Disclaimer: Olivia, Elliot and the gang do not belong to me; I can only take credit for the bad guys and the story/situation you are reading. Thank you, Dick Wolfe and company, for your wonderful programming. But a little more romance? They suffer so much…

Rated "M" for naughty language, because real cops have filthy mouths. Icky situations and possible sexual stuff in later chapters. We'll see.

Reviews: Please. This is my first fan fic. Thank you for those reviews of chapter one. You're the reason I wrote chapter two so quickly! Chapter Two

The reflection was startling, almost as if she wasn't alone in the sterile-smelling hospital bathroom. Olivia's hand stilled on the faucet as she stared at her image. Her face was still pale, smudged mascara under her dark eyes making her ghostly. Blood was smeared across her left cheek and her short, thick hair was wildly disarrayed. More of Elliot's blood stained the front of her white tank-top and the top of her black slacks.

Her hand rose from the faucet to gingerly touch the broad white bandage on her left bicep. The doctor had done a decent job of sewing the wound; the stitches under the gauze were small and neat. The pain was minimal, her skin still feeling numbed from the local injection the doctor had insisted on before he closed the gunshot wound.

She sighed, twisting on the faucet and leaning over the sink to wash her face. Olivia had run in here for the third time since the doctor finished on her. Nausea kept on her constantly like a shadow in the low sun. She couldn't shake it, and it wouldn't leave even after she lost the last of her breakfast. The doctor had tried to give her something for it, but Olivia knew it wasn't a side effect of her injury. Elliot.

Olivia looked back at the mirror; there was a haunted look in those brown eyes. She had killed a man and her partner might not pull through…

She shook her head, forcing the thought out. Elliot was strong; his body was healthy and she knew his mindset was determined enough to get him through this.

Her reflection seemed to mock her. She bit at her lower lip, surveying her image again. There was no way to clean the blood from her white tank top. She could go home and change at this point since they had officially released her, but there was no way in hell she would leave Elliot. So the blood made her a marked woman. She was the one with Elliot. She was the one walking around while he was in an operating room. You could have done more.

"No," she whispered. Her hand lowered to her empty holster at the thought and a humorless smile touched her lips. The crime scene unit had confiscated it on the orders of Internal Affairs. Because a cop was shot in addition to the perp being killed by another cop, IA was now involved, and they had their list of regulations. They took her weapon for testing at the crime lab and placed Olivia on an automatic three day suspension while they performed their investigation.

She sighed, bending over the sink to splash some more cold water on her face, careful this time to wash the blood smear from her cheek. She tore off some paper towels and blotted her face dry. She was a mess, but it would have to do.

She made her way out of the bathroom and back into the emergency room waiting area. Cragen looked up at her and wordlessly shook his head. Still no word on Elliot.

Cragen was seated in one of the uncomfortable looking chairs lining the back wall of the waiting room, fingers crossed, his back bent with his elbows resting on his thighs. He looked distraught and as exhausted as Olivia felt. He had rushed into the ER less then ten minutes after she arrived in the ambulance with Elliot. His presence soothed her in a way nothing else could at this moment. The others helped, but it was her captain that had held her when she was struggling not to cry.

Munch was pacing back and forth, muttering constantly about hospitals and regulations and government funded healthcare in socialist societies. Both Cragen and Fin at different times had told him to shut up over the past two hours, but they had since given up. Munch was mild amusement for the ten or so other people waiting, save the addict who was detoxing in the far corner. She had finally been called back to a doctor, though, so Munch was safe to continue his rant. Olivia knew it was his way of dealing with the situation; she understood his need to talk to take his mind off of Elliot.

Fin was leaning against the massive doorway, giving him a view of the waiting room and at the same time the long, large hallway that lead down to the ER doors, check-in desk, bathrooms and surgery facilities. His face was tight, lips pursed, hands shoved into the pockets of his dark jeans. He acknowledged Olivia with an upward jerk of his head.

"You 'kay, Liv?" He asked. She gave him a small smile.

