: I know it's spelled "pixie." I felt like being original.
Ten: The Jellcile
Joanna noticed two things. One was a loud cursing above her (most of it in a language that she had never heard) and the rustling of metal wings. The other was the odd thoughts that suddenly struck her. Afterwards, when Misty asked her about it, she wouldn't be able to explain the feeling. It was a peculiar sense of... of being complete, or rather the sense that she could be complete, if only she could find a pencil and a piece of paper. The blood cursed through her veins and made her ears hum. Her skin felt like it was being pierced with needles, but in a good way. Her head pounded. Her entire being was filled with one thought, and one thought only:
I HAVE TO WRITE.
She didn't notice how she was falling. She didn't see when miss Minnaloushe flew down, visible only as a grey streak to the sky, and grabbed her ankle. Her mind was busy with this IDEA, this wonderful and perfect IDEA that she'd suddenly gotten. How could she not have seen this before? It was so beautiful!
"Listen to my voice, miss Swanson."
What? No! No, she had to hold on to this idea! It was the greatest thing that had ever happened to her; what would she do if she suddenly lost it?
"You can do it. Just pay attention to my words. Let it go. Let it sink back into shadow."
"I'll... forget..." whispered Joanna hoarsely.
"Yes. But take my word for it, my dear, it is better that way. Now. I want you to do something for me. I want you to name the cats mentioned in The Naming of Cats, can you do that?"
Joanna groaned. Why did miss Minnaloushe have to continue talking? She could already feel how the idea slipped away. She had to fight to remember it, and the very thought of loosing it forever made her eyes tear.
"Wh-what?"
"Just do it, you foolish girl!"
There was a dangerous hiss in her voice, and Joanna felt a cold stab of fear.
"Alright, alright... Eh... First of all, the names that the family use daily... Peter, Augustus, Alonzo, James. And then Victor, Jonathan, George and Bill Bailey."
"Continue."
Joanna felt how the idea faded away. Slowly, other sounds and sights took its place. She became aware of the heavy beatings of miss Minnaloushe's wings as they slowly rose through the clouds again. She noticed that she was hanging upside-down by her ankle, which was caught in the hand of the course coordinator. Still she felt like crying when trying to remember... what?
"I said: Continue!"
"Fancier names... Plato, Admetus, Electra and Demeter. And particular names... Munkustrap, Quaxo, Coricopat, Bombalurina and Jellylorum! That's it, that's everyone!"
They were breaking through the clouds now, and Joanna could see the upside-down images of her classmates, Gecka and Mimosa who stood gaping at her.
"Hi guys," she said weakly.
Miss Minnaloushe let go of her ankle, and Joanna landed with a thud on the cloud-floor. She sat up and blinked a few times. She still felt dizzy, and her hand burned from the place where that thing with wings had bitten her.
Miss Minnaloushe adjusted her glasses, brushed some invisible dust from her sensible, black dress and arranged her hair into its neat bun. Then she turned to Gecka, who was holding a glass jar with something inside it. The Agent looked very smug about it.
"I see you caught it," said miss Minnaloushe and nodded approvingly.
"They always get slow after biting someone," answered Gecka and held up the jar in front of Joanna. "Does this look familiar to you?"
Joanna squinted. Inside the jar, tapping a delicate foot against the glass-floor, stood the fairy-like creature. It looked female, and it was very pretty with its white-blond hair and grey eyes, but the grimace on her face was far from pretty. She looked furious, as if she was planning to get out of the jar and bite everyone in sight.
"Yes," said Joanna.
"What... what is it?" asked Ratha.
"Something that I believe you've all encountered once or twice," said Gecka. "It's a pixay, sub-species Jellcile. I know the people at the Heavyside keeps a fair few for examination, so I suppose this one got loose. Its bite contains a toxin which, when reaching the bloodstream, penetrates the mental barriers that even you lot has when it comes to write fanfic. You experience dizziness, euphoria and a strong desire to write down the in your mind brilliant fic-idea. Some people call it the wicked Muse."
"It is important that the infected person's mind gets occupied with something else as fast as possible after being bitten," continued miss Minnaloushe. "Reeling off a lot of unimportant facts or song lyrics is perfect, but if nothing else works then the multiplications table will do. If the idea cannot get a hold of a person's brain, it fades away. Miss Swanson, do you feel alright?"
