Amusing Yourselves

"So let me get this straight in my head," Ginny said, the disbelief at what she was hearing from her newly returned boyfriend etched in the deep frown lines of her face, "you've never...like never had sex with anybody else but me?"

"No," Harry said, both slightly embarrassed and a little hurt that Ginny had had something of a 'social' life while he was away indefinitely, "I wasn't looking for anybody else."

"Well, neither was I, but blimey, Harry, you were gone for a really long time and a girl has needs!"

Harry squirmed in bed and looked down at the crumpled sheets rather then at his girlfriend. He'd been living at the house for over a week now and was still leaning new things about Ginny's life during the past year without him. Ginny lowered her head and lifted his chin. She was smiling sadly at him.

"It was just for fun, nothing serious, and I was always careful and everything," she said softly, "and it really wasn't all that frequent. It was just...more then none."

Harry broke into a reluctant smile. He exhaled a deep breath and met her gaze.

"So was it...like we were? Was it loving and...Ugh no, don't tell me, I don't want to know!" Harry waved his hands before his face and shook his head to attempt to clear away the images he now had in his mind.

"It wasn't passionate or tender or loving like we were, Harry, it could never be anything like it was with you," Ginny cupped his face in her soft hand and brushed her lips against his before whispering into his mouth, "It was just fun and games, y'know?"

"No Ginny, I don't know!" Harry huffed, "That's the bloody point...I'm frigid without you!"

Ginny giggled at this and Harry felt himself blush slightly. She saw his discomfort and leaned back into his face to share a proper kiss with him. Her lips coaxed his apart before she began to explore his mouth with her tongue and Harry let out an ecstatic little whimper. Ginny laughed into the kiss and Harry put his hand behind her head and leaned over her a little, almost like the dip he saw ballroom dancers doing with their partners on television, and began to stroke her tongue with his.

Luke screaming from his bedroom broke the moment.

Harry groaned and Ginny rolled her eyes as they broke apart and stared at the closed bedroom door.

"Shhh, little man, c'mon petit chou, sing one of Mummy's songs with me eh? No crying, please, you'll wake up your Uncle Ron," Bill pleaded.

"He already has," Ron's rough voice mumbled from a little way away.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Ron. Go back to sleep, I'll get him down in a minute, I promise," Bill said wearily.

"Please don't sing," Ron begged him.

Ginny gave a laugh at this and Harry clamped his hand over her mouth and grinned while shushing her.

"It sends him back to sleep," Bill said, somewhat hurt by Ron's comment.

"Only because the poor sod wills himself into unconsciousness to shut you up!" Ron snapped.

Harry snorted and Ginny put her own hand over his mouth. They now sat, legs entwined, upon the bed with their hands over each other's mouths and their whole bodies shaking with giggles.

"Put a silencing charm on your door," Bill barked back, over his son's increase in volume.

"You put one on yours!" Ron grumbled.

"I can't you wazuck," Bill hissed, "I want to be able to hear you if you set up camp in the toilet again."

"Pervert!" Ron sneered, causing Harry and Ginny to really struggle to keep quiet.

"You have a perfectly good bucket to puke into in your bedroom, Ron, and you can stay in the warmth of your bed while you're doing it."

"I need to be crouched over something, I've told you a million times," Ron huffed. "Put the bucket on a pedestal and I'll kneel before it all night long but I can't lie flat and settle my stomach. It doesn't work that way."

Luke screamed even louder now.

"No, no, no, little cabbage, don't be like that. Daddy and Uncle Ron are just messing about. We're joking, aren't we, Ron?"

There was a long pause and then Ron's door slammed shut and the baby wailed like a police siren. Ginny had just about enough and grabbed her wand from the bedside table and flicked it at the door, casting her own silencing charm.

"Wow," Harry said as the amusement left his face, "That was... It's not like Bill and Ron to get stroppy with each other."

"It is since the baby came along," Ginny shrugged, "and Ron's tetchy of a night anyway."

"Yeah," Harry gave a nod and looked at the closed bedroom door.

"Now where were we?" Ginny smiled as she snaked her arms around Harry's neck seductively.

"We were distracting me from the fact that you've been sexually active and I haven't," Harry said bluntly.

Ginny let out a growl of frustration and threw back her head to look at the ceiling.

"Why does this matter?"

"Because you're more...experienced then me now," Harry said, humiliation creeping into his tone, "We used to be just as experienced as each other and now you, I dunno, know stuff I don't."

