Disclaimer: CATS still not mine. Mrs. Norris belongs to J. K. Rowling, and Greebo belongs to Terry Pratchett.
Twenty-Seven: Crazy Crossings
After having endured a Naming class with Demeter ("I was named after a goddess, hear me roar"), the students of OFUC waded through the snow to the mini-Pollicle pen. There stood the Rumpus Cat and Pouncival, waiting for them together with four minis. Joanna believed she recognized them as Pouncil, Pouncivail, Tumpus Cat and le Chat Fivari, a French Rumpus mini.
The Rumpus Cat greeted his class with a polite nod, while Pouncival smiled brightly. "Hello," he said. "Welcome to Jellicle Legends! As you know, I am Pouncival. That's P-O-U-N-C-I-V-A-L." He nodded towards the Rumpus Cat. "And he's Rumpus. If you cannot spell that, he'll be forced to kick your arse on sheer principle."
Rumpus Cat nodded and grinned somewhat toothily. Pouncival continued.
"Now, Rumpus here doesn't have a lot of fics written about him, which I suppose he's quite thankful for, but still we do get the occasional fic which contains a bad battle sequence. Therefore he decided to have a lesson on how to write such scenes. Right. We'll need a volunteer, if you please?"
He looked around at the class hopefully. No one stood up.
"You're going to hurt us, aren't you?" asked Vicki nervously.
"Would we do that?" smiled Pouncival.
"Yes," echoed the class, without hesitation.
Pouncival sighed. "Okay, fine, maybe we would," he admitted. "I was just kidding anyway. If you're unconscious, you wouldn't learn anything, now would you?"
"Too bad, I was about to volunteer," Misty whispered to Joanna. "It'd give me a chance to be close to Rumpus."
Joanna snorted a bit at this, which made Rumpus to turn and look at them. His red eyes stared at them without blinking, which made Joanna highly uncomfortable and Misty blush. This was a great surprise to Rumpus Cat, who had not been in close contact with a fangirl of his own before, and he looked at Pouncival, who shrugged and rolled his eyes.
"Now," said the young tom, "we want you to observe Rumpus' movements and write them down. For next time you will be expected to have a finished battle sequence, with each movement fully described and written in a way that makes it flow." He turned his head and nodded to someone in the shadows. "Come on out, guys."
The somewhat nervous figures of Mungojerrie, Tumblebrutus and Alonzo emerged from the shadows. The gathered fangirls squealed happily, but silenced as a hoard of mini-Pollicles followed the young toms out.
"Um," said Tumblebrutus. "He'll be careful, won't he?"
He looked at the superhero and sort of shuffled back to stand behind his companions. Alonzo gave him an annoyed look, but didn't say anything. He was also eying the Rumpus Cat carefully.
"Of course he will," said Pouncival soothingly. "You just try and hit him. He won't hurt you."
"If you say so," sighed Mungojerrie. "But I'm no' too comfortable with all this. I wasn't when I was playin' a Pollicle at the Ball, and I ain't now."
"Stop being such a kitten," muttered Pouncival. "It's just a demonstration. Get it over with."
The three toms grumbled a little, but obeyed "for the sake of badly written fighting scenes everywhere," as Alonzo so elegantly put it. They all stood in a straight line, legs slightly bent and eyes never leaving the superhero.
The Rumpus Cat had also crouched into fighting position. There was something otherworldly about the way he moved. Sometimes he didn't even seem to be a living, breathing thing, but a mirage, something that was here one moment and gone the next. He blended in with the surrounding shadows perfectly, and every muscle in his body slowly moved beneath the silky black fur. His mind seemed concentrated on one task, and one task only.
Joanna found herself mesmerized by his movements. She had never really focused much on the Rumpus Cat before, considered him a mere janitor, pale in comparison to, for a random example, Mistoffelees. But he... wasn't.
For a minute or two she didn't take notes. She was just watching as the hero kicked and pawed at his opponents, never getting so close so that he would hurt them, but still making it perfectly clear that he could if he had wanted to. Joanna started writing, settling for short sentences and phrases when she found she couldn't capture the precise words for his actions.
"Told you," whispered Misty. There was a delighted purr in her voice. "Told you he was adorable."
"Adorable" was perhaps not the word that Joanna would have chosen to describe it, but she had to admit that he was special. Very special. In fact, she was sinking into a daydream of being a beautiful Jellicle queen with long white fur as smooth as silk, and she was being threatened by a drooling bulldog with glowing eyes and horrible fangs, and then she was saved by a handsome hero, and he would fall for her right away, take her in his arms and say...