Everyone looked at Joanna, who to her own surprise noticed that she was crying.
"Y-yes," she sniffled and dried her tears in embarrassment. "Sorry. It was just... I thought it was the best idea ever, and now I'll never get it back!"
Miss Minnaloushe searched the pockets of her dress and came up with a tissue. She handed it over to Joanna, who took it and blew her nose.
Gecka held up the jar and squinted at the Jellcile. "Fair hair, grey eyes," she mumbled. "A little spitfire. Dunno about you, miss, but it sure looks like a romance to me."
Miss Minnaloushe gave it a look. "Yes. Judging by her level of aggression, I'd say it's a difficult romance too. Could be an implausible pairing, or even a Mary-Sue."
"It wasn't a Mary-Sue!" exclaimed Joanna angrily.
When the Agent and the course coordinator looked at her in mild surprise, she blushed fiercely.
"I mean..." she mumbled. "I mean... It doesn't feel like it was a Mary-Sue."
"Do you remember it?"
"No!"
Gecka shrugged. "Then for all you know, it could have been. Sometimes when you're dreaming, you can get an idea that sounds great at the time, but when you wake you find out that it was strange and didn't make much sense at all. This is the same principle, see?"
"Yeah," muttered Joanna. "I suppose you're right."
"Of course I'm right!"
"Excuse me," said Mimosa calmly. "I don't mean to be rude or anything, but don't you think that we should get this show on the road? Personally, I've got all the time in the world, but I suppose you guys want to get back to the university as soon as possible?"
"Of course," nodded miss Minnaloushe. "However, it was foolish of me to let my students into the Heavyside without some sort of protection. I had no idea that the Jellciles would be this... alert."
She turned and walked up to the Tire, from which she picked up a large brown backpack. From it she unpacked a number of cans with what appeared to be bug spray. She passed them along to her students; Joanna saw how they all clung to their cans as if their lives depended on it. She still felt slightly disoriented herself, but she had decided to go through with this. Who knew, it might show in her final grade if she passed this one up.
Joanna held her bug spray in both hands and took a deep breath.
"Alright, doves," said Gecka and grinned. "Let's go into the Heavyside. And if anyone starts singing at this point, I'll snap that person's neck, savvy?"
Joanna didn't know exactly what she had expected the Heavyside to look like, but it sure wasn't like this. It looked a bit like a waiting room. The walls were a pale yellow, in a failed attempt to look inviting and cheerful. The chairs were made out of hard, orange plastic, on which perfect-looking Jellicles and human girls sat reading out-dated fashion magazines. Most of them looked extremely bored, but one or two seemed rather amused by the situation. There was an aquarium in a corner, in which goldfish swam around, looking extremely nervous indeed. A fair few of the Jellicles in the room were looking at them hungrily.
"This is were dead Mary-Sues go?" asked Aislin Kageno, frowning. "Actually, they prefer the term 'canonically challenged,'" said Mimosa and She walked up to a door, which the little black sign next to it explained led to the "Rehabilitation Centre." With a key taken from her rather impressive bunch by the belt around her waist, Mimosa opened the door, and the students were ushered inside.
They were now standing in a brightly lit corridor. Here the walls were white, so white that they almost hurt to look at. The wall at the left was made of glass, so that the students could see into the room on the other side. The darkness of the glass reminded Joanna of the police shows she used to see on TV, and she figured that it was the type of glass you could see through, but the person on the other side of the glass could only see a reflexive surface.
The room right next to them contained two people. One was clearly a 'Sue. She was very pretty with snow-white fur and golden eyes, but some of her beauty had obviously faded. Her fur was not as shimmering as it could have been, her paws were dirty and her tail lowered. She didn't look very happy.
The other person was a dark grey tabby, a tom. He was wearing glasses and oddly enough a dark suit, and he was holding a clipboard in his paws.
"That is our Doctor Bailey," said Mimosa proudly. "He's a psychiatrist. Pay attention now."
"Now, my dear, can you tell me your name?" Doctor Bailey asked the 'Sue. "State it clearly, please."
"I am Serenity Deuteronomy," said the 'Sue obediently. "I am the daughter of Old Deuteronomy, the leader of the Jellicles, and the sister to Munkustrap, the tribe protector. I lust after Mistoffelees."
"Good, good. And what are you, Serenity?"
Serenity frowned, her mouth moving slowly as if she had to try the words before saying them out loud. "I am a... Maa-reeh Sue." She beamed proudly.
Doctor Bailey gave her a nod and a smile. "Well done, well done, Serenity. Now, that wasn't so hard to say, was it?"
She shook her head.
"Admitting it is the first step to rehabilitation, my dear. You are on your way to become a real original character!" He smiled at her again and wrote something down in his clipboard. "And that only after... two months of counselling. Very good. You're very fast for someone of your... specie."
"Thank you, Doctor B.," said Serenity, and her golden eyes started to sparkle.
Doctor Bailey frowned. "Now what have we said about the sparkling, Serenity? Your eyes cannot sparkle. They can't glitter either. I can agree on shining, but that's at far as it goes."
"Sorry, Doctor B."
Mimosa turned to the students. "Well," she said. "As you understand, Serenity Deuteronomy is what they call a Classic Mary-Sue. Notice her exquisite beauty and the connections to canon characters. Classic Mary-Sue most often goes for Mistoffelees, although the Rum Tum Tugger is not uncommon either. The Classic Mary-Sue has a sweet temper, a radiant smile and the voice of an angel. She can certainly dance better than Victoria, she sings better than Jemima, and her magical powers are more developed than Mistoffelees' own. She shows up at the junkyard one day, everyone loves her immediately except the characters that the author doesn't like and she captures the heart of her Lust Object right away. Question. Do you like Serenity Deuteronomy?"
"Not really," muttered Joanna.
"Why not? She's so nice, after all. Why shouldn't everybody like her, when she's so perfect?"
"Because..." said Jinzatti slowly, "because she's a Mary-Sue?"
"Close, but not quite," said Gecka. "Anyone else? Come on guys, you know this one!"
Kristine MacDoanld (Joanna had never figured out if she had misspelled her name in her enrolment form, or if had been intentional) raised her hand.
"Because she's not a real person?" she suggested.
"Much better!" Mimosa beamed at her. "And why is she not a real person?"
"Because real people have flaws," Kristine continued, encouraged by the Agent's grin. "And, and Mary-Sues are flawless by nature. It bugs us."
"Gold star for you, miss... MacDoanld," said Mimosa, frowning momentarily at the strange name. "That is correct. Yes. For us to like a new character, they must have flaws. Flaws make them human. Or, well, Jellicles, technically, but you know what I mean. I'm not talking about that Secretary with her 'Oh, my fur is naturally pink and people tease me about it and woe is me' crap, I'm talking real flaws. You shouldn't try to create a perfect alter ego for yourself to get to your Lust Object; you want to create a person. Someone that we, the readers, can relate to."
"And now we're moving over to our next specimen," she continued, leading them further down the corridor. They left the perkiness of Serenity Deuteronomy and her psychiatrist, and now stood in front of another window.
This window was even more darkened than the first. That could have something to do with the teary-eyed 'Sue that was sitting in it. She was pretty, in a rather sad way. Her fur was black as night, but oddly enough the fur on her head had blue streaks. They looked perfectly natural. There was another doctor in this room, and he had a slightly dejected look about him.
"Here we have Raven Bitca," said Mimosa.
"Oh, Ekwy talked about her!" exclaimed Gecka and pressed her nose against the glass. "From what I heard, she was ripped apart by Pollicles. Sister dearest got a lot of compliments about that back at HQ..." She caught sight of miss Minnaloushe's face and coughed. "Sorry. Do carry on."
"Thank you." Mimosa regarded Raven Bitca for a bit. "She's in session with Doctor George at the moment. Let's listen to their conversation, shall we?"
The students leaned in closer to the glass, and they listened...
Answers to Reviews:
Eponine: She doesn't exactly... hate the students. Maybe she detests them, and she's certainly annoyed by them, but she knows that a school wouldn't do much good without students. So she... accepts them. Somewhat. A little bit, anyway.
NixNox: Thank you. I want people to recognize themselves when they show up in the story, so I try to keep an eye on their enrollments before I write them in. It's getting harder now as more people enroll every day, but I do my best.
D0uble-Tr0uble: Animorphs? To my knowledge, there's no OFU in that. I'd read it, even though I've got a limited knowledge of said fandom. I think they've stopped translating the books over here... Meanies, they are.
Eclectica: Nope, the Secretary is just the Secretary. She is nameless!