Disclaimer: I don't own Detective Conan
Ahahahahaha. Don't kill me, please. I updated as soon as I could… XD Actually, I have a lot of fics going on at one time so its kind of hard…
Well anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter… I like it, even though it's not particularly well written. . Enjoy!
Silent Life
Chapter Four
Conan's POV
Quiet mutterings echoed down the hall and soft footsteps could be heard stopping in front of a white door. A fist tightened and a head rested itself on the wall, and a long sigh emitted from a tiny boy.
"Exactly why am I doing this again? I'll never be able to live this down." He groaned.
But he was the one to blame for what had happened, and what he had done was wrong. He was at fault, and that fact annoyed him to no end. Being the cocky detective that he was, Conan almost refused to admit to himself that a mistake had been made by him. The genius, high school detective. But that would have been lying to himself… and as horribly as Haibara would treat him, lying to one's self was even worse.
After the professor had managed to calm him down, all Conan had wanted to do was go and rip his hair out.
What had he been thinking?
Not only was his conduct cruel and unusual (although he still thought that not going to see Ran off was even more cruel and unusual as well), but he could have sworn that she was in pain at the time. The room was dark…. But it almost seemed as if she had a black eye.
But that couldn't be the case. Haibara stayed out of trouble in order to hide from the Black Organization… and she wasn't the type to get into physical fights. He was probably over-sensitive because he felt guilty.
Anyway, he had to go apologize either way.
Edogawa Conan stood in front of a white door, a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolate behind his hand, with a loose fist raised to knock on the door.
The roses were to apologize… and the box of chocolate as her belated birthday present. It had been hard, thinking about what to get her. Just what does one give to Haibara? The only thing she does is read fashion magazines and work on science experiments, and while giving her a fashion magazine was out of the question, a book on science seemed a bit too dull as well.
He had figured that since everyone loves chocolate she would too, and roses… well… it was for lack of any other idea. Besides, the two gifts seemed to be decent enough. They would pass.
Yet even so, he hesitated. As soon as he knocked, there would be no going back. And although he knew that going to apologize was the right thing to do… he doubted that Haibara was going to be very… kind and sensitive about it.
Oh yes. He could just picture what she would do. His pride would be stabbed at over and over again until he was groveling on the floor not only for forgiveness, but also for her mercy. She always did have a certain way with words.
Instead of knocking, Conan did his best to silently open the door and peek in, but to his surprise –and utter horror-, the hinges gave out a loud creaking noise. Nearly jumping into the air, expecting to see a horrifically menacing Haibara glaring at him from the doorway, he managed to keep himself on the ground when he detected no movement from the other side of the wall.
He frowned. The noise he had made was pretty loud… Conan had thought that he was lucky that she hadn't suddenly turned up before he even opened the door, but for her to not hear the squeak…
His small hand reached forward and pushed the door wide open.
… it was empty…
Odd. He didn't remember seeing her leaving the house… let alone her room, but it had been an hour since he had last seen her.
Walking inside, Conan looked around. It was strange… something wasn't quite right. Haibara hadn't even drawn open the curtains.
The darkness made him a little uneasy, yet for some reason, he wanted to adapt to it. He was pretty sure… no… positive that the former Sherry had been… and still was used to darkness.
Conan shuddered. Unable to help himself, he rubbed his hands together. Evidently it was cold inside as well. Exactly what was Haibara doing to herself?
Stepping quickly over to the other side of the room, his hand tugged at a thin cord making the long, white cloth covering the glass draw aside quickly. Light shot into the room, and he had to raise up his arm to block the sun's rays from hurting his eyes.
Such light after such a thick darkness was almost unbearable.
… was that how Haibara felt… feels?
His eyes adjusting to the light, Conan looked outside and smiled. Her window reached from the ground to just below the ceiling. The scenery was nice… he had a good view of the backyard, though there wasn't much of a garden. Wondering if the scientist ever enjoyed the scene, Conan looked around.
With the room filled with light, it didn't look so gloomy and lonely anymore.
He once heard someone say that the styling and appearance of one's room often described its owner. It told stories of the one who slept in it.