"Better." She touched her stomach lightly. "I think that was the last of it. I just need a Sprite or 7up." She started to dig into her pockets for change, bringing Fin's attention down to her holster.

"I still can't believe those IA fucks took your Glock. Bastards don't trust a cop. Fucker was a murdering pedophile at that and they're investigating a cop?" He shook his head, his mouth pulling up at one side in a sardonic grin. "What 'cha gonna do without your gun?"

"I've got three more at home," Olivia replied, her lips curving up slightly, mirroring him. It was true. She felt naked without a weapon and needed to have one with her at all times. After showering when she got home, getting her favorite back up, her Beretta M9, into her holster would be her second task.

"Here, I got change." Fin pulled some quarters out of his pocket, holding out his palm to make sure there was enough. Olivia came up empty, so she took the change with an appreciative smile.

"Thanks, Fin." Olivia turned around and headed back out in the hallway. She had noticed a line of vending machines earlier near the ER doors and she headed that way now.

She stopped halfway down the hall, recognizing the woman as she ran through the ER doors, her face puffy and red, keys still in her right hand.

"Kathy…"

"Where is he?" Kathy's voice was high-pitched and shaky. Cragen must have gotten through to Kathy's cell while Olivia was in the bathroom. He and Olivia had tried earlier, but weren't able to get directly to her. Leaving a message like this to be relayed to Kathy wasn't an option for them. And while Kathy and Elliot had been divorced for over a year now, Olivia still felt that Kathy needed to hear it from her instead of some news program. And there was the task of telling his children…

"Elliot's in surgery. The bullet was still in his side and the doctors are working to remove it and repair…"

"You bitch! How could you have let this happen?" Kathy screamed, cutting Olivia off. Olivia looked back at her, momentarily stunned.

"We were both taken by surprise. We were following up on a lead and the suspect of a series of murders was waiting for us." Olivia kept her voice calm, slipping instinctively into her interrogation room persona. "Neither of us had a chance to get a shot off before Clarkson drew his weapon."

"How come it was him? Why him?" Kathy was still screaming, her body shaking. "Why him and not you? Oh, God, is that his blood on you?" She looked down wildly at Olivia's blood-stained shirt, then back at her face. "Do you want to tell my kids that their father is dead?"

Olivia felt the presence of people behind her.

"Elliot's not dead, Kathy," Olivia spoke evenly. "He is in surgery. He'll pull through." She paused, letting her words sink in. Kathy was breathing heavily, but said nothing.

"He's strong. The doctors will be able to fix him. Your children still have a father," Olivia continued. She held out her hand. "It will be all right. Please…"

Kathy's face suddenly tightened and she choked on a sob. "Oh, God, I thought he was dead, Olivia! This is the reason, oh, God, this is the reason, every day, every night, thinking he's going to die. I just couldn't do it. I'm so sorry…"

Kathy took Olivia's outstretched hand and Olivia pulled her close, holding her as she broke down completely. Kathy shook hard, sobbing against Olivia; Olivia rubbed her back, trying to ease the other woman's fear and pain. Cragen came into view behind Kathy. He gave Olivia a small nod, then moved in closer, lightly touching Kathy's back next to Olivia's hand.

"Kathy."

"Oh, Don." Kathy moved from Olivia into Cragen's embrace. Olivia moved quietly away, letting Cragen comfort her.

"Here."

Olivia looked away from the two to Fin who was standing next to her now. He had a Sprite can in his hand. "Seein' as you didn't get a chance."

She took the can, digging out the change in her pocket and giving it back to him. "Thanks, Fin."

"Emotional women frighten me," Munch spoke in a low voice from the other side of Olivia.

"I agree, man. This one in particular," Fin replied. Olivia tried to pop the top off of the Sprite can as quietly as possible.

"She's distraught. The constant fear of hearing this kind of news is one of the reasons they divorced. And now she's going to have to tell their children." Olivia felt sympathy for her, even after Kathy's ardent display of emotion. She took a few sips of the Sprite. "It's understandable."

