A/N: It very much pleases me to say that I do believe the Witch of Writer's Block is permantently defeated now. Hurrah!

Get ready for the disclaimer of doom:
CATS belongs to T. S. Eliot and Andrew Lloyd Webber.
The concept of OFUs belongs to Miss Cam.
The Cheshire Cat of Alice in Wonderland belongs to Lewis Carroll.
Mrs. Norris of Harry Potter belongs to J. K. Rowling.
Greebo of the Discworld belongs to Terry Pratchett.
Salem of Sabrina, the Teenage Witch belongs to Nell Scovell.
OFUDisc and Doctor Huinesoron belongs to, well, Huinesoron.
HFA (Hogwarts Fanfiction Academy) and Meir Brin belongs to Meir Brin.

I got permission from the last two to mention their OFUs in this story, of course.

Twenty-Eight: My Kingdom For a Name

Mistoffelees frowned as his paws slowly slid over the softly glowing surface of the ward. A shower of sparks automatically came out as he spotted any weak spots, circled around the area and made it strong. When he had finished, he smiled contentedly and strolled back to Gecka, who was waiting by the portal to take him back to campus.

They were standing at the very end of the labyrinth surrounding the OFUC. The students went under the misconception that the labyrinth just went on forever, but it didn't. Everything had an end, and on the other side of the shimmering blue ward, Gecka saw nothing but a thick, grey darkness. She could see a faint star shining here and there, but otherwise it was completely empty. The vast void made her feel uneasy, so she took her eyes away from it and smiled a little at Mistoffelees.

"You don't have to look so smug about it," she said. "It's not like you invented the concept of wards or anything..."

"I'm just happy I got out of teaching," said Mistoffelees and grinned. "The students are a little bit more... enthusiastic about, er, wooing me and things now after the holidays. They're feeling rejuvenated, I suppose."

"I have noticed that too," nodded the Agent. "Anyway, are you ready to get back? You can't get out of classes forever, you know."

"Yes, I know..."

There was a faint tremor in the ground, like an ever-so-small earthquake. It was barely noticeable, would probably have passed by completely unfelt, had not Mistoffelees been a cat and Gecka been especially trained to spot even the slightest change in her surroundings.

"Felt that too, huh?" she murmured nervously and automatically she unsheathed her carving knife. "Get into the portal. Now."

Mistoffelees ignored her. His paws had started glowing, but faintly, as if he didn't have enough energy.

Of course, he had just conjured up and strengthened a ward that went all around the grounds. He must be exhausted. Gecka would much rather see him safe and sound back at the junkyard, but she had a very distinct feeling that he wouldn't allow her to transport him there by force.

A couple of pinging sounds, bullets ricocheting off something, came bouncing off the ward. They came with long intervals at first, then faster and faster until the sounds turned into a sort murmur, whispers of wonder.

Gecka squinted at the void behind the ward again. For a moment she thought she saw a shadow passing over a star, but it was gone when she tried focusing on it.

"We should leave, both of us," she said in a low voice. "Right now."

"You first," said Mistoffelees. His eyes gleamed with a desire for the hunt, and the corners of his mouth were turned upwards in a hopeful grin as he seemingly focused on something that Gecka's own human eyes couldn't spot.

'Felines,' she thought and rolled her eyes.

Out loud she said: "Not a chance, kittycat. I'm your bodyguard. I'm not leaving you behind for you to battle with some earthquake shadow. You're coming back with me, and we'll report this to miss Minnaloushe. And," she added with a pleasant smile, "if you refuse, I have ways to deal with that."

The murmurs intensified, turned into thunder. Gecka shivered.

"All right," she said. "I didn't want to have to resort to this, but you leave me no choice."

She reached into her pocket, and slowly he pulled out a piece of red string. At the end of it she had tied a bundle of feathers and a small bell, and now she waved it in front of the magician's surprised face. With a meow the cat immediately lashed out after it, ears stroked back and tail wagging.

"Come on," cajoled Gecka and pulled back towards the gleaming portal. "Here boy! Take it!"

"You," growled Mistoffelees, helpless as every instinct he had took over, "are going to be in so much trouble once we're back. I cannot even begin to... Yes!"

He laughed as his paw landed on the bell, pinning it to the ground. Gecka giggled. There were few things as amusing as playing the string-game with a cat, and especially when the cat hated you for doing it.