Haibara would probably call him an idiot for feeling this way, but he really wanted to get to know her better. She felt so much pain… and loneliness in the past. What was it like to live like this now? Sure, they were both miniature and suffering, and even though she said she appreciated having someone in the same circumstances with her, was it truly enough of a comfort? Did his pain even begin to compare with hers?
Conan's eyes roamed around the walls and furniture. It was extremely neat and tidy, but the bed was unkempt and there was a knitting basket knocked over on the floor. Reaching and picking the basket up, his eyes widened. There was no way he could have known that the great Miyano Shiho was actually interested in knitting scarves.
That was something he expected… well… Ran to do.
He placed the basket back on the floor and scratched his head, "Where is that woman anyway? I came just to see her… and all I get is this."
Figuring that he might as well leave the roses and chocolate on the table for her to find and escape being humiliated by her, Conan rested the objects down on some papers, but accidentally bumped the mouse.
Immediately, the screen lit up, and a window requesting for a password came out.
"She better not have been enjoying some leisure time on the computer instead of seeing Ran off. If that's the case, I can just go eat all the chocolate myself." Grumbling, he plopped himself down on her chair and stared at the screen, fingers itching to try and figure out what type of password Haibara would have.
It wasn't right… but just so tempting…
It probably had something to do with the drug anyway… if so, he was entitled to reading some of its information… wasn't he? Might as well try a few passwords…
He typed in APTX4869
ERROR popped up on the screen.
---
Glaring at the uncooperative computer, Conan continued trying.
MIYANOSHIHO
ERROR
"Wrong again?" he folded his arms and leaned back on the chair. Glancing at the clock, he just about decided to give up and leave, but someone told him that the information he was about to access would be extremely… interesting.
AKEMI
ERROR
---
Wracking his brain for more possible passwords, Conan began typing furiously.
PROFESSORAGASA
ERROR
Nope. Not that one.
DETECTIVEBOYS
ERROR
-----
MOURIRAN
He almost laughed out loud. What was he thinking? She hadn't even bothered to see Ran off… no wonder it came out as an ERROR.
Almost carelessly, he made one last attempt. This time it was just for fun.
KUDOUSHINICHI
He blinked once.
Then twice.
The screen read:
ACCESS GRANTED
Not knowing why, Conan turned a shade redder than he had been before, but quickly slapped himself to stop the blush from growing even more.
She probably still felt guilty… he shouldn't be flattered by that.
He read what the screen had to say and then smirked. Nope. Definitely not drug information.
It was just a commonplace diary. Almost too commonplace for Haibara. Apparently, she had been writing in it instead of going to see Ran off. Now he could eat the chocolate with a clear conscience. No need to give it to someone who was just wasting away time instead of being there for a friend. If she actually called Ran her friend.
Swiftly tearing open the package and popping a few pieces of candy into his mouth, he decided to be generous and let her keep the roses. Not like he had any use for them anyway.
His eyes continued to survey the screen, but as he read, his brows furrowed and he concentrated even harder on the screen.
There was nothing wrong with the diary. It seemed so very Haibara. More cold and calculating than anything else. Yet…
That was probably what was bugging him. He hadn't imagined her to be so… inhuman and so blockaded from emotions even to herself. Conan knew… she was still human. She had feelings. Even if it was by herself, alone at night… she still cried.
Great. Now he felt bad for eating the chocolate.
He stared intently at the screen, carefully rereading everything from the past few days.
(Everything that is in italics Conan cannot read, since it's written in white.)
MONDAY:
TODAY WAS MUNDANE AS USUAL, THOUGH I DID STAY UP PRETTY LATE. (Conan assumed that it was for the antidote.) THE PROF. NEEDS TO WORK ON HIS DIET. I DON'T SEE WHY IT IS SO DIFFICULT FOR HIM TO NOT EAT ICE CREAM EVERY DAY. HONESTLY. HE SHOULD BE MORE AWARE OF HIS HEALTH. HE'LL BE DIABETIC SOON IF HE DOESN'T STOP HIMSELF FROM PIGGING OUT ALL THE TIME. AYUMI-CHAN CAN BE SO AMUSING AT TIMES THOUGH… SHE MANAGED TO DRAG ME INTO PLAYING ONE OF HER SILLY LITTLE GAMES. SO CAREFREE.