"Shit. If it weren't for you, Stabler'd be dead," Fin grunted. "Bastard got a shot off at you too – it's not like you were on the sidelines watching the shit go down. You popped the fucker and saved your partner."

A muffled ring had Fin digging around inside his jacket, cutting their conversation short. He pulled out his cell phone, flipping it open. "Tutuola. Yeah….nah, nah, nothing yet. Really? No, he hadn't last time…now? Bastard chooses now? Yeah…nah, about ten minutes. Yeah…yeah, bye."

Fin closed his cell and tucked it back inside his jacket. "The DA and McKeever's lawyer are down at holding. Fucker chooses now to confess."

Olivia recognized the name. McKeever was the top suspect of one of Fin and Munch's current cases.

"McKeever's asking for me, the sick little bitch. He wants my company for his twisted tale, for sure. Wants to get off on the reaction." Fin mouth was pursed. He looked at Olivia; his eyes shifted from her face down to her shirt, the blood stain a blunt reminder of the situation. "I don't want to leave you."

"It's okay, Fin," Olivia touched his arm. "I'll call you if I hear anything."

His mouth was still drawn out, but he nodded. "Right." He turned his attention to his partner. "I'll let you know what goes on with McKeever."

"Don't let him get to you," Munch warned.

"Never. Sick fuck," Fin repeated, shaking his head. He started off towards the ER doors. At the same time, Cragen and Kathy broke their hold and headed back to Olivia and Munch. Olivia heard Fin explain in short what was going on and Cragen nodded. Fin walked down the hall past the check-in desk and out the doors.

Cragen still had a hand on one of Kathy's arms. As they came closer, Olivia could tell Kathy was worn out by the crying. She also looked faintly embarrassed, and Olivia guessed that the woman felt bad about her initial outburst.

"Olivia, John," Cragen spoke quietly. "I'm going to take Kathy to pick up the children from school. Maureen also needs to be contacted…"

"Captain, if it's okay with you both, I would like to drive Kathy over to pick up the kids," Munch offered. Olivia glanced over at him, hiding her shock. Just a moment ago, he said that he couldn't stand emotional women, and here he was asking to be in a car alone with one. Olivia realized then that Munch was giving himself up for the captain, because he knew Cragen wanted to be here when Elliot came out of surgery. Or maybe he realized how much Olivia needed Cragen's support now. Whatever his reason was, at that moment, Olivia counted John as one of her true friends.

"If it's all right with Kathy." Cragen looked down at the blonde woman. She nodded, a small smile warming her face as she turned to Munch.

"That would be fine. Lizzie and Dickie love John." She crossed her arms, accessing Munch. "It might comfort them to have you with me when I tell them about Elliot."

Kathy turned her attention to Olivia. She regarded her quietly for a moment before speaking. "Olivia, I'm so sorry…"

"It's okay." Olivia put a gentle hand on Kathy's shoulder. She gave her a reassuring smile. "Go pick up the children. Cragen and I will stay here, and if we hear anything else before you get back, we'll call."

"I really appreciate it," Kathy replied. She turned to Munch and he took the keys from her outstretched hand.

"We'll be back, Cap." Munch led Kathy back down the hallway and through the ER doors.

Olivia watched their retreating backs, a thousand thoughts circling around in her head. She was tired of thinking, tired period. She just wanted to hear something good about Elliot, see him, ask him…

"That was an unfortunate situation, Olivia, but you handled it well."

Olivia closed her eyes briefly and sighed. She took a few more gulps of the Sprite, calming as the cool liquid soothed down her throat and into her upset stomach. Her nausea had been under control during the confrontation with Kathy, but Olivia wasn't sure that it had completely disappeared.

"How does your arm feel?"

The question brought her attention back on Cragen. "Honestly, I had forgotten about it. But it's not bad. Still numb, I think, from the local."

"Did the doctor give you any meds?"

"We discussed it, but I declined. It's really not bad, Captain. A few stitches, but it wasn't deep. Tylenol should keep the pain away."

