Disclaimer: I don't own anything Numb3rs, it's all property of CBS and whatnot, so don't sue.
Chapter 31: The Truth is Revealed... But No One To Ask For Forgiveness
True to his vow, Charlie had called in to the CalSci Dean the next day, alerting him to the fact that he was taking some time off, a sabbatical of sorts. He'd been scant on the real reason for the need for such an absence but in the end, he got his request fulfilled.
Charliewas absolutely miserable, and a part of him wanted desperately for either his father of his brother to call him so that he could tell them the truth, aboutall those nights he climbed up the side of the house and snuck into his dying mother's room, spending the wee hours of the morning with her until the sun came up. Most of those nights, he begged her to keep fighting, even though he knew she was too fargone.
With a sigh, Charlie tried to banish the harsh words he'd been the brunt of the night before as he quickly packed a dufflebag with a few weeks worth of clothing and other necessary items. He was also trying with all his might to quell that tiny little voice in his head that kept saying things like...
" You know you deserved every word Don said. Admit it, you are a selfish little leech who doesn't deserve to live."
Charlie quickly shook his head to banish these thoughts as he finsihed packing his stuff. He then grabbed a pen and paper, along with a white letter envelope. With tears welling in his eyes, Charlie wrote along the pure white surface a few tears escaping from his eyes and splashing onto the paper, his hand trembling slightly as he wrote a note to his brother and father. He quickly folded the note and stuffed it into the envelope, scribble " Don and Dad" on the front.
With a shaky sigh, Charlie set the envelope on top of the coffee table in the before he picked up his duffle bag and keys. With a final glance around his house, Charlie walked through the door out into the sun, the light doing nothing to warm hissoul as he waited for the cab he'd called to show up.
When it arrived, Charlie climbed in and then reached into his pocket for his cell-phone.
He pulled it out and then flipped it open, pressing the button for a number of speed dial. He then waited for someone to answer.
Ring... Ring... Ring...
"Steele." Came the simple answer.
" Steele, it's me." Said Charlie.
"What's wrong Ghost?" Asked Steele, immediately zeroing in on the misery lacing his top Operative's voice.
" I just wanted to call you and say that I'm disappearing for a while."
" What? Wait a minute... Why?" Asked a confused derek Steele.
"I just...I need to get away from everything, and I mean everything. I'm sorry, I just,I have to go. Find me, only if it is absolutely necessary, other than that... Mojave and Nighthawk can handle things themselves." Said Charlie, not waiting for an answer as he flipped his phone off and settled in for the ride that would take him into the city where his real ride was waiting for him.
Twenty minutes after Charlie's cab had pulled away from the house, a black SUV pulled into the driveway of Casa Eppes.
" Dad, I don't think this is such a good idea. He'll probably kick us out of the house again the moment we step across the threshold. Besides, maybe we need a little distance after what happened last night." Grumbled Don.
" Son, you should never have said all those things to your brother, you know how sensitive he is. Now we are all going to sit down and talk about this.Now, we just checked with Larry and he said that Charlie hadn't come in to work this morning so, he's probablyhere at home, now let's go!"Said Alan sternly as he climbed out of the SUV, Don begrudingly following him as they made their way up the drivewayto check the garage first.
When they came up empty-handed, they made their way back to the front door and knocked. When no one answered, Alan pulled out his house key andlet himself and Don in.
" Charlie! Son are you here!" Called out Alan, receiving only silence.
Don rolled his eyes dramtically before he spoke.
" C'mon Dad, he probably went out for a walk of something. We can come back later, I think it's too soon for a heart to heart talk any how." Said Don stubbornly.
He was turning to head back out the door when his eyes fell on the white envelope laying on top of the coffee table in the livingroom.
" Donnie, what is it?" Asked Alan ashe followed his oldest son into the livingroom.
Don immeditately recognized the handwriting on the front of it to be Charlie's.