In her office, which did not exist on any map over the university since she cherished her privacy, sat miss Minnaloushe. She was pondering the late events, which was giving her a headache. She had lost the Cheshire Cat. Either it had left OFUC or it was just keeping itself invisible somewhere, frankly she didn't care. It had been highly annoying. Greebo was placed in a cage of magical energy, and he was still unconscious. She had herself made sure that he would be for a little while, at least until Ekwy had contacted the Official Fanfiction University of Discworld to see if they were missing one scabby witches' cat. Mrs. Norris had been taken to the faculty area, where she was, at least the last time miss Minnaloushe had seen her, discussing rude kittens and children with Jennyanydots.

So far, things were quite calm. Greebo had been a little bit of a nuisance, but at least now he was taken care of. Miss Minnaloushe leant back into her chair and closed her eyes. At least for now, things were just fine...

"Miss Minnaloushe?"

Curses.

Miss Minnaloushe shook her head to clear it and turned around to face Grizabella. The school librarian was looking rather troubled and she stood in the doorway of the office, clearly waiting to be allowed in.

"Yes?" said miss Minnaloushe and nodded at the old queen. "What is it?"

"Well, I didn't want to upset you, but there has been another arrival, you see..."

Miss Minnaloushe frowned. "That is not possible. Mistoffelees should have the wards up by now. How did it get through?"

Grizabella shrugged. "I don't know anything about that. I just know that some wisecracking tom has shown up in my library. I told him to stay put until I had fetched you," she added.

The course coordinator stood up so fast that her chair rolled backwards and hit the wall with a loud bang.

"Let's go," she said.

She had barely spoken until they were both standing outside the library. That was just how miss Minnaloushe's office worked. It obeyed its mistress.

Grizabella lead the course coordinator into the library, and they found themselves looking at a black tomcat. He seemed extremely bored, but he stood leaning against the desk, waiting patiently for Grizabella's return. He looked up when he heard them come in, completely unsurprised about seeing a woman with wings standing ten feet away.

"I didn't know you had redecorated the Other Realm," he said. He had a quite pleasant voice, and an American accent. "On the other hand, I wasn't aware that you had just started snapping decent people out of their laundry baskets when they're taking a nap either."

He shrugged. Miss Minnaloushe and Grizabella both stared at him, and it was miss Minnaloushe who broke the awkward silence.

"The Other Realm?" she repeated. "Why are you capitalizing that?"

The tom looked uncertain for a moment. "This is the Witches' Council, isn't it?" When they shook their heads he threw his head back and groaned. "Oh, why me... What did I ever do? Granted, I tried to take over the world, but this is no way to punish me, Drell!"

He glared at the darkening sky above. Miss Minnaloushe took one step closer to him.

"Excuse me," she said politely. "But who are you? Why are you here? More importantly, how did you get here?"

The tom sighed. "Okay, first of all, I have no idea how I got here. Like I said, I was in the laundry basket having a fabulous nap, dreaming about tuna, and then suddenly I was here, and that cat," he nodded at Grizabella, "was staring at me like I'd fallen from the sky or something. My name is Salem, by the way. Salem Saberhagen."

"Saberhagen," mumbled miss Minnaloushe and nodded slowly to herself. "That name does ring a bell, but I can't quite place it. I'll ask Ekwy or Gecka later on, they have more knowledge about fandom than I do. In the meantime..." She nodded at Salem to follow her. "You come with me."

The black tom shrugged again. "Might as well. It's not like I've got anything else to do today."

Grizabella joined them both for a walk to the faculty area. Time had come to straighten this thing out.

"Can't be the wards," muttered Mistoffelees. "They're up and running. Somehow it seems like our guest here managed to get through anyway."

"I resent that," said Salem. "I most certainly didn't 'manage' to come here. I was forced to come here."

"Perhaps students are behind it?" suggested Electra.

She had looked at Salem with some interest before shrugging and returning to the side of the Rum Tum Tugger. Now she sat by to the maned cat's feet together with his other three fangirls (canon ones, that is, not students), and followed the discussion with interest.

The magician shook his head at her remark. "Not clever enough. I don't think anyone's behind it, really. It's something else. Something uncontrollable. I did tell you about the earthquake, didn't I?"

"Twice," said miss Minnaloushe. "So it's like a natural disaster. That is just wonderful."