Ginny looked at him and her face was spilt by the most mischievous smile he had ever seen.

"What? You think I've gone all kinky?"

Harry shuddered.

"I don't want to think about you being...anything with anybody else."

"Are you worried that I've learned some new tricks and I might break your fragile little repressed body with them?" she giggled.

"This isn't funny!" Harry declared. "You're not funny!"

Ginny sat back on her heels and began to stroke her hands up Harry's thigh slowly.

"What if I had a lot of kinks in me but I was saving them all up for you?" she said as her fingers glided over the surface of his skin.

"What?" Harry said, tensing up with excitement and just a small amount of terror.

Ginny pushed him down, flat against the bed, and straddled him on her knees.

"You need to understand that sex isn't just about passion and gentle loving tenderness. And that doesn't mean that the sex should be shallow; it can also be playful and fun."

Harry stared up into her wickedly twinkling eyes.

"You sound like an instructional video," he said unsteadily.

"A what?" Ginny frowned before shaking her head. "Doesn't matter."

She leaned down over him and pressed her lips against his, stroking her hands over his body until she could feel that Harry was more excited then nervous. Looking greatly satisfied, she climbed off him, marched across the bedroom and opened her wardrobe to bend over and rummage inside.

"Um," Harry swallowed, "I'm not allowed on any big apparatus, I've got a note."

Harry shifted up a little and saw Ginny was searching through her various shoes; his eyes widened so much he though he was going to need bigger glasses.

"Oh shit, you're not going to spank me with a pair of white stilettos, are you," he joked nervously.

Ginny glared at him over her shoulder as she sat on the floor and wrestled something onto her feet.

"Do I look like the kind of woman who owns a pair of white stilettos?" she said as the sound of a zipper cut through the air.

She got to her feet, strode back over to the bed, and stepped up onto the mattress. She stood over him, one leg on either side of Harry's hips, and put her hands on her own hips with a naughty smile on her face. He made a sound. It was something between a high-pitched squeal and a gurgle. Harry had no idea what expression he had on his face, but Ginny seemed to find it funny. He looked up at her as she stood there, astride his horizontal body, in black thigh-high leather boots and nothing else.

As she giggled down at him, a lock of red hair came tumbling forward onto her face and Harry gasped like a kid on Christmas morning.

"Wow!"

"Aw, you're so sweet," she laughed.

Harry huffed at this comment.

"Calling me sweet doesn't do anything for the mood, y'know, Ginevra?"

She scowled at him before shaking her head and grinning wickedly.

"You're so easily impressed," she teased before spinning the nightie she had removed around between her hands until it formed a kind of rope before cracking it in the air like a whip, causing the fabric to make a loud snapping sound, "and don't call me Ginevra!"

"Okay," Harry said breathlessly as she knelt over him.

"See," she whispered, "naughty, kinky, fun sex for beginners. Pay attention now and do what the teacher says."

Ginny sat bolt upright and looked around for a couple of seconds before turning onto her side, dragging all the covers off Harry and settling back down to sleep on her side.

"It's all just an excuse," she mumbled.

Harry pulled himself up and stared down at her.

"What?" he asked her.

"It's all for someone else," she said, muffled into her pillow.

Harry rolled his eyes and he realised that Ginny was off in dreamland.

"Give me some of the covers, you." He pulled at the blanket, but Ginny had hold of it in tightly balled fists.

"I can understand what you're thinking," she said clearly, as if she was having a conversation over dinner.

"Oh for f-" Harry sighed and got out of bed.

He pulled a pillow off the bed and carried it out of the room. He paused to take his cloak from where it hung on the banister and stumbled in the darkness to the sofa. He settled down and pulled the cloak over his body as he lay down in the foetal position.

As he began to drift off again he heard a muffled murmur filter through the floorboards above him.

"How the hell have I been sleeping through that?" he huffed.

"She only does it when she's got stuff on her mind," Ron said, making Harry jump upright with such speed that he almost toppled off the sofa.

"Shit, Ron!" Harry put his hand to his chest and exhaled the sharp gasp he had drawn in on hearing his best friend's voice so unexpectedly. "What the hell are you doing down here?"

Ron lifted up a steaming mug and smiled.

"Something incredible has happened, watch this," Ron lifted the mug to his lips and sipped a little of the mug's contents before lowering the mug again and looking as proud as he had after winning the Quidditch Cup for the first time, "I can swallow!"