"Even though I don't agree with IA, these three days will be beneficial for you, Olivia. You can get in some rest, have a session or two with Huang…"

"Cap, I don't think that's necessary," she injected. It was no secret that she hated any sort of therapy. While she appreciated Doctor Huang's assistance to their work at the 16th precinct, she did not want to have to visit him on a personal level.

"Benson, that's not a suggestion. You killed a man today and your partner was seriously injured. Whether or not you feel you need to discuss your thoughts is not up for debate." Cragen's voice softened on his next words. "Olivia, it's important to work through this with someone."

She took a few more swallows of Sprite, finishing the can. She left Cragen without an answer, walking to the waiting room doorway and tossing the empty can in the trash bin. Olivia turned back to Cragen, first noticing the man heading from the ER area towards them.

"Captain, it's Doctor Carroll, Elliot's surgeon."

Cragen turned around to see the tall man in green medical scrubs and a white lab coat. His white surgical cap was missing from earlier and his face mask was draped loosely around his neck. He was carrying a clipboard.

"Captain Cragen, Detective Benson."

"How is he?" Olivia asked, trying to keep calm.

"We have Elliot stabilized. We just finished the surgery and moved him to the ICU."

"The bullet?"

"It was removed and sent to CSU per IA instructions. It did some moderate damage, but not as extensive as I first thought. His left lung was punctured. We had to remove part of the inferior lobe, the anterior basal, of his lung. From what I saw during surgery, it doesn't appear that he is a smoker."

Olivia shook her head.

"Then he should recover quickly. Over 70 percent of his left lung is still intact. He will have a difficult time initially, but it won't last." He glanced down at the chart. "His sixth and seventh ribs on the left side were fractured by the bullet and secondary shrapnel. This is a painful injury, and unfortunately, there is no way to cast it, but it should heal fine if he heeds my instructions and sticks to physical therapy after release."

Doctor Carroll adjusted his glasses and then tucked his clipboard under one arm. "He is still under from the anesthetic, but you can see him for a few minutes in ICU."

"We would like that," Cragen answered for both of them.

"Please let me warn you. I don't want his appearance to frighten you, because Elliot looks to be in worse condition than he actually is. There is a drainage tube in his torso removing excess fluids from the wound and we still have him on oxygen and fluid nutrients. We had to shave his right temple due to the second bullet. That wound took six stitches to close, so his head is also bandaged."

Olivia swallowed hard. She didn't know how she would react seeing her partner in this condition. But more than anything else, she needed to see him. It didn't matter how injured he appeared, but she couldn't leave until she made sure with her own eyes that Elliot was still alive.

"Detective Benson, is your first name Olivia?" Doctor Carroll asked.

One of Olivia's eyebrows quirked up at the question. "Yes. Why?"

His free hand slipped into his lab coat pocket. He pulled out a black mass of what looked like beads and it wasn't until he opened his palm that Olivia realized what it was. Elliot's rosary.

"Elliot told me to give this to you. He was sliding in and out of consciousness when we were prepping him for surgery; when he was lucid, he made this request. These were in his trench coat pocket."

Olivia's eyes burned as she felt tears threaten. The nausea crept back in as she stared at the string of beads in the doctor's outstretched hand. She wouldn't cry. Don't cry, Liv.

"Detective Benson?" Doctor Carroll sounded concerned.

Olivia took the rosary gently, the black glass beads cool against her palm as she closed her fingers around it. Elliot's rosary. The one he carried with him on patrol. Olivia hadn't understood it, she wasn't Catholic, but she knew the significance of the object to him.

She focused on breathing normally. She knew both the doctor and Cragen were staring at her. She didn't want to cry, to break down in front of them. She had her pride. And so far she had made it through this entire ordeal without a tear, without truly expressing how much this entire thing was breaking her heart.

His voice came back to her. "Livia, damn it…Love you." She would take the memory and those words to her grave.

A hot tear spilt down her cheek. She wiped it away angrily, starting off down the hall towards the area she had seen Doctor Carroll first appear.

"Let's go," she called back to them, not bothering to see if they were behind her. Her mind was on one thing now, and one thing alone.

She was going to see Elliot.