She got up from the ratty sofa she had been sitting on and started pacing.

"I have heard about bad things happening to OFUs," she said, "but I never thought OFUC would be another one on the list. We're such a small fandom, not even one hundred students... Still we get it."

"OFUs are melting pots for a lot of crap happening in their respective fandoms," shrugged Ekwy as she strolled into the area. "I bring words from OFUDisc and Doctor Huinesoron. They're short one Greebo. Nanny Ogg is greatly worried about him."

As one, the gathered faculty glanced over to Greebo's magical cage. The cat was lying very still inside it, but miss Minnaloushe and Jennyanydots were both positive that he'd be returned to normal once he woke up. Perhaps a little dizzy for a bit, but normal.

"So how soon can he be taken back there?" asked Demeter nervously. "He makes me a...little bit uneasy."

There were murmurs of agreement from the females of the group. Miss Minnaloushe had to agree. Greebo made her uneasy as well. He might not seem like it, but he very much possessed the same amount of sex appeal as the Rum Tum Tugger. Every female could feel it, whether she be Jellicle, human or Ironwing. Miss Minnaloushe would personally not mourn when that tom was off campus. She could only hope that none of the students would notice his presence.

"I'm afraid we don't dare to send him anywhere until we're sure that he won't just pop back here," she said now. "Don't worry, Demeter, we shall keep an eye on him and make sure he stays a good tom." She turned to Ekwy. "What about Mrs. Norris? Did you get in touch with Meir Brin?"

The Agent nodded. "I did. The Mrs. Norris that we've got is not the one residing HFA. Brin was not sure where she belongs, but I was promised that she'll call me once she's scanned her fandom." Ekwy bounced down on the couch and stretched out. "So what do we do until then?"

"We find out what the hell's going on," said Kihr cheerfully from a corner.

He was on sweeping duty and was thus holding a broom, which he occasionally used to poke mini-Pollicles with. He found their tries to wrestle the broom off him endlessly amusing.

"Language, Kihr," said miss Minnaloushe warningly. "But you are right. So." She looked at her faculty. "What do we know?"

"We know that cats from different universes have randomly started showing up here," said Old Deuteronomy when no one else spoke up. "They seem to have no idea how they got here or why they came."

"And at least one is aching to go home," added Gecka.

"Make that two." Salem tried a sad face, which didn't work very well. "Ah-huh-huh-huh-huh..."

Miss Minnaloushe ignored him and reeled off the visitors on her fingers. "One, the Cheshire Cat. Two, Mrs. Norris. Three, Greebo. Now four, Salem. Four visitors, not much alike..."

"They do all come from fandoms with a great deal of magic," pointed out Mistoffelees.

"That's true. Perhaps it is relevant information, perhaps it isn't." The course coordinator sank down on Bustopher's hat, her eyebrows knitted together with concentration. "I think we might have a canon quake on our hands."

Ekwy and Gecka gasped, but the felines merely looked like they didn't understand.

"What is that?" asked Munkustrap and frowned.

"It happens when a canon is upgraded," explained Ekwy. "It's usually very troublesome and brings a lot of... mess. But it can't be, miss Minnaloushe. The Cats fandom hasn't had a major change since 1998! Why would it happen now?"

Gecka suddenly got a look of realisation on her face. "Because the show is still being put on all around the world. Different actors, different little details... It's always changing."

"Well now that we know about it, we should be able to do something to stop it," said Pouncival. "Right?" He looked at the Agents hopefully.

There was an awkward silence. Finally Ekwy said: "We'll try. But if it is a canon quake, it has been building up for years. Probably since ­81. And now it's erupting, all at once."

"Not to interrupt or anything," said Salem loudly. "But what does all of this have to do with me being here?" He looked at all the gathered people around him. "I get that there is something bad coming. But why was I brought here? In case you didn't know, I was sentenced to be a cat for a hundred years for trying to take over the world. My magic's gone. My powers are gone. My thumbs are gone..." He started his dry sobs again.

"If you tried to take over the world, you must know about military techniques," said Ekwy comfortingly and sat down beside him. "You might do some good."

"Will we need military techniques?" asked Old Deuteronomy. He didn't sound pleased about it.

"We don't know," answered miss Minnaloushe and sighed. "But one thing is for certain. If it is a canon quake, it will definitely get worse before it gets better."