Harry gave Ron a smile of pity and shuffled back on the sofa, patting the space where his feet had been for Ron to sit down.

"That's great, Ron," he said as he watched the painfully thin figure sit before him, "what is it you've got?"

"Hot chocolate," he said as he looked into his steaming mug, "I usually can't swallow 'till midday but I just got this craving for chocolate and thought I'd give it a go."

"Cool," Harry said, feeling bad at just how wonderful it was to see Ron able to drink something in the middle of the night, "You should try it with soup, Ron."

Harry knew that his suggestion was totally transparent - he had joined the household quest to nag Ron to eat at every opportunity, but he didn't care.

"Nah," Ron shuddered, "it's too thick."

"Well, maybe a broth?" Harry tried before Ron turned and fixed him with something close to a glare.

"Harry, don't."

"Sorry," he said as he watched Ron's face soften again and take another sip of his hot chocolate.

"'S okay," Ron mumbled after he swallowed.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Ron looked back at Harry with a smile breaking across his face.

"I'm thinking of going to see Fred and George tomorrow, well, today now, just to amuse myself, y'know?"

"Yeah?" Harry grinned.

Ron nodded and set his empty mug down on the floor at his feet.

"They're always good for a laugh," Ron said as he sat back against the sofa and rested his head against the cushion behind him, "and they don't treat me different."

Harry nodded. It must be nice for Ron to have somewhere to go where he wasn't being pestered or fussed over.

"But you're feeling better these days," Harry said, "Everybody'll start worrying less soon enough, won't they?"

Ron raised his eyebrows cynically.

"You don't think so?" Harry asked.

"Well it's not the being ill or getting better that's the problem, really. To be honest with you I felt a hell of a lot better in myself before I started getting treated."

Harry sighed at this. It must feel awful to know that the only thing that can save your life also makes you feel so sick that you start wishing you were back the way you were, dying but content. As soon as he had thought that, he shuddered.

"Cold?" Ron frowned at him.

"Um, a bit. I think there must be a draught from the fireplace or something."

Ron looked over at the fireplace before looking back at Harry with a shrug.

"I can't feel anything."

"Maybe just lack of sleep," Harry offered his best friend up another lie.

Ron nodded.

"Ginny scratched me in her sleep once, when we were little," he said as he ran his hand through his hair thoughtfully. "She drew blood, too. And she punched the bedside table and broke her hand. You might want to wear some kind of helmet to bed, Harry."

"Well she's not really being violent, she's just a chatterbox!"

Ron smiled at this before clearing his throat and getting up from the sofa.

"Yeah well, like I said, she does that when she's worried. It's probably my fault."

"Don't be daft," Harry said with a tut, although he did feel that this was probably the truth.

"I'll see you at breakfast," Ron said before carrying his mug out to the kitchen and dumping it in the sink, "and do me a favour, tell Bill and Hermione you saw me drinking that, it might make 'em lay off me."

"Of course," Harry nodded.

"'Night, mate," Ron said before setting off up the stairs again.

"Yeah, see ya," Harry smiled as he watched him go.

He snuggled back down into the sofa and closed his eyes. It was kind of comforting that Ron was still Ron despite everything. He may be a shadow of himself physically, Harry thought, but at least he's still all there on the inside. He thought of Ron at the twin's shop in Diagon Alley, laughing and joking as if nothing was wrong, and smiled to himself.

He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Ron?" Harry said as he opened his eyes.

"What are you sleeping down here for?" Ginny said as she leaned over Harry with concern.

"You didn't seem to want to share the sheets...or the conversation," Harry chuckled wearily.

Ginny rolled her eyes.

"Sorry, what was I on about?"

"I can't even remember," Harry shrugged with a yawn.

Ginny moved around the sofa to squeeze onto it beside him.

"I woke up and you weren't there and Ron's bedroom door was wide open," she said as she stroked his hair, "I thought you were stuck in the bathroom with him. Then he came up and went to bed and you still hadn't come back. I missed you."

Harry smiled lazily and Ginny snuggled into him and rested her head upon his chest. He gripped the cloak around his neck tightly.

"Get your own cloak," he mumbled.

"Won't bother, not cold," Ginny murmured back.

Within a minute they were both sound asleep and snuggling beneath his cloak. Ginny didn't say another word.

"When I grow too old to dream..." Ron sang to little Luke as he bounced him in his arms and smiled as the baby gurgled happily back at his uncle, "...I'll have you to remember..."