MONDAY:
HE IS SUCH AN IDIOT. THE TEMPORARY ANTIDOTE HE INSISTS ON USING TAKES ITS TOLL ON HIM EVERY SINGLE TIME. HOW DOES HE EXPECT HIS BODY TO LAST? THAT IDIOT… MAKING ME WORRY. RAN-SAN DOESN'T KNOW EXACTLY HOW LUCKY SHE IS TO HAVE SOMONE SO DEVOTED TO HER. I WISH… NEVERMIND. WHAT I WISH IS USELESS ANYWAY. EMOTIONS ARE UNNEEDED. I LEARNED THAT IN THE ORGANIZATION… I HOPE I'M NOT GETTING SOFT. YET MY HEART BROKE TODAY. AMAZING, ISN'T IT? KUDOU MUST REALLY BE SOMETHING ELSE TO HAVE THAT KIND OF AN EFFECT ON ME. THE LAST TIME I FELT SUCH HURT WAS WITH… SHUICHI. BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER NOW. KUDOU DESERVES HIS HAPPINESS… SO DOES RAN-SAN. I CANNOT INTERFERE. I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO… NO MATTER HOW I FEEL. IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. OH. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY…
TUEDAY:
RAN-SAN LEFT TODAY.
TUESDAY:
I STAYED UP LATE LAST NIGHT WORKING ON APTX 4869. STUPID ME. I FEEL ASLEEP DOING SO. WHEN I WOKE UP, I CLUMSILY INJURED MYSELF IN FIVE DIFFERENT AREAS. ALL BECAUSE OF THAT STUPID ALARM CLOCK. I NEEDED TO FINISH RAN-SAN'S PRESENT. THAT STUPID SCARF. NOW I CAN BARELY MOVE. I THINK ONE OF MY RIBS ARE ACTUALLY BROKEN… THE BRUISE ON MY EYE IS DEFINITELY NOT HELPING MUCH EITHER. BUT I GUESS I GOT WHAT I DESERVED. A MURDERER LIKE ME. I HATE THIS… BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL THAT KUDOU IS JUSTIFIED IN HIS ANGER. TRULY, HE COULD HAVE KILLED ME AND I WOULD NOT HAVE BLAMED HIM. WHAT GOOD AM I ANYWAY? I'M JUST A MURDERER. SOMEONE WHO RUINED HIS LIFE. SOMETIMES I WISH I WOULD JUST DIE. JUST CRAWL INTO A CLOSET, CRY MY EYES OUT AND MAKE ALL THE PAIN STOP.
Something was definitely out of place. Moving the cursor to the gap between Monday and Tuesday, he highlighted that area.
Bingo.
He read the contents of her more 'intimate' diary and…
Haibara… crap.
Quickly reading what was below Tuesday as well, Conan felt like shooting himself. He raced out of the house as fast as he could
"Shoot… Haibara. She wouldn't… suicide?"
Punching the tree he was leaning on helplessly, Conan cursed the day he was ever born. He panted heavily and crumbled to the ground, exhausted.
He hadn't been able to find Haibara. What if she was dead? It would be his fault. All his fault.
She had injured herself trying to find the antidote to cure him. She had been trying to finish a present for Ran. She had… he had… and then…
He lowered his head down, gripping a few blades of grass in his hand. Shoot. What should he do?
There was no way he could give up.
Standing up, but immediately falling over towards the tree again, Conan supported himself with one hand. He had overdone it… running all over the city looking for her. Gazing over at the setting sun his breath caught in his throat.
That wasn't… that couldn't be…
He ignored his body's protests and ran in the direction of a small form with auburn hair sitting on the sand, facing the beach.
As he came closer, he noticed that it was indeed Haibara, but refrained from calling out to her when he saw the position she was in.
She was hugging her knees and her head was burying her face in her legs, but he could see the clear, smooth line of tears falling down her face.
"Really… you really do like to cry, don't you?" he whispered softly to her as he sat next to her on the sand.
Slowly, her head raised up and she stared at him, shocked, "K-Kudou?"
To be Continued…
Hehehe. Late chapter, late chapter. But I hope you liked it. The Conan/Haibara scenes begin from now on!
Please review!