She fell out of her reverie as the mini-Pollicles started yelping. Something had clearly happened, and it was something that they didn't understand. They all reacted very differently. Alopo was howling miserably and tried to hide behind Run Tuger, who was gnashing his teeth and barking loudly at a darkened corner of the class area. All the minis were looking at that corner, in which something was clearly moving.
"What is it?" squeaked Valessia as she back-pedalled as far away from said corner as possible. Her feline eyes were wide with fear.
Joanna squinted into the darkness. It was difficult to see, but she was able to catch a glimpse of something grey and trembling.
Pouncival tried to calm everybody down, but he wasn't really sure which group he should start with. The minis were making the most noise, and to his sensitive hearing it was barely bearable, but on the other hand the students should be his main priority, as he was the teacher.
Fortunately he didn't have to react, for the Rumpus Cat suddenly got up, his eyes gleaming and his fur standing on end, and hissed at the minis. They immediately whined and lied down on the ground, in complete submission. The superhero smiled, pleased, and turned to see what it was that had disturbed his lesson.
It was a cat. A queen, by the looks of it. She was quite small, and her fur had the same colour as dust. A pair of large yellow eyes stared with terror at the gathered mass of students and mini-Pollicles, and the sight of the rather imposing Rumpus Cat towering over her didn't seem to calm her down. She curled up in the corner, her entire body shaking with fear.
Pouncival, forever the kind, pleasant one, went up to her and knelt down beside her.
"Hello," he said. "Where do you come from?"
Joanna bounced impatiently up and down to try and look over her classmates. If the mysterious queen said anything she didn't hear it, but the queen must have for Pouncival stood up again and sighed deeply.
"Okay then," he said. "Viktorea, Mngojari, go and fetch miss Minnaloushe, would you? And you lot," he looked at the students, "class dismissed. I'll be expecting your finished battle scenes next time. Out with you."
"What do you suppose that was about?" asked Misty as the class started to file out. "That queen looked a bit familiar to me..."
Joanna shrugged. "I didn't really get a good look at her. I think she must be from another fandom, don't you? Just like the Cheshire Cat."
Misty was frowning. She looked like there was something she wanted to say, but then she merely shrugged it off. Perhaps it wasn't important.
"Crossovers," said Ekwy bitterly as she, her sister and miss Minnaloushe made their way to the mini-Pollicle pen. "To have to deal with crossovers. Well, that should be a new experience for all of us."
"There could only be one explanation," sighed miss Minnaloushe and lowered her voice to make sure no student heard it. "Someone's stopped eating the Delights."
Ekwy and Gecka both nodded.
"I knew they wouldn't be enough," added the latter. "We should have gone through every safety measure we could think of to prevent things like this from happening. I knew the Delights wouldn't stop it for long."
"Mistoffelees was sceptical in the beginning as well," nodded miss Minnaloushe. "I shall speak with him once I know more about this new visitor."
They arrived at the pen. The minis were happily running about inside, carefully guarded by the Rumpus Cat, who made sure that they didn't scare the guest. She was still in the corner, and Pouncival sat there next to her, keeping her company. She still seemed frightened, but at least she was talking to him.
"Perhaps you should keep in the background, miss?" suggested Ekwy carefully. "I mean, she's not used to the, um, wings an' stuff. She might be more scared than she already is."
Miss Minnaloushe sighed. "Very well. You go over there then."
"Yes, ma'am."
Ekwy went over to Pouncival and the mystery queen, and exchanged a few words with the young tom. After a moment or two she sat down next to them both. At first the queen seemed nervous, but she soon looked directly at Ekwy, and even though she looked a little confused she clearly answered the Agent's questions. When Ekwy had gotten what she wanted she got up and went back to miss Minnaloushe and Gecka.
"Mrs. Norris," she said. "From the Harry Potter continuum. I believe she comes from a fanfic, not the real Potterverse."
"Well that's a relief," sighed Gecka. "It'll be easier to get her back if it's simply a fanfic."
Ekwy nodded. "She really misses her master. I say we try and get her back as soon as possible. I can talk to the Twins, they can get up a portal within minutes."
"Do that," said miss Minnaloushe and looked at Gecka. "And you, get a message out to the students. Make sure no other crossovers are written until this have been figured out. I shall talk to Mistoffelees about more magical wards. Now we have to reconsider the whole thing, I'm afraid. The Delights will still be handed out to every student, but there must be several other precautions as well."