Harry caught Hermione surreptitiously watching this little scene out of the corner of her eye as she magically cleared the kitchen table and put away the dishes. Ginny had seen the same thing and had nudged Harry to share a grin.

"...When I grow to old to dream," Ron sang as he freed one hand and put it to his lips," your kiss," he kissed his fingers and blew a kiss to Hermione which Luke mimicked with an amused cackle, "will live in my heart."

Hermione had pretended to catch both kisses and put them in her pocket, much to Luke's delight, but had turned away quickly when Ron and Luke focused their attention back on each other and wiped her face with the back of her hand as discreetly as she could. Harry felt so sorry for her at that moment that he just wanted to go to her and give her a big hug, but Ginny took his hand and squeezed it.

She silently communicated that she was going to talk to her when she could do it tactfully and away from certain redheads.

"So kiss me, my sweet," Ron went on as Bill came into the kitchen, having shaved, and shook his head ruefully, "and so let us part, and when I grow too old to dream your kiss will live in my heart."

Luke squealed happily before reaching up and grabbing Ron's nose with a wicked cackle. Ron snorted and blew a raspberry into his nephew's chubby palm, causing the baby to giggle and squirm in his uncle's arms.

"That's what I get for singing to ya, is it? I dunno why I bother!" Ron grinned before moving to hand the baby back to his father.

Bill took a step back and held up his hands as if Luke was a weapon of some sort.

"I don't want him, you keep him," Bill pouted much to his son's delight, "Uncle Ronnie slagging off my singing last night and you screaming at me at all hours and now you're both all happy and having a sing-song without me...so be it!" Bill sat down at the table and picked up the Daily Prophet, "I wash my hands of both of you."

Ron sniggered and whispered something to Luke before sticking out his bottom lip as far as it would go, scrunching up his face, and hunching his shoulders. Luke did the same thing and pointed at Bill.

"Grumpy daddy!"

Ron nodded before putting his nose to Luke's tiny button nose and ordering, "Gi's a kiss!"

Luke squealed with laughter again before planting a slobbery kiss on Ron's face, "Yeuch!" Ron declared, which only made Luke happier.

"Auntsie Gin!" Luke said as he pointed to Ginny.

Ron carried him over to Ginny and she leaned forward and closed her eyes tightly while Luke kissed her on the end of the nose wetly.

"Ugh," Ginny protested playfully, "not a nose kiss!"

Luke was already leaning into Harry and dribbling quite heavily. Ron's face was a cross between heartfelt apology and suppressed hysteria at this.

"Um, you want to kiss Uncle Harry too?" Ginny said as she wiped the drool from her nose.

"Gi's kiss!" Luke hissed as he stretched out his arms.

Harry shrugged and leaned forward to feel a slimy smear of goo trail across his cheek.

"Lovely Luke," Ron strained not to laugh too hard, "I bet he'll remember that one for a long time."

"And then some!" Harry nodded as he wiped his face with his sleeve.

"Auntsie Minminee!" Luke cried out.

Ron sighed deeply and rolled his eyes as he carried Luke over to his next victim.

"You want a kiss Luke?" Hermione said as she turned to face him and put his hands on her hips.

"Kisssssss!" Luke said happily as he extended his podgy arms in Hermione's direction.

"Are you going to use Mummy's manners afterwards?" Hermione said, almost like a warm and friendly version of Professor McGonagall.

Luke nodded and Harry frowned.

"Mummy's manners?" he mumbled to Ginny, who shushed him and told him to watch and listen.

Hermione leaned forward and puckered up. Luke wiped his wet mouth and gave her the nicest little peck on the lips before leaning backwards again and beaming.

"What do you say?" Hermione asked him.

"Mer-cee," Luke said proudly.

"Bien!" Hermione said with a proud smile.

Harry felt Ginny curling her arm around one of his and whispering into his ear.

"Hermione's been teaching him French, y'know? For Fleur."

Harry nodded and looked back at the baby who would live the same kind of life he had, a life of never knowing a mother's love, and sighed before looking over to Bill, who was watching this from over the top of his newspaper with a distant smile on his face. As he saw Ron and Luke moving back to the table, he turned his attention back to the article he was pretending to read.

"You wanna give daddy a kiss?" Ron asked Luke.

Luke poked out his tongue and crumpled his little face.

"Yuck!"

"Yuck?" Ron said, pulling a dramatically shocked face.

"Grumpy daddy," Luke said, still looking as if his face needed a good iron.