With a sinking feeling, Don picked up theenvelope and opened it, pulling out the note inside.
Don felt his heart stop completely as his mind processed the words written before him.
Dear Don, and Dad.
If you guys are reading this, you either came to apologize or spit out more venom. By the time you're done reading this, I'll be long gone.
Donnie, I know that you were angry and hurting when you said all those things to me. I didn't have the heart to say anything to my defense but, you're wrong,I never abandoned our mother. You and Dad both think that I was too wrapped up in P vs NP. The truth is, I did go to see her, I went to see her every night. I would climb up the side of the house and sneak in through mom's bedroom window. If you don't believe me, ask Nora, the night nurse Dad hired.
All I can really remember was seeing Mom laying there, so frail, with all those tubes going into her arms. Her hair was gone, her eyes were sunken into her head, her hand so cold in both of mine, half the time I was with her, I don't think she even heard a word of what I said. Mostly, I just kept begging her to hold on, to not leave us, to not leave me. But she did, on that day, whenI went to go see her, I knew it would be our last time together. During our last conversation, she made me promise her to stay strong, and that no matter what, never let anything you or dad said in your anger to break me because whatever you said was misguided. How were you to know anything different other than that I was holed up in the garage, working on that pointless equation? Then three hours later, she was gone. The only person on this planet who truely understood me.
Don, I know that you and Dad have always held a small smidgen of resentment for me eversince I was born but, I love you both so much. I was alway envious of just how strong the both of you guys were those months she was home. I could never have dealt with that situation like you guys did. But, I dealt with it in my own way.
I guess, I never told you guys anything so that you could have something to focus your anger at. It was nothing new for me, I've always been more or less everybody else's punching bag.
I'm notmad at either of you, I just didn'tthink it would hurt this much. Please Don, as a small curtesy to me, don't try to find me because, I don't even know where I'm going, I just have to go. I'll come home when I'm ready.
When you said that you could never ever forgive me. I don't expect you to because I've beenlying to you for so long. Just know that I'm sorry I wasn't there for you both when you needed me.
But, I was there for her at least.
I love you Don, tell Dad I love him too.
Charlie.
P.S. Tell everyone else that I'm sorry for leaving like this. Especially Colby, tell him I'm sorry I won't be seing him and the guys at the gym for a while.
Salty drops of water fell over thename Charlie written on the paper. Don stood frozen, the letter clutched inboth his trembling hands. More tears fell from his deep brown eyes as he stared in disbelief at the letter in his hands.
He couldn't breathe, he couldn't move, he think.
" Donnie, what is it, what's wrong?" Asked Alan urgently.
Numbly, Donhanded the letter over to his father and then continued to stare at the floor with tears now running freely down his face. A few minutes later, a strangle sob filled the room and Don turned to his father and saw the look of sheer horror, coupled with the tears of anguish in his eyes.
" D-Dad I..." Don tried to speak but his windpipe constricted painfully. Instead, with eyes blinded by hot, salty tears, Don stumbled to the sofa and collapsed onto it, burying his face in his hands as he cried, his sobs echoing throughthehouse.
" Oh God, Charlie. What have I done?" Sobbed Don as he felt his father'sarms encirle him in a embrace that brough him no comfort.
" No Donnie, What have we done to him? OhCharlie, my sweet boy." Sobbed Alan as he clung to his oldest son, who hugged him back and continued to sob violently against him.
Meanwhile, Charlie sighed as he paid the cab fair and watched the car disappear. Charlie adjusted the strap of his bag before he turned and headed into the airport.
He'd booked a flight to Texas and from there he didn't really know where he'd go from there.
He only knew, that he would go somewhere, anywhere but home.
Maybe when he found this place, he could conquer, the two halves of his soul, the man and the killer.
The End... For Now.
Gothraven89-Thank you all for reviewing, and don't worry, I won't leave you all hanging. The next storyin the Call of Duty saga will be delivered.
All in due time.