"Yes, miss."
The two Agents saluted hastily and hurried away to carry out the order. Miss Minnaloushe's eyes followed them until they had disappeared from view, and then she took one cleansing breath. Slowly she began strolling back to the Jellicle junkyard. She knew the way well by now. The pale moon brought light to her way and glittered in her wings. She longed to stretch out, to fly, but she knew she must stay on the ground for a while more. Tonight when everyone slept, she would allow herself to flap her wings and ascend to above the clouds, look down on the place where she had to make every decision, and forget for just a moment.
But she must wait. She must be patient. The Jellicles would be content in knowing that whatever was wrong at their junkyard, miss Minnaloushe would be there to take care of it.
Mistoffelees was sitting on the tire, his face a mask of concentration. His paws were raised in front of him, forming a bowl above which a golden ball of light floated. As miss Minnaloushe watched, the ball cracked from top to bottom, the pieces fell to the ground where they shattered in a thousand glittering pieces. In the magician's paws were instead a small sapphire blue bird, which sang a couple of tunes before it disappeared.
"Nicely done," said miss Minnaloushe and gave him a nod.
"Thanks," grinned Mistoffelees. "I've been practising. Can't seem able to make the bird stay in existence for more than a few seconds, though." He scratched his head.
"Focus on your illusions later, Mistoffelees. Besides, shouldn't you be preparing for your class right now?"
"That is what I'm doing, miss. They work harder if they see me conjuring up pretty things sometimes." The magician grinned again. "What can I do for you?"
"Wards. More wards."
He nodded. "So the Delights aren't working?"
"Oh they're working, all right. It's just that it doesn't matter how well they're working when the students stop eating them."
"I knew they wouldn't be enough..."
Miss Minnaloushe held up a hand to stop him. "Yes, I know, I know. That is not the issue now. Just put up more wards, okay?"
Mistoffelees nodded. "I will directly after my class."
"Do you promise? I have heard what mayhem crossovers can cause. I will NOT have homicidal Care Bears on my campus."
Miss Minnaloushe glared at him so sternly that Mistoffelees didn't dare laugh, and he simply nodded meekly. Her eyes were glowing faintly red, which was always a sign that she was annoyed. Perhaps she had slept badly.
"I promise," he said. "Are you feeling well, miss Minnaloushe? You are looking rather frazzled."
"I am fine. I'm just tired." She sighed and brushed back a strand of hair. "I miss being able to fly away any time I wish. Sometimes I feel trapped here. And spring is coming..." She paused, and Mistoffelees gave her an odd look. "I know it is only January, but I can feel it. Back home, we would get ready to fly out right about now. I suppose I am just homesick." She shrugged and brushed by him. "Get the wards up, Mistoffelees. Soon. Preferably immediately."
"Will do."
The course coordinator continued on her merry way. She thought about quenching her homesickness with a cup of very hot, very strong coffee from the faculty area and was sort of enjoying the thought of a bit of dark chocolate as well, when suddenly she walked into something. Since she was an Ironwing, and Ironwings rarely walk into things, miss Minnaloushe was so surprised by the event that she at first readied herself to scold the student who must have gotten in her way... and then she noticed what it was.
It was not a student. It was a cat, no doubt, but a cat that she had never seen before. He reminded her both of Growltiger and the Rum Tum Tugger, in that he was blind at one eye and completely oozed out animal sexuality as he grinned a pirate's grin at her. His fur was grey, but his body was so much covered in scar tissue that his colour was not what you first thought of. His one good eye was bright yellow, and the way he looked at miss Minnaloushe made her feel very uncomfortable. In fact, everything about him made her feel uncomfortable, from the fact that he basically had no ears at all, to the smell that radiated from him.
Miss Minnaloushe's wings rose automatically behind her to make her look bigger and therefore more intimidating. It did not work. The cat simply advanced, still grinning, as if it was some kind of game.
Then she recognized him. Then she knew exactly who he was and where he belonged.
Greebo took another step forward. His eye sparkled. Then he pounced with a triumphant growl, aiming for miss Minnaloushe's midriff to pull her down.
He didn't get that far. The course coordinator clenched her hand into a fist and gave him a solid hit on the head, causing him to crumble to the ground in a dead faint with an endlessly surprised look on his face.
Miss Minnaloushe hoisted the muscular tom up onto her shoulders with ease and sighed.
"Mistoffelees!" she bellowed so loudly that the nearby trashcans trembled. "Get those wards up NOW!"