"It might cheer him up if you give him a kiss," Ron said with a sly look in his eyes.

"No!" Luke snapped as he put his two little hands over Ron's mouth.

Ron blew another big raspberry into the hands and Luke giggled wildly at the same moment there was a knock at the door.

"I'll get it," Ron said as he carried the baby down the hallway towards the front door.

"If it's Mum, give her the baby and run!" Bill called after him.

Ginny laughed before nodding over to Hermione; Harry smiled and watched as she approached his subdued friend and led her outside into the back yard for a witch-to-witch chat.

"Feds!" Luke was yelling happily.

"Ron, you look like shit!" Fred's voice declared.

"I do, don't I?" Ron replied, "Thank fuck for you, that's all I can say."

"Language in front of baby, please!" Bill declared with exasperation.

There were footsteps growing louder down the hallway now and the sound if the door closing behind them.

"If I have to hear how much better I'm looking one more time I'll blow my top," Ron was muttering as they entered the kitchen.

Bill got to his feet and took the baby from Ron.

"Kiss Feds," Luke protested.

"No more kissing," Bill said as he sat back down with his son.

Harry saw George looking up at the ceiling and shaking his head.

"Hi George, what's up?" Harry smiled.

"What's up?" George said with a tut. "My own nephew thinks we're both called Fred, that's what's up."

"What can I say?" Fred shrugged gleefully from behind his twin, "I'm the definitive one!"

George scowled before grumbling to Harry.

"He can speak French but he can't say George, it's good to feel wanted, I can tell ya!"

Harry was giving George a consolatory pat on the arm while Ron explained to Fred that he was planning to come and see them later on.

"You eaten yet?" George suddenly demanded in a no-nonsense manner.

"No he hasn't," Bill said disapprovingly.

Fred's posture changed so much that he seemed to physically transform into Mrs Weasley. Ron sank down into a chair at the table and sighed.

"Seriously, I won't be able to hold it down."

"You've got treatment when?" Fred said in a clipped tone.

"Eleven," Ron answered.

"Great, we'll drive you."

The kitchen was completely silent for a full five seconds before Ron blinked, shook his head and leaned in closer to Fred.

"Huh?"

"We're going to drive you to St Mungo's," George said nonchalantly, "we bought a Muggle car."

Ron and Bill stared at each other in shock before turning to look back at the twins, who stood defiantly shoulder-to-shoulder.

"You can't drive," Bill said eventually.

"Yes we can," they said together.

"You can't drive a Muggle car," Ron clarified.

"Yes we can," the twins repeated in unison.

"Um," Harry stepped in to the conversation, "a Muggle car on Muggle roads...with other Muggles?"

"Uh-huh," they nodded.

"No way!" Bill declared firmly.

"Why not?" Fred said, trying to look offended but not quite knowing how just yet.

"You'll crash!" Bill snapped.

"No we won't," George said with a tut and a patronising laugh.

"Yes you will," Harry and Ron said together.

"Look, we got this bloody car so we could help out and take Ron for his treatments, it's non-magical transport, and you," Fred pointed into Ron's face, "are you really telling me that you like coming home from your treatment on public transport?"

Ron looked at Bill and winced. Harry had gone along with Ron for his last dose of potions and had had a truly unpleasant journey back on the tube with a sweating, shivering and vomiting Ron that he hoped neither of them would ever have to repeat again.

"He's not getting into a car with you two," Bill said adamantly.

Harry put his hand on Ron's shoulder and looked at the twins, who were about to blow up at Bill for assuming they'd be careless with their sick brother.

"You have to take a Muggle test before you can drive on the roads, y'know?" Harry jumped in to defuse the argument.

The twins looked as if Harry had just dealt their winning card, and plunged their hands into their jackets to pull out a piece of paper each and unfurl them in front of Bill's face.

"We know...we took...we passed!" Fred said smugly.

"You both took a Muggle test to...for..." Ron stammered.

"Yeah," George nodded with a smile, "we did."

Bill got to his feet and cradled the gurgling Luke to himself before snarling into Fred's ear as he passed him to take the baby into the living room and put him in his playpen.

"You be careful with him."

Ginny and Hermione came back into the kitchen at the same moment Bill had left it. Ginny pointed out towards the front door and looked outraged.

"Some git's dumped a big pile of scrap metal outside our house!"

Fred and George cleared their throats and looked back down at Ron.

"So are you ready to go, Ronnikins?"