Chapter Five: Innuendo is a Fun Word

Elrond had again decided that his share of the reading was done (if our dear readers would remember, he already chucked the book at Thranduil's head, but the new reader soon relinquished it back to the original narrator after less than half a chapter…). He then proceeded to play a Middle-Earth version of Hot Potato with Celeborn, Haldir, and Erestor.

The book landed with an ominous thud on the hapless lap of Celeborn. Galadriel gave him a sympathizing look and patted him on the shoulder.

Emyrald left the slumbering Elf Prince on the bed. She giggled as she walked into the bathroom. She really knew how to tire a guy out…

Thranduil looked up from the book with a horrified expression on his face. Estel was the only one who didn't feel sorry for him, only because Estel had been lost after the first few pages. There's only so much innuendo a young boy can understand.

Galadriel breathed a sigh. "My, the Lothlorien therapist is going to have her hands full when we return…"

"Unless he has a seizure and doesn't even make it back." Arwen said, looking extremely concerned on behalf of her grandfather.

"No," Celeborn said, a pained expression on his face. "I will be fine."

His grandchildren turned into the impromptu cheering section as Elrond pouted at not being so appreciated and Galadriel felt a migraine coming on.

She entered the bathroom, her soft feet padding on the cold tile. "Hmmm…I could use a bath…"

"No! I could!" Elrohir cried out forcefully from the corner. He had begun to inch out, but at the start of the chapter had skirted right back in. "I think I'll burn my clothes and—" he was cut off by a violent shudder.

Glorfindel had been very quiet during the preceding events, but startled everyone when he murmured a short phrase. "The first of many to be corrupted…"

Every male in the room felt a cold chill make its way down their spines. Estel looked around, wondering if there was a draft. Even Galadriel and Arwen felt a dark foreboding. It seemed no one was safe from the Sues.

She slid gracefully into the bathtub.

"It is customary to fill the bathtub with water before one gets in." Thranduil commented with a smirk.

Legolas laughed at the embarrassed look on Estel's face. "Of all the things to fluster him, the image of her getting into the tub."

"Well, he wouldn't understand the other stuff…I would hope." Elladan pointed out. The fact that Estel hadn't quite acquired the same haunted look in his eyes as the rest of those in the room was proof enough.

The bubbles slowly disappeared as she mulled in da hot water for quite some time. She looked up to see Elrohir enter the room. She giggled sensuasuly. "Back for more?"

He merely gave her a strange look. "Beg your pardon, my lady?"

It was then that Emyrald realized that it was in fact, the other twin, Elladan.

The real Elladan's jaw dropped slightly and his eyes took on a glazed look.

"It's a lovely sinking feeling, isn't it?" remarked his twin dryly. He decided that it was worth it to come out of the corner for this. Payback time.

"Just walk away! Walk away! AWAY!" Elladan was yelling at the thing in Celeborn's hands.

"EEK!" shrieked Emyrald. "I'm not decent!"

This sentence was followed by Elladan exclaiming, "When are you ever!" and Haldir shaking his head and saying, "It was no big deal for her to shag a complete stranger, but when his twin walks in, she suddenly has modesty?"

Elladan was starting to hope that she would actually be faithful, but alas, he would not be so lucky.

"I cannot help it! I heard about the legendary beauty of the maiden who has just arrived! I had 2 see it for myself!"

Emyrald thought about it for a moment. "Well…okay!"

Elrohir looked triumphant. "Well, the one time I was hoping for a cheating female, I got it!"

Galadriel and Arwen did not look so convinced. They obviously had some sense of what was coming.

Elrohir suddenly ran into the room suddenly. "Brother! Are u seducing my beloved!"

"I cannot help it! I am enchanted by her beauty!"

Emyrald giggled. "Well, I like both of you. I can love you both—"

The book fell out of Celeborn's fingers as he saw what came next. He stared at the wall in absolute mortification as Arwen and Galadriel nodded knowingly, not looking at all surprised.

Estel stared at the adults around him in utter confusion as one-by-one, they all understood what "Emyrald" was trying to get across. The room suddenly became eerily quiet. Then eleven voices screeched the same word.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

A young maid walking by the door jumped about six feet in the air and dropped her tray, spilling all the contents. It had not been a good day for the poor elleth, and combined with this encounter, well, she just snapped. Thinking someone was murdering the Lord of Rivendell and his family, she ran screaming off to the kitchens.

There, she would be reassured by the all-knowing head chef, that Elrond and his guests were simply partaking in a bit of horribly-scarring literature. She stared at him, and then stumbled off, muttering about masochistic Elf Lords.

Anywaaaay…back to the room. Let's take a peek around, shall we?

Celeborn had nearly fallen over backwards in his chair but was rescued from a concussion by his wife. Elrond sat, transfixed with some unknown emotion, looking as if he had turned to stone. Legolas and Thranduil were looking as if they were unsure whether to laugh or cry. Estel had managed to get the general gist of what had happened, and was scanning the room, looking for a means of escape. Strangely (well, not really) Erestor was doing the same thing.

Glorfindel was attempting to revive Elrond, and Arwen aided him by fanning her father with a small book. Haldir had his mouth open in a silent scream as he lamented himself for choosing to come along on this visit.

Elladan and Elrohir clutched each other, as identical in their mortification as they were in their usual looks. One of them was whimpering.

"I…I…" Celeborn began, the first to recover. But he was at a loss for words. Temporarily. "I…I need a drink." He said heavily.

Arwen peered out into the hall, looking for a maid to send to the kitchens for some alcohol. She wouldn't mind drinking herself into oblivion in order to forget that horror, but all the servants seemed to be giving the room quite a wide berth. The halls were deserted.

Some time later, Emyrald sat on her bed, brushing her silky hair. Elladan and Elrohir were reclining in chairs. Suddenly, two more people entered the room. First came a older looking guy. Then a hot stud.

"Oh! Dad!" Elladan said.

"Dad?" Elrohir questioned blankly.

"And Aragorn!" Elrohir said.

Glorfindel couldn't help but laugh. "Well, either she really likes Elrond, or we now know how attractive Estel will be when he is older."

Elrond took one look at Emyrald and gasped.

"This can't be good." Legolas muttered.

"What do you think?" Elrond asked, turning to Galadriel.

She frowned. "I'm sensing something utterly ridiculous."

"Well, if it isn't the long-lost sister of Aragorn! What are you doing here?" Elrond said. Emyrald pouted. A hot guy, but she was related to him. She shrugged. That hasn't stopped her before.

Disbelieving silence fell over the room until Galadriel spoke.

"Yes, I'm also sensing incest."

TBC….

The horror…