Disclaimer: Detective Conan is not mine… especially since I couldn't write a mystery to save my life! XP

SORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY for taking so long to update. Ehehehehehe…. Um… enjoy?

Silent Life

Chapter Three

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"Erm… happy birthday?"

A small sigh escaped Haibara's lips before she could restrain it. She shouldn't feel like this. It's not like Kudo remembered his own birthday… it should bother her so much that he forgot hers. But still… it would have been nice…

Flashing him a witty smirk, she quickly turned her head around to face the oncoming group of partiers, waving to them, yet saying to Conan, "Thank you. At least someone wished me good fortune this year… a few years ago… the Black Organization would have awarded me with… … but it does not matter."

She had plastered a smile on her face and she grinned at the professor and the others coming towards the two of them, but was doing her best to keep herself calm as she realized she had almost said something far too… personal.

Ran skipped over to Conan and pouted cutely at him, hiding all traces of her confusion about the earlier meeting with Shinichi, "Conan-kun… you missed the fireworks! What were you doing taking so long? You too! Ai-chan!"

"Gomen, Ran-san. Conan-kun and I were just I forgot something and he waited for me while I ran back to get it. We did get to see some of them from out here though," she forced the smile to morph into a meek expression, all the while being terribly irritated that she was forced to act so sweet… all the time.

As they returned to the house, Haibara mused that most people would not call the tiny 'Ai-chan' sweet… but… her actions were too sweet for her taste. That was just the way her mind worked….

"Hey! Go say bye to Ran! The last time you're going to see her is tomorrow at the airport, you know. You should go wish her luck and-" his comments were silenced by a slender finger placed on his lips by the half-British girl. Her eyebrows were raised as she looked at him, amused.

Shifting her weight over to her right leg, Haibara crossed her arms and smirked, "Sorry Kudo-kun. Just because you're too nervous to say goodbye to your girlfriend, doesn't mean I'm going to accompany you over there and serve as your nanny… I've already finished my oh so tearful words of farewell and it's you're turn now. Good luck, Kudo-kun."

With everything said and done, she turned on her heel and left him standing there, fidgeting, and wringing his hands, trying to think of the most appropriate way for him to see Ran off… were roses proper for an elementary school child to present to a woman leaving to study abroad?

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"He'll never change," a tiny gasp emitted from her lips and before she could control herself, her legs seemed to give way out from under her as she crumbled to the floor, cursing in ten different languages about her idiotic and weak emotions.

Back at the Organization… having feelings would have been equivalent to shouting and begging to be strung up and shot. Here… though there weren't men with deadly weapons battling wits with her any longer… it was the same. Her views were set and were difficult to change. Miyano Shiho did not believe in having emotions such as… love. Friends, trust, and… love were all useless, excess baggage that weighed a person down… but even though she knew all this… even though she knew…

… why did it… why did her heart squeeze and wrench itself from her chest painfully… why did it do that… why did it hurt to see the expression on his face… his face when it hurt him to have to bid Ran… sayonara…?

"All excess baggage… and I've gone and collected far too much of that trash," her voice was thick with sarcasm as she dragged herself over to her computer, just to begin rapidly clicking on different files, studying and developing as much information on APTX 4869 as possible.

She had to distance herself between her and everyone else before her will and her resolve completely depleted into nothingness. But first… the antidote and… as much as she hated it, Kudo came first.

"Where is she!" Shinichi grumbled as he made his adorable 'Conan face' for his beloved 'nee-chan.' He had to look happy and supportive for Ran when she departed.

"Shinichi-kun!" it was the professor, and Conan quickly excused himself to go to a more isolated corner to speak with the older man.

Shoving his hands in his pockets and glaring indignantly up at the doctor, he whispered harshly, "Where is that blasted Haibara! Isn't she going to see Ran off?"

"You see- Ran-kun!" Prof. Agasa raised himself up and greeted the young lady with a warm smile. He had watched both her and Shinichi grow up, and was proud to say that he knew them almost better than their own parents knew them… he'd also become quite attached… "Congratulations! Ai-kun… erm… she is sick this morning, and she told me to tell you that she's very sorry that she could not come. We are both very happy for you… and will miss you too!"

Tears sprouted in the girl's eyes as she hugged the professor before straightening her body, wiping all the droplets of water falling down her cheeks, "Oh… I will miss you! Tell Ai-chan that it was too bad, but I understand and… Conan-kun…"

Biting his lip, miniature Shinichi with glasses stood and held open his arms to her, eyes begging for a hug. Shinichi would have gone to hell and back before he openly admitted he wanted a hug… but Conan didn't need to be so reserved in pride. That was, perhaps, the one upside of his shrunken form. Sobbing, Ran picked up the boy who reminded her so much of her… most precious person, and gave him a long embrace that told him exactly how much she didn't want to let him go, "Take care, Conan-kun. If Dad gives you any trouble, just ring me up and I'll take care of it… okay?"

Unable form any words, Conan merely nodded and hugged her back, "Ran-neechan… I'll miss you… and… I'm sure Shinichi-niichan misses you as well."

"Conan-kun…" she smiled at him and then left him. Letting him watch her retreating form, walking towards the docking area for her flight.

She had been overshadowed by Ran once again… Haibara squeezed her beautiful blue eyes shut tightly and clenched her hands into fists, thinking about how she had first truly met the woman… who always took everything away from her… not that it was hers to begin with…

"Hi, I'm Haibara Ai desu. Nice to meet you." She extended a hand out to the surprised brunette who was currently bending over in order to hear her properly.

That had been when Kudo had finished solving a case on the beach. When the criminal had began vocally cursing the world for hating him, Ran told him a… lesson about life.

It had been because Ran had, for once, said something deep… something with meaning… something worth thinking about, and it had made Haibara feel that Ran was not just weak in mind, but strong in body type of girl. It had made her willing to accept Mouri Ran into her list of… more notable acquaintances. In all honesty… Ai hadn't ever thought it would happen. The acceptance of Ran. The woman who both laughed and cried whenever she felt like it… the woman who openly showed all emotions… the woman whom Kudo was most interested in.

But then… she had began to insist that Haibara call her… nee-chan. Unfortunately, at the time… and even still… she was not prepared to call anyone but her deceased older sister… nee-chan. That had begun the rift. And soon… she could hardly stand the woman's presence. They were back to square one.

Her fist pounded against the ground in pain as she continued her little trip to memory lane.

"Where the hell were you? Why weren't you there to see Ran off! Why are you so mean to her when she just tries to be nice to you? You know, you're really a selfish fool! No one will ever like you if you're so cold and cruel!"

Willing herself to show no change of expression on the outside, but letting tears flow freely on the inside, Haibara bit her tongue rather than let any emotion come forth from her mouth. The words Kudo has spat towards her when he got here were… more than merely irritating. It hurt.

"I almost forgave you when Agasa-hakase said you were sick. But look at you! As health as the day you were born! You really have no heart! Do you know that she was still thinking about you when she left! You! The one who never acknowledges her! You! The one who is least deserving of her attention!"

As far as she was concerned, he was right. Completely, one hundred percent right. That is, for the healthy part… but she wasn't exactly a sick patient either just…

YOU HAVE NO HEART!

YOU ARE LEAST DESERVING OF HER ATTENTION!

He was right. She didn't have a heart. She was a murderer… a cold-blooded murderer who had taken the lives of countless people with her despicable drug… and… she was least deserving of someone like Ran's attention. Even if she considered herself a candidate for Kudo's heart… she had about as much chance of winning him over as Ayumi did. That hurt as well.

Everything he said was correct. She was heartless, cruel, undeserving, and lastly loathsome. How the detective boys managed to stand her… how the professor managed to stand her… was beyond all comprehension. Kudo seemed to hate her enough.

Trying to stand from her crouching position on the floor of her room, Haibara unsuccessfully tried to balance herself and tumbled back onto the ground. This was the spot Kudo had found her in… she hadn't been able to move since morning.

Flashback

"Say goodbye to Kudo Shinichi… Sherry!" Gin fired his gun at the detective, but somehow, Shiho was able to fling herself out in front of him, only to feel the bullet pierce through her back… and into her lung.

"S-Shiho! You idiot! Are you okay?" it was Shinichi's familiar voice… and he had called her… Shiho…

Her entire body was on fire, the buzzing in her ear drowned out the shouting and fighting of the two men, however, when she felt rather than heard Gin set another bullet in his gun, she threw herself up towards the organization member only to… buzzing?

Haibara Ai awoke with a start to her alarm, getting up, immediately, worried that something had happened to Kudo since her dark dreams almost always foretold some bad future occurrence… and crashed right into the new shelf she had installed above the desk for her to grab necessary documents on the drug instantly with a quick press of a secret compartment.

Her entire body banged back down onto the hard, wooden table and her stomach hit a corner, causing her to flip to the side… letting a plastic tube full of APTX 4869 semi-replicas push painfully into her eye. In the end, she laid sprawled out onto the ground, glass of water seeping into her back and half blind. Her head was pounding… the endless ring of her alarm did not help, and all she could see in her right eye were blue sparks that made her head hurt even more than normal… the breath had been knocked out of her, and all she could do was lean against the chair, trying to catch her breath.

Last night she had spent from the time she left Conan downstairs until… who knows how late… she had fallen asleep trying to find a way to cure Kudo. She had also set the alarm so that she could get up early to finish the present she had been making for Ran. As much as she felt beaten by the girl in every way, she still had enough mind to properly bid her farewell. She had been planning on finishing the red scarf she had been knitting.

After a few minutes, the slowly forming bruise over her dominant eye grew so swollen that she could not open her eyes, let alone blink, and the searing pain in her head would not stop. She surely had a large bump growing there.

Haibara attempted to stand, but fell to the ground almost instantly as her midsection strongly disagreed… causing her to twist her ankle. This was just not her day.

Hearing footsteps racing over to her room, she turned her head around just in time when the professor opened the door in a rush, looking around frantically to see what was wrong, "Ai-kun! I heard something… are you alright?"

"Of course, I just slipped off the chair while working on some… research. Could you get that alarm for me? It's been ringing for a little while… did I wake you?" Ai bit her lip, she hadn't meant to wake the elderly man she was so grateful to…

Clicking the annoying buzzer off, he smiled over at her and laughed, "Haha. No. I was up doing some work as well… a new invention for Shinichi-kun! Do you need a hand up?"

"Ah… no. I'm fine. You can go ahead and get ready to meet Ran… I'll start to prepare as well."

Nodding at her comment, he left her room once again.

It was dark inside, and as she couldn't get up, Haibara felt around under her desk for the scarf she had been working on. She had heard that Ran liked red… and though she had already gone through five other scarves before she finally got the hang of making one, Haibara had been prepared to work at it until she could produce a scarf that was good enough.

But… since the light was so dim… there was no way she could knit…

She was in the process of dragging her body towards the curtains when she heard the professor call, "Ai-kun! Are you ready to go? I'm ready to leave."

Miyano Shiho said nothing as she held the unfinished gift in her hands. With one hand, she pulled on a string and the curtains slowly opened.

"Professor," her words were loud and clear. "I do not feel like going anymore… I don't feel well."

"Ai-kun! Do you need to see a doctor? We should go-"

"No," she cut him off. "It's ok. You go take care of Ran and tell her goodbye for me. And tell her and Kudo that I'm sorry."

The doctor knew when his 'adoptive daughter' did not wish to be disturbed… and that it was best for him not to disturb her, so he merely stood near the door and said for her to hear, "Are you ok then, Ai-kun?"

"I'll be ok. You go on."

"Bye then."

"… bye…"

And she had sat there, the whole time. Head pounding, half blind, knitting away silently. Trying not to think too much…

He had barged in, ignored her protests and simply began yelling wildly at her… oblivious to the fact that her stomach was screaming in agony as he shook her, when he pulled her up to look at her eye to eye… how her whole body had been writhing in pain, and how he got even angrier when she had collapsed onto the floor.

It seemed overly dramatic. Just yesterday she had helped him say goodbye… he had hugged her and had wished her a happy birthday… no matter how half-hearted it was…

But today… he hated her. Hated her with every inch of his being. And more than her head… her gut… her leg… her eye… was the pain and suffering of feeling the intensity of his hatred. She felt like dying right then. Right there. What was the point of living anyway?

She had never seen any reason to live.

None at all.

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To be continued…

So… can anyone see where this is going? Please review! I do read every review, and I love every single one of them! Thank you!

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Gomen – sorry

Nee-chan – older sister

Nii-san – older brother

Hakase - professor