Handsome, well spoken; his heart can't be broken
IMPORTANT NOTE:
I accidenty deleted this fic. So I'm reposting it. I don't know where the second chappie went but I found the first. I CAN'T believe I deleted it! fuck! I'm really angry at myself. Sorry for any trouble this caused. If you reviewed/ put this on your favorites/alerts/ whatever. I REALLY AM! So um yeah. Really sorry.
Disclaimer: The title is from Scarling's Alexander the Burn Victim. And obviously I don't own Naruto.
Christian has told me that it's scary. Christian has told me it's not healthy. But as far as I'm concerned, just this once: FUCK WHAT CHRISTIAN HAS TO SAY. Sorry, Chrisshi, but I have to say it. I know people will like it. Okay, so in all the fics I've read in my lifetime there have been emo ninjas. Like a lot of people tend to make Gaara emo. Sakura emo, Neji emo. Every one is all emo and I have nothing against the emos or anything but really! Have some creativity, guys! So I'm pretty much fed up with it. Which is why, now I'm making an:
EMO CHOUJI!
How often is CHOJI emo? I have never read a fic where Chouji is emo. I don't know why but I think it's really fitting. Just imagine the fat goth guy that goes to your school who denies his obesity and wears the same leather biker jacket even in 90 degree weather who's all sweaty even in the winter (I love irony)and the nearly-popping off the studded dog collar around his almost disappearing neck and plaster Chouji's face on there! And there ya have it peeps! An emo Chouji!
I almost was going to make an emo Lee (which certainly hasn't been done yet) but I figured the black jumpsuit's not his style. So um yeah this is probably going to be one of those I don't update a lot fics. Read and review please!
He had everything a straight woman could want. He was the ideal husband you dreamed about after watching Pretty Woman for the umpteenth time. He had the kind of look that said: let's-get-married-I'll-be-a-fireman-and-you'll-be-a-succecful-movie-star-and-we'll-live-next-door-to-your-best-friend-in-a-mansion-near-Martha's-vineyard-and-have-a-bunch-of-well-behaved-and-healthy-kids.
He came from a respectable enough family, has serious class, manners, strong beliefs, a new car, and a steady well paying job. If looks could kill he'd be able to make people immortal with a quick glance. He was just that hot. Long, straight, flowing, perfect, not-one-flyaway coffee colored hair graced his perfect milky white complexion, as smooth and as perfect as glass. But his best feature isn't his toned abs, rock solid biceps, or even his strong, broad chest. It was his eyes that make you do that double take. The color of pearl. Almost translucent, like you could see right through them, straight to his brains, straight in to his thoughts. But his eyes show nothing. No emotion. Just pearl colored emptiness. But that added all the more to his rugged sexiness.
There was only one more thing that made him the ultimate dream come true.
He's single.
Yes, you heard correctly. This hunk of man is single. Single as in not dating anyone, and not dating anyone as in not setting a foot near a woman unless it involved his job. But why? Why was a guy so perfect single? Waiting for you to come sweep him off his feet and fulfill your every Disney-induced fantasy? Che. Hardly.
But why?
Now that's a question every woman he met that was anywhere near sane asked herself over and over again until that was the first thing she thought when she woke up in the morning. Why is someone so perfect single? I could probably write a book on it with 'total selfish jackass' as the number one reason. But a spot on the best seller list seemed unlikely.
When they see him they see a God in front of their eyes. Of course, it doesn't help that he adopts the holier-than-thou attitude when he realizes people are in awe of him. His name is Neji Hyuuga. Lord Hyuuga to the girls that worship him like a freaking idol. They shower him with lavish gifts. They wait on him, hand and foot. They would bow down to him too but they're afraid their mortal presence is aimed to displease. This goes on until some way or another they find out about his occupation. You can try to guess. You'll almost never get it.
Personal fitness trainer?
Male model?
GQ cover man?
No to all the above answers. No to any other answers. No, especially to porn star. I know you were thinking it, you can come clean with it. I did too. But sadly, no, Neji isn't a porn star and really isn't likely to come out with a internet release starring along side Paris Hilton anytime soon. You know why? Neji is a mortician. He prepares dead people for their descent to the great journey of being stuffed in to a wooden box and being shoved in to a 7 foot hole underground. Porn star? It still makes me laugh too.
So there you have it. A damn good reason for his single-ness. Now, these fan girls may come across as weird but I don't think they particularly liked the way he handled his job. Is job even the right word? No, passion may even begin to cover it. Neji was obsessed with his job. His vehicle of choice? A hearse. Favorite pass time? Double overtime at his job. Favorite place? The morgue. It's really a shame. It seems that all the hot ones have a little more than their fair share of mental problems.
For most of her life, as soon as she turned 13, her mother hid her from the world. In her basement, she locked her only daughter away like a prisoner. The poor girl was alone for her nearly seven years. Well, not completely. Her mother sent her little brother (by 11 months), Ryusuke down two times a day to give her daily meals. Her mother never came down herself. I doubt she even knew if her daughter was alive or not.
Everyone thought she was living properly in the 'real world', not in a basement. Her mother made for sure no one knew anything about my disappearance. She faked Ryusuke's death and made him live his life as her older sister, Sakura. Why would a mother lock her daughter in a basement for eight years and have her son, who bore a striking resemblance to Sakura, masquerade as her?
Well, my personal opinion is that she's fucking nuts.
But her mothers reasoning was that her oldest daughter was evil. She saw some kind of evil in her daughter that the rest of the world couldn't. Apparently, by locking her away from all other forms of life it would chase the evil away. She hadn't seen anything but those four walls for all of her life, not the sun, not the sky, nothing anyone would associate with normality. That was all about to change. Soon she'd see the sky, the sun. And even more.
"I'll take it." Neji said firmly to the fat guy who looked suspiciously like Santa Claus. He looked like he belonged in a mall letting fat kids pee on his lap and whisper names of Transformer action figures in his ear rather than a successful real estate agent. Neji resisted the urge to ask him why he didn't get that Tonka truck for Christmas when he was 5. After all, he was still a tad bitter about it.
"I just have to warn you the place might need a few...er... renovations." Santa sheepishly grinned as glass from a large window fell out of its pane and shattered in to a million pieces when it hit the ground.
Neji shrugged. The place was a perfect. He couldn't believe he found a place so fast since the fire that destroyed his work place was just a few weeks a go. And this place was even better. A morgue and a house in one. It had Neji's dream house written in bold all over it. Just add the moat and snapping turtles then call MTV because Crib's ratings are gonna go through the roof. Please note the sarcasm. Neji sighed a little as Santa drove away. Sled and reindeer aren't exactly the fastest ways to get around he supposed. Why spend money on carrots for those reindeer when you can be parading around in a Subaru that chugs $4.00 a gallon gas like a dehydrated man just back from the desert? He sighed again a bit louder. Where were his friends! They were supposed to be at his new house an hour a go. Then again, knowing those morons probably got lost or something equally or more stupid than that. Neji started walking back toward the front door. He was already planning what he was going to say to the idiots. He stopped abruptly in his tracks.
'What the hell was that?' he asked himself. Mr. Claus didn't say anything about rabid creatures. Did he? There the noise was again. It was louder now. It sounded like it was coming from the basement. If it was a rabid squirrel who was going to try and eat his face off, so be it. His house had to be perfect. Even if he wasn't there to enjoy it. The heavy front door swung open.
"Hey Neji! Sorry we're late. someone got us lost." A blonde haired boy said while looking at a hoodie-clad boy in mock anger, a small, mischievous smile danced its way across his lips.
Neji rolled his eyes. Why were they his friends again?
"Naruto! You said take a left at the next right! We got confused and then lost because of you! Duh!" The hoodie boy shot back.
"Stop your bitching, Kiba." Another boy told him, sighing as his bushy high ponytail swayed with every shake of his head. Neji forgot all about the strange noise; whatever it was, it couldn't be worse than Naruto, Kiba, and Shikamaru having an argument. Their arguments are enough to make plants shrivel up and die on the spot. They were that stupid and pointless. Once, while in the midst of a argument much like this one Neji actually stopped asking himself why they were his friends and took the time out to appreciate the joys of contemplating suicide.
Kiba suddenly stopped talking, "did you guys hear that?"
Naruto hacked a loogy in a empty urn which earned an I'm-going-to-kill-you look from Neji, "what?" he said, ignoring Neji's warning glare.
Everyone and everything suddenly became silent. Neji's eyes widened. The noise was there, louder and clearer than ever.
"That" Kiba said.
"I think it may be coming from the basement." Shikamaru said quietly.
"Well, let's go down there." Neji urged.
"Whoa. Wait a minute Indiana Jones, this place is creepy. It could possibly be haunted or what if it's something dangerous? What if I get hurt? What if I die?" Naruto squealed.
Neji rolled his eyes. The thought of Naruto getting hurt or getting killed, oh the horror. What would we do without Naruto? Probably find the cure to Cancer and save the Polar Bears.
"Pussy" Neji scoffed. He wasn't really all that thrilled that he was being compared with the likes of Harrison Ford. Han Solo, Neji is not and Yoda speak isn't a language he's fluent in.
"You go down and look then, if you're so brave. There's nothing wrong with valuing your life." Naruto whined.
"I will" Neji said, calmly. He started to walk but realized no one was following his lead.
"The lot of you are fucking pussies" he turned around and added for good measure, "fucking pussies."
"Keep on walking cowboy," Kiba commanded, "just find the source of that horrible sound."
They all followed, a good distance behind Neji as he opened the door of the basement and walked down the few stairs leading down. When he reached the bottom and blindly smacked his forehead against something he thought to be a wall, he didn't expect it to turn out to be a door.
Neji swore. "Who the fuck puts a door at the end of stairs!"
"Neji, are you alright?" Naruto called down, acting brave but using Shikamaru and Kiba as bodyguards.
Neji grunted. He tried the handle on the door, half knowing it wouldn't work.
"Shit, it's fucking locked" he huffed under his breath as he pounded on the door, like it would help.
"What was that?" Naruto said.
"There's a door here and it's fucking locked!" He called back.
"Can you get me out?" A small voice from inside the room squeaked.
Neji looked completely shocked for the first time in his life. Did the door say that? For some reason or another it didn't seem likely.
Kind of a cliffie! Uh well I hope you enjoyed it; it's short and kind of a prolouge